Betrayal and Deceptions
by izzygeorge
Summary: Mer's relationships with Cris, Lexie & Derek are jeoparized by one person. Deals with Ellis diaries, Mer's past, sister stuff, etc. Bad summary, great story. Mer/Der, Slexie, Lexzie, Cris/Hunt lots of friendship stuff.
1. Chapter 1

"You don't get to tell me how to do my job! You're not an attending! You're just sleeping with one!" Cristina yells.

"I'm not **sleeping **with one, Cristina! I'm in a relationship. A real relationship with Derek! A relationship you refuse to accept! Why is it that you can't just be happy that I'm happy?" Meredith yells back.

"Happy? This is happy? You just threw me under a bus to the chief! I'm the most talented and driven resident in this program, and now you made me look bad!" Cristina says.

"I didn't **rat you out!** The chief asked me and I didn't tell him anything other than the fact that I didn't feel qualified to make that determination. I didn't see the supposed incident and I didn't really have any way of defending you. I told him that as far as I knew, you were always a professional! What more did you want me to say? And why do you always assume that you are more driven and talented than anyone else here? I'm equally driven and as far as talent goes…" Meredith says as Cristina cuts her off.

"Driven? Is that what you call it when you stab your best friend in the back? And as far as talent goes, you're not your mother, Meredith. You dropped a kidney on the floor! You are NO Ellis Gray!" As the words leave Cristina's mouth, she knows she has gone one sentence too far.

Meredith is silent for a moment. She turns her back to Cristina who freezes where she is. Meredith looks over her shoulder at Cristina and says, "Neither are you…" before she walks down the hallway.

"Dude! That was cold! I can't believe Yang pulled the mommy card!" Alex whispers to Izzie.

"Yeah! That was insane. Maybe I should go see if Meredith is okay. I should probably do that. I mean…she's probably…" Izzie thinks out loud and Alex laughs.

"You love this stuff…girl drama. Go check on Meredith. But don't be too long. I'll be waiting for you at home," Alex laughs.

"I'll be there. And you love girl drama too. You're going to ask me for all the details when I get home," Izzie says, smiling back and kissing Alex briefly on the lips.

(Break)

"Derek! Did you hear? Your girlfriend took out Yang in front of the whole hospital!" Mark says, slapping Derek on the back.

Derek laughs. "I learned a long time ago not to meddle in that friendship. If I go to Meredith and tell her she's totally right and that she should be furious with Yang, then when they down tequila shots and forget all their drama, I'm sleeping on the couch. I'll just let this one die down. It always does," he says.

"I don't know. Yang told Meredith she was no Ellis Gray. Implied she had no talent. Even brought up the dropped kidney…I heard the whole thing. It was pretty brutal!" Mark says, smirking and clearly enjoying himself.

"You're having too much fun Sloan. Go find the girls locker room if you want to gossip. I've got work to do," Derek says, heading out of the on call room.

"I know exactly where the women's locker room is! I've been invited there many times!" Mark calls after him, defensively.

(Break)

Izzie walks into the supply closet thinking she will find Meredith in there, but instead finds Lexie looking for butterfly needles.

"Nobody needs that many butterfly needles. You aren't doing anything crazy like taking out any appendix again, are you?" Izzie asks.

Lexie shakes her head. "No. I'm just kind of hiding. I'm avoiding Cristina."

"Did you hear…" Izzie starts to ask.

Lexie nods. "Yeah. That's why I'm avoiding Cristina. I figure she'll be in a worse mood than ever, and I just want to stay out of her way, until this all dies down," she says.

"What started this whole fight anyway? I mean, I know Cristina was pissed when Meredith got assigned to the guy with the artificial heart, but it wasn't really Meredith's fault, and I thought that…" Izzie asks, thinking outloud.

"Can you keep a secret?" Lexie asks.

"Sure," Izzie says, sitting down.

"Well…after the whole appendix thing, we all thought that Yang might have gotten the picture. You know…that she needed to teach us. Well, she got more and more brutal to everyone. I mean, everyone except me. I feel like as much as she is rude to me, and treats me like dirt beneath her shoe, she respects my photographic memory. She gives me slightly more opportunities than she gives the other interns," Lexie begins.

"Don't take Cristina personally. She…" Izzie stops abruptly as Lexie holds up her hand.

"Let me finish. I can't believe I am telling you this. I don't even really know you. But you said you can keep a secret…right? You won't tell anyone…right?" Lexie asks again.

"You're not going to make me swear in blood, are you? I know how you interns like to cut each other…" Izzie asks.

Lexie glares at her, "Not funny yet. Maybe in a year it will be, but it's about as funny as you cutting that guy's LVAD wire. Anyway…so Cristina's been awful to all the interns, but especially to Sadie. I mean, Sadie misses a lot of stuff, but she started late, and Cristina has been just brutal." Lexie starts.

"Okay, Lexie, this is a really nice story, but if I'm supposed to feel bad for Sadie, you might want to share your secret with someone else. I've been sharing a bathroom with that girl all week and I can tell you that she's a slob who throws her stuff all over the place and totally…" Izzie stops as Lexie cuts her off again.

"I know. She is a slob. Her locker's next to mine. But that's not the point, Dr. Stevens. One day, Cristina made her put in a central line on this guy who was unconscious, but didn't show her how to do it. Sadie missed the vein, and Cristina totally humiliated her. She berated her in front of everyone and then started firing questions at her about the guy's condition. Sadie got all flustered and couldn't answer anything and she actually broke down. I mean, she lost it. She was cowering in the corner, and Cristina was still firing questions at her and and no one did anything until I stepped between them and Cristina to stop," Lexie explains.

"Wow! Yang really is a hard ass, isn't she," Izzie says, laughing.

"This kind of went beyond hard ass. I know she hates Sadie because of her past with Meredith…whatever past that is..I don't know. But this was out of control. But the thing is, that Sadie isn't blameless either, Sadie is always late for rounds, she doesn't ever study, and she goes out of her way to piss Cristina off," Lexie says.

Izzie nods and looks at her watch, wondering if this story has a point.

"The thing is, the next day, Sadie calls all of us together and asks us if we are her friends. We all said yes, because you know…interns have to stick together. So then Sadie tells us that she wants us all to write a letter complaining about Cristina and threatening to go to the hospital board if action isn't taken against her. The letter says that Cristina provides an unfit working environment and verbally abuses us. It also detailed the incident with Sadie, but it was kind of exaggerated. I mean, don't get me wrong, Cristina was mean. Cristina's mean a lot of the time. But she didn't do a lot of the things that Sadie said she did. But she made us all sign the letter. I didn't want to, Dr. Stevens, but the pressure…" Lexie's voice trails off as she tries to decide whether or not she should tell Izzie the rest of the story.

"So you signed a false document against Cristina because of peer pressure? How old are you? 12?" Izzie asks, disgusted at the lack of integrity that Lexie has displayed.

"I know it sounds awful but there's more." Lexie says.

"I sure hope so…" Izzie replies.

" You really won't tell Meredith…or anyone else…right? Oh my god. I can't believe I'm telling you this. I mean, like…this is so crazy," Lexie pauses as Izzie waits.

"Well, half of the interns were so fed up with Cristina that they signed on the spot. The other half didn't want to. We tried to talk her out of the whole thing. She said it was all or nothing. We all had to sign or the deal was off," Lexie says.

"What deal?" Izzie asks, confused.

Lexie looks down. "She told everyone that she could make everyone copies of all the Ellis Gray diaries. All of them. And then she told everyone that Ellis' surgical and career secrets were in them. The rest of the interns were so hungry for that information that they signed on the spot. I was the only hold out," Lexie says.

Izzie stares at Lexie, horrified by the deception that Sadie has wielded. "So you didn't sign?" she asks.

"No. I didn't. Not at first. But then Sadie caught me later in the locker room. She said that she'd do one more thing for me if I signed. She said that being at the top of the class, I lent credibility to the cause if I signed. She handed me a book that she hadn't shown anyone else. I didn't know what it was. She told me it was Meredith's diary. She found it in her room and photocopied it. She told me that it contained everything Meredith really thought of me. She told me I could have it if I signed," Lexie says, looking down.

"So you signed?" Izzie asks, not hiding her disgust.

"I did. I signed. I'm not proud of it. But you don't understand…" Lexie tries to explain.

"You're right. I don't," Izzie says, as she pushes past Lexie and leaves the intern standing alone in the supply closet.

(Break)

Cristina stands in the morgue. She gets ready to slice through the flesh of a corpse. She volunteered to harvest kidneys for intern training. It seemed ironic considering the recent accusations that the interns made against her, but she couldn't think of anything better than being alone in the morgue right now. As she takes her scalpel and slices the flesh of a 72 year old man who died of emphysema, she waits for the calming effect that surgery usually has on her to take place. She notices her heart rate doesn't slow down the way it normally does. She makes another incision and waits again…Nothing. She tries a third time. When she feels no relief, she clenches the scalpel in her hand and stabs the corpse in the chest repeatedly as she yells, "I am a loyal friend, goddamn it!"

Dr. Owen Hunt walks in the room and yells, "What the hell are you doing? That man is already dead and his family has entrusted his remains to this hospital to be treated with respect. How dare you defile him like this?"

Cristina clenches her teeth. "I am harvesting kidneys for intern trainings, and I'm having a very bad day, so if you are here to make my day worse, please just leave," she says.

"A bad day? Why? Because of that little adolescent screaming match in the hallway with your little girlfriend? A bad day is when you are walking through the desert in the middle of the night and a land mine blows up next to your best friend and he's calling to you for help but you can't help him because…Well…let's just say, you don't know what a bad day is," Owen says.

"I don't need this!" Cristina says, dropping her scalpel and storming out of the morgue.

"You forgot your kidneys," Owen calls after her.

(Break)

George sees Izzie standing by the nurse's station reading through her charts. He sits down next to her and asks, "So…did you talk to Meredith?"

Izzie looks up, startled. "No! Why?" she asks, defensively.

"No reason…I saw Alex and he told me that you were going to try to find her and see if she was okay. I mean, after that whole thing with Cristina I thought…"

Izzie relaxes a little bit, realizing that he doesn't know about the petition, or the diaries or anything else. "No. I've been working all day. I'll catch her at home tonight," Izzie says.

"It's weird, seeing the two of them avoiding each other in the hallways. I mean, those two…they were inseparable. I guess…I thought…I don't know. It's just weird," George says.

"We were like that," Izzie says.

George nods in agreement. "We were," he says. After a pause, he adds, "I'm still your friend, Iz. I'm always here for you if you need me. All you have to do is say the word," George says.

Izzie rolls her eyes. "Friendship is overrated. Besides…when we were really friends, I didn't have to say the word. You were just here," she says, and walks away, leaving George standing alone.

(Break)

"Dr. Stevens. You'll be assisting me in my jaw reconstruction tomorrow. I expect you've read up on the procedure?" Mark asks.

"Yes. I have. I'm ready," Izzie says, confidently.

"Good. Don't be late," Mark says.

Lexie sees Izzie walking away from Mark and gets nervous. _Did she say something? Did she tell him about the diaries? About her betrayal of Meredith? Why is he looking at me like that? Why did I tell Izzie anyway? She's Meredith's friend…of course she's going to tell. Why would she protect me?_ Lexie wonders.

"Hey! Little Grey!" Mark calls.

"What? What do you want?" Lexie asks, defensively.

"Woah…someone's touchy today. I just wanted to see if you heard how Big Grey was doing?" he asks.

"Why? What did Izzie tell you?" Lexie asks.

"That's she's ready for my surgery tomorrow. That she wants to sleep with me. Well…she didn't tell me that in words, but I see it in her eyes," Mark says, seductively.

"You're disgusting," Lexie says, rolling her eyes.

"You love it," Mark says, smiling.

"Did Derek say anything about Meredith…I mean about me or anything…I mean…" Lexie stammers, not sure how to present her desire for information.

"Little Grey…can I give you some advice?" Mark says.

Lexie doesn't say anything which Mark takes as a green light.

"You want a relationship with Big Grey. Back off. Derek is like my brother. We've had our problems…and when I wanted him to come back to me, I pretended he was a chick and played hard to get. I played him like a drum…it worked," Mark says.

Lexie sighs. "It's so much more complicated than that. You wouldn't understand," she says.

"You think? You'd be surprised what I can understand. I'm good to talk to. Try me," Mark says.

Lexie shakes her head. "I-I can't. I have to go," she says, and runs away abruptly.

(Break)

Meredith lies on her bed staring at the ceiling.

"Death!" Sadie says, jumping on Meredith's bed and laying down next to her.

"I feel like death…" Meredith sighs.

"You look like death too. Come on. Let's go out and celebrate!" Sadie says, bouncing up and down on the bed.

"Celebrate? What is there to celebrate? This goes down in history as one of the worst days of my life." Meredith points out.

"You're the hero of the interns. You told off the wicked witch!" Sadie says, smiling.

Meredith smiles wryly. "Why doesn't that make me feel better?"

"I don't know. But I know this…I have a bottle of tequila downstairs!" Sadie says.

"I don't want any tequila…I just want to sleep," Meredith moans, putting the pillow over her face.

Sadie softens. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "No…But thanks for asking. You're a good friend," she says, taking Sadie's hand.

Sadie smiles and squeezes Meredith's hand. "Hang in there, Death. It'll be okay!"

Izzie knocks on the door. "Mer?" she says, opening the door and seeing Sadie lying in Meredith's bed.

"Oh. She's here. Okay….ummm…well…I'll come back later. Just wanted to see how you were," Izzie says, backing out of the room, awkwardly.

"Thanks, Iz!" Meredith calls after her.

(Break)

Lexie enters her house and fingers the binder that Sadie had given her. She opens it, but does not look at it. She knows that with her photographic memory, she won't be able to forget anything she reads and she isn't sure she wants to know everything that is in the photocopies of Meredith's diary.

George walks into their apartment. "Studying already?"

Lexie slams the binder shut. "Yeah. Studying…Can I ask you a question?" Lexie asks.

"Sure," George shrugs, putting his bag down.

"Do you think that honesty is always the best policy?" Lexie asks.

"In most cases? Yeah. I think so," George says.

"But what if telling the truth would hurt the other person? What about then? Do you just do it anyway and hope for the best? What if…"

"Lexie! Stop! I'm sure whatever it is isn't that bad…I'm sure it's no big deal. Just come clean. I mean…you took out someone's appendix for fun last week…how bad can anything else be after that?" George quips.

Lexie sighs. She's not going to make him understand. She smiles politely. "You're right. Thanks George," she says.

****************************************

**THANKS FOR READING!! Those of you who have read my stories before know that I love getting reviews and will always respond to them. PLEASE review and let me know what you like and don't like. I really appreciate it!**


	2. Chapter 2

The chief calls all of the interns and second year residents together.

"As of today, I am redistributing all of the interns. For undisclosed reasons, Dr. Yang will not be advising any interns at this time. Therefore, I am splitting her interns up between the rest of you. I trust you will do everything in your power to ensure that they get the best education possible," he says.

Izzie between Alex and Meredith. Alex whispers, "I'm going to berate a few interns and see if I can get rid of them all too. Yang's got the right idea."

Izzie gives him a look. She can tell that Meredith is uncomfortable, and doesn't want to add to the discomfort.

Meredith turns to Izzie. "I didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she is responsible for her own actions. I just answered the chief's questions. I didn't do anything wrong…right?"

Izzie smiles supportively. "Of course not," she says, still staring straight ahead.

Lexie stares straight ahead and waits for her new resident assignment. She crosses her fingers and hopes it is George. She has long gotten over her desire for a romantic relationship with him, but feels like it would be so nice to come to work every day without being on edge. She would love to have a friend as her resident, and George is really the only person she can consider a friend.

"Lexie, Sadie, you're both assigned to Dr. Stevens," the chief says.

Lexie stands there, stunned for a moment wondering if this week could get any worse. She is horrified at the idea of being assigned to Dr. Stevens, who is quite possibly the last person she wants to face right now after her embarrassing revelation in the supply closet. She also wants to stay as far away from Sadie as possible.

"Dude. This sucks. You got the two smart interns. I got the slow ones," Alex complains to Izzie.

"She was wrong to bring up my mother. Wasn't she?" Meredith asks Izzie.

"What? Oh…yeah. Totally wrong," Izzie says distracted.

"No offense, Meredith, but you're not the only one with a crappy mother. I mean, seriously? It's not like the topic of your mother is so sacred that…" Alex points out.

"Alex!" Izzie whispers through clenched teeth. "Stop!"

"What? I'm just saying…" he says.

"I just think she should have understood. There was nothing I could do…I mean…I couldn't just…" Meredith starts thinking out loud.

"Meredith!" Izzie snaps, then tones down her voice. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure it will all blow over or something," Izzie says, feeling guilty that she knows that Meredith's family history is circulating around the hospital in the hands of nosy interns, and even more guilty that Meredith's diary is in the hands of her nosy half-sister. She knows she should tell, but she senses there is more to the story. She senses there is more to Sadie's investment in Meredith's life, and something tells her to keep quiet for now.

"Residents, please take this time to brief your new interns on your policies and your routines. Thank you for your flexibility and cooperation in this matter," Dr. Webber says.

Izzie watches as Lexie and Sadie walk towards her. One of the other interns whispers to Lexie on the way out, "Lucky. I hear she's actually kind of nice to her interns."

"Sadie, you're not wearing scrubs," Izzie points out. "You need to be dressed for rounds when you get here."

"Sorry. You took a really long time drying your hair this morning, and I didn't have time to get ready," she replies with a smirk.

"Go get dressed, please," Izzie says, politely but firmly.

As Sadie leaves, Izzie stares at Lexie, wondering what to say. While she thinks Lexie's betrayal of her sister is awful and violates her moral code of right and wrong, there is something sad and pathetic about this young girl and Izzie knows better than anyone how it feels to be kicked when you are down, so she simply says nothing.

"Please…don't judge me. You don't understand," Lexie says.

"You're right. I don't," Izzie says.

"For what it's worth, I didn't read it. I didn't even look at it yet. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I just can't…I mean…I want to…but…" Lexie stammers.

"Listen. I don't want to hear anymore. I am your resident. I'm going to teach you about medicine. From what I hear, you're a pretty competent intern. Let's leave it at that," Izzie says.

Lexie nods, nervously. "But you won't say anything…to Meredith…right? I'll tell her when I'm ready. Okay?"

"I won't say anything to Meredith. But don't tell me anything else," Izzie says, exasperated.

(Break)

Lexie sits in the on call room. Sadie enters and sits down next to her.

"Do you ever feel completely alone?" Sadie asks, as she sighs.

"All the time," Lexie asks, agreeing with Sadie against her will.

"I never did before I came here. I was always surrounded by people when I did my work with the Peace Corps. It was like a built in family. I haven't felt this alone since..forget it…" Sadie says, her voice trailing off.

"I never felt alone either before I came here. My family was amazing. Now my mother is dead, my father is an alcoholic and my sister, Molly is halfway across the country. I thought I'd get to know Meredith and that would all work out perfectly, but here I am…holding a photocopied version of her diary in my room that I'm too nervous to read. Is there anything bad in it?" Lexie asks.

Sadie laughs. "You're not as bad as she makes you sound…"

"Meredith makes me sound bad?" Lexie asks, insecurely.

"She makes you sound like a priss. Like the girl who told the teacher he forgot to give homework," Sadie laughs.

"Can I ask you a question?" Lexie asks.

"Sure," Sadie says.

"Why did you give me the diary? You didn't need my signature that badly. Everyone else signed it. You could have just turned it in without me. What's in it for you?" Lexie asks.

"I just wanted to help you get to know your sister a little better. I'm Meredith's best friend. I want to see her happy. And you and I are friends too…right? I wanted to help. That's all. If it's causing this much stress for you, why don't you just give it back to me and I'll burn it and we'll pretend it never happened. Okay?" Sadie says, putting her hand on Lexie's shoulder.

Lexie shakes her head. "No. It's okay. I'm fine," she says, standing up.

(Break)

Derek grabs Meredith from behind. She screams.

"Oh! It's you. I'm sorry. I'm just jumpy today. And embarrassed. Was my fight with Cristina as bad as the time Izzie tried to fight Callie in the cafeteria?" Meredith asks.

"No. I'm sure everyone has forgotten it already. Why don't I make you dinner and then we'll take a long hot bath together and forget all about it. We can even sleep in the same bed with no one between us!" Derek says, stroking Meredith's hair.

"Big Grey!" Mark calls. "Are you and Yang going to mud wrestle? Because I think that would be hot!"

Meredith narrows her eyes at Derek. "Everyone has forgotten it? Thanks for trying. I'm just going to go hide until this all blows over. I love you for trying to make me feel better," she says.

As she walks away, Derek glares at Sloan. "What was that? Knock it off man!" he says.

"Come on…can't your girlfriend take a little joke? I think Little Grey's more fun," he says.

"Keep your Little Sloan away from Little Grey, Mark. I'm warning you…" Derek says as he walks away.

"How many times do I have to tell you…it's Big Sloan! Ask anyone!" Mark calls after him.

(Break)

Sadie and all of the interns sit in a circle down in the morgue.

"I still think it's gross that we eat down here," one of them says.

"It's the only place we can get any privacy. Who finished volume 1?" another asks.

Most of them raise their hands.

"Did you catch the part where she describes doing the running whip stitch in the dark when the electricity went out in the OR? That was awesome!"

"I think I could totally do a colon resection after reading the part about her saving that guy with severe Crohn's Disease."

"Did you guys read the part about how she never wanted kids? And how wanted to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with Meredith? What about the part where she was trying to overwork herself so she'd lose the baby?" Sadie asks.

Lexie has been standing in the doorway listening. She knows she should speak up, but she can't. Her voice seems lost. She turns and walks away, silently closing the door behind her.

Mark Sloan walks by her. "Little Grey, can I get some skin?" he asks.

"Excuse me?" she asks, surprised by the question.

"Oh, don't get all prude on me. I am doing a skin graft and I'm waiting for my skin. Can you run to the lab and see if it's ready?" he asks.

"Oh! Of course. I mean…yeah. I'm sorry. I mean…I'll go get it!" she says, flustered.

Mark watches her go down the hallway.

(Break)

Izzie sees Cristina sitting in the cafeteria picking at some fries. She puts her tray down on Cristina's table and says, "Hi. How are you doing?"

"I didn't do it. It wasn't true. Yes. I lost my temper at the girl…but I didn't do what it said in that letter. They all stood by her. They lied for her. They've known her like 2 minutes! Are they kidding? She's completely incompetent! She shows up late. She's unprepared. I wanted her to break and leave the program. I admit it. But I didn't do what she said. She's crazy, Izzie. Crazier than you ever were!" Cristina says.

"Thanks," Izzie says, sarcastically.

"Meredith had to know I wouldn't have done that. The girl freaked out! She started shaking and cowering in the corner like a scared puppy. I was just asking medical questions. Since when is a resident not allowed to do that? It was all an act. No one is that scared of a couple of questions. Then she lied. How could anyone believe I would throw a scalpel at an intern?" Cristina asks.

"She said you threw a scalpel at her?" Izzie asks, surprised.

"Yes! I dropped my scalpel when I was yelling at her. It came within like 10 feet of her. It wasn't anywhere near her. It didn't touch her. She claims I threw it at her and almost hit her. She convinced the other interns that this happened. But they were right there! They saw it. I swear Izzie. I've worked too hard to let this kind of stuff ruin my career. I'm not you. I can't be the laughing stock of the whole hospital. I just can't," Cristina says.

"Again…thank you…" Izzie says, sarcastically.

"And Meredith didn't even stand up for me. We all lied for you when you killed your fiancé. You cut his LVAD wire and we all said you didn't do it! Meredith couldn't even say that she didn't think I was capable of such an act? I mean, seriously!" Cristina says.

"Talk to Meredith. I'm sure it will all work out. You guys are best friends," Izzie says, knowing her words are trite.

"So were you and George," Cristina says.

"Point taken. I have to run. I'm scrubbing in with Sloan in 15 minutes," Izzie says.

As she leaves, Owen comes and sits down next to Cristina.

"Are you still upset about your little fight?" he asks.

"You know, if you're going to patronize me, you can leave. I'm not in the mood right now," Cristina says, defeated.

"Come on. You're not going to mope around all day about Shepherd's girl, are you? I mean, she's with Shepherd…how great can she be?" Owen asks.

"I'm not moping. Meredith's like my family, and yes…she is too good for Derek. We agree on that. But you don't have a monopoly on bad days just because everyone else's don't involve land mines," Cristina says.

"I'm just not used to the way you guys do things here in this hospital. Everything is a tragedy. I feel like no one here knows what a real tragedy is," he says.

"Umm…hello. Dead Dad. Held heart in my hands. I think that qualifies," Cristina says.

"I stand corrected. You're different," Owen says. "I hope tomorrow's a better day," he adds.

"Thank you." Cristina says, caught off guard.

(Break)

Sadie finds Meredith in the cafeteria.

"Feeling better, Death?" she asks.

"I don't know. But thanks for asking. How are you?" Meredith asks.

Sadie scowls. "I hate being an intern. You know how we don't do well with rules," Sadie asks.

"Well, I've learned that sometimes rules are here for our protection. And the protection of others," Meredith says.

"Careful…you're starting to sound old, Death. Where's your sense of adventure? You haven't lost it, have you? Remember that time we went hiking with that group, and…" Sadie begins.

Meredith finishes her sentence. "Yes! Oh my god! We found that cabin, away from the trail and we met those guys and…"

At the same time they say, "Hans and Franz!"

Meredith laughs. "We were so drunk! We couldn't even remember their names!"

"So we kept calling them Hans and Franz!" Sadie recalls.

Meredith continues to laugh. "I wonder what happened to them!"

"Me too!" Sadie laughs.

Meredith stops laughing and stares at Sadie. "Why did you disappear after that trip? You left so abruptly and then you never returned my calls or letters. What happened?"

Sadie pauses, uncomfortably. "You know how it is…life got busy. I was in a whole bunch of different countries working with the Peace Corps and sometimes by the time I got your letters and got around to writing back, it seemed like it was too late. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Meredith. Please know that," Sadie says, earnestly.

Meredith smiles. "I know. I just worried about you. I mean, at that time…we were…"

Sadie smiles back. "I know."

***********

PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Thank you to all who reviewed last time! You guys are awesome and I can't wait to hear from you again! Let's band together for a common goal! I had 5 reviews for chapter 1. Not bad…but could have been more. Let's aim to double that this time!!! Please??? Thanks!

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	3. Chapter 3

Lexie sits alone in the cafeteria hoping that someone she knows well will come in. She hates eating in the cafeteria alone and is even more embarrassed by the reason which is that she thinks everyone will think she has no friends. She doesn't know why in her twenties she still can't shake the insecurities of childhood, and she silently berates herself for not being more confident and self assured.

Meredith runs in and grabs a cup of coffee, looking over her shoulder briefly. Lexie catches her eye and says brightly, "Hi Meredith! Ummm…do you want to sit down? Have some breakfast? Or is it lunch? You know how intern year is. I don't even remember what meal I'm eating," she says, laughing nervously.

"Thanks anyway. I'm just grabbing a cup of coffee," Meredith says as she hurries off.

Lexie sighs. _Rejected again…_she thinks. _Who can blame Meredith. I ramble like a moron when she speaks to me. I wouldn't want anything to do with me either…_

Sadie enters and sits next to Lexie, interrupting her silent tirade against herself. "Hi, Lex! How are you?" she says, brightly.

Lexie wonders how pure Sadie's motives are. Still, she can't help but shake the feeling that it is nice to have a friend…an ally in this competitive program, and so she accepts Sadie's friendship at face value and even convinces herself that Sadie truly believes what she wrote in the letter to the chief to be fact as opposed to an tremendous exaggeration.

"I'm okay. Did you study last night? Dr. Stevens said we are expected to know all the material she gave us to catch up on by the end of this week. I already feel like she sort of hates me and I don't want to give her any reason to hate me anymore. I'm just so…"

"No…I didn't study last night, and I probably won't tonight either. I'm smart, Lexie. Not smart like you, but smart like, I'll get through this program my way. I may not have many friends in the end, but everyone will know that I'm smart and capable and I do things my way," Sadie says.

Lexie looks at her strangely. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything in the world," Sadie says, as carefree as imaginable.

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but it this real?" Lexie asks.

"What do you mean?" Sadie asks.

"Well, you seem really confident…almost to the point of arrogance. I mean, I don't mean it in a bad way…It's not a bad thing. It's probably a good thing, except it makes me really insecure sometimes, because you just don't seem to care what anyone thinks and I care what everyone thinks, and…well…that's not the point. Sorry…I'm rambling. I know. But then that day, with Christina…with that patient…I mean…you seemed like a different person. Is this person real, or is that the real Sadie?" Lexie asks.

Sadie looks away for a moment and Lexie thinks she sees a flicker or nervousness cross Sadie's eyes, but then Sadie's cool confidence returns. "This is me, Lexie. That was a really bad day. I had a terrible morning. I got a really upsetting phone call, and well…you know how that can just throw you off…" Sadie says, looking slightly embarrassed.

Lexie smiles collegially. She feels bad for embarrassing Sadie, so she tries to make her feel better. "Old boyfriend?" she asks, with a smile.

"Something like that…" Sadie says, with a faraway look. Then she snaps back to the conversation. "Anyway…that day is in the past for me. I mean, no one is defined by one moment. You know what I mean? Anyway…let me ask you a question…" Sadie says.

"Sure," Lexie says.

"In between all of your studying, did you get a chance to start reading the history of your long lost sister?" Sadie asks.

Lexie shifts uncomfortably. This whole topic makes her uncomfortable when Sadie brings it up. She gets nervous and stammers. "No. Not yet. You know…all that studying…and I feel like Dr. Stevens hates me…and…"

"Why do you think Dr. Stevens hates you?" Sadie asks. "And more importantly, why do you care?"

Lexie thinks for a moment. Obviously, she can't tell Sadie about her conversation with Izzie in the supply closet, so she settles for, "Because she's Meredith's friend. All of Meredith's friends hate me…of course not as much as Meredith does," Lexie says.

Sadie stares at Lexie in a way that makes her squirm. "You know what…I think you and I have something in common. We both care very deeply about Meredith," Sadie explains.

"Yeah…the only difference is that she likes you and hates me. I don't even know why. I mean I thought we were past all the 'daddy chose you' stuff. " Lexie looks at her watch. "Oh no! We're late! Izzie's going to kill us!"

(Break)

Meredith sits in the cafeteria waiting for Derek. She is tired and has not had a good night's sleep in two days. It's been two days since she and Cristina have spoken. Two very long days in which Meredith has halfway dialed her phone number eight times, and has hidden in 4 different supply closets to avoid seeing her.

Derek kisses Meredith hello and sits down. "How's the day going?" he asks.

"She hasn't even said a word to me. I mean why would she have said that? There was no reason to bring up my mother. She knows Ellis Gray is off limits. Why would she purposely try to hurt me like that? I never hurt anyone on purpose. Why would she…" Meredith's voice trails off as Derek smiles, amused.

"So, why don't we talk about Cristina for a change?" he jokes. Then he adds, "And sometimes you do hurt people purposely."

"I do not! When have I ever hurt anyone on purpose?" Meredith asks.

"You hurt Little Grey every day. Mark was in the cafeteria today and said you shot her down when she asked you to sit with her. Couldn't you have just given her five minutes?" Derek asks.

"I thought you told Sloan to keep his eyes off Lexie. And I don't hurt her on purpose. I can't help it. She's family. Family is toxic. It's the residual dark and twisty," Meredith explains.

"I think I'm going to kiss you right now so you stop talking," she says.

"Do you think Cristina is trying to avoid me, or do you think it's coincidence that I haven't seen her all day?" Meredith says.

"I think it may have to do with the fact that you've spent a lot of your day in supply closets," Derek points out.

Meredith's pager goes off. "I have to run. It's Bailey. I think my patient is prepping for surgery. I'll see you at home," she says, kissing him.

"Do you want me to see if the hospital has an underground tunnel system that you can use to get to the O.R?" he asks.

Meredith smiles over her shoulder at him as she heads into surgery.

(Break)

Cristina steps into the elevator and pushes the button. She checks her cell phone one last time to see if Meredith has called her. The last two days have been long. She thinks of all the things that she wants to tell Meredith. She wants to tell her about her strange, yet somewhat flirtatious conversations with Owen Hunt. She thinks about telling her that she learned a new technique to transplant aortic valves. She wants to tell her that yesterday, Lexie tripped while going up the stairs and all of the interns laughed. But her pride stops her from making the first move, so instead, she stares straight ahead at the numbers that light up as the elevator climbs up the floors.

When she gets out of the elevator, she bumps into Owen.

"Watch where you're going!" Dr. Hunt says.

"Why don't you watch where you're going!" Cristina fires back.

Dr. Hunt grabs her and pulls her around the corner, kisses her, let's go of her and then walks away.

Cristina stands, frozen in the same spot. Her first thought is, _I really need to talk to Meredith._

(Break)

"What did everyone think of volume 6?" Sadie asks.

"I thought it sucked. All it talks about is how much of a disappointment her daughter is. I mean, who cares?" one intern says, rolling his eyes.

"It sounds like she was one step up from 'Mommy Dearest!'" another one points out.

"No way! Ellis Gray is a legend. I bet she was an awesome mother and it was Meredith Gray who was the problem. I mean, can you imagine being lucky enough to have Ellis Gray as a mother? She's a surgical goddess!" another one adds.

Izzie walks into the morgue and sees the group of interns sitting there with binders on their lap.

"Good. Everyone is studying…finally! Sadie. You're late…you know…for rounds?" Izzie says, sarcastically.

Sadie's cell phone rings. "Sorry Iz. It's important. I'll catch up with you at rounds!" Sadie says, carelessly.

All the interns stare at Sadie in disbelief as she steps outside.

"Sadie. You missed your appointment…again. You know the conditions of…"

"Dr. Wyatt. I'm so sorry. You know how intern year is. It's been really busy. I've been studying so much and I…" Sadie begins to explain before being cut off.

"I'm concerned, Sadie. We both know that when under stress, you are prone to…" Dr. Wyatt says.

"I promise. I'm fine. I've reconnected with Meredith and I've made friends here. I even have my eye on a couple of good looking doctors. Don't worry. I promise. I'll be at our appointment next week. I'm putting it in my blackberry right now. I won't forget again," she says.

"Good. Because when I write my reports for the…" Dr. Wyatt begins.

"I get it, Dr. Wyatt. I'm so sorry. It won't happen again," Sadie says, before hanging up.

(Break)

Izzie sees Cristina sitting on a bench outside the hospital. She sits down next to her and sighs, angrily.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did throw a scalpel at her!" Izzie says.

"I didn't," Cristina replies.

"I mean, seriously! Who does she think she is? She just comes and goes as she pleases. She took a phone call when she was 20 minutes late for rounds. Do you know what she said when I told her she was late? She said, _Sorry Iz! It's important! I'll catch up with you at rounds!" _Izzie says, mimicking Sadie's slight British accent.

"Has Meredith said anything to you?" Cristina asks.

"No. I haven't talked to her at all. I haven't even seen her. We've been off on opposite nights," Izzie says, guiltily that she knows that Meredith's mother's diary as well as her own has been circulating among the interns.

"She doesn't even care. She has Derek, she has Sadie. Do you know that they call each other 'Death' and 'Die?' I mean, seriously? What does that even mean? And I know I shouldn't have brought up her mother. But she walks around here acting all superior…" Cristina says.

"You should have thrown a scalpel at her. I'd like to…" Izzie vents.

"Shut up, Barbie," Cristina says.

"Want to go to Joe's? I need a drink," Izzie says.

"Sure. Why not. Nothing else to do…" Cristina says.

(Break)


	4. Chapter 4

Izzie pulls a baking sheet out of the kitchen cabinet. She takes the batter out of the refrigerator and silently pats herself on the back for making an extra batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies the night before. Baking relieves her stress, which she has been feeling a lot of these days. Izzie has always prided herself on being a good friend to everyone, despite the fact that it hasn't always been returned. Meredith and Cristina always seem to leave her one step behind, and her friendship with George will never be the same, no matter how much they both would like it to be. Izzie knows that having Alex in her life should fill that void, but somehow, having a boyfriend, no matter how wonderful he is, does not take the place of having a best friend. Still, Meredith has always been a good friend to her. Helping to pick up the pieces when she fell apart after Denny died…not judging her when she slept with George while he was married to Callie, and of course, not kicking her out, even though Derek moved in. Izzie knows Meredith is a private person and would absolutely die at the thought of her mother's diaries being fodder for intern gossip. Even worse, she would die at the thought of her private thoughts being read by Lexie Gray. Izzie hates the idea of being the bearer of bad news. But she has to admit to herself, that her silence is not solely motivated by fear of hurting Meredith. There is a small part of Izzie that wants to know what is in Meredith's little book…to feel like a part of Meredith's inner circle. To feel like she is Meredith's close friend like Cristina was. The thought makes her feel ashamed. She tries to tell herself that she doesn't want to break her promise to Lexie, which is why she has not yet told Meredith, yet she knows this is not the truth, not the whole truth, anyway…no matter how badly she would like it to be.

Izzie knows that she should at least stop in and see how Meredith is. She hasn't spoken so much as a "hello," to her friend in days, and if Meredith hears that she went to Joe's with Cristina last night, she'll think that Izzie has chosen a side, which she hasn't. _After I put my cookies in the oven, I'll go see how Meredith is doing…_she promises herself.

(Break)

Meredith sits on her bed, propped up on pillows and grabs her thick little book. She flips through her diary and thinks about how long she has been keeping this little book. She opens to a random page to see which part of her life it takes her to.

_I watched my mother try to slit her wrists today. I sat on the floor and waited for her to pass out before I could call 9-1-1. I was so scared that she would die before I could call for help. I still can't get all the blood off the floor and every time I walk past the dark red spots it all comes back to me. The worst part is that there was a part of me that wished she would have died so that Dad would have to come back for me. He'd have to find me if there was no one else. Does that make me a terrible person? What kind of person wishes that her mother died. I wish there was someone I could tell. I don't know…like a sister or someone. An older sister, of course. Not a younger one. I'd have to protect a younger one, but an older one could protect me. I can't protect anyone else. I can't even protect myself. But it doesn't matter anyway. No one's going to protect me. I'm all alone. _

Meredith looks away from the book for a moment to regain her clarity. She never wants to relive that day. She never wants to be that scared little girl again, so she opens to another page.

_Sadie and I hiked through the Alps today. It was just us, all alone in the mountains, but it was the least alone I have ever felt. I finally feel like I have a sister, or a family, or someone to talk to. Someone who gets me. Someone who gets that I don't really see a place for me in this world. I know I've never been wanted. Never been loved. But out here, in the mountains, I was almost happy. Well…I did think how nice it would be to just jump from the top and fall through space and never come back and…I don't know. What is happy anyway? Sadie says no one is ever truly happy until they're dead and that everyone's goal in life is to die. We were on top of a mountain with a bottle of tequila and I told her that I was excited for death. I thought it would just be so easy…that I couldn't wait to not have to struggle to wake up each morning. Ever since then, we've called each other Death and Die. I guess it's kind of morbid, but then again, so am I. The medical school applications are due soon. Sadie says she isn't going to apply, that med school is for sell-outs, but I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I can't stay out here in the mountains forever…or can I?_

Meredith laughs at the memory of that day in the mountains, but her laughter is tainted by the fact that she notices how much her diary focused on her desire to end her life. She never feels that way anymore. Not since she and Derek made a commitment to each other. Still, there is a small dark cloud that still hangs over her. The part of her that still is angry about her horrendous childhood and the part of her that still never feels like she is good enough. She turns to another random page.

_Tomorrow I'm leaving. I can't believe I'm really going to medical school. I thought my mother would be thrilled, but she thinks I'm going to fail. That is, during her lucid moments. She has Alzheimer's Disease and I can't tell anyone. I didn't even tell Sadie. Sadie is going to join the Peace Corps rather than go to medical school. I wish I could do the same. It sounds so exotic and exciting, but that's always been Sadie. Last night, she decided we should make a fire and roast marshmallows and of course, drink tequila. In the middle of the night, she decided to light her stick on fire and brand her arm with it. She wanted me to do the same thing, and told me it would be a memory we'd always have, but I don't know…I just haven't had the same desire to do those crazy things anymore. I told her no, and she pouted for a while…but I convinced her not to ruin our last few nights. Anyway…I know I'll never find another friend like her, but we'll stay in touch, and she said after her 2 years at the Peace Corps are done, she'll sell out and try medical school with me. I hope I don't fail out by then._

Meredith sighs at the memory and thinks how happy she is that they are both here now. She turns to another page.

_Why do I hate Lexie Gray so much? I am not a mean person, yet she brings out the worst in me. She follows me around looking at me with those pathetic little eyes…She needs me to like her. She wants something from me. The more terribly I treat her, the harder she tries. I should just stop and give her what she wants, but I can't. She is just so needy and pathetic and she reminds me of the little sister I never wanted. I'm trying to figure out my own life. I don't know what to do with Derek, I'm in therapy with Dr. Wyatt, and I just can't be responsible for anyone else right now. Especially the girl who stole the happy childhood that should have been mine. Sometimes I see her staring at me from down the hallway, and I feel her hoping I will say hello to her. It reminds me of how I used to walk in the door from school and hope my mother would ask how my day was. She never did, yet each time I felt that same disappointment. I know it makes me a terrible person, but I take pleasure in not saying hello to Lexie during those times. There's a part of me that smiles inside at her crushed look and is glad she knows just a little bit of how I felt my whole childhood, while she was having family dinners and birthday parties._

Meredith closes the book and feels guilty for her private thoughts. She is feeling more charitable towards Lexie these days. Part of it was Derek's urging, but part of it, she had to admit, was that the idea of family was growing on her. Of course, that was probably Derek's urging too.

Izzie knocks on Meredith's door.

"Come in," Meredith says.

"Hi Mer. I came to see how you're doing. I know you and Cristina haven't spoken in 3 days, and…well…I baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, because I know they're your favorite and…" Izzie begins. She places the tray of cookies on the bed.

"Why? What has she said?" Meredith says, slamming her book shut. She does not take a cookie.

Izzie ignores the question and says, "Is that your diary?"

Meredith looks confused. "How did you know that I keep a diary?" she asks, defensively.

Izzie looks away. "Ummm…Sadie mentioned it to me during rounds. You know…we were talking about something and she said something like, 'I bet Meredith wrote about that in her diary!' and then I was like 'what diary?' and she was was like…"

"Sadie doesn't know about my diary," Meredith says, eyeing Izzie, suspiciously.

"Oh. Maybe it wasn't Sadie. Maybe it was Derek. Yeah. That's it! Derek and I were talking and…" Izzie pauses for a moment and Meredith cuts in.

"Derek doesn't know about this diary either. No one does. Not even Cristina," Meredith says, staring at Izzie.

"No one? No one knows about it?" Izzie asks.

Meredith shakes her head and stares at Izzie pointedly. "No one, except, apparently, you," she repeats.

Izzie is silent. She doesn't know what to say, so she comes out with "You didn't even try my cookies…"

"You bake when you're hiding something. What's going on?" Meredith says, already knowing that she probably isn't going to like the answer.

Izzie looks away.

"Iz…please. Remember when you and George stopped talking? Remember what it felt like to lose your best friend?" Meredith asks.

Izzie nods. "Yeah…I remember. To be honest, Mer…it still hurts," she admits.

"Well…I tried to be a good friend to you. I hope I was…" Meredith says.

Izzie isn't sure why, but she feels a lump in her throat like she might cry. "You were…" she chokes out.

Meredith smiles. "When I was in therapy, Dr. Wyatt kept telling me that I needed to tell people what I wanted from them. She said that the words 'I'm fine' should be banished from my vocabulary. So…I'm trying. Iz…I know something's up. You've been avoiding me, and then the diary questions and well…what is it? I need you to tell me," Meredith says.

Izzie takes a deep breath. "Okay, but please have a cookie. You're going to need one. Or five…or maybe a lot of tequila or something, but a cookie is a good start." Izzie says.

"Fair enough," Meredith says, biting into a soft cookie and smiling. "These are good," she says.

"Thanks." Izzie replies.

Meredith waits silently as Izzie gathers her thoughts.

"Mer…there isn't an easy way to tell you this. Basically, your friend Sadie sold you out and a lot of your personal secrets are now in the hands of a lot of people," Izzie explains.

"You know…I'm getting tired of all of you trashing Sadie. I know she's not the hardest worker, and she's quirky and different, but she's about the most loyal friend that…" Meredith stops when Izzie cuts her off.

"No. She isn't. That girl doesn't have an ounce of loyalty in her entire body. You think you know her, and maybe at one time, you did. But she's not your friend, Meredith. Just don't say anything. Let me tell you everything before I change my mind, and then, if you still think she's a loyal and trustworthy person, you go right ahead and defend her, but you need to hear this first," Izzie says, forcefully.

Meredith listens, nervously.

"Apparently, Sadie freaked out when Cristina yelled at her. After being her resident for three days, I can understand why Cristina yelled at her. She's infuriating! She's late for rounds, she's rude, she's disrespectful, and she makes me look like a fool in front of the other interns…and she…" Izzie stops, when Meredith interrupts her.

"Iz? You're straying from the topic…" she points out.

"Sorry. It's just that…well..okay. So, Cristina yelled at Sadie and Sadie had some sort of freak out episode. Cristina totally lost it and while she was in the middle of yelling at her, she dropped her scalpel. According to Lexie, it didn't land anywhere near Sadie, but Sadie convinced the interns to sign a complaint letter against Cristina stating that she consistently verbally abuses them and that her behavior with Sadie was out of line and that she threw a scalpel at Sadie," Izzie says, as quickly as she can. She pauses for air and hopes Meredith will interrupt her, so she can have a moment to plan this next section, but she has no such luck. Meredith says nothing, so Izzie is forced to continue.

"So, some of the interns signed the letter right away. The rest of them needed more incentive, so Sadie offered to photocopy your mother's diaries, which apparently she has been reading, and convinced them that the legendary Ellis Gray had all of her surgical secrets in these books. So they all signed except for Lexie…and then…"

Meredith interrupts Izzie. "So, you are saying that Sadie handed out my dysfunctional childhood to the entire class of interns?" she asks, in disbelief.

Izzie nods, sympathetically. She put her hand on Meredith's arm, but Meredith shakes it off. "So, Lexie didn't sign? Do you think that was out of her own morality or some misplaced sisterhood loyalty or something?" Meredith asks.

Izzie cringes. She knows she has to tell Meredith the rest, but wishes she didn't have to. "Well…there's more. DO you want to hear it or do you want me to just tell you another time. I mean, we don't have to do this now…"

"Yes. We do," Meredith says.

Izzie sighs. "Okay. Well, Sadie wanted Lexie to sign her stupid letter to the chief, so she promised her a copy of your personal diary which apparently she has also been reading since she moved in here. She told Lexie that you have all this information about your true feelings about your sister in there, and that she should read it," Meredith says.

"Please tell me that…" Meredith says weakly.

Izzie shakes her head. "Lexie signed, and Sadie gave her your diary. At least now we know what Sadie's been reading lately…it certainly hasn't been medical textbooks…" Izzie says, wryly, hoping Meredith will appreciate her attempt at a joke.

Meredith takes a deep breath. "I said terrible things about Lexie in that journal. Really terrible things. I never wanted her to see them…and if Sadie knew…why would she…I mean…who would ever…" Meredith's voice trails off as she realizes how badly her old friend has violated her trust.

Izzie once again places her hand on Meredith's arm. "I'm sorry," she says.

"It's okay. Thank you for telling me. You're a good friend, Iz. How did you find this out, anyway?" Meredith asks, allowing Izzie to leave her hand comfortingly on Meredith's arm.

"Lexie. She just blurted out the story to me in the supply closet, and told me I had to promise not to tell you…and then she…" Meredith pulls her arm away as soon as the words come out of Izzie's mouth.

"How long have you known about this?" Meredith asks.

"A few days…" Izzie says, looking away.

"So let me get this straight…Lexie told you that volumes of my dysfunctional childhood and my most private thoughts were floating around the hospital… The one place in my life where I have earned respect. And you sit on that information for a few days, while everyone is enjoying a good laugh at my expense? And you sit here acting all noble for being the one to tell me? Thanks, Izzie. Thanks a lot," Meredith says, sarcastically.

"I'm sorry," Izzie says, with tears in her eyes, because she knows Meredith is right.

"Just get out," Meredith says.

Izzie turns quietly to the door, and stops before she leaves. "You can keep the cookies," she says. "I made them for you."

(Break)

Cristina paces back and forth in the small on call room.

"How ya doing, Yang?" Owen asks as he enters.

"Why? Do you want to take another crack at me? Want to make another joke at my expense, or do you just want to kiss me again and then walk away, leaving me standing there, wondering what the hell that meant? What do you want from me, because I'm in no mood for games!" she explodes.

"The pain of losing your best friend…it doesn't get better," Owen says, sitting down.

"Thanks. So I guess this is going to be one of those conversations where you rub salt in my wounds and then leave?" Cristina asks, sarcastically.

"Give me a break…I'm trying here. What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't get better. You don't wake up one day and stop missing them. It's not like a bad breakup. You can't just find a new one, or go out on couple of blind dates. It eats at you, everyday," Owen says.

Cristina stares at him blankly. "And by 'trying' I thought you were referring to trying to make me feel better. Apparently I was wrong," she says.

"Just give me a chance…I know I'm striking out here. Let me put it this way. Every day, after work, I go home to my apartment. I look at the phone, and I pick it up. I start to dial. 848-837 but I never dial that last number because I know that Scott won't pick up, and then I'll have to face the fact that he's really gone again. So every day, I dial a 6 digit phone number and pray that I never accidently punch in the number 5 at the end and have to hear that operator voice tell me that his number is disconnected," Owen says.

Cristina softens a little bit. "I'm sorry," she says, for lack of anything better to say.

"Thanks. But that wasn't my point. My point is that if you dialed Meredith's number, you'd hear her voice on the other end. You wouldn't hear an operator. She's not dead. So she didn't defend you to the chief. Big deal. She was probably caught off guard and didn't know what to say. You're so proud that you can't apologize for what you said to her, and she's so hurt that she can't apologize for not defending you. You're both just making your own lives and each other's lives harder. Please excuse me for being less sympathetic than you'd like me to be about your fight with Meredith. She's here every day and so are you, and the two of you are using supply closets to avoid each other. I'd give anything to hear one of Scott's stories about being a womanizing bastard again," Owen says, distantly.

"Why do you care so much? Why do you care whether I forgive Meredith or she forgives me or about any of it?" Cristina asks.

"Because I remember Scott running though the desert, and when the mine blew up I kept running until I realized he wasn't beside me anymore. I heard him call out to me. I looked back and I started running towards him…until…" Owen stops.

"Until what?" Cristina asks.

"Until I saw the Iraqi's coming. They had two American POWs with them and were taking more. I knew Scott wasn't going to make it. Even from far away, I could tell…there was no way I'd be able to save him…so I saved myself. I didn't want to be captured. We always said, if we got captured, we'd be captured together or not at all…" Owen says, looking up at the ceiling.

Cristina does not know what to say. She thinks about the day that Meredith almost drowned. The helpless feeling as she stood in the O.R. with Dr. Bailey and the chief and she begged them to save her…she cannot imagine if it had turned out differently…if Meredith had not survived.

"Scott died out there. And I watched from behind a rock, as he writhed in pain. Finally, his body stopped moving and his screams stopped, and I knew it was over. I was about to go get him, and bring his body back to base, when the goddamn enemy soldiers drove up in their trucks and ran him over, and laughed," Owen says as he slams his fist against his leg.

Cristina is so moved by his story that she cannot speak. When she finally finds her voice she says, "I have to go find Meredith," and runs out of the room.

(Break)

Derek sees Meredith in the hallway and says, "Hey stranger."

Meredith tries to smile, but it comes across forced. "Hi,"

"Want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Are you as loyal as you pretend to be? I mean, how do I know that you're not out to sabotage me too?" Meredith asks.

"Did I forget our anniversary or something? Just tell me…what did I do wrong?" Derek asks.

"Nothing…that's just it. You seem perfect. But everyone seems perfect until you find out they are out to destroy you…Like Cristina…she was my person. I could trust her with everything, until she used the things I confided in her against me. I mean, bringing up my mother? That was just wrong. Besides…I don't think she was happy for me that things worked out for us. You know? I think she wants me to fail at this relationship thing. I think she liked me better all dark and twisty. And then there's Izzie. Izzie, who is the most sensitive, caring, loyal friend you could imagine…until you find out that she knows you've been the laughing stock of the hospital and that your dysfunctional life is in the hands of many people that you wouldn't want it in the hands of and she never told you…And then there's Sadie. The friend I was so thrilled to reconnect with. She is the window to who I used to be and she's fun and adventurous and would lay down her life for me, until I find out she sold me out without a second thought and betrayed me in a million different ways. And Lexie…well…I thought we had reached an understanding and now…after the diary…she…well…"

Derek laughs and touches Meredith's cheek. "I have no idea what you are talking about. However, I know this much. You can't rebuild Rome in a day. Why don't you start small. Talk to Cristina. If you don't, I may convince the chief to lock the supply closets so the two of you have to stop hiding in them!" Derek says.

"You're laughing at my pain," Meredith says, smiling against her will.

"That's because you are creating your own pain. You could have a 10 minute conversation with Cristina and the rest of this won't seem that bad. You two will be drinking tequila and she'll be kicking me out of my bed again in no time," Derek says.

Meredith kisses him. "I love you. You better not turn out to be a serial killer or something," she says.

"I do wield a mean scalpel!" he says, kissing her back.

(Break)

"Come on…let's read it together," Sadie says.

"I don't know if this is a good idea…I mean…" Lexie says.

"We'll just read the parts where she talks about you," Sadie says.

"I don't think I can do this. It feels wrong," Lexie says.

"Here. I'll read it to you. Then it won't be like you did anything wrong. It will be me, who did it," Sadie says.

Lexie hands Sadie the diary and says, "Okay…but if I tell you to stop…"

Sadie nods. "I'll stop right away."

_September 5__th__. Lexie Gray is an intern here now! Can my life get any worse? TO make matters even more disastrous, she seems to want to get to know me. How can I explain it to her any more clearly? She is a reminder of everything I never had. I'm never going to want to get to know her. Never! In fact, everything about her repulses me. Especially her skin. I look at her perfect, milky white skin on her face and I want to slash it with a scalpel so she'll be damaged. Damaged like me. I want to cause her pain so she'll lose that stupid Pollyanna grin on her face and be as screwed up as the rest of us. I even hate her hair. Sometimes, when we are sitting in conferences, I find myself fantasizing about holding her down and shaving her head. And despite the fact that I don't have a kind word to say to her, and certainly don't have a kind thought to think about her, she keeps coming back for more. She even brought me coffee today. What she didn't seem to realize was that as she handed it to me, I had to fight the urge to throw it on her so that she would suffer 2__nd__ degree burns. How am I going to face her every day?_

Lexie's cheeks burn and she inadvertently touches her face. The face that Meredith wishes were damaged. She wishes she could find the words to tell Sadie to stop, that she didn't want to hear anymore, but she can't. She can't seem to make her mouth move.

Sadie stops and looks at Lexie sympathetically. "I'm so sorry, Lexie. But you said you wanted to know. I mean, isn't it better to know the truth?" she asks, putting her hand on Lexie's shoulder.

Before Lexie can answer, Mark walks into the on call room.

"Am I interrupting something? God I hope so…that would be so hot," he says, winking at Lexie.

Lexie doesn't answer. She is still processing Meredith's first diary entry about her.

"Ooooh…Little Gray doesn't seem to want to play with me today. What's up? You two look like you're hitting the books pretty hard. Good thing, because your intern class is starting to get a reputation as a bunch of slackers," Mark says, flashing a winning smile at Sadie and Lexie.

Lexie doesn't answer, so Sadie responds for her. "We're really trying to study for this exam, Friday. Would you mind if we…" Sadie says.

Lexie suddenly is terrified of being left alone with Sadie and the diary again. "Actually, I'm kind of done studying for today. I need some air. I'll be back later," she says, grabbing the diary and running out of the hospital.

Mark follows her and finds her sitting on a bench outside, with tears streaming down her face.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

Lexie laughs through her tears. "I used to be a happy person…" she says.

"I used to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women. Sometimes life changes," he says, sitting down next to her.

"Well I'm not happy anymore," she says.

"Well I'm not getting much action these days. What do you say, we grab a drink at Joe's and see if we can put a smile back on both our faces," Mark says.

"You're disgusting," Lexie says, laughing in spite of herself.

Mark gets serious for a moment and puts his arm around Lexie. "Whatever it is that took your smile away…it will work out. Think of all the terrible things that we see on a daily basis. People survive them. They even recover. That's why we do what we do."

(Break)

Meredith walks into the on call room where she finds Cristina sitting on a bed, staring into space. Meredith sits next to her.

"My life is a mess," Meredith says.

"So is mine," Cristina says.

"How do we do this? You know…talk about this stuff?" Meredith asks.

"I don't know. Can we do it with a few drinks?" Cristina asks.

"Are you on call?" Cristina asks.

"No. Are you?" Meredith asks.

"No," Cristina replies.

"Can we go to Joe's and talk?" Meredith asks.

Cristina doesn't answer, she just leans her head on Meredith's shoulder and says, "I missed you."

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER!! FOR THIS CHAPTER, EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS WILL GET A RESPONSE FROM ME WITH A SNEAK PREVIEW AT ONE THING THAT WILL HAPPEN IN CHAPTER 5! THANKS SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I REALLY APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK!


	5. Chapter 5

Lexie sits at a table waiting for Mark who has gone to order her a drink. She suppresses the urge to check her hair in the small mirror in her purse, for fear of Mark seeing her and knowing that she is definitely hoping he finds her attractive. He is definitely not her type, but right now, he is the only thing in her life that feels real. There is nothing sugarcoated about Mark Sloan. What you see is what you get. He says exactly what he means which is refreshing.

"Here is your amaretto sour, which, by the way, I haven't seen anyone order since I was a freshman in college," Mark says.

Lexie smiles. What she doesn't tell him is that it's her "first date drink." It's what she orders when she wants to make sure the alcohol doesn't go to her head too quickly.

"So, why isn't Little Grey happy anymore?" Mark says.

"My name is Lexie," she says, annoyed.

"Come on…I think Little Grey is cute. Is Big Grey being mean to you?" he asks, with a smile.

"Yes…I mean…no…I mean…I don't even know. The only reason I even picked this stupid hospital was because I wanted to get to know my sister, and now I know how much she really hates me. She's never going to want anything to do with me. It's not just that she's not into the idea of me existing. She actually wishes me harm. I've never been anything but nice to her…why would she hate me so much?" Lexie wonders out loud.

"You know…I've known Big Grey for a long time. She's pretty messed up. That's why Derek's so into her. He picks up the damaged strays…that's how he and I became friends. I get Meredith. She doesn't understand nice. She doesn't understand kindness. No one ever showed them to her. That's why the more you keep up this desperate little sister who brings her coffee and decorates her locker, she's going to push you away," Mark explains.

Lexie sighs. "It's no use now. If she hated me before, she's going to really hate me now. Like you can't imagine. It's all Sadie's fault. Well…I guess that's not fair. I mean, I said yes…I mean…Wow…I'm talking a lot. I'm sorry. I should shut up now," Lexie rambles, embarrassed.

"Mark laughs. "Sadie's trouble. Stay away from her. I can tell a trouble maker when I see one. There's no way that girl is going to make it through this program. You're smart, Little Grey. Smart, nice…and hot. Can't forget hot," Mark says.

Lexie blushes. "So I told you why I'm not happy. Why aren't you promiscuous anymore?" Lexie asks.

Mark smiles. "Promiscuous is what your health teacher calls it in 9th grade. I'm a man whore. Or at least I was. Maybe I'm not anymore. I mean, there was Addie…and after Addie there was no one special until Callie, but Callie wasn't in it for me. I was just the guy who made her feel better when she felt bad about herself. I was just the guy who knew how to use his tongue."

"Woah! Too much information!" Lexie says.

"Don't be such a prude, Little Grey. You'd love to sample my talents," he says.

Lexie smiles, flirtatiously. "I can't. You're not promiscu…I mean…a man whore anymore."

"Maybe I could be a one woman kind of guy," he says.

"Wow…that whole 'maybe I won't cheat on you' thing is just what every woman wants," Lexie says, sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant…" Mark says, defensively.

"Oh my god!" Lexie gasps.

"That's what women usually say AFTER they sample my talents," Mark teases.

"Meredith and Cristina just walked in! They are here! I can't see either one of them right now, not after what I did. I have to get out of here!"

(Break)

Meredith and Cristina walk in, both of them so focused on their own problems that they do not notice Lexie and Mark who are hiding in a corner by the bar, which Mark finds hilarious and Lexie finds humiliating. They sit down at a table and order drinks.

"So is this where we say we're sorry?" Meredith asks.

"I don't know…we don't usually do this," Cristina replies.

"I didn't say anything bad about you to the chief. All I said was that I wasn't there. I didn' t see the alleged incident and therefore couldn't tell him what happened," Meredith explains taking a sip of her drink which Joe has just brought over to the table.

"But you didn't defend me. You didn't tell the chief that I would never throw a scalpel at an intern. You didn't tell the chief that I am a professional, maybe not warm and fuzzy, but not a monster. You didn't tell him that, because telling him that would be telling him that Sadie was a crazy liar, which she is, by the way. And I'm tired of you choosing everything in your life over me. I see what you do. When we're talking, you listen to me because you're supposed to, but as soon as Derek walks over, you count the moments until you can get away and be with him. You stay and finish the conversation, but I know where you want to be…" Cristina explains.

"You're half right. I didn't want to call Sadie a liar to the chief. I was wrong. I shouldn't have gone to bat for her. But you are terrible to the interns, so I couldn't say that I had never seen you speak harshly to one of them. I never imagined it would blow up into such a disaster! But you were right…Sadie's not the friend that I thought she is. At least I think she isn't. I don't know who to believe or who to trust anymore…And then…when you threw my mother in my face in front of the entire hospital? Do you have any idea how hard I work to get out from under her shadow? Do you have any idea how hard it is to come to work as Ellis Grey's daughter every day? Only you know how much of an impact she's had on my life. You're the only one I've talked to about her…and then you went and threw it in my face like that? Why?" Meredith asks.

"It just came out. I'm sorry. As soon as I said it…I wished I hadn't. I was mad. I wanted to hurt you back. I'm not you, Mer. I can't be all dark and twisty and nice all the time…" Cristina says.

"I'm only nice all the time because I have an outlet not to be nice…" Meredith says.

"What do you mean?" Crisitna asks.

"I keep a diary. I never told anyone about it. I've been doing it since I was a little girl. I write the mean part of my dark, twisty mind in it. Biggest mistake of my life…You can't even imagine…" Meredith sighs.

"Why? I mean if you're the only one who knows about it, what's the harm?" Cristina asks.

"The harm is that Izzie says that Sadie copied my mother's diary and handed it out to all of the interns in exchange for their signatures on that letter about you, so my whole dysfunctional childhood is in the hands of about a quarter of the hospital and whoever they choose to share it with. Even worse, Lexie wouldn't sign, so Sadie apparently copied my diary for her as incentive. Do you know what I wrote about her in that diary? It's awful. Maybe I should transfer…Mercy West has openings…right? Or I could go to New York. They have great programs there…right?" Meredith says, thinking out loud.

"You're not transferring anywhere. We're going to fix this. And Mer…" Cristina says.

"Yeah?" Meredith replies.

"You were right about me being mad about McDreamy. But I'm your person and I'm on your side. I'm sorry. I am happy for you. I just…you know…well…" Cristina stumbles over her words.

"Shut up…I'm your person. I'm not going anywhere," Meredith says, smiling.

(Break)

"Sadie? I wanted to speak with you for a moment," Richard says.

"Yes, Dr. Webber?" she replies, politely.

"I wanted to let you know that we will be interviewing the interns regarding the incident with Dr. Yang. I take the education of my interns very seriously, and we will do a full investigation. However, I do have to ask that you refrain from discussing the incident with any hospital personnel from this point on," Richard says.

Sadie nods, seriously. "Of course. I understand," she replies.

As Richard walks away, Sadie sees Dr. Wyatt around the corner. She freezes and tries to turn around before Dr. Wyatt can spot her.

It's too late. Dr. Wyatt cuts her off and when she gets close enough not to make a scene, she says, firmly, "Sadie…no more delayed appointments. Come to my office immediately. We need to talk."

Sadie follows her without saying anything, knowing that she was going to have to work hard to talk her way out of this situation. When they are safely in Dr. Wyatt's office, Sadie says, "I'm so sorry, Dr. Wyatt, I've been so busy learning the ropes of being an intern. It's been a real challenge…but in a good way, of course…"

Dr. Wyatt stops her. "Sadie, you have not upheld your part of the bargain. The one condition I insisted upon when I authorized your release and your admission to this program, was that you continue taking your medication and attend regular therapy appointment which we had discussed meant twice a week. It has been two weeks and I have not seen or heard from you. I have left you two messages and paged you multiple times, and you have neglected to call me back. I also called your pharmacy. Your prescription has not been refilled yet. Have you been taking your medication?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I was. Religiously, but I had to stop for just a few days to let my body adjust to this new crazy schedule. Please, Dr. Wyatt…you have to understand what this program is like. There is no room for error. I mean, Christina Yang…"

"Let's talk about that. I heard there was an incident…" Dr. Wyatt prompts.

"Yes." Sadie replies, looking ashamed.

"You seem to have had one of your episodes, which is understandable given your history…" Dr. Wyatt explains.

"I did. But I pulled myself out of it. It only lasted about an hour. Actually, I snapped out of it when Lexie Grey came over to see if I was okay. She was very nice…someone I could definitely become friends with," Sadie explains.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about this friendship of yours with Lexie Grey…" Dr. Wyatt explains.

"Why?" Sadie asks, looking puzzled.

"Because after the incident with your younger sister, the fact that Lexie is Meredith's sister, makes me think that there is more to your motives than you may be aware of…" Dr. Wyatt says.

Sadie laughs. "I can see where it looks that way to you, Dr. Wyatt, and believe me, I do not want to repeat my prior mistakes. I am really feeling great these days. I don't want you to worry about me," she says, reassuringly.

"Sadie… we are going to make an appointment for tomorrow at 2:00pm. I will make sure your work schedule is clear. You will be here and you will be on time, or I will not clear you to continue in the program at the end of this month when your report is due," Dr. Wyatt says, firmly.

Sadie smiles, nonchalantly. "No problem, Dr. Wyatt. As long as you can be discreet when clearing my schedule, I'm all for it. I'd love to chat!" she says, brightly.

"I do want to make it clear that we will discuss a few things that will not be easy to talk about. I don't think it would be wise to make plans directly after our appointment. Okay?" Dr. Wyatt says, gently but still maintaining a no-nonsense tone.

"No problem, Doc!" Sadie says, flippantly, as she stands up to leave. "See you tomorrow at 2pm!"

Dr. Wyatt looks concerned as she watches Sadie leave.

(Break)

"How long do we have to hide here, and am I allowed to touch you since no one can apparently see us?" Mark says.

"No! You can't touch me. And we have to stay here until Cristina and Meredith leave!" Lexie whispers.

"Have you seen Big Grey drink? She could be here all night." Mark points out.

"Then we'll wait. I can't see them. I just can't!" Lexie says.

"This is ridiculous. If I'm going to be this close to a woman, I'm going to be getting some action. Come on…we're getting out of here," Mark says as he steps away from the corner of the bar where his muscular physique has been shielding Lexie.

"Is that Lexie over there? With McSteamy?" Cristina asks.

"Lexie? Oh my god! I don't want to see her. I can't. I haven't decided what to say to her yet!" Meredith panics.

"Well I have. I have a few bones of my own to pick with Lexapedia. Let's just say her photographic memory is NEVER going to forget what I have to say to her," Cristina says. "Come with me. You're not going to want to miss this!"

Meredith reluctantly follows Cristina over to where Lexie and Mark are standing. When they approach them, Mark says, "Hi Big Grey. Hey Yang! Fancy meeting you guys here…"

"Meredith…I…" Lexie says.

Meredith holds her hand up and shakes her head. She doesn't want to hear Lexie's excuse for her betrayal. Nor does she want to justify the words Lexie has probably read by now. She just wants the room to stop spinning and for everyone to be quiet. She just wants to be home…but instead, she finds herself in the middle of a lot of yelling.

"Shut up, Three! Of all the interns, I thought you were the only one who showed any promise as a surgeon. You were smart, you were hard working and you seemed to have some semblance of intergrity. You were right when you stopped me from yelling at Sadie that day. I was angry, and I hadn't slept in 48 hours and I lost my temper and you were right to tell me to stop. But then…when you signed that letter saying I threw a scalpel at that useless imbecile so that you could get your hands on Meredith's private thoughts? Well…not only is it pathetic, it's immoral, and a lie. You know that didn't happen…This is my career, Lexie. I've worked hard to get where I am. But I've never taken the easy way out by lying about a superior who was tough on me. But it's okay. The joke's on you. The chief will eventually find out the truth, and you'll still be the pathetic intern who had to lie to get to know her sister. I hope you feel good about yourself…" Cristina says.

Lexie freezes, and can't think straight, let alone come up with a response. Mark steps in to rescue her. "Come on, Yang. If you're just upset because Little Grey here, is naturally a little smarter, and a little more capable, and shows tremendous promise as a surgeon, then just say so. Don't you think it's a little juvenile to be yelling in a bar. Maybe you need to sober up a little. DO you want me to call you a cab?" Mark says, condescendingly.

The fact that Cristina seems caught off guard by Mark's comments, and the confidence that his defense of her gives her, inspires Lexie to answer Cristina, calmly and cooly.

"Cristina…I have always respected you as a doctor. I think you are an excellent surgeon and you probably have a lot to teach. But we're not talking medical skill here. You don't demand personal respect. It's earned. I have never had any respect for your character. All you've ever been is awful to me and condescending to the interns. I regret so many decisions I've made recently. You have no idea how much I regret them…but your judgment of me doesn't hurt, or have any impact on my feelings about myself because your opinion of me as a person doesn't matter. I don't respect you as a person, Cristina…even if you are Meredith's best friend," Lexie explains. She turns to Meredith. "Meredith…I know you don't want to talk to me right now. But I hope you will. I'm so sorry…for everything…so sorry…"

Meredith stares at Lexie and turns around and walks out of the bar. Cristina follows her, turning one last time to glare at Lexie.

Mark stares at Lexie. "Wow! You're tougher than I thought. I didn't think you had it in you to yell at Yang."

Lexie opens her mouth to speak and promptly bursts into tears. Mark puts his arm around her.

"Okay…so you're not so tough. But you are beautiful…" he says, stroking her hair.

"And where is that going to get me, Mark? I'm in a city without a friend in the world, because all the people who might have been my friend at some point, are already Meredith's friends. I'm in a program that I'm going probably be thrown out of after I tell the chief that I signed a false document, all to get to know a sister who hates me. So, thanks…I'm glad the hospital man-whore thinks I'm beautiful!" Lexie says, sarcastically, through her tears.

Mark looks hurt, and Lexie instantly regrets her words. "I'll get you a cab," he says, quietly.

"Mark…wait…I didn't mean…" Lexie stammers.

Mark smiles sadly. "You know…the reason you don't have a friend in the world is because you push anyone who is actually nice to you away. Here's the cab. Good night," he says, closing the door.

(Break)

Meredith walks into her house, feeling much better despite her unpleasant encounter with Lexie. She wants to tell Derek that she and Cristina are no longer fighting, but she sees a note from him on the counter. _Got paged. Emergency removal of a blood clot. Don't wait up. Love you._

She hears the door open and sees Sadie walk in.

"Hey Death! How are you?" she asks.

Meredith is taken aback at her pleasant tone and the ease with which she can pretend everything is normal and Meredith finds herself matching the casual tone of her old friend.

"I'm okay. How are you?" Meredith asks.

Sadie sighs. "I've been better. Can I talk to you? I did something and I feel absolutely awful about it. I need to tell you, because I really betrayed you, and I can't live with myself if I lie to you about it…You're the only person I've ever considered a real friend…and well…" Sadie says.

Meredith smiles. She knew there had to be some explanation for the whole debacle and if Sadie was coming to her, Sadie couldn't have betrayed her in the way that Izzie said she did. Izzie must have misunderstood.

"What happened, Sadie…tell me. Nothing can be so bad that we can't figure it out. You're my oldest friend…the only one who understands…" Meredith says, subtly referring to the bond they have that no one but them know about.

"I know, Mer. But…well…I'd love to blame, Lexie for this whole thing, but well…I can't. Remember my first day in the hospital, when you told me I couldn't rely on you to teach me the ropes…that you were a resident and I was an intern, and that I'd have to figure it out for myself?" Sadie says.

Meredith sighs, "I'm sorry, Sadie. My career is important to me, and I can't jeopardize it. You said you understood."

Sadie shakes her head. "I'm not blaming you. I understand…but I was looking for an ally. I'm not you, Death. I'm not smart and obsessed with medicine. I like surgery, but I'm not dedicated like you. I need a network of people who will support me in order to be motivated to stay here. I ended up talking to your sister when I was having kind of a rough time…and well…we became good friends. She helped me out during the first few weeks and even defended me when Cristina was riding me pretty hard," Sadie explains.

Meredith opens her mouth to protest on Cristina's behalf, but Sadie stops her.

"I'm not going to say anything about Dr. Yang to you. I know she's your friend. Lexie already warned me. I am not trying to put you into an uncomfortable position…But, well…Lexie's pretty mad at you, Meredith. Maybe mad is the wrong word. Maybe hurt is a better one…but that kind of vindictive hurt…you know, like when Nico Reilly stole your boyfriend when we were in Spain…and you told everyone she had herpes…well…she's at that point…" Sadie explains.

Meredith shudders at the person she was at that point in her life. A person who Derek would have never wanted to spend his life with.

"So she asked if she could come over one day. You weren't here. We were just hanging out. I had asked her if she would help me study a bit. Everyone but you was home…and we didn't really want to bother anyone, so we went into your room. Lexie found your diary and started to read it. I guess there was a lot of stuff about her in it, because she got really upset. She convinced me not to tell you if she took it and read it. I think she even made a photocopy. I should have told you right off the bat. I'm so sorry, Meredith…I never meant to betray your trust. You've been so good to me…letting me stay here…" she says.

Meredith sighs a sigh of relief. The fact that her diary is in the hands of Lexie is tempered by the fact that she believes Sadie and feels she can trust in Sadie's loyalty. She is grateful that Sadie came to her and in her mind, it all makes sense.

"It's okay, Sadie…I know you'd never do anything to hurt me. You are my oldest friend. After everything we went through together, I know I can trust you. Thank you for coming to me," Meredith says, gratefully.

Sadie looks away. "There's more. This is the part I really didn't want to tell you…it's awful. Really awful," she says.

"Just tell me. Let's just put it all out there…" Meredith says.

"Lexie was in that vindictive mode, and she wanted to get back at you for everything you said about her in your diary. She stole volumes of your mother's diary and handed them out to the interns. I swear, I didn't know anything about this…until she tried to give me one. I didn't take one, of course…but I couldn't help but overhear that the interns were all reading them like trashy novels. I'm so sorry, Death. I wish I could have stopped her," Sadie says.

Somehow, having Lexie be the culprit made it easier for Meredith to handle this news. She pushes the tiny doubts at the truth of Sadie's story out of her head and says again, "It's okay. I'll handle Lexie. And if people find out that my mother was a phenomenal doctor and lousy mother, it won't ruin my life…right?" Meredith says, trying to make Sadie feel better.

"I'm sorry. I feel like my coming here made everything a mess for you…" Sadie apologizes.

"None of this is your fault, Sadie. I just wish I never found out I had a sister. I'd give anything to make Lexie Grey disappear," Meredith says.

Sadie is quiet for a moment until she says, "I know you would…"

(Break)

Alex crawls into bed with Izzie in the on call room.

"Not now, Alex! I'm sleeping. Please? I spent all day fixing my incompetent intern's mistakes, and now, I found out I'm going to be short tomorrow because Princess Sadie was suddenly taken off the schedule for the afternoon. I swear…since I got assigned to be her resident, my job has gotten so much harder. I may throw a scalpel at her. Oh…and Meredith hates me. You don't think she'll kick me out…do you? I mean…if she did where would I go?" Izzie asks.

"Maybe it's time we move out anyway…move out and get our own place. Just you and I?" Alex says.

Izzie smiles at him. "It's definitely something worth looking into," she says, kissing him softly. In the middle of her kiss, Izzie's pager goes off. "It's Cristina. 911. Something's wrong. I've got to go!" she says, sprinting to the front of the hospital.

(Break)


	6. Chapter 6

"I got here as soon as I could. What is it?" Izzie says, meeting Cristina in front of the hospital like she asked.

"Read this! Damn it!" Cristina says, shoving a piece of paper at Izzie.

Izzie takes the piece of paper and reads it.

_To Dr. Yang:_

_After careful investigation regarding an incident on 11/29 in which you allegedly threw a scalpel at an intern, the board has determined that you will be suspended from service until 1/29. We ask that during this time, you participate in anger management training to prevent such an incident from happening again._

_Sincerely,_

_Seattle Grace Hospital Board of Directors_

Izzie feels a pit in her stomach. She knows she can fix this, and knows that she should. She also knows that once she admits what she knows and didn't share with Cristina, she's going to see the wrath of Cristina's anger.

"Cristina…I'm so sorry. I have to go. But I can fix this. I promise. I will fix this," Izzie says, rushing off.

"You can not! You can't fix everything, Izzie. Damn it! This is just so wrong!" Cristina yells after her.

Owen comes walking over. "Coming in, or going out?" he asks.

"Going out. I'm suspended. I will not be cutting flesh for two months. Two whole months…do you know how long that is?" she asks, angrily.

Owen looks at her. "Did you do it?" he asks.

"Did I do what?" Cristina asks.

"Throw a scalpel at that infuriating intern," he asks, leading her over to a bench near the front of the hospital.

Cristina sits down next to him and replies. "No. I didn't throw a scalpel at an intern. I definitely lost my temper. I definitely wasn't nice to her. I definitely made her have some freak out attack and kept firing questions at her until she totally cracked, but I never threw anything at her! I was mean. Yes. But there were plenty of times Dr. Bailey was mean to us with the intention of making us better doctors," she says, justifying her actions.

"Were you trying to make Sadie a better doctor?" Owen asks.

Cristina sighs. "No. I don't think she'll ever make a good doctor. That's why I yell at Lexipedia. She'll make a good doctor. She's smart. I yell at Sadie to see how long it will take until she just breaks and leaves the program…" Cristina explains.

Owen smiles. "I love your honesty," he says, leaning into her and kissing her.

Cristina kisses him back and then pulls away.

"I'm suspended…" she repeats.

"Yeah…" he says, putting his arm around her.

(Break)

"Study session tonight?" Lexie asks Sadie.

Sadie opens her mouth to protest. But Lexie cuts her off. "I won't take no for an answer. Besides…I need someone to bitch about Mark Sloan to, and you seem to be the only female in the city of Seattle who has any interest in being my friend. Therefore, I'm not letting you flunk out. We're going to study tonight, and you're going to listen to how I totally ruined any chances I ever had with Mark," Lexie says.

Sadie smiles. "Sounds good. I'll come over at around 6-ish. We can grab dinner and study."

Lexie shakes her head. "I'll come to you. George's college roommate is staying with us right now, and it's totally crowded in our little closet. We'll be better off at your house…I mean, Meredith's house…" she says.

"Sounds good. I have to get going. I have somewhere to be at 2:00," Sadie says.

"See you later!" Lexie says.

(Break)

Sadie walks into Dr. Wyatt's office, confidently.

"Have a seat, Sadie," Dr. Wyatt says, seating herself in a large comfortable chair across from Sadie.

"Thank you, Dr. Wyatt. Thank you for clearing my schedule so we could talk. I've been finding the pressure of this program to be tremendous. I mean, sometimes I feel like I'm not keeping up. I'm making friends with my colleagues…well…at least the fellow interns. And there is one attending who seems very friendly. Ummm…I think her name is Dr. Torres, but aside from that, the pressure is just insane…I mean…"

As Sadie rambles, Dr. Wyatt waits patiently for a pause until she says, "No, Sadie. You are not going to control this session. This is where I choose the topics," Dr. Wyatt says, firmly.

Sadie chews her lip, which is her only sign of nervousness as she replies, "No problem, Doc. I guess this is how you did it with, Meredith too?"

"I'm not going to discuss any other patients with you, you already know that. However…speaking of Meredith, her friendship had a huge impact on your life…hasn't it?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Meredith was like a sister to me at one point…" Sadie asks.

"At one point?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Well…when we were in Europe, she and I were really close. Then…after everything happened after the trip…well…obviously I fell out of touch for quite a while…but during that time…it was the only time anyone ever understood what I had gone through. My father…my mother…you know the whole story…I don't have to tell you," Sadie says.

Dr. Wyatt nods. "You're still very angry at your parents," she says.

Sadie shakes her head. "No. I'm not angry anymore…Really…it's all in the past now," she says.

"But it must have been very difficult growing up in a home where you never felt loved," Dr. Wyatt says.

Sadie takes a deep breath and tries to steel herself against the emotions that are creeping into her chest. The weeks of not taking her medication is catching up to her and she begins to feel the old feelings of rage boiling inside her which she tries to suppress before it becomes visible to Dr. Wyatt.

"Yes…it was. However, by taking my medication, I am able to cope with it," she says in a controlled voice with a polite smile.

Dr. Wyatt sees through the act, and tries to measure exactly how far she should push.

"I'm sure you can. However, you haven't been taking your medication as we discussed. Let's talk about your father. I have the report from the hospital. It sounds like he was extremely abusive to both you and Amy…" Dr. Wyatt says.

At the mention of the name, 'Amy' Sadie braces herself. She nods without saying anything. Against her will, she feels her hands start to tremble and sits on them to try to stop the shaking.

"Is it him that you are the most angry with?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Sadie shakes her head. "No…" she whispers, feeling her will to suppress all of these emotions failing her.

"Is it your mother?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Sadie pulls her knees up to her chest and hugs them. She nods. "Yes…" she whispers.

"Why?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Tears stream down Sadie's cheeks. She silently curses herself for not being able to resist succumbing to the force of Dr. Wyatt's therapeutic intervention. She knows Dr. Wyatt has won this round and that she has cracked. She can't stop thinking about Amy…or that night…or her mother…

"She didn't protect her. She didn't save Amy. She let her…watched her…watched him…held me back…I could have saved her! I'm going to save her!! I AM!!!" Sadie yells, jumping out of the chair. All of a sudden, Dr. Wyatt sees that Sadie looks like a caged animal who has suddenly been let out. Her eyes are wild and seem to dart all over the place.

Dr. Wyatt knows she is out of her element. She is used to counseling doctors. She is used to patients like Meredith Grey, who's ambition to succeed is about never feeling good enough because of her past. She is used to the Erica Hahns of the world who seem to be unable to put their career aside for enough time to allow themselves any semblance of a personal life. Those are the problems she usually deals with, and she is good at them. Sadie's problems go deeper than that, and she worries that she may have done more harm than good. Her previous therapists have given very little guidance, other than a bulk of reports detailing the horrific events of her past and the eventual breakdown after the summer in Europe. Dr. Wyatt tries again, vowing to ask for help if this session doesn't end better than it started.

"Sadie…sit back down. Please," Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I can't! I have to save her. I'm going to save her! You can't hold me back! You can't stop me! No one can! This time I'll do it!" Sadie says, running from the room.

Dr. Wyatt decides against chasing her. She isn't sure what she would do if she caught her. Instead, she looks for the phone number of Sadie's previous therapist from the hospital in which she was inpatient, and dials the number…

(Break)

Lexie is in the locker room, changing into scrubs, when Izzie bursts in.

"We need to talk," she says to her intern.

Lexie looks startled. Since Lexie confided in Izzie that day about the diaries, Izzie has said very little to her. She made it clear that she disapproved, yet she treated her professionally, and never really mentioned it to her during the time she was acting as Lexie's resident. In fact, Lexie has grown to respect Izzie Stevens tremendously. She has learned a great deal from her and likes the way she maintains close contact with patient's families and treats the patients like people, rather than medical cases.

"What's wrong?" Lexie asks, looking at the grave look on Izzie's face.

"Sit down," Izzie says. Lexie promptly sits on a bench and waits to hear what Izzie has to say.

"I like you. I didn't want to like you, but I do. You're smart, you're nice, you have an excellent bedside manner with patients and get just a little bit over-involved. You care too much what other people think of you, and you work hard for everyone's approval. You try hard to make everyone happy, often at the expense of yourself. You remind me a lot of myself during my intern year," Izzie begins.

"Thank you…I think…" Lexie replies nervously, trying to figure out whether Izzie has just complemented or insulted her.

"Do you know the story of the reason I left the program for a while?" Izzie asks.

Lexie stammers. She doesn't want to admit to Izzie that all of the interns have gossiped about it since their first day, so she simply says, "I've heard rumors…"

"Yeah. I'm sure you have. Do you know what it took for me to go to the chief and admit that I was the one who cut that wire? I knew I'd be suspended or worse. I was terrified. However, there was no other option…I had to do it. I couldn't watch Meredith, Cristina, Alex or George be punished for what I did," she explains.

Lexie squirms uncomfortably. "You did the right thing…" she says.

"Cristina was suspended today, Lexie," she says.

Lexie pauses for a moment. "Cristina has treated me like the dirt beneath her shoe since I came here. Maybe it's just karma?" she says, weakly.

"Cristina is one of the most ambitious, dedicated doctors in this program. Could you live with yourself, knowing that she's taking the fall for a lie you told? Besides…she's Meredith's best friend. How can you look yourself in the mirror every morning? You're letting that pathetic excuse for an intern drag you into this mess. I will go to the chief if you won't, but I'm giving you the chance to be the hero on this one…you can take it or leave it. You have until 9:00am tomorrow to do the right thing…or I will," Izzie says, sternly as she turns to leave.

Lexie calls after her. "Dr. Stevens?" she asks.

"How did you…forget it…" Lexie asks.

"How did I what?" Izzie asks, turning around and sitting down next to Lexie on the bench.

"How did you stop needing everyone to like you?" Lexie asks.

Izzie thinks for a moment. "I guess I started liking myself," she says.

Lexie thinks for a moment before Izzie breaks her train of thought.

"Before rounds start, can you get Mrs. Healy started on a new IV. You have a few minutes to run to the supply closet…right?" she asks.

Lexie nods eagerly, glad she can be useful. "Thanks, Dr. Stevens," she says.

Izzie smiles. "My friends call me Izzie," she says before she walks out.

(Break)

Lexie walks to the supply closet and stops dead in her tracks as she sees Sadie huddled in a corner rocking back and forth, crying quietly. She instinctively kneels next to her.

"Sadie…are you okay? What happened?" she asks.

Sadie shakes her head. "Go away!" she sobs.

"Of course I'm not going to go away. Look at you! You're a mess. What happened?" Lexie asks, worried.

"I have to save her! I can do it this time…I can. No one's going to hold me back. I'll do it. I can…" Sadie says, while rocking back and forth.

Lexie has no idea what Sadie is talking about, but she knows something is very wrong. She wraps her arms around Sadie and says, "Listen to me. You are safe here. You're in the supply closet in the hospital. It's me…Lexie Grey…Meredith's sister. I'll help you. Just tell me what you need me to do," Lexie says.

Lexie's take charge attitude seems to snap Sadie out of her hysteria. She takes a deep breath. "Lexie. I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to…I'm so embarrassed. I'm just so sleep deprived. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I'm totally overwhelmed with all of this," she stammers.

"Sadie…I'm worried about you. That was really scary," Lexie says.

"Don't worry about me, Lex. I'm fine. Just exhausted. You know what they tell us in orientation…everyone's body reacts to the sleep deprivation and stress in different ways. I'll be fine. Just give me a few hours to sleep and I'll be ready for our study session at 6…okay? Thanks for everything….really. I owe you." Sadie says.

"You don't owe me…we're friends. Friends look out for each other," Lexie says.

Sadie gives her an intense look. "You're right. I'll look out for you too. I promise," she says.

"Thanks. Come on. At least let me walk you to your car. You still look a little shaky," Lexie says.

Lexie pulls Sadie to her feet and the two of them walk out together silently…each of their minds in very different places.

(Break)

Mark gets into the elevator followed by Derek.

"How ya doing, man?" Derek asks.

"You're gonna hate me…" Mark says.

"You slept with my wife…if I don't already hate you, I think you're pretty safe," Derek quips.

"I went out with Little Grey," Mark says.

"Okay…I'm mildly annoyed, but I don't hate you. How did it go?" Derek says.

"We had a fight," Mark says.

"So you really like her…" Derek says, smiling.

"What makes you say that? I yelled at her and sent her home in a cab!" Mark points out.

"We only fight with the ones we really care about…" Derek says. "Besides, if you sent her home in a cab, you didn't sleep with her…and THAT says it all!"

"Can we get a drink?" Mark says.

"Yes…but I'm not going to sleep with you." Derek says as he follows Mark out of the elevator.

(Break)

Meredith comes home from work and lies down in her bed. She feels exhausted and can't wait to just crawl into bed and sleep. She got a message from Derek that he was going for a drink with Mark, so she knows he won't be home for a while. She relishes the quiet house to catch up on sleep. It is rare that she has the house to herself without Izzie, Alex, Derek or Sadie at home. She crawls under her covers and closes her eyes, falling asleep.

Sadie opens the door. Despite the rare burst of sunshine in Seattle, she is wearing a raincoat which she clutches tightly, holding it shut. She closes the door behind her and locks it carefully and tiptoes up to Meredith's room. She opens Meredith's door, which creeks as it opens, waking Meredith out of her peaceful slumber.

"What the hell! Sadie??? I was sleeping!" Meredith complains.

"Go ahead! Yell at me…" Sadie says in an eerily calm voice.

"You're damn right, I'll yell at you! What kind of doctor wakes another sleeping doctor? Can you please turn the light off and let me go back to sleep? I'm so tired, I feel like I could keel over lying down!" she says.

"You look like her…" Sadie says, sitting down on Meredith's bed.

"Look like who? I'm not in the mood. I'm seriously exhausted," Meredith complains.

"Your mother. She hurt you…" Sadie says.

"Okay…We both hate our parents…we established that on a mountain top in Europe. Your father beat the hell out of you every day and your mother never stopped him, and my mother ignored me and told me I was never going to amount to anything. We had awful parents…but can we rehash our terrible childhoods another time? Please…Sadie…I'm not in the mood…" Meredith says.

"You're killing her," Sadie says, her thoughts becoming increasingly fragmented.

"Killing who? My mother? She is already very much dead…" Meredith points out, wryly.

"You have a little sister…" Sadie points out.

"I wish I didn't. But yes…I do. Is there a reason you woke me up to point out that my mother was dead and I have a younger sister? Did you decide today was a good day to state the obvious? What's going on, Sadie?" Meredith asks, rubbing her tired eyes.

"I have to save her! I have to save her! You're going to kill her!" Sadie says, closing her eyes and trying to shake the visions that are creeping into her head.

"Sadie! You're acting bizarre! Knock it off," Meredith says, grabbing Sadie's arm.

Sadie snaps and pulls away from Meredith. She pushes Meredith's arm away and reaches under her coat pulling out a small, but very real pistol and points it at Meredith.

"Sadie! What the hell are you doing?" Meredith asks.

"Saving Amy!" she says, firing a shot at the window which shatter the glass.

(Break)

***********

**Okay everyone…I'm looking for those reviews…I can't wait to read them!! Please send them my way! This story is going to wrap up in the next few chapter, so look for a BIG standoff in the next chapter…it's going to be full of action and drama!**

**By the way…are we into reruns until after the New Year? I'm totally going to go into Grey's withdrawl!**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews on the last chapter!!!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith stares at the broken window and the fact that Sadie just shot a gun in her bedroom begins to register. She tries not to panic, but feels panic rising in her chest.

"You let him kill her. You let him hurt us…every night. I was scared. Amy was scared. Why didn't you protect us?" Sadie asks.

"Kill who? Sadie…I didn't kill anyone or let anyone be killed. Who's Amy?" Meredith asks, trying to keep the dialogue going.

"She was so scared. I tried to protect her, but I was too little…too young. I tried to break free but you locked me in. You didn't let me out. She was screaming and…" Sadie continues pointing the gun at Meredith.

All of a sudden, it registers with Meredith. Sadie is delusional…and worse yet, she seems to believe that Meredith is the mother who failed to protect her from her father's abuse all these years.

"Sadie…I'm not who you think I am. It's me. Meredith. Your best friend….remember? Death and Die? Put the gun down. It's okay," Meredith says, trying to stay calm.

(Break)

Lexie takes a deep breath as she knocks on the chief's door.

"Come in," Richard says.

Lexie stands in front of him frozen.

"You can sit if you like, Dr. Grey. What can I do for you?" he asks, trying to put her at ease.

"Ummm…I heard Dr. Yang was suspended," she stammers.

"It has never been a policy of mine to discuss personnel matters with interns, Dr. Grey," Richard says.

"Yes, sir. I understand. I guess…I…well…I just wanted to tell you the whole story. I didn't come forward before because I figured that truth always prevails, but the truth is that truth doesn't prevail if everyone keeps lying…which I have been," Lexie admits.

"Lying?" Richard asks.

"Dr. Webber…you know Meredith. I have wanted nothing more than to have that same opportunity since I came here. Sadie offered me that opportunity if I signed her petition. However, the truth is that Cristina Yang did not throw a scalpel at Sadie. She yelled at her and tormented her and is generally horrendous to work for, but she did not do anything even close to throwing anything and well…now that she's suspended, I had to say that, because I can't have this on my conscience," Lexie says, the words tumbling out before she can edit them.

"So you are saying that you knowingly signed a false document?" Richard asks.

"Yes. I did. And so did the rest of the people who signed those documents," Lexie says.

"And what reason would they have to do such a thing?" Richard asks, shaking his head.

"Sadie gave them all copies of Ellis Grey's diaries. She said they contained surgical secrets…and well…ummm…personal information," Lexie says, embarrassed.

Richard gasps. "SO you're saying that every intern has read Ellis Grey's diaries and they…"

Lexie cuts him off. "Yes sir. They are all aware of your…ummm…relationship," she says, blushing.

Richard attempts to recover. "Dr. Grey, what you did was extremely unethical. You put a resident's job in jeopardy and cost this hospital board hours of their life that they will never get back. Give me one good reason I shouldn't kick every one of you out of this program right now!" he asks.

Lexie pauses and thinks. "I guess there is no good reason. The truth is that I really messed up. Dr. Stevens told me that you were fair to her when she messed up intern year, and that despite the fact that she made a mess of that year, she managed to turn her career around and learned from her mistakes. I'd love the opportunity to do the same, but if not, I understand. I am so sorry, Dr. Webber. So so sorry…" Lexie says.

Richard thinks for a moment. "Go home, Dr. Grey. I'll call you tomorrow with my decision," he says.

Lexie fights back tears. She is determined not to cry. "Yes sir. Thank you for your time," she says.

(Break)

Derek and Mark sit at the bar.

"How are things with Meredith? Do you like living together?" Mark asks.

"I like living with Meredith. I could do without the rest of her roommates. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a college dorm. But it's about compromise. She's meeting me halfway…I need to do the same," Derek says.

"Compromise? Maybe that's why I can't make a relationship last. I'm incapable of compromise…" Mark says.

"You're upset about Little Grey…aren't you? You're talking about relationships and compromise. You like her…" Derek laughs.

"I do like her. She's…quirky. And hot. Very very hot," Mark admits.

Derek laughs.

"What's so funny?" Mark asks.

"Nothing…" Derek says, laughing harder.

"Come on! I'm not buying you another round until you spill it!" Mark says.

"It's just that, I got the real Dr. Grey…you just got the imitation…you're always taking my leftovers," Derek laughs.

"Your Grey is Dark and Twisty. My Grey is Bright and Shiny. Who's laughing now," Mark replies.

"Mines in bed waiting for me at home. Yours isn't speaking to you!" Derek laughs even harder.

Mark slaps his arm. "Shut up! Let's get out of here, man," he says, smiling despite Derek's good natured insults.

"Why don't you come back to my place. Meredith thinks it's cute when I bring home strays," Derek says

"Sure. I just have to stop at the hospital first," Mark replies.

(Break)

Izzie paces back and forth down the corridor. Alex walks by and says, "Are you still here?"

"Yes. I just gave advice to Lexie Grey. I told her she had to come clean to the chief and well…I think she's going to do it, but then what if he fires her. Then I have that on my conscience. I mean…seriously? This whole mess got started because of that crazy Sadie. I wish that girl would just go away! Now Meredith hates me, and Cristina finally doesn't hate me, but a lot of good that does me because she's suspended now and she'll probably hate me in a day or two anyway…and then I…" Izzie rambles until Alex cuts her off by kissing her.

"What was that for?" Izzie asks, laughing.

"I had to shut you up somehow. You're really annoying when you're nervous," he admits.

"Thanks a lot!" she replies.

"Can we get out of here?" he asks.

"I have a few more things to do. Then we'll head home. I just want to check on Lexie Grey and see how things went…" she says.

"Why do you care about Lexie Grey so much? Why does it matter to you how things went?" Alex asks.

"I care about people, Alex. It's who I am. I know what it feels like to feel alone. I know how hard it is to walk into that office and know that your whole life's work may be taken away from you. How could I not care?" Izzie asks.

Alex takes her hand. "I'll come with you. I want to check on Lexie too," Alex says.

Izzie looks surprised. "You do?" she asks.

"You make me want to be a better person," he says, smiling at her.

She smiles back. "Come on…let's go find her.

(Break)

Lexie sits outside of the hospital, wondering what to do. She looks at her watch. She remembers that she has plans to study with Sadie in an hour. She wonders how she will ever keep her mind on studying, but doesn't want to let her only friend down. For some reason, she can't quite bring herself to blame Sadie for this whole mess. She knows she could have just said "no" from the beginning and refused to be a part of it. She allowed herself to be dragged into this whole mess, and for that, she had no one to blame but herself.

"Lexie?" Izzie says, sitting down beside her.

"Dr. Stevens? What are you doing here?" she asks looking confused. Her confusion becomes even more apparent when Alex sits down on the other side of her.

"Alex?" she asks, confused.

"I told you, my friends call me Izzie. How did it go…with the chief? Did you talk to him?" she asks.

Lexie nods. "He said he'll let me know tomorrow. I think I'm out. I think he's going to kick me out…" she says, trying to hold back the tears that are forming in her eyes.

"You know, a lot of us have screwed up…" Alex says. "Take me, for example. I got suspended for sneaking my psycho girlfriend into the gallery to watch me operate so I could look cool in front of her. What kind of an ass does something like that?" Alex says.

Izzie smiles at him. He can be so sensitive when he wants to be. She is proud of the person he has become since they got together. He has changed so much.

Lexie smiles. "Yeah. That's pretty bad," she admits.

"And you already know about my disastrous intern year…and that George failed his intern exam and had to repeat his whole intern year!" Izzie adds.

"I bet Meredith never screwed up," Lexie sighs.

Alex and Izzie laugh together. "Iz…remember when Mer dropped the kidney? Or when she nicked that heart in the middle of an operation?" Alex asks.

"Or how about when she left her entire intern exam blank because she was in the middle of another Derek breakdown?" Izzie says, still laughing.

"Compared to our year, you're doing pretty well!" Alex points out to Lexie.

Lexie smiles. "Thanks guys. It's good to know I'm not the only screw up intern around here. Speaking of screw up interns, I have to go study with Sadie. I promised her I'd help her out," Lexie says.

"Want a ride?" Izzie asks.

"That would be great. Thanks Dr. Ste – I mean, Izzie. I appreciate it," she says.

"Let's grab some Chinese food on the way home. I'm starving," Alex says.

(Break)

"Sadie? Talk to me…It's me…Meredith," Meredith says, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Sadie has been silent for quite a few minutes other than the occasional muttering to herself. She has the gun pointed at Meredith, and is staring blankly at her. Meredith decides to try another tactic.

"I think Amy's coming soon. You don't want to fire the gun. You might scare her. You should probably put the gun down before she gets here," Meredith says.

"Amy IS coming soon. But I'm keeping this gun here. You're just going to let him hurt her again. She didn't know any better. It wasn't her fault. I wanted to tell him that it was my fault. I was supposed to be watching her. I shouldn't have let her out of my sight," Sadie says. Her voice grows shrill and thin.

The door opens and Izzie, Lexie and Alex enter.

"Alex Let's get the food ready. Lexie…go upstairs and see if Meredith or Derek or even that pain in the ass Sadie are home. Tell them we brought home enough food to feed an army," Izzie says.

"Okay. I'll be right down!" Lexie says.

She bounds up the stairs, happily, feeling included and for once, not alone. She knocks on the door to Meredith's room.

"Sadie?" she calls.

Meredith panics. On one hand, she is relieved that someone is here to save her. On the other hand, the last thing she wants to do is endanger Lexie's life. On the third hand, she also isn't sure if Sadie is going to panic and shoot out of the shock of hearing someone's voice. Meredith takes a gamble…she hopes it's the right one.

"Come in, Amy!" Meredith calls.

Lexie's good mood suddenly disappears. Her sister doesn't even know her voice, and probably never will and for some reason, that makes her angry right now. She is also angry that Meredith and Sadie are probably sitting on the bed, gossiping like sisters, when Meredith won't even speak to her.

"It's me…Lex –" her voice trails off as she pushes the door open and sees Sadie standing there, pointing a gun at Meredith.

"Amy! I'm so glad you're here," Meredith says in a shaky voice.

Lexie is standing behind Sadie who has not turned around because doing so, would require her to stop pointing her gun at Meredith. Lexie has no idea what is going on, but knows that Meredith wants her to pretend to be someone named Amy.

"Sadie. It's me…Amy," she says.

Sadie turns her head, but keeps the gun pointed at Meredith. Lexie tenses, wondering if she is going to know that she is not Amy or if she was going to play along.

"Amy? You're here. I thought…I missed you…I'm so sorry. I'm going to do this right this time. I'm going to save you…and they are going to pay for what they did to you," she says, with tears streaming down her face.

"Sadie…I'm okay. Put the gun down," Lexie says.

"You're scaring poor Amy. She's very scared of guns…aren't you, Amy?" Meredith says.

Lexie nods. "Terrified. Please…put the gun down," she says.

Lexie wonders how long it will take Alex and Izzie before they figure out that no one is coming down for dinner. She tries to think of a way to get a message to them to call for help.

Sadie lowers the gun but keeps a tight grip on it. She pulls Lexie into a tight embrace.

"Amy. I love you. I'm so sorry. I should have never let it happen…" she whispers.

"It's okay, Sadie…I understand," she whispers back as she motions Meredith to make a run for it.

Meredith starts to dart towards the door when Sadie pulls away from Lexie and raises the gun once again.

"Don't move! You're not going anywhere! See that Amy! She's going to get him and they are going to hurt you. Stay here. She hurts you…it's what she does…" Sadie says.

Lexie smiles ironically to herself. _She sure does…_she thinks.

The irony is not lost on Meredith either. "I never mean to…you have to know that I don't do anything to hurt her intentionally…it's just that I never expected her to be here…and…"

Apparently Meredith has said the wrong thing. "That's right. You never wanted her. You and Dad…you never wanted her. It wasn't her fault. She couldn't help the way she was…it wasn't her fault. I tried to help her. I tried to help her…" Sadie repeats.

"You did help me, Sadie. You helped a lot…" Lexie says, trying to smooth over the apparent mistake that Meredith made with her last sentence.

Lexie and Meredith hear footsteps coming up the stairs. They eye each other nervously.

"What's taking so long? Alex is going to eat me if we don't eat soon! Hurry up and…" Izzie stops dead in her tracks when she bursts through the door to Meredith's room and finds Sadie pointing a gun at Meredith. "What the hell is going on?" she asks.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" Sadie asks, shaking.

"Sadie…it's me. Izzie Stevens. What are you doing? Why are you holding Meredith and Lexie at gunpoint?" she asks.

"I'm saving Amy," she says. She puts her arm around Lexie. "I'll look out for you. I promised. I always promised…but this time I'm really going to do it," she says, putting the gun to Meredith's head.

Before anyone can stop her, Lexie knocks Sadie's arm away from Meredith and grabs her from behind in a bear hug. "Izzie! Grab the gun!"

As Izzie and Sadie tug back and forth the gun goes off and Meredith screams. Izzie pulls one last time and yanks the gun out of Sadie's hand. As Sadie tries to struggle out of Lexie and Izzie's grip, Alex bounds up the stairs.

"Okay. If someone doesn't get down here soon, I'm eating all the Chinese food myself. You girls can fend for yourself at this point. Or maybe Izzie can whip up a batch of…What the hell happened here????" he yells as he flings the door open.

"Help me!" Izzie says, as Sadie twists and tries to fight her way free from Lexie and Izzie.

Alex grabs Sadie and uses a move he remembers from his wrestling days to pin her to the ground. As he holds her down tightly, all three of them turn their attention to Meredith who is lying on the ground. Izzie notices a pool of blood forming around the lower half of Meredith's body.

"Let go of me! I want to see my sister! She was here a minute ago! Where's Amy? Where is she? I want my sister!" Sadie says, thrashing her arms and legs in an attempt to free herself from Alex.

Derek and Mark enter the house, slapping each other five and laughing.

"You did not!" Mark says.

"I did too! Come upstairs with me. Meredith will verify my story!" Derek says.

"I'm getting up there first! You're going to taint the witness!" Mark says, running up the stairs.

Derek pushes past him and throws the door open. Both men gasp at the scene of Izzie and Lexie standing over Meredith who is lying in a pool of blood, and Alex on top of Sadie who is violently yelling and thrashing against him.

"Meredith!" Derek says, rushing towards her.

Mark grabs his cell phone. "I'll call the chief. I'll tell him to send an ambulance," he says.

"Tell him we'll need two," Izzie says.

"Two?" Mark asks.

"We need one for Sadie too. She needs a psych consult…" Izzie says.

Mark dials the hospital from his cell phone.

Izzie kneels beside Meredith next to Derek, who has tears streaming down his cheeks. "She WILL be okay. She has to be…" Izzie says.

Derek squeezes Izzie's hand. "She has to be, Izzie…she just has to be," he whispered.

(Break)


	8. Chapter 8

Mark leans over Meredith and pushes the frozen Derek out of the way.

"We've got to find a point of entrance and exit. Stevens…come here!" he says.

Izzie kneels beside Mark and looks for the place where the bullet enters. She and Mark rip the sweatpants Meredith is wearing and see a wound in her leg the size of a bullet hole which is bleeding profusely.

"It's the leg. There's a lot of blood though. We need to stop the bleeding. Lexie, get me a clean towel or shirt or something," Mark says.

Lexie is frozen. She wants to move, but her legs won't allow her to. Derek is in a trance, staring at Meredith so Mark stands up. "Stevens, apply pressure. I'll find something we can use," Mark says.

Izzie applies as much pressure as she can, but it never seems to be enough. No matter how hard she presses, more blood seems to pour out.

"I can't hold her much longer. We need to sedate her," Alex says, still trying to restrain the kicking Sadie.

"We can't sedate her, Karev! Figure it out…that's your job. We're taking care of Meredith over here," Mark snaps.

"I want to see Amy! Where is she?? Is she alive?" she screams.

Alex holds Sadie by the shoulders and stares her in the face. "If you come with me and sit quietly in that chair I will bring Amy to you and you can see her. But if you so much as attempt to move from that chair I'll make sure you never see Amy again…okay?" Alex says, firmly.

Sadie smiles like a little girl. "Okay. I'll sit," she says as Alex leads her to a chair in the corner of Meredith's room.

"Amy. Come over here…" he says, motioning to Lexie.

Lexie's legs feel like lead and she cannot move them. Alex gives her a raised eyebrow look pleading with her to come. He motions towards Meredith who is lying on the floor and whispers to Lexie, "This is the only way…you have to do this."

Lexie looks at Meredith, bleeding on the floor ,at Derek with silent tears streaming down his face, at Izzie so focused, at Alex, so strong, and at Mark, taking charge and knows she has to step up to the plate. She forces her feet to move and walks towards the seemingly pacified Sadie.

"Hi Sadie…" she says, for lack of anything else to say.

"Amy! I did it. I killed her. And when I see him, I'll kill him next. No one's going to hurt you again. I'm going to take you away from here. It will be just us and you'll be safe. I'll help you with all the things you don't know how to do. No more tutors and teachers and stuff like that. It will just be us. I'll help you. I'll keep you safe," Sadie says.

Alex motions to Lexie to respond. She doesn't know what to say, so she simply says, "Thank you…you're a good sister…I'm lucky to have you."

The irony of the situation was not lost on her. Her sister wanted nothing to do with her, and Sadie, no matter how crazy she appeared thought she was her sister who had obviously been lost to her some time ago and was desperate to have her in her life. There was a small part of Lexie that enjoyed pretending to be Amy, to feel like the younger sister that someone wanted.

Sadie grabs her hand, and Lexie's first instinct is to pull away, until Sadie says, "Don't worry, Amy. I told you…we're safe now." Lexie decides it will just be easier to play along until the ambulance gets there. She squeezes Sadie's hand.

The paramedics burst through the front door. "Coming up! Is everybody okay?" they call as they rush up the stairs.

"She's lost a lot of blood. It may have hit an artery," Mark says, as they lift Meredith on to a stretcher.

Derek rushes behind the stretcher and says, "I'm going with her!" No one argues.

Lexie starts to head towards Meredith but Sadie pulls her back. "No Amy. Don't worry about her…she'll just hurt you again. It's better this way…" she says.

Lexie sighs. _Ironically, she's probably right…_ She waits until the paramedics grab Sadie and inject her with a sedative before strapping her down to a stretcher.

"Amy! Help me! Don't let them take me!" she says, before the sedative takes effect and she closes her eyes.

Lexie steps away and Mark walks towards her. He wraps his arms around her, and she dissolves, sobbing into his chest. "Shhhhh….it's okay," he says, rubbing her back and holding her tightly.

Izzie looks at Alex and says, "You saved Meredith's life."

He shakes his head. "Nah…I just used a few wrestling moves. It was you and Sloan who did the important stuff. Come on…let's get down to the hospital to see how Meredith is doing."

Izzie starts to follow him then stops. "Wait!" she says.

"What?" he asks.

"I have to make a quick phone call. Someone has to tell Cristina…she'd want to know," Izzie says.

"We'll call from the car. Come on. Let's just get there. Sloan, Lexie…you want a ride?" Alex asks.

Mark nods, and starts to lead Lexie to the car. He notices she is shaking and sobbing so violently that walking is too much of an effort. He picks her up and carries her in his arms. She does not fight him. As they approach Alex's car, Izzie looks at Mark, concerned. "Is she okay?" she asks, motioning towards Lexie.

Lexie takes a few deep breaths and begins to calm down. "I'm okay. I'm sorry…it was just the shock of everything…and I…I just can't believe what just happened…" Lexie says, still not fully coherent.

Izzie puts her hand on her arm. "I know. I can't believe it either," she says. She looks at the tiny two door car and says, "Mark, sit up front with Alex. Lexie and I will be fine in the back."

As Izzie and Lexie climb in the back, Izzie says, "I think I better call Cristina now."

Lexie shakes her head. "Let me call her. I owe her at least that much," she says.

Izzie smiles and hands Lexie her cell phone.

Lexie dials Cristina's phone number and gets her voice mail. "Hi Cristina…it's Lexie Grey…I wanted to let you know that something really bad happened to Meredith. Sadie shot her. She's on her way to Seattle Grace in an ambulance. I just thought you should know…and Cristina…I'm really sorry….about everything," she says, before hanging up and handing the phone back to Izzie.

(Break)

Cristina walks into the hospital after receiving a note requiring her to attend a meeting with the chief. She assumes he wants to reprimand her again for the incident that did not occur, yet she almost welcomes the meeting despite the fact that it will probably not be pleasant. Being away from the hospital has been torture for her. She is surprised to find Owen waiting for her in the lobby.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"Waiting for you…" he replies.

"Why?" she asks, surprised.

"Because I thought you might need to see a friendly face after your meeting…" he says.

"Oh." Cristina says, for lack of better response.

They stand there, awkwardly and Cristina says, "I have to go now. I don't want to give the chief any reason to be more angry than he already is."

Owen takes her hand. "Let's go. I'll walk up with you and wait for you, and then we'll get something to eat," he says.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because we might get hungry. Stop asking questions, and just accept that I'm here," Owen says.

Cristina shrugs nonchalantly, but cannot help smiling. "Okay…" she replies as they walk up to the chief's office together.

Cristina feels her cell phone vibrate, but does not answer it as she approaches the chief's office. She steps inside.

"Dr. Yang, please have a seat," he says, looking uncomfortable.

She sits, obediently and waits for him to lecture her. Instead, he says, "I'm so sorry."

Cristina feels a rush of panic. She assumes he is about to tell her that the board is kicking her out of the program. She wants to protest but cannot force her voice to make a sound. The chief continues.

"I should have listened to you from the beginning. It has come to my attention that you never threw a scalpel at Sadie. I could sit here and tell you all the reasons why our evidence led us to believe that you did, however, the only thing that matters now is that I made a terrible mistake. I know it and the board knows it. Effective immediately, you are reinstated to full hospital privileges," he says, seriously.

Cristina takes a moment to process this information and feels her cell phone buzzing again. She wonders if it's Owen calling, and she feels mildly annoyed that anyone is bothering her right now. She obviously does not answer it or even look at it.

"Thank you sir," Cristina says. She thinks for a moment and then asks, "How did you find out the truth?"

"Dr. Grey. Dr. Lexie Grey came to me. It took tremendous courage for her to do that, Dr. Yang. I have yet to decide what action to take with the interns, but suffice it to say, there will be harsh penalties for the deceptive nature of their acts," Dr. Webber says.

Cristina is quiet. "Sir…if you wouldn't mind…Could you let Lexie Grey off the hook?" Cristina asks.

The chief looks at her, confused.

"It's just that I'd like this whole incident to be behind everyone. Lexie Grey is an outstanding doctor, and she shows tremendous potential. I'm in this business for the medicine. Not for the other stuff. Suspending Lexie Grey would interrupt her education, and as her resident, I don't want to see that happen," Cristina says.

The chief smiles at Cristina. "I'm proud of you, Dr. Yang."

"Thank you, sir," she replies, barely able to contain her elation.

Her cell phone goes off again as she steps out of the room. She looks for Owen. He is gone. She checks her pager. Owen has paged her. _Got paged to the ER. Meet me down there, if you can…if not I'll call when I get off. Good luck. _ Cristina takes a moment to listen to her cell phone messages. She hears the first message from Lexie and her face turns white. She runs to the ER as quickly as she can.

(Break)

Owen pushes Derek out of the way. "Meredith Grey. Gunshot wound. Clean entrance and exit of the bullet. Victim has lost a lot of blood. Blood type, B negative. We need two units of B negative stat!" he says to the nurses who surround him. They scurry to find blood for Meredith while Owen tries to stop the bleeding.

Izzie stands next to him and Owen says, "Dr. Stevens, Karev, help me pack this wound. The entrance and exit is clean and it doesn't look like any arteries are involved. Pack it up and stop the bleeding and she should be fine," he says.

Izzie and Alex work together on Meredith's leg and finally, the bleeding stops. Mark stands between Derek and Lexie. "Shepherd. She's going to be okay," he says, putting his hand on Derek's shoulder. The relief on Derek's face is evident. Pulls Lexie toward him into a big embrace and the two of them smile as tears stream down their face.

"It's okay, man. We're both going to have our Grey sister," Mark says, slapping Derek on the back.

As Izzie hangs the blood and Alex starts an IV drip into Meredith's veins, Derek rushes over to Meredith and strokes her face. "I love you, my dark and twisty, Meredith Grey…" he says.

Izzie and Alex step back and see Cristina rushing towards them. Izzie grabs Cristina and stops her. "She's okay. I promise. She'll be okay," she says.

"What happened?" Cristina asks.

As Izzie and Alex tell Cristina the whole story, Lexie and Mark come over. Cristina turns to Lexie. "Thank you for calling me. And for going to the chief…" she says.

Lexie shakes her head. "Please don't thank me. What I did was awful. I was lonely, desperate, pathetic and absolutely selfish. I had no business signing that letter or reading anyone's diaries. I'm so sorry, Cristina. But if it's any consolation, I'll probably be kicked out of the program tomorrow…so you won't have to look at me every day…." she says.

Cristina smiles. "I don't think you will," she says.

Lexie looks puzzled. "What do you mean?" she asks.

"I'm taking my interns back…" Cristina says.

Izzie laughs. "And that's probably worse than being suspended! You're Cristina's resident again!"

Meredith begins to stir. "Derek? What happened?" she asks, knowing she remembers but not wanting to.

Derek kisses her gently. "Just rest. It's okay. We'll talk later…" he says, stroking her face.

"I love you…" she whispers.

"I love you too," he replies.

"Derek?"

"What Mer?"

"Is Lexie okay? She didn't get hurt, did she?" Meredith asks.

Lexie hears Meredith ask the question and promptly bursts into tears and runs to Meredith.

"I'm fine. But thank you so much for caring. Mer…I'm so sorry about…" Lexie begins.

Meredith shakes her head. "We almost got killed. The little stuff doesn't matter, Lexie. I'm just so glad you're okay. Thank you…you were really brave in there…." Meredith says.

The two sisters hug tightly until Meredith pulls away. "Iz? Come here for a minute…" Meredith says.

"I'm so glad you're okay…" Izzie says, hugging Meredith.

"Thanks for everything…you really took care of everyone. Me…Lexie…even Cristina. Thank you so much," she says.

"You're welcome. Get some rest, Mer. I – I can't believe what happened. I just can't believe we all… I mean…she…I just can't believe it," Izzie says.

Meredith hugs her. "Thank you."

Cristina approaches Meredith. "I'm just going to tell you that I may need to pick a new person. One that isn't so prone to life threatening calamities on a regular basis. You're a lot of work, Mer," she says, holding Meredith's hand.

"Shut up," Meredith says, smiling.

"I'll leave you to McDreamy now. I have plans with McStormy "McStormy?" Meredith asks.

"Yeah…you know…Desert Storm? McStormy. Please try not to have any more near death experiences…" Cristina says.

"I'll try," Meredith agrees. "Hey, Izzie! You need to give Alex a McName!" she says.

"McSexy?" she replies, kissing him.

"Hmmm…I could live with that one…" Alex says.

"McVomit?" Mark whispers to Lexie who laughs.

****

SO…IT MAY SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING IS TIED UP AND NEATLY PERFECT HERE AND A PERFECT PLACE TO END THE STORY, BUT NOPE! There's more to come!! We still don't know what happened to Sadie…And there's also some unresolved stuff here so don't worry…there's a few more chapters and I have a GREAT idea for an epilogue. Keep the reviews coming!!! You guys are awesome and I promise to keep this story going at least until Grey's comes back in Jan!!!

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! Thanks to those of you who reviewed last time!!! You guys are awesome!


	9. Chapter 9

Dr. Wyatt meets the ambulance at admitting. "The chief told us to transfer her to Mercy West. He said it was in the best interest of the patient," one of the EMTs says, shrugging his shoulders.

"Thank you," Dr. Wyatt says, as she watches them transfer Sadie to a bed and strap her arms to the bed although she is already sedated.

The doctor stands nearby and waits for the EMT to leave before asking Dr. Wyatt, "Are you the treating, psychiatrist?"

"Yes. I have all the files from her previous facility. It took weeks to get them. Weeks that could have made a difference. Weeks that could have prevented all of this!" Dr. Wyatt replies, realizing at that moment exactly how angry she is at those doctors for not providing her with all the information. The bits and pieces that she was given were not enough. Now that she has all of the information, she believes she could have helped Sadie. Gotten her back on her medications…provided the structure and guidance that she needed. She is angry and being a psychiatrist, she knows just how important it is to share that rage with those around her.

"I'm Dr. Atwood. I understand you treat at Seattle Grace where Sadie was a surgical resident?" he asks.

Dr. Wyatt nods. "She had no business being there like this. We weren't given all the information. She is in very bad shape, Dr. Atwood."

"I read the chart. We are going to admit her on a 72 hour hold before we decide where to transfer her. We don't have the facilities here to treat this kind of severe case," Dr. Atwood explains.

"May I see her when she wakes up? I feel like…" Dr. Wyatt sighs, having trouble explaining.

"Like you failed her? You didn't fail her. You didn't know. Of course you can see her. Give me your pager number and I'll page you when she wakes up," Dr. Atwood says.

"If you don't mind…I'll wait here." Dr. Wyatt says.

"Not a problem. We gave her an emergency injection of the medications that she had neglected to take, so she should be lucid when she wakes up. She may or may not remember the incident." Dr. Atwood explains.

"Thank you," Dr. Wyatt says, waiting.

She waits for a few minutes until Sadie begins to stir. When she opens her eyes, she looks around. "What the hell ? – Where am I? Dr. Wyatt?? What…Oh my god…" she says, as the memories return to her.

"Sadie. You are at Mercy West Hospital in the psychiatric ward. Do you remember what happened?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Sadie closes her eyes. "I wish I didn't…but I think I do…Did I…no…I couldn't have. I mean…I've been off my meds, but it hasn't been that long…but I don't think I…Oh my god! Please tell me I didn't…Please…" Sadie says.

Dr. Wyatt goes to take Sadie's hand before remembering that it is strapped to the bed. "Sadie…I think we need to start at the beginning…" she says, placing her hand over Sadie's.

Sadie squeezes her eyes shut allowing a single tear to escape. She nods. "I'm ready," she says.

(Break)

Callie looks at Meredith's leg as Derek stands next to her bed, nervously.

"I think you're going to be as good as new in about a month. You can get around on crutches for the next two weeks and then we'll start trying some weight bearing exercise to see if you can put weight on it. All the nerves are intact and everything looks really good. As far as being taken hostage by a psycho friend goes, you didn't do badly. She's a good shot. Tell her next time she goes on a psychotic rampage to try to replicate that shot and keep the work load light for the orthopedic surgeons!" Callie quips.

Meredith smiles weakly and Derek laughs heartily. "Did you hear that, Mer? You'll be fine. Especially now that McPsycho is locked up!"

Meredith looks at him strangely. "McPsycho?" she asks.

"Cristina came up with it. Izzie suggest McCrazy, but Cristina said it went beyond crazy and McPsycho was much more fitting," he explains.

"I'm McTired," she says, rolling her eyes.

"Are you kicking me out?" he asks, kissing her.

"Yes," she says, smiling at him and kissing him back. "I love you."

"I love you too, McTwisty," he says.

"What??? You can't give McNames!" she says.

"Oh…you'd be surprised. Sloan, Karev, Hunt and I and I have one for everyone now…but since you just kicked me out, I guess you'll have to wait to hear them!" Derek says, smiling as he leaves, closing the door behind him.

A moment later, the door opens. "Meredith?" Lexie says, as she comes in.

"Lexie?" Meredith says, for lack of anything else to say.

"Please, just let me talk. I'm sorry...I practiced this whole speech, and I gave it to Izzie like 30 times. She told me I had to just talk to you because she couldn't listen to it again…" Lexie says, looking embarrassed.

"Really? That doesn't sound like Izzie. It sounds more like Cristina…" Meredith points out.

"Yeah. But I think the stress of the whole thing is hitting Izzie pretty hard right now. She sort of fell apart before when she left your room. One minute we were all laughing, and the next minute she just got hysterical and was crying and couldn't stop. I don't know if she was just so worried about you, or if what had happened just hit her, but Alex had to take her somewhere and get her to calm down," Lexie tells Meredith.

"Wow. She was really strong through the whole thing. Even in the hospital…she was the only one who didn't fall apart," Meredith says.

"Yeah. I think it all caught up to her now. Anyway…can I just give you my speech so no one ever has to hear it again?" Lexie asks.

Meredith shrugs, awkwardly. "Sure…" she says.

"I lived a pretty good life. I had a wonderful mom and dad, a sister I was close to. I loved high school…I loved college, even loved Harvard. I was popular everywhere I went and pretty much happy all the time. I was valedictorian, prom queen…the whole nine yards!" Lexie begins.

Meredith interrupts her. "Are you trying to make me hate you?" she asks, meaning it as a joke.

Lexie cringes. "No…just let me finish…please!"

"Okay," Meredith says, realizing that she is making Lexie nervous, and for once, is trying not to make her sister uncomfortable.

"So, everything in my life is approached from that perspective. I've been successful and happy and pretty much gotten everything I ever wanted…until I met you. You were the one person I wanted to like me who really didn't. No matter what I did, I couldn't get you to like me. I wanted you to be my sister, and I couldn't even get you to let me sit with you in the cafeteria. It threw me for a loop because I've never had that happen before. I had to figure out why, and what I could do to change your mind about me, but no one would help me…everyone just kept telling me that you were dark, twisty and damaged, and to leave you alone. I didn't understand what that meant…until I met Sadie. She was sort of a window I could look through to see you. Then, when she offered me a chance to read your diaries…I just had to do it. I needed to know if it was just me that you hated, or what it was about me that made you so hostile…"

"Lexie…I didn't mean…" Meredith tries to interject.

"Please…let me finish…" Lexie pleads. "I know…you didn't mean for me to see the things you wrote. Your violent thoughts towards me…your desire to burn my skin, or knock my teeth out or the thousands of other ways you'd maim or disfigure me if you could…And I should have never read them. But I did and I can't take it back. But what I realized as I kept reading was that none of it really was about me. It was about you. You ARE damaged, Meredith. And I'm so sorry that your life was so hard. You never had a family, so obviously, you don't understand what it means to be family, and you never had unconditional love growing up. So I guess, what I'm saying is that I get it. You don't hate me…you just don't know what to do with people who are unconditionally nice to you because you've never had that before. So here I am…I'm Lexie Grey. I'm your sister…no matter how much you want to hurt me in a million different ways, I'm still here and I'm still going to care about you, and love you and be nice to you. So bring it on, if you need to. Test me…push me away…I'll keep coming back and I'll risk my life to save yours when your ex-best friend holds a gun to your head…and I'll cry when you get shot even if it's just a small wound to the leg…and I'll…"

"Lexie!" Meredith interrupts.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"Stop talking! Please. It's my turn!" Meredith says.

Lexie is stunned into silence so she quietly waits to hear what Meredith has to say.

"All I can tell you is what I have told Derek. I'm trying my best…and you're going to have to meet me halfway. It means that I'm not going to always be nice and I'm not always going to trust that you're really here for good. And that whole unconditional love thing? I don't actually believe that it's real, but I'm trying. And the word 'family?' I don't really know what it means…but maybe you can help me learn..okay?" Meredith says.

Lexie's eyes mist over, and Meredith says, "Okay…and you can't do that. You can't get all emotional all the time, because I don't know what to say or do and I just…"

Lexie interrupts Meredith's rambling by hugging her tightly. "This is called a hug. Sisters often use it when they don't know what else to say," she says, smiling through her tears.

Meredith hugs Lexie back, awkwardly at first, but she tries to meet her halfway. After their near death experience, she realizes that Lexie, like all her friends, and of course, Derek, came through for her, and that is something she should not take for granted.

(Break)

"Feeling better, Iz?" Alex asks.

Izzie nods. "Yeah. Thanks. I don't know what happened. I just…I mean I still can't believe that she…she held Meredith at gun point. She thought Lexie was her dead sister! I mean, she was just the slacker intern, and then she went off the deep end. She was one of Meredith's best friends at one point. How could Meredith have not known? Do we ever really know anyone?" Izzie asks.

Cristina and Owen enter and respond to Izzie's question, startling her. "I know that I was the first one to say that I hated that psycho and that there was something off about her. The nut job tried to get me fired!" Cristina says.

"I should have gone to bat for you sooner, Cristina. I'm sorry…" Izzie says.

"You helped save my person….we're even," Cristina says.

"Are you two…like…" Alex asks, motioning to the fact that Owen has his arm around Cristina.

"Why do I always feel like I'm in junior high when I walk into this hospital?" Owen asks. "Yes, Karev. We are LIKE holding hands. Last night we had passionate sex and tonight we will…"

"Okay…that was more info than necessary!" Izzie says.

Lexie enters the room helping Meredith who is hobbling on crutches.

"Mer! How's your leg? We were just talking about McPsycho. Did you have any idea that she was two fries short of a happy meal or were you as surprised as all of us?" Cristina asks.

Meredith looks down and smiles weakly and offers a half-hearted laugh that comes out more like a sigh.

"How about you, Lexie? You hung out with her a lot too? Didn't you start to suspect she was crazy at some point? I mean how did we not know? We're all doctors!" Izzie says.

"I – I don't know…she was nice to me…no one else was," Lexie admits.

There is a moment of uncomfortable silence before Alex says, "I'd rather have no friends than that nut job!"

Lexie can't put her finger on it, but she is uncomfortable with the whole conversation. She looks at Meredith and notices that she seems to have the same uncomfortable look on her face.

"Mer…are you tired? Do you want to go back to your room?" Lexie asks.

"Yeah. I think I'm sort of exhausted from walking down the hall. Will you help me back to my room?" Meredith asks, Lexie.

Once they are safely in the hallway, Meredith says, "Is it weird if I wonder where Sadie is right now?"

Lexie smiles. "Not at all. I'm wondering the same thing."

"I think I'm going to call Dr. Wyatt and see if she can find out anything for me. She must have some contacts with psychiatric facilities in the area…." Meredith says.

"Who? Is she an attending? I haven't met her yet…" Lexie asks.

Meredith looks embarrassed for a moment. "No…she's a therapist on staff. I…well…I went for a while," she admits.

"Really? Wow. I wish you had grown up with me and had never had to go through everything you went through and didn't need to speak to a therapist so you could be happy…" Lexie says.

Meredith smiles. "Yeah…but in the end, we ended up in the same place, didn't we?"

Lexie thinks for a moment. "Yeah…I guess we did."

(Break)

Derek and Mark sit across from each other at Joe's.

"Tell me again why I am here with you instead of having hot sex with Little Grey?" Mark asks.

"Because it's important that Meredith and Lexie have a chance to talk and get to know each other, so we are going to stay out of their way for a little while to give them that chance," Derek explains.

"Okay…and that benefits me how?" Mark asks.

"You're full of it. Lexie Grey is more than just a hot chick to you. You care about her…you even gave her a McName," Derek reminds him.

"Which if you tell anyone I'll kick your ass," Mark says.

"Your McSecret's safe with me. I won't tell anyone about McSweetie…"

"It's better than McTwisty" he says, defensively.

Derek laughs. "Let's just say we're both better off than Hunt. McHardAss? That's what he McNamed Cristina!"

"Come on…Karev was the worst! Did he really say that Izzie Stevens was his McSoulmate? I mean the guy might as well just put on a dress and high heels," Mark says, laughing.

"Yeah. McSweetie made you sound like a real tough guy!" Derek mocks.

"Shut up, Shepherd. She's the first girl I've cared about since Addie…I'm out of practice…" Mark says.

Derek raises his glass. "Here's to moving on from Addison," he says.

Mark lifts his glass and touch it to Derek's glass. "From Addison to the Grey sisters!" he says as they hear the sound of their glasses touching.

(Break)

Meredith is home in her bed the next day. She is thrilled to be alone for a few minutes with her thoughts. So far, Derek called to check in on her 3 times, Izzie stopped into her room with muffin's twice this morning, and called to check in from the hospital twice. Cristina called once to see how she was feeling and once to tell her about an awesome valve transplant she was hoping to get to scrub in on. Alex called once and Meredith had heard Izzie in the background says, "Ask her how she's feeling!" which he did. George had called in between his rounds, apologizing for not having been around much but that he wanted to check in and see how she was, and Lexie had called every hour on the hour. Meredith curls up on the couch and is angry when she hears the phone ring, interrupting her blissful solitude.

"Hello?" she answers, trying to hide the annoyance in her voice.

"Hi Meredith. This is Dr. Wyatt returning your call. How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Dr. Wyatt…thank you so much for calling back. I know you probably can't answer my questions, but…well…after everything I guess I just needed…I don't know what I need, but I need answers," Meredith says.

"Actually, Meredith…I actually do have some answers for you. I have Sadie's written consent to share some information with you and Lexie," Dr. Wyatt says.

"Really? Thank you, Dr. Wyatt. I'd like to come in as soon as possible. I just wrack my brain every chance I get, trying to figure out how this happened."

"Can you make it to the hospital?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"If someone drives me," Meredith thinks out loud.

"Can Derek bring you?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"No." Meredith says. "He's in surgery all day. I told him to go to work. My leg doesn't hurt as badly today, and I'm able to get around the house. But I can't drive for another two weeks," Meredith says.

"Maybe Lexie could drive you? I could speak to the two of you together…" Dr. Wyatt suggests.

"Ummm…" Meredith hesitates.

"Meredith…just ask her. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. That's what families do for each other," Dr. Wyatt explains.

Meredith sighs. "I'll call her," she relents.

"I'll see you at 1:00 today if that works for Lexie. Let me know," she says.

"Thank you." Meredith says.

"It's the least I can do…" Dr. Wyatt replies.

(Break)

Izzie and Alex come back home and sit on the couch with Meredith.

"How are you feeling?" Izzie asks, concerned.

"It's my leg, Iz…not a brain tumor. I'm fine," Meredith replies.

"Wait til you see what Cristina has for you. It's awesome!" You won't believe it!" Alex says.

"Cristina's coming over? When?" Meredith asks.

"Supposedly Lexie's bringing her over here at 12:30. Lexie said she was picking you up and Cristina wanted to come.

"So how is this going to work? Are we hanging out with Lexie now?" Meredith asks.

Alex shrugs. "It's cool with me…I mean…she's alright."

Izzie narrows her eyes at him. "At one point, you thought she was more than all right…didn't you?" she points out.

"Yes, Iz. I slept with her…It was a long time ago. Besides, I don't think you were a virgin when we got together…were you?" Alex retorts.

Izzie rolls her eyes. "Anyway…I like her. She's nice. A little needy and pathetic sometimes, but in a sweet sort of way. Yeah…she can hang out with us, Mer. It's okay if you want to bring your little sister along," Izzie teases.

"This whole thing is weird for me. Sadie…Lexie…the whole thing. It's all just weird. I feel weird. Do you know what I mean?" Meredith asks.

Izzie and Alex do not get to respond because at that moment, the door opens and Cristina and Lexie walk in, laughing.

"Are you two having fun? This is getting weirder," Meredith says.

"Cristina was just telling me some funny stories about you. I never knew you once wore a Hello Kitty band aid to work!" Lexie says, laughing.

"Hello Kitty band aid? Is that the best you have on me? Come on…" Meredith smiles, at Cristina.

Alex nudges Cristina. "Are you going to give it to her?" he asks.

Cristina runs to the car and comes back with a large wrapped box. Meredith looks questioningly at Lexie.

"I don't know what it is. They wouldn't tell me…" Lexie says.

"Unwrap it!" Cristina tells her.

Meredith slowly unwraps the gift to find a large medical practice doll with a blonde wig on its head and a sign that says, "McPsycho" across it's chest. Meredith looks at Lexie, to see her reaction. Lexie stares blankly at the doll.

"We thought since you'd be out of work you might need to practice your surgical skills at home. You can cut this doll open and remove organs, which is going to be so much fun now that we've made it look like Sadie," Cristina says.

Meredith looks at Izzie and Alex and sees that they are both laughing. She looks at Cristina who is obviously thrilled with her gift. She glances at Lexie who saves her from having to react. "Mer…I think we're going to be late. We better go," she says.

"Oh yeah. Bye guys. Thanks for stopping by, and for…everything…Let's go, Lexie," Meredith says.

(Break)

Sadie lies in bed and waits for the next team of doctors to come in and talk to her. She tries to shake off the groggy feeling that the medications they injected her with give her, and when she can't she just decides to embrace it because it allows her to avoid thinking about that night.

She knows the sequence of events that led up to it. It was everything…going off her medication at the beginning of residency. Cristina yelling at her and humiliating her like her parents used to. Reconnecting with Meredith and realizing how much Meredith had changed. The ironic part is that Sadie had changed too. She was not reckless and irresponsible anymore until she stopped taking her medication. She had finished medical school and done fairly well…well enough to be accepted into Seattle Grace's surgical residency program. Until she came here and Cristina Yang was riding her so hard and she wasn't keeping up and Meredith had this whole new life that didn't seem to include her, she was doing well. The combination of the lack of medication, her insecurities in residency, and then the anniversary of Amy's death…well it put her over the edge. She tried to get herself back on track a few times. She thought maybe her friendship with Lexie Grey could put her back on the right track. Lexie was moral, grounded and stable…the type of person that her doctors urged her to connect with.

It seemed strange, but Lexie reminded her of Amy in some strange way. Not in the obvious ways. Lexie was smart, and very capable. But there was a neediness about her…a desperation to please, that made Sadie want to look out for her the way she used to look out for Amy. She missed her little sister so much. Then, watching Meredith treat Lexie so badly…it broke her heart. Meredith had what she herself had lost and took it all for granted. Then…on the anniversary of Amy's death, her unmedicated brain jumbled everything and caused her to do what she did…and the knowledge that she had destroyed any relationship she could have ever had with Meredith or Lexie kept stabbing her violently every time she remembered that night.

Dr. Atwood enters. "Hi Sadie. How are you feeling?" he asks.

_How am I supposed to feel when I've destroyed my life for the second time? _She thinks. But instead, she says, "Fine…"

"I'm sure this has been very stressful for you. I wanted you to know that we are transferring you to an excellent psychiatric facility about two hours from here. It's called Shady Brook Psychiatric Center, and they have an excellent reputation. We can have the hospital provide transportation, or we can release you to the care of someone who will transport you to Shady Brook. Is there anyone who you would like to have accompany you?" Dr. Atwood asks.

Sadie feels those words chill her body, as they make her realize that she has no one she can call. Amy is gone, her parents are incarcerated, and she had held her only friends in the world at gun point. She was fairly certain there was no one who wanted to transport her.

"No," she sighs. "I'll take the hospital transport…Thank you," she says, resigned. She is almost relieved at the thought of having a place that will make all of her decisions for her. She had written a letter tying up all the loose ends in Seattle, so leaving now seems like a perfect plan. Life just seems way too hard right now, and she remembers this feeling from the last time…

***********

Thank you so much to all of those who reviewed! I really appreciate it and LOVE the feedback! The next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it written. I'm really excited to reveal the whole story as Dr. Wyatt meets with Meredith and Lexie. And then the epilogue will be awesome! I already have it written in my head. Only a few chapters left! But I'll stretch it out at least until Grey's comes back…I promise!

PLEASE keep the reviews coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll get the next chapter up much faster if I have a lot of reviews to inspire me!! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!!!


	10. Chapter 10

Dr. Wyatt, opens her door and sees Meredith and Lexie sitting in the waiting room staring straight ahead, in awkward silence. "Come in," she says, warmly, trying to make them feel at ease.

"Thank you, Dr. Wyatt for seeing me…us…I mean…" Meredith says.

"We really appreciate it," Lexie says, feeling as though she should say something.

"It's the least I can do. I am so sorry for what happened to you, Meredith. To you too, Lexie. Tell me, how have you been holding up?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I don't know," Meredith replies.

"Remember what I said about using 'I don't know' to avoid acknowledging how you feel?" Dr. Wyatt reminds her.

Meredith glances at Lexie. She suddenly feels embarrassed by this whole arrangement. She does not know what possessed her to bring her sister to her therapist. She decides to change the focus of the conversation to avoid her own feelings.

"Dr. Wyatt, I came here to talk about Sadie," Meredith points out.

"Go ahead, Meredith. This is your time. Talk to me about Sadie," Dr. Wyatt says.

"Sadie was the first best friend I ever had. I never really connected to people in high school. I mean, I kept to myself. I couldn't bring people over to my house because of my mother's erratic behavior, so I just opted out of a lot of the social things that other kids did. I slept around a fair share, but never got to close. Then, when I went to college, I had friends, but no one closest friend. I went out, I had a good time, but again…I never let anyone in too much. Everyone knew me, but no one really knew me. You know what I mean?" Meredith asks.

Dr. Wyatt nods and Lexi tilts her head sympathetically.

"When I graduated college I was pretty messed up. My mom was getting sicker, and everything seemed to be too much to handle. It hit me all of a sudden…I had two choices. Go to medical school and become my mother, or not go to medical school and give up my own dreams to avoid becoming my mother. When I ran off to Europe, I decided I was going to try to be someone else. Someone other than who I had been. When I got to London, I met Sadie. She had left home and was backpacking through Europe too. She was fun and crazy and did outrageous things like running naked through the mountains in the middle of the night singing Christmas carols in August. She was like no one I had ever met before, and even more important, she and I talked. We talked about things I never told anyone. I even told her my big secret…you know what I mean, Dr. Wyatt?"

"What big secret?" Lexie asks.

Meredith pauses for a moment. She does not want to share her biggest secret with Lexie. She knows she will see that pitying look in Lexie's eyes, and she knows she doesn't want to see that look right now, but Dr. Wyatt urges her to share.

"Meredith…if you hadn't wanted to share your secret with Lexie, you would not have brought it up. You clearly want to share on some level," Dr. Wyatt points out.

Meredith weighs her options, and decides that the power or Dr. Wyatt's persuasion is probably too great and since she will probably eventually give in, she decides not to fight it. She looks straight at Lexie and says, "My mother tried to kill herself. She slit her wrists right in front of me and told me to call 9-1-1. I had to sit on the floor and wait until she passed out before I could call for help. I didn't want to get in trouble, so I waited. I cleaned the blood up off the floor once the ambulance came and took her. Then I went up to bed and set my alarm clock and went to school the next morning and told no one," Meredith explains to Lexie, devoid of emotion, as though it were a stranger she were talking about and not herself.

Lexie's eyes ooze with sympathy and she puts her hand on Meredith's arm. "I never knew…I'm so sorry…I mean, that explains so much…Meredith…I am so sorry that you went through all of that. I just want you to know that…" Lexie pauses and Meredith interrupts.

"This is why I didn't want to tell her. It's the sympathy. I can't take it. She's just over the top!" Meredith says, addressing Dr. Wyatt instead of Lexie.

Lexie's eyes burn with tears. She feels like she can't do anything right. Dr. Wyatt turns to her. "I can see that Meredith's comments have hurt your feelings. It sounds like Meredith is expressing how uncomfortable she is with compassion towards her feelings. You seem to be comfortable expressing your emotions. Maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle. Let's have a code word. When you feel like gushing with sympathy for Meredith, you will say the code word, and Meredith will know that you mean that you are expressing your sympathy for her but it will be in a way that won't overwhelm her. How does that sound?" Dr. Wyatt asks both sisters.

Meredith nods in affirmation as does Lexie. "What should the code word be?" Lexie asks.

Meredith thinks for a moment. "I don't know…" she says, not feeling up to coming up with any ideas.

"Is there one specific thing that connects the two of you?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Other than Thatcher? Not really…and I don't think Thatcher would make a very good code word," Meredith says, acidly.

"We can come back to the code word in a few minutes. Meredith…you were talking about how you and Sadie connected through the sharing of your secret. Tell me more about your friendship with Sadie. Did she share things with you as well?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Meredith nods. "She told me about her childhood. That her father used to beat her and her mother never defended them or tried to stop him. That she lived in constant fear. I understood that fear. The fear that you were going to come home to chaos and that you were powerless to stop it. Until Derek, I never knew that security meant that you came home to predictability. It's a whole new world," Meredith says, pausing to gather her thoughts.

"But Sadie wasn't predictable…" Dr. Wyatt prompts.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. She wasn't. She used to do the craziest things. Used to cut herself. Used to carve things in her arm. The time we went to the Eiffel Tower, she kept going on about how much she loved it and the next thing morning, she showed me that she had carved a picture of it on her shoulder with a razor blade. I kept asking her if it hurt, and she kept saying she didn't really feel pain anymore…I guess because of her father. The thing is…she never really mentioned a sister. I mean, once in a while she'd mention Amy in passing…you know…like 'when Amy and I went to the park,' or something unimportant like that…but never in any kind of capacity. Once she said that Amy might come out to Europe and join us but she never did. I didn't even know if Amy was younger or older than Sadie. Sadie and I were close…but I never knew anything about her sister. I just wish I knew what happened…" Meredith says.

Dr. Wyatt smiles kindly at Meredith. "Thank you for sharing, Meredith," she says.

Meredith silently groans. She hates when Dr. Wyatt says things like "Thank you for sharing." It just sounds so therapeutic and makes her feel more damaged than she already is.

"Lexie…tell me about your friendship with Sadie…" Dr. Wyatt says.

"Well…it was weird. Sadie was never the kind of person I'd become friends with, normally. But remember when you were in high school? If you were the new girl and you had no friends? Well, you might try to sit with the popular kids at first, but they'd never accept you right off the bat, so you'd sit with the table that would accept you, even if they weren't the people who you really wanted to be friends with. Then a few weeks later, when the popular kids find out that you made the cheerleading squad and think you're cool enough to sit with them, you actually realize that you like the friends that you originally were just kind of using to bide your time? That's kind of how I felt with Sadie. I was dying to be included by Meredith and I guess even her friends. But Sadie was the closest I could get. The other interns didn't really like me…I was 'Lexapedia' and I guess they thought I made them look bad. The residents hated me immediately because of Meredith. George was my friend until he became a resident and then that was over. So…Sadie was my only option. She was different…but she was nice to me when no one else here was. She was manipulative. I could see that…but I knew I let myself be manipulated. I wanted an excuse to be bad. To make the wrong choices. Maybe even to hurt Meredith…I don't know what I was thinking…" Lexie stops to gather her thoughts and then continues.

"There were red flags. She used to have these episodes. I mean, there was the time with Cristina…then there were other times. I would find her in the supply closet, rocking and shaking and crying and sometimes it seemed like she wasn't in reality. But she'd always brush it off afterwards and say she was okay. She was good at turning it around…you know what I mean? But that day when she held Meredith at gun point…it was just…I mean…she wasn't there. It wasn't Sadie. I mean she didn't even know who I was. We were supposed to study together. I was going to help her..and then…she kept calling me Amy and she was pointing the gun…and she…" Lexie stops and looks at Dr. Wyatt for guidance.

"Perhaps I can help you both. I have here, written consent from Sadie to share some details from her past which may shed some light on what happened. It might help you both to understand how she ended up in a place where she was so out of touch with reality that she did what she did," Dr. Wyatt says.

Both sisters wait silently for Dr. Wyatt to begin.

"At the hospital, Sadie asked me to tape her last session which occurred when she awoke in the hospital. She signed consent for you both to hear the tapes of her session. If you're ready, I'm going to play them now," Dr. Wyatt says.

Lexie glances at Meredith nervously. Meredith stares straight ahead at Dr. Wyatt who pushes play on her small tape recorder. Sadie's voice immediately fills the room.

"When did the abuse begin?" Dr. Wyatt's voice asks.

"I don't remember a time when it wasn't going on. My first memory is of spilling juice on the couch when I was 2. It was Christmas morning and I wanted to open my presents so I ran while holding a cup of juice. The cup had a cover on it but when I slipped and spilled it, my father came and beat me with his belt. Then they gave me my presents which made it weirder because they were both so nice when they were giving me my presents but I was still bleeding from his beating."

"That must have been very confusing for you," Dr. Wyatt says.

"At the time…yes. But I soon learned…I was never safe. If I didn't do anything wrong, he would create something. He was always angry. He'd hit my mother too…but only if she defended me…so she stopped soon. I guess she didn't want to sacrifice herself, so she sacrificed me. I wasn't the scared little child abuse victim either. I used to egg him on. I wanted to see how far he could go. Sometimes I was hoping he'd kill me. I used to sneak into his office and break things, hoping he'd find them and hurt me. I liked to see how much I could take…" Sadie explains.

"She sounds almost proud…" Lexie remarks.

"Yeah…she told me about most of that…" Meredith says, disappointed that she did not learn much new information about her friend.

Dr. Wyatt pushes pause in case they wanted to discuss any further, but they both grow silent again so she pushes play once again.

"But all that changed when I was 9. I found out that my mom was pregnant. I guess most kids are happy when they find out they are having a little sister…but I was terrified. It was hard enough keeping myself safe when I tried, but now I was going to have to keep this baby out of his path of rage. I felt burdened…" Sadie says.

"What happened when Amy was born?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I was pissed off. I was hoping for a boy. I was secretly hoping that it would be a boy who would grow to be 6 feet tall and kill my father when he grew up. But instead this tiny little girl was born. And Amy was born with Downs Syndrome. She was pretty high functioning for a kid with Downs, but she was definitely mentally retarded. My parents didn't want her. My mother could barely care for herself…let alone me. Now they were adding a special needs baby on top of it? I decided I would take care of her until they figured out what to do with her. I fed her…I changed her. I worried about her when I was at school and I used to sneak home sometimes at lunch to check on her. I knew she was safe because my dad was at work, but I worried that my mom would just forget about her. I used to play with her and teach her things. I was like her mom. I was only 10 years old, but I was her mom. I raised her!" Sadie says, her voice suddenly growing emotional where it had previously been flat.

"You felt like you were the adult in the home and that you had to care for her," Dr. Wyatt repeats.

"When Amy was 5, I was in high school. She started kindergarten in a special class at the elementary school. They were really impressed with how well she was doing. She had learned a lot, and my mother took all the credit when they praised her, but I didn't care, because I knew that Amy knew who took care of her. When she colored a picture at school she brought it home and I would tape it to my wall. I called it 'Amy's wall.' She'd give it to me and would say 'Is it good enough for Amy's wall?' and when I told her it was, her eyes would light up and she'd hug me."

"She sounds like a very sweet child," Dr. Wyatt says.

Sadie laughs bitterly. "My father didn't think so. He called her 'The Retard.' He blamed her for everything! If anything went wrong, he'd say, 'Well…if we didn't have The Retard, we could afford that!' or 'We could have nice things if The Retard didn't break them.' It used to hurt her feelings. She knew she was different. But I used to tell her that she was just special and that Retard wasn't a bad name. It was just a nickname and everyone had nicknames."

"Or McNames…" Meredith says, laughing inappropriately.

Lexie glares at her with watery eyes.

"Sorry…I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable." Meredith says.

"Did he hurt Amy the way he hurt you?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Sadie pauses a moment and her breathing is audible on the tape. "It was different. With me it was out and out anger. He'd beat the hell out of me and then storm out and slam the door. With her, he'd torment her. He got a kick out of scaring her. He used to lock her in the closet and bang on it with a bat because he knew she was scared of the dark and loud noises. He would do things like that more than physically hurting her. He was cruel…He didn't love her. With me, he hoped that one day I'd bring pride to him. I was smart. I'd amount to something and then everyone would know he had a successful daughter. With Amy, there was no hope of that. He hated her for shaming him…even though she tried so hard to please everyone."

"It must have been very difficult for you to watch him torment her that way…" Dr. Wyatt says.

"Yes. I started to distance myself when it would happen. I got very good at pretending I was somewhere else and someone else until it was over. I couldn't bare that I couldn't help her during those times, so I used to pretend I was Wendy Healy." Sadie says.

"Who was Wendy Healy?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"A girl I went to school with. Her mom and dad used to come in on her birthday and make cupcakes. I thought her life was perfect, so I just pretended I was in her house. I could tune out the yelling and the crying that way. Then when it was over, I'd come back to Amy and hug her and stay with her until she felt better. I used to tell her that Daddy was just playing but didn't know how to do it very well. That worked until she got older." Sadie says, with a hostile laugh.

"That was a huge burden for a teenager to uphold," Dr. Wyatt says.

"I got really good at pretending. I could make myself believe things. I sometimes believed I really was in Wendy Healy's house. And after…it…happened…I could sometimes make myself believe that Amy was alive…" Sadie says.

"That's not uncommon. It's called…" Dr. Wyatt begins.

"I know…Dissociative Identity Disorder. I know…I found out about it the last time I was hospitalized," Sadie says.

"Why don't you tell me about the night Amy died…" Dr. Wyatt says.

Sadie's voice grows harsh on the tape. "She didn't die. She was killed," she points out.

"I can see where the distinction must be very important to you. I'm sorry. Tell me about the night that Amy was killed," Dr. Wyatt says.

Sadie breathes deeply again. "I never told the story to anyone. Even the last time I was hospitalized…I told fragments of it. I told people my sister had died. But I never told them how. I told them my father abused us…but I stuck to the story…my parents were dead. Amy was dead. I don't know how reliving it was going to help me…but I'm going to try now…because…I can't believe what I did…to Meredith….to Lexie…to all of them. I don't want to be that person. I want to be someone else…" she says.

"Start at the beginning of the night…tell me what happened. We can go slowly." Dr. Wyatt says.

Lexie takes a deep breath and blurts out, "Please! Stop the tape!"

Meredith looks at her strangely, and Dr. Wyatt says, "Do you need a break, Lexie? This is very heavy information to process," she says.

Lexie nods. "I need a break! I'm going outside for some air," she says, bolting from the room.

Meredith stares blankly at Dr. Wyatt. "What should I do?" she asks.

"Why don't you go see if she's okay?" Dr. Wyatt suggests.

"What would I say?" Meredith asks.

"You don't have to say anything…just go sit with her…" Dr. Wyatt says.

Meredith stands up numbly and walks outside to the courtyard where she sees Lexie sitting under a tree with tears streaming down her face.

"Lexie…I'm not very good at this, but I wanted to see ummm…if you were okay," Meredith asks.

Lexie shakes her head. "I'm not okay! A year ago I was a happy girl with a happy family and a great life. And now, I'm an intern with a sister who can't figure out if she likes me or hates me, one friend in the world who held that sister at knife point, and now I'm going to have to go back into a therapists office and listen to that friend talk about how her mentally challenged little sister was killed," Lexie snaps at Meredith.

"Ummm…is there anything I can do?" Lexie asks.

"I need my mother! That's what I need! I need my mother…but she's dead. I'm not strong, and I'm not independent like you, Meredith. I need my mother…but I can't have her right now, so no, there is nothing you can do!" Lexie yells before putting her head in her hands and sobbing.

Meredith thinks about the tapes she just heard of Sadie's voice and the care she took of her little sister. _It's the least I can do for Lexie….for Sadie…for everyone…_she thinks.

She puts her arm around Lexie and feels Lexie's body heave with sobs. She hugs her tightly and waits for her body to stop shaking. When it finally does, Lexie looks up at her. "I'm sorry…" she says.

"For what?" Meredith asks.

"I know you don't like all the emotional stuff. I-I'm sorry…" Lexie says.

"Dr. Wyatt's right. We do need a code word. And I think I know what it should be…" Meredith says.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"Well…Dr. Wyatt said that we should pick the one thing that brought us together…I mean…other than Thatcher…obviously. Sadie brought us together…didn't she?" Meredith asks.

"So our code word is Sadie?" Lexie asks.

"I think that works…" Meredith says, smiling at her sister.

They sit for a moment until Meredith says, "Are you ready to go back in?"

"No…I don't think I need to hear anymore. I don't think I can do it…go ahead without me, Mer. I'll be fine," Lexie says.

Meredith waits and opens her mouth to speak but then closes it.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"Nothing…it's just that…" Meredith stops, unsure of how to say what she wants to.

"What?" Lexie asks again.

"It's just that…well…I need to hear the rest of those tapes to understand what happened to make my friend point a gun at me. And well…I could use a friend…a sister there when I hear the rest of it…but if it's too hard for you…I understand," Meredith says, nervously.

Lexie smiles. "Are you asking for my help?" she asks.

"I guess I am…" Meredith says.

"Come on. Let's go back to Dr. Wyatt," Lexie says.

As Lexie puts her arm around Meredith and walks back with her to Dr. Wyatt's office, Meredith feels a shift in their relationship. She feels it so strongly that it is almost physical. It is not just Lexie who needs her anymore. It is Meredith who needs Lexie just as much.

When they return to Dr. Wyatt's office, Dr. Wyatt smiles at them. "Everyone all right?" she asks,

They both nod and smile at each other.

"Are you ready to continue? If you'd rather come back…" Dr. Wyatt begins.

"We're ready," Meredith says and Lexie nods in affirmation.

Dr. Wyatt pushes play and they both brace themselves as they hear the click and static of the tape recorder. As Sadie's voice fills the room again, Lexie glances at Meredith who seems to be in a trance and stares straight ahead, watching the tape recorder as though it is Sadie herself.

"It was dinnertime. Amy and I were doing our homework. She was 12 years old. She was reading to me from 'The Cat in the Hat.' You know….the Dr. Seuss book? I had just finished college…locally, of course. I would never have gone away and left her alone with my parents. She was so proud reading that book. She kept saying, 'Look Sadie! I got all the words on that page!' and I kept telling her she was doing great. She was doing great. And then my mom called us for dinner. Amy went running to the table as quickly as she could, waving that Dr. Seuss book. I went into the kitchen to get plates and silverware because there were none on the table. I told Amy to sit at the table and wait for me. She did, but I must have taken too long for her because she ran into my father's office waving that stupid book and telling him she wanted to read it to him. When she waved that stupid book, she knocked over his most prized possession…that goddamned award from the American Surgical Association. He kept it on his desk, right on the corner…so he could see it all the time. It was like his real baby. Once in a while when he was feeling fatherly towards me, he'd take me into his office and let me touch it. He'd tell me that if I worked as hard as he did, I too could have a chance to earn one. Usually he'd end by telling me to stop spending so much time with The Retard if I was going to realize my true potential. When Amy knocked it over and it broke…he lost it. He went crazier than I've ever seen him go. My mother came running and saw him hitting her. They were at the top of the stairs. Amy was screaming…she was…"

Meredith and Lexie hear Sadie's taped voice catch. Meredith looks up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears that have filled her eyes from spilling onto her cheeks. Lexie who has tears freely falling down her cheeks looks at Meredith.

"Sadie…" she whispers, invoking their code word.

Meredith gives Lexie a tight lipped smile and squeezes her hand, letting her know that she appreciates her being there and trying to make this easier for her.

Sadie's voice starts to speak again, but it is difficult to understand her due to the fact that she is not sobbing and gasping for breath.

Dr. Wyatt's taped voice cuts in. "Sadie. Take your time. It's okay to talk about it…"

Meredith smiles ironically, remembering when Dr. Wyatt had said the same thing to her.

Sadie's taped voice continues still impaired with emotion, but slightly easier to understand.

"Amy was screaming. She kept calling my name. She kept saying 'Sadie! Help me!' And I ran to her. I tried, but he pushed me. He was so much bigger than me that the force of his weight threw me across the room. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was scotch…that was the worst. He was the meanest when he drank scotch. My mother heard the commotion and she rushed to see what was going on. My father was swinging wildly and hitting her, me and Amy. I didn't care if he hit me or my mother. We always came out alright in the end…but poor Amy…she just wanted to read that damn book!"

The tape ends and Dr. Wyatt ejects it and replaces it with the next tape. This causes an uncomfortable silence in the room, as neither Meredith, Lexie or Dr. Wyatt can find it in themselves to speak. The sound of the tape ejecting is deafening. As Dr. Wyatt replaces the tape, she says, "Meredith…I am warning you that the end of this tape may be very difficult for you to hear. If at any time, you want me to stop, please just ask," she says.

Meredith nods numbly as Dr. Wyatt pushes play.

"I thought my mother would help me stop him, but instead she grabbed me and pulled me into the walk-in coat closet with her. She held me back while I listened to her screaming my name. I tried. I really did! I swear I tried to get out, but she wouldn't let go of me. I fought…I fought so hard!" Sadie's voice rises in pitch and borders on hysteria.

Dr. Wyatt's taped voice breaks in. "I believe you, Sadie. You wanted to save your sister. You couldn't break free. You tried…you did the best you could," she says, compassionately.

"He pushed her down the stairs. Apparently she hit her head and died on impact. The doctors said she didn't suffer, but she DID suffer. I heard her suffer. And they told the doctor that it was an accident. That she fell down the stairs. My father did the talking, but my mother didn't say anything. She let him lie," Sadie says, her voice tainted with bitterness.

"Talk to me about you. Tell me what you did after that night," Dr. Wyatt says.

"I ran. I got on an airplane. I booked a one way flight to London. I don't know why I picked London. I couldn't be in the same country as them and it was the only country where they spoke English, I guess…" Sadie says, sounding significantly less emotional.

"You must have been devastated," Dr. Wyatt says.

"No. I didn't cry at all. I didn't let myself think about it. I pretended I was Wendy Healy the whole way to the airport and that I was meeting some friends in London. When I got there, I checked into a youth hostel. That's where I met Meredith," she says.

"And that friendship had a profound effect on you, didn't it?" Dr. Wyatt says.

"It did. Meredith was different than anyone I had ever known. She was as damaged as I was, but differently. We were both unhappy in life but happy when we were together. She told me her secrets and I told her mine…or at least what I was able to accept as mine. I never acknowledged Amy's death. I did not mourn her, or tell anyone about it. I simply turned that part of myself off. I became someone else. Someone reckless…dangerous…I did crazy things and got tons of attention for them. Meredith was my side kick and she thought everything I did was outrageous. We had so much fun until the end of our trip…" Sadie says.

"What happened at the end of our trip?" Meredith wonders out loud.

"Meredith told me she was going to medical school. I told her there was no way in hell that I was joining her. The truth was, I was mad at her. Everyone in my life had disappointed me…and now, she was leaving and I was staying and she was abandoning me. I know it's not fair, but I was mad at her. And then, the night she left, two policemen came to my door and told me that my parents were dead. My father had killed my mother and then killed himself. That was it happened," Sadie says in a far away voice.

"What happened?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"That's when I did it…" Sadie whispers.

"Did what, Sadie?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I was alone. The police officers left and they asked if there was anyone they could call….I wracked my brain for anyone…but there was no one to call. My parents were dead, Amy was dead, and Meredith had just gotten on a plane back to the U.S." I was completely alone and there was no one to call. I tried to be Wendy Healy again and feel her perfect life, but the officer kept saying my name. He kept saying, 'Sadie…is there a family member…friend…boyfriend…anyone?' and it was as though he knew there wasn't but he wanted me to be aware of how alone I was. After he left was when it I did it…" Sadie says.

"Sadie…tell me what you did. And I want you to look at me. You're dissociating right now…" Dr. Wyatt points out.

"You're right. I am. I've never talked about this to anyone. I slit my wrists. I wanted to just take pills, but I didn't have any. Then I thought about Meredith's mother and I thought about Meredith going to medical school to become just like her…and how angry I was that she was going to start this whole new life and I was completely alone and that she never even suggested that I come back with her even though I wasn't going to medical school and I was just so angry. My anger was misplaced. Obviously Meredith wasn't the one I was really angry with…but it was easier to be angry with her than with my mother…or my father…or myself," Sadie says.

"Then what happened?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I had gone out to a bar and gotten really drunk and I actually slit my wrists on the way home. I just sat down on the side of a deserted road and did it. In the middle of a remote town in England, I slit my wrists. I figured no one would find me…I left a note…it was addressed to Meredith Grey because I figured no one else would care. But I didn't actually think she would ever get it. Until that stupid crowd of drunk college kids came driving by. Apparently, they found my lying on the side of the road, bleeding and their designated driver decided to call for help from a pay phone," Sadie says, not hiding her disappointment at being rescued.

"So how did you end up in Connecticut?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Well, when I got to the hospital in London, they saw my I.D. and realized who my dad was. They knew of his research and all of his medical accomplishments. I guess word of his murder/suicide hadn't hit Europe yet. The doctor had me transported by private plane to Silver Hill Hospital in Connecticut. I don't remember anything about the trip there or anything from the moment that the ambulance found me until about a week into my hospital stay. From what they tell me, I completely dissociated and couldn't even tell them my name. They got me on the right doses of medication which helped, but it took over a year before I was well enough to leave," Sadie says.

"When you did leave, what did you do?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Well, first I got an apartment with a few other girls who had just been released from the hospital. We helped each other, took our medication and supported each other. But it didn't feel right to stay there for too long. I don' t know…I wanted more. I joined the Peace Corps for a while, but that didn't work out either…" Sadie says, sadly.

"Why didn't it work out?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Well, according to the doctors at Silver Hill, in addition to Dissociative Identity Disorder, my father's abuse and Amy's murder had also left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have trouble with any kind of yelling or even mild violence. While I was stationed in the tribal regions of Africa, that wasn't really an excellent combination," Sadie says, wryly.

"So you got sent home?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Yes…our leader said she could see that I wasn't able to function up to par under the circumstances. I was taking my medication, but sometimes it was hard to get it refilled on time, so I'd go weeks without it and things would get bad. In the end, we both thought it was best if I went home…the problem was, there was no home to go back to…" Sadie explains.

"So what did you do?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I tried to do the right thing. I called my doctor from Silver Hill. I wanted to help myself. I didn't want to fall apart. He asked me if there was a time in my life when I felt safe? I couldn't think right then and there, but after the conversation, it came to me…the only time I had ever felt safe was that summer in Europe with Meredith. I felt physically safe…emotionally safe. I decided that I was going to find Meredith again and join her in medical school," Sadie says.

"And medical school was just a means to get back into Meredith's life or you truly wanted to become a doctor?" Sadie asks.

Sadie laughs loudly and inappropriately. "A doctor? No. I hate doctors. My father was a doctor. But I had to do something, and I was smart. Not book smart, but street smart. I threw my father's vile name all over the place and got admitted to Seattle Grace in about two minutes after crying about his tragic suicide after my mother's tragic death. I told a sob story about how I wanted a career in medicine to honor his life's work. All the while, I was laughing to myself. If they bought that sob story, what would they think of the real story…" she says, still laughing.

"This is hard for you to talk about…isn't it?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Sadie's tone changes. "Yes…" she says, softly.

"How did you find medical school?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Awful," Sadie says, not offering any elaboration.

Dr. Wyatt waits patiently until Sadie says. "All of them were like machines. Everyone already knew all the information. The residents were nasty if you didn't already know the answers, which I didn't. Even Meredith. I couldn't reconnect with her the way I thought I would. She was a resident and I was an intern, and I guess in medical school that's how we were defined. I mean, don't get me wrong…she was nice and all. She let me stay with her, but she kept me at arms length. It was like she had moved on from our misery and become someone else," Sadie explains.

Meredith twists her hair around her finger and then looks down at her feet avoiding eye contact with Dr. Wyatt and Lexie.

"But you had become someone else too, Sadie…hadn't you?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I guess you could say that I had in a way. I mean when I was taking my medication and going to therapy I did pretty well. But once my internship started and I wasn't keeping up, I had to stop taking my medication. It made me tired and I had to stay up for late night shifts. No one covers your ass in medical school. If you screw up it's every man for themselves. Well…except for Lexie Grey. She was the only person who helped me. She was smart as a whip. She knew all the answers, but she was careful not to make you look bad. She'd wake you up if you fell asleep in the on call room when you were supposed to be on rounds. And she'd stand up to that awful Dr. Yang when she yelled at you," Sadie explains.

Meredith glances at Lexie who can not tell if it is a look of admiration or a look or hostility.

"Let's talk about that incident with Cristina Yang…" Dr. Wyatt says.

"Not much to talk about…isn't it obvious? I had been up all night…I hadn't taken my meds in months…my defenses were down…and it was Amy's birthday. Yang ripped into me and my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder just got the best of me and I collapsed. Before that, I had been dissociating most of the time. It was easier. I was never the real Sadie. I was a rebel who didn't care what anyone thought of her. A nut who lets the interns cut her appendix out because she doesn't value her life or her health. I was a vengeful lunatic who tries to get Yang fired for making me flash back to that night. And I was a manipulative, awful friend who stole Meredith's diaries and those of her mother and sent them floating around the hospital in exchange for everyone's help in getting Yang fired. And I lived with myself during that time because none of it was actually me…" Sadie explains.

"Let's talk about the night you held Meredith at gunpoint…" Dr. Wyatt says.

"I can't. Dr. Wyatt…I can talk about anything but that…please…it's too…" Sadie pleads.

"Sadie…not talking about it doesn't mean it didn't happen…" Dr. Wyatt explains.

"She doesn't want to talk about it! Stop the tape, Dr. Wyatt! Stop the tape!" Meredith yells.

Startled, Dr. Wyatt stops the tape and looks at Meredith.

"This was my fault. It was all my fault. I failed her. I always fail! It's what I do!" Meredith says, choking on her words.

Lexie grabs both of Meredith's hands. "No you don't, Meredith. Sadie was sick. It wasn't your fault…" she says, tritely.

Meredith pulls away. "Get away from me! Leave now and don't look back or you'll find yourself on the floor of a living room on in a street or somewhere with a razor to your wrists too…that's what getting close to Meredith Grey does to people…" Meredith says, bolting from the room leaving Dr. Wyatt and Lexie staring at each other.

***

Okay everyone…I wanted to finish the session in this chapter but it was getting really long. I'll finish it in the next chapter…but only if I get reviews! I only got 5 reviews for the last chapter! I know it was Christmas and people were busy but PLEASE review this one…Let me know what you think…

Thanks! You're all awesome!!! Take care and keep reading!


	11. Chapter 11

Dr. Wyatt and Lexie sit staring at each other for a moment before Lexie asks, "Should I go after her?"

Dr. Wyatt nods. "She may not talk to you, but your effort will mean a lot to her."

(Break)

Meredith sits on a bench in a quiet part of the hospital grounds. It is the area that she and Derek always come to when they need to get away from all the chaos of the hospital. She puts her head in her hands and closes her eyes. She needs to feel alone…like no one in the world exists but her.

In the middle of her moment of solitude, Meredith feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Mer, you okay?" Derek asks.

Meredith wants to tell him to go away…that she'll drive him to the brink of insanity as well and to leave while he still can, she wants to push him away and tell him to run as far from the wreck that is Meredith Grey as he possibly can. However, she doesn't have the strength, so instead, she buries her face in his chest and says, "Hold me…just hold me please…"

Derek holds her tightly and strokes her hair. After a few minutes, Meredith's breathing slows and she slowly lifts her head up.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me…you know that?" she says, through a tear-stained face.

"Mer…what happened? Talk to me…" he says, placing a hand tenderly on Meredith's cheek.

Meredith looks at Derek and says, "I have to walk away, Derek. From you…from everyone…I am toxic. Toxic to everyone. I hurt everyone that I come in contact with. I'm dangerous. I drive people to suicide," she says.

"Suicide? Meredith…what are you talking about?" Derek asks.

As Meredith begins to tell him about the tapes from Dr. Wyatt's office, Lexie spots Meredith and Derek sitting together on a bench with Derek's arm around her, talking.

Mark comes up behind her. "I never pegged you for a peeping Tom. If they are going to get down and dirty right out in the open here, I say we give them a little competition," he says, putting his arms around her waist.

Lexie spins around angrily. "Why do you do that? Look at Derek! He's holding her tenderly and taking good care of her. Do you know what I've been through? You were there that day…but you never called…you never even checked up on me. It was like you took care of me that day because you had to that day, but then you just come up to me and say something stupid and sexual and you don't even look at my face or think about how I might be feeling. Do you just want a girl to sleep with you? Because if that's all you want, from what I hear, you and Callie had a good thing going," Lexie says, angrily feeling tears spring into her eyes.

"You're going to cry," Mark points out.

"I am not!" Lexie says, embarrassed as a tear falls down her cheek and her voice catches.

"You're crying now," Mark points out.

"Fine! I'm crying! What do you want from me, Mark? Just go! Just go and leave me alone. I came here for Meredith, but she's got McDreamy over there and all I have is McHorny telling me that I'm going to cry. Thanks for the heads up," Lexie yells.

"McSteamy…I'm McSteamy, not McHorny. You have a McName too, you know…" Mark points out.

"Yeah, right. People around here barely know my real name, let alone any nicknames that aren't derogatory," Lexie says, sulking.

"McNames. We don't call them nicknames anymore…" he says, smiling.

"So what is it?" Lexie says, giving in.

Mark looks away. "Wouldn't you love to know…" he says, teasingly.

"If you're just here to mess with my head, then leave. I want that!" she says, pointing to Meredith and Derek. " I want what Meredith has. I want the guy who is going to stroke my face and hold me until I feel safe again. That's what I want. I don't want this. I don't want the guy who just takes pleasure in watching me squirm. So leave me alone, Mark. Just go!" Lexie says.

Mark grabs her and pulls her towards him. "McSweetie," he whispers.

"What?" she says.

"McSweetie. It's your McName. You are McSweetie," he says.

"McSweetie?" Lexie says, smiling against her will.

"Yeah. But don't tell anyone," Mark says, looking embarrassed.

"Umm…don't worry…that's not the sort of thing you tell anyone. 'Hi everyone! I'm McSweetie!'" Lexie says, laughing.

"You're mocking…no mocking, Little Grey…" he says.

"How did you know I'd be here, anyway…" Lexie says.

"Well…Derek was late for surgery…" Mark says.

"Derek was late for surgery? That's explains nothing…what does that have to do with anything?" Lexie asks.

"Derek is my brother, Lexie. You know how Meredith is your sister by blood? Well Derek is my brother. Not by blood but by heart. I know him like the fragile capillaries in a broken jaw. I know him. The only thing that makes Derek late for a surgery is a Meredith crisis. When there is a Meredith crisis, they come here," Mark says. "And then, when it's all over, Derek's all depressed because Meredith is unhappy. I know him…" Mark says.

"There are a lot of Meredith crises, aren't there?" Lexie asks.

"Your sister is a walking disaster…" Mark says.

"You must resent her…I mean for bringing Derek down," she says.

Mark shakes his head. "No. Because she is also the only person who makes him that happy," he says, pointing to Derek who is trying to hold Meredith as she shakes her head and pushes him away.

"Why do you pretend to be a jerk?" Lexie asks.

"To throw you off your game, McSweetie," he says, kissing her. "How about I take the four of us to dinner tomorrow. You, me, and those two losers over there," Mark says pointing to Derek and Meredith.

"Thanks, Mark," Lexie says.

"No problem. Now help me rescue my brother before your sister destroys him again. Besides, if the chief sees how behind our O.R. is running, Derek's a dead man!" he says.

Lexie and Mark walk over to Derek and Meredith but they stop a few feet away as they hear Derek ask, "What are you saying? You're leaving me again?"

Meredith looks away. "I-I just need some time. I just can't worry about hurting you. I need…I don't know what I need."

Derek looks at her sadly and says, "I don't know what you need either, but I'm here whenever you figure it out…" he says, squeezing her hand one last time before he walks away.

"And here's where you and I split from each other and go take care of them…" Mark says.

Lexie smiles. "Yeah…maybe we'll have to take a rain check on that dinner," she says.

"Don't worry…I'll take care of that," he says.

He walks over to Derek and says, "Come on man. The O.R's running way behind."

Derek follows him and says, "She broke my heart again, Sloan."

"She needs another break?" Mark asks.

"Yeah…but it's not that. It just breaks my heart to see her in so much pain. Cristina's right…on a scale of 1-10 she lives her life at an 8. It's a tough way to live," Derek explains.

"Little Grey's got her under control. Don't worry. Get your head in the game, buddy," Mark says.

"Yeah. What are we doing? Skull reconstruction?" Derek says, sounding distracted.

"Yeah. Boy would I hate to have an aneurysm right about now…" Mark says.

(Break)

Lexie sits next to Meredith. "Sadie. Sadie, Sadie, Sadie…" she says.

Meredith looks at her with fresh tears sitting on her face. She doesn't say anything.

"I don't know what to say, but I'm upset that you're upset and I'm not allowed to do the whole sympathy thing…so I'm invoking the Dr. Wyatt code word right now, but once doesn't seem like enough, so I am just saying it over and over again even though that's probably weird, and I'm probably rambling and you probably think…I'll shut up now. Sadie. Sadie…" Lexie says.

Meredith sighs. "Lexie…I told you…just go. I'm dangerous. I'm toxic. I make people slit their wrists. You've had a good start to your life. Why screw it all up now by getting involved with me. Go back to your happy life. You were happy before you came here. Go be happy again," Meredith says.

Lexie shakes her head. "No. I told you. This is called family and unconditional love. I am your sister and even when you tell me to get lost I am not going to because you're crying and you need someone to tell you it's all going to be okay. And you need someone to tell you that it isn't your fault. And you need someone to tell you that you're not toxic and you're not dangerous, you just got dealt a bad hand. And you need someone to come back to Dr. Wyatt's with you when you're ready and listen to the rest of those tapes with you. And I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You're not getting rid of me," Lexie says determined.

"You're so nice. I believe that you really believe all those things. But Lexie…my father left me. He didn't want me. My mother thought I was worthless and didn't love me enough not to try to slit her wrists. My best friend tried to kill herself because of me and held me at gun point because I drove her to the point of a breakdown by not treating her well when she came to find me. I'm the common thread in all the bad things that happened to me. It's me. I believe that you think it isn't…but you're naïve. Nice, but naïve…" Meredith says.

"June 6th. It's your birthday," Lexie says.

"Yes…what does that have to do with anything?" Meredith asks, confused.

"Our father used to cry every year on your birthday. He used to go downstairs into his office and cry. My mom used to tell my sister and I not to bother him but we always heard him through the walls. He would cry and talk about how grateful he was for my mother because Ellis Grey took everything good from him…especially his beautiful daughter," Lexie says, tearing up at the memory.

"Really?" Meredith says, with tears glistening in her eyes.

"Yes. When Molly and I were little we used to have fake birthday parties for you on June 6th. We had to be really quiet because we thought that mom and dad might stop us if they knew. When Molly got older she got tired of it, but one year, when I was about 12, I snuck down into Dad's office and brought him a cupcake and a candle and told him that we should celebrate together. After that year, every June 6th, Dad and I had a cupcake together for you…" Lexie says. "He loved you…he was just weak. He still is…It's just his flaw."

"Wow. I never…I mean…Thanks," Meredith says, for lack of anything else to say.

"And as far as Sadie goes…you're the resident…I'm just the intern, but we both took enough psych and neuro to know that mental illness is real and it's no one's fault. Sadie stopped taking her medication. She wasn't getting the help she needs. She needed help that none of us could give her…you didn't know," Lexie says.

"Lexie…I…" Meredith stammers.

"Let's go back to Dr. Wyatt's. Let's finish listening to the tapes. Let's do it…then we'll have all the information and we can go from there. You don't have to say anything. Just come…let's do this. It will be the first thing we've ever complete together," Lexie says.

Meredith laughs, ironically. "I guess you can look at it that way," she says. Then she gets serious. "Why, Lexie? Why do you care? Why didn't you just leave when I told you to?" Meredith says.

"For the same reason Derek doesn't leave when you tell him to. That's what people who love you do," Lexie says.

"I guess I'll just have to take your word for it…" Meredith says, shaking her head.

"Oh…and don't think this whole sister thing is one sided. You're going to be helping me out too…" Lexie says.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asks.

"After this whole session with Dr. Wyatt is over, I need advice on men. Well…one man, in particular. I am beyond confused about my feelings for Mark Sloan, and big sister advice is exactly what I need. I'm a relationship disaster," Lexie says.

"Mark Sloan and Meredith Grey…If that's who you choose to surround yourself with, you're really asking for trouble, Little Sister!" she says.

"Come on…let's go back to Dr. Wyatt's and finish up those tapes…" Lexie says, standing up and pulling Meredith to her feet.

"Thanks…" Meredith says.

(Break)

Cristina sits down and begins to pick at her lunch.

"That looks like dog food," Owen says, sitting down.

"Thanks. I already wasn't hungry and now I have an overwhelming desire to hurl my food at the table of interns sitting over there…" Cristina says.

"If I were you, I might refrain from joking about hurling things at interns. It's about as funny as Izzie joking about wielding wire cutters," Alex says, putting down his tray.

Izzie glares at him. "So not funny. Fiance…dead…you're second choice…remember?" she says.

"You didn't think so last night…" Alex says, kissing her.

"Can you two knock it off? I'm already revolted!" Cristina says.

"What's your problem? You're fully reinstated. The board issued an apology. What's with the mood?" Owen asks.

"She misses Meredith…" Izzie says, mockingly.

"Shut up," Cristina says.

"She does. And you know what…I do too. I feel like we all put our lives on the line for her and she hasn't really spoken to us much since. It's not like her…" Izzie says.

"I wrestled that freaking psycho for her…" Alex says.

"Maybe that's the problem," Owen says.

"What's the problem?" Izzie asks.

"That all of you keep making a joke out of what happened. McPsycho…dissecting dummies that look like Sadie. Making crazy jokes…Sadie was important to Meredith. In addition to being terrified by being held at gunpoint, Meredith is probably actually worried about her friend. You've never seen a friend fall apart," Owen says, pointedly to Izzie.

Alex laughs. "You've apparently never hung around Meredith for too long. We spent our intern year watching her fall apart!" he says.

"I don't mean fall apart as in 'oh no…I don't think my boyfriend loves me…' I mean falling apart as in unable to perform tasks such as thinking rationally. It's a difficult thing to watch," Owen says.

"You don't know what you're talking about. You don't even know Meredith," Izzie says, annoyed at Owen's presence.

"You guys have a good lunch, I'm going to go eat with the grown-ups," he says, motioning to a table with Callie and Bailey. "I'll call you later, McHardAss," he says, kissing Cristina quickly on the lips.

"I love my McName," she says, after he leaves.

"McStormy is a McJerk!" Izzie says.

"Or maybe he's right and we're all a bunch of McJerks," Cristina says.

(Break)

"I'm glad you both came back. And let me point out how glad I am to see the two of you here together…supporting each other," Dr. Wyatt points out.

Meredith and Lexie smile shyly.

"If you're ready, I'll start the tapes…" Dr. Wyatt says.

Meredith and Lexie nod, and Lexie reaches over and grabs Meredith's hand.

"Sadie," she whispers.

Dr. Wyatt pushes play.

"What were your plans that night?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I was supposed to study with Lexie. She was determined to help me pass the exams that were coming up. She was so good natured. She tried so hard to help me, but I just kept sabotaging myself. Anyway…I got there and Lexie wasn't there yet, so I started talking to Meredith and things got confusing…" she says.

"Confusing how?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"She looked so much like the pictures she showed me of her mother. And she sounded like her…in the cold way she talked about Lexie. It was like she had turned into Ellis…at the hospital, in the way she talked to Lexie. Even in the way she talked to me…she just seemed cold. Now, thinking back to it, her relationship with Lexie is probably complicated. And I'm sure my coming back and bringing up the memories of the past for her was difficult. Besides…I didn't exactly do the right things by her when I came there. But in my unmedicated, scrambled mind, she was Ellis. And then when she said she never wanted a sister, I got so angry! And she turned into my mother. She was my mother in my mind and I had to kill her for holding me back and not letting me save Amy. It made sense. I swear it did…" Sadie explains.

"And what about Lexie?" Dr. Wyatt asks. "What about her? What made you think she was Amy?"

"Everything about Amy was sweet, good and simple. That was Lexie. There was never a hidden agenda, and when you looked at her, she was just desperate for people to like her. It was sort of sad…and when I saw her walk into that room, just wanting Meredith to love her despite how Meredith treated her, it made me flashback to Amy and the Dr. Seuss book and even as my dad was screaming at her, she was trying to read it to him and the hurt in her eyes when he kept rejecting her…and…I don't know…Lexie just reminded me of her. Her innocence being tainted…I don't know…" Sadie says.

"And what do you remember after that?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"I don't know. I was so confused. I remember a guy wrestling me to the ground. I remember Dr. Stevens. I remember talking to Amy…and remember bits and pieces and then the ambulance. That's all…" she says.

"How do you feel about all of it now, Sadie? It must be hard to face what you did…" Dr. Wyatt says.

"Dr. Wyatt…of all the stupid things I have done in my life, betraying Meredith Grey is the worst. First, the stunt I pulled with her diaries. I violated the only person since my sister who has ever cared about me. Then, the lies I told her, and finally scaring her and shooting her. Now, I officially have no one. I officially destroyed the last person in my life who might have cared about me…Well, maybe Lexie Grey might have cared a little too. But she didn't know me very long, and I'm pretty sure the lies I told and the whole threatening her sister with a gun is pretty much a friendship deal breaker. I'm ready to go to whatever hospital they send me to and stay there for as long as I can. The doctors and nurses have to at least pretend to care. The truth is, where else would I go…I need help. I want to build a life for myself, but I don't know how…" Sadie says.

"In order to build a life for yourself, you need to forgive yourself for the past. What would you need for that to occur?" Dr. Wyatt says.

"Well, more than anything I need to make amends to all the people I hurt. To Amy especially…but I'll never get to do that. To Meredith, to Lexie…I just need them to know I'm so sorry…so so sorry for what I did. But I don't think I'll ever get that chance," Sadie says regretfully.

"Why don't you rest for a bit and we can discuss a little bit about the program you are going to be transferred to later. You're on very high doses of medication and you did a lot of work today. Why don't you sleep for a bit and we'll talk again this afternoon," Dr. Wyatt says.

"Okay. Thank you, Dr. Wyatt. But…if you see Meredith…or Lexie..could you…I don't know…"

Dr. Wyatt shuts off the tape. "Sadie fell asleep. She couldn't keep her eyes open anymore because of all the sedatives," she explains.

Lexie looks at Meredith. "Wow. This is all so heavy…" she says.

"Yeah. I need like a day to process all of that. I'm going to go home and just take some time," Meredith says.

"I think that's a good idea. Thank you for coming," Dr. Wyatt says.

As the two of them start to leave, Dr. Wyatt grabs Lexie's arm and pulls her back into the room.

"I know it's hard, but hang in there with her. She looks tough, but she needs a family more than anything in the world…" Dr. Wyatt explains.

Lexie smiles. "And I'm tougher than I look. I've made it this far. I'm not backing down now. I'm going to be her family. I'm not going anywhere," Lexie says.

"Good. Thank you for coming," Dr. Wyatt says.

"Thank you…for everything," Lexie says.

"One more thing…" Dr. Wyatt says.

Lexie stops. "What?" she asks.

"I'm bound by ethical codes so I can't say too much…but there's a certain guy who may be having a hard time making it known how he feels about you…" Dr. Wyatt begins.

"Ummmm…" Lexie isn't sure what to say.

"He cares. He cares a lot. He cares hours and hours of therapy worth. Don't let him fool you for a moment," she says.

"Oh…" Lexie says, smiling awkwardly.

"Goodbye. And good luck with everything…" Dr. Wyatt says.

****

Next chapter to come soon! I got 11 reviews last time. Can we go for 12 this time???? If you read and you are thinking about reviewing…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do it!!

There are about 2 or 3 more chapters to this! Hope you are all still enjoying! You guys are the absolute best!

Keep reading and have a happy new year!

-Jess


	12. Chapter 12

"You're the only person in the world who tells a guy that you need your space and then has him call and beg you to come out to dinner," Lexie points out.

"Derek knows me. He accepts my shortcomings, of which there are many…" Meredith replies.

"Stop it! We're going to have a Meredith bashing free day," Lexie says.

"You're not wearing that, are you?" Meredith asks Izzie as she watches her and Cristina enter her bedroom.

"Why? You don't like it?" Izzie asks, growing self-conscious.

"It's just that I didn't think we were getting dressed up. I love it. You look incredible," Meredith says, warmly, realizing that she was making her friend feel insecure.

"I told her she was over the top…but she always is. And then we're going to have to watch Alex give her that 'I want to rip that hot little number off your body' look all night…" Cristina says, rolling her eyes.

"What's your problem? You've been all over me the whole way here!" Izzie snaps.

"Nothing. I'm just sick of you. I miss Meredith. Meredith, you have to stop hanging out with this McSister of yours so much. You're my person," Cristina says.

Lexie laughs a little too hard, to show Cristina she can take a joke. Izzie leans over to her and whispers, "She's not joking. She'll play it off like she is, but she's not. It's weird and creepy, but her and Meredith, they have this like…weird bond. You just have to give them space sometimes," Izzie explains.

Lexie looks at Izzie strangely. "You guys have a lot of weird unspoken rules. Thanks for filling me in," she says.

"Do you think this looks okay? I mean, is it too much?" Izzie asks.

"No. I think you look great. Is this okay? I feel a little underdressed now. Maybe I should change," Lexie asks, insecurely as she notices how stunning Izzie looks.

"Definitely not. You look really good. And as far as the unspoken rules, you're right. There are a lot of them," Izzie explains.

"So what about you? Where do you fit in with Meredith and Cristina?" Lexie asks.

"I don't know, really…I never really figured that all out. I guess I'm Meredith's fall back. Mer tells me the things she doesn't want to tell Cristina. I'm the nice one. I'm the one that she comes to when she's wants someone to be nice, or supportive or all the things Cristina doesn't know how to be," Izzie explains.

"But what about you? Who can you go to? You know…like if you and Alex have a fight? Or if you just need a female perspective on things…" she asks.

Izzie thinks for a minute. "Well, I used to have George, but well…I don't know…that all got complicated. I can go to Meredith, but she's usually distracted by some kind of crazy drama in her own life. I don't know, usually I just have to figure it out. That's what I do. But things are good with Alex now, so I don't really have to worry too much about feeling so alone…you know? Still, sometimes it would be nice to not feel so friendless…you know?" she says.

"Tell me about it," Lexie says, with a laugh.

"Seriously?" Meredith says to Cristina

"Seriously!" Cristina replies.

"What?" Izzie asks.

"Nothing!" Meredith and Cristina reply in unison as they dissolve into laughter.

"Wow! You weren't kidding…" Lexie whispers to Izzie.

Izzie shrugs her shoulders and replies, "Whatever. I'm used to it." Then she looks at Meredith and Cristina and says, "We better go. We're going to be late for our reservation. Mark specifically said not to be late!"

Cristina climbs into the driver's seat and Meredith sits in the passenger seat. Izzie and Lexie sit in back. Meredith and Cristina chatter away as Izzie and Lexie sit quietly in the back seat.

Finally, Lexie turns to Izzie. "So, I don't' know if this is weird or anything, but I'm just getting the hang of being Meredith's sister. I mean, she just stopped wanting to shave my head or wanting to do about a million other things that could maim or disfigure me in some way, so I'm kind of still on shaky ground here. Cristina still calls me 'Three' and I think still hates me because of that whole letter thing, and just because well…she still hates me even if I did help save Meredith. So I guess I'm kind of saying, I could use an ally here. Like a consistent ally. Someone who won't like me one day and hate me the next," Lexie says, quietly.

"I like you," Izzie says.

"Ummm…that's good." Lexie replies, unsure of what to say.

"I mean it. You're uncomplicated. I mean, I love Meredith. She's like family. But boy is she high maintenance! And Cristina…she's just a whole other level of complexity. You just blurt things out. I think that's why I kept your secret that day in the supply closet. I like you, Lexie Grey. Welcome to this dysfunctional group!" Izzie says, smiling broadly.

"Do you think Mark Sloan is capable of liking me? I mean really liking me? Not liking me like you like me…you know as friends. Not that I equate you with Mark Sloan. I'm not a lesbian or anything…I mean...I mean, do you think Mark Sloan is capable of falling in love at all?" Lexie whispers to Izzie.

"Okay…you ramble more awkwardly than Meredith. Here's my take on Mark Sloan. He's seems like a totally reprehensible human being but it has to be an act because he's so tight with Derek, and Derek is such a good guy that I can't imagine he'd be associated with someone who truly was such a completely self absorbed jerk!" Izzie says.

"You totally didn't answer my question. Because I think I'm totally in love with Mark Sloan. I wake up thinking about him and go to bed at night thinking about him. But I know he's not the type of guy who falls in love. I mean, I know that he's slept with most of the hospital. I know that I may be just another notch in his belt…or his lab coat…he doesn't really wear a belt most of the time…but well, do you think there is maybe…just maybe a chance that I might be more than that?" Lexie asks.

"Remember when I said you weren't high maintenance? Well, I might have spoken too soon. You talk a lot. And you kind of ramble. But don't worry. I still like you. And as far as Mark Sloan goes…he's the kind of person you have to be direct with. He's not unlike Alex. He comes off as a jerk, until you really get to know him, and even then, sometimes he's a jerk. You just have to ask him if he's all in or all out. Tell him there's no in between. If you give him the option to keep one foot in and one foot out he'll play it safe. You have to lay it on the line," Izzie says.

Lexie thinks about that for a moment. "You're right," she says. "I'm going to lay it on the line…"

(Break)

When the girls arrive, the guys are seated at the table, drinking and laughing. Derek and Mark slap each other five and Owen and Alex look at each other and laugh. "Why do I feel like I'm at a bad frat party whenever I hang out with these two?" Alex asks.

"Because you are," Owen replies.

"They're here," Derek says, standing up and walking over to Meredith.

"That dude is so old fashioned. 10 bucks says he takes her by the hand and walks her to her seat," Alex says.

"20 bucks says he pulls out her chair for her." Owen replies.

"I'll throw down $50 if he unfolds her napkin and puts it on her lap!" Mark adds.

When they return to the table, Derek does all three of those things and his 3 friends laugh and slap each other five.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're being mocked?" Meredith asks.

"Because I am," Derek replies. "But that's okay. Just because these clowns have no class, doesn't mean I have to stoop to their level!"

"Come on. I have class! I have lots of class! Lexie, don't I have class?" Mark asks.

"Are you all in or not?" Lexie blurts out.

"What?" Mark asks, stunned.

Izzie leans over. "Okay, evidently timing isn't your strong suit," she whispers.

Lexie ignores her and stares at Mark.

"Are you all in or all out? I'm not going to be that girl. I'm not going to be the one who sleeps with you in the on call room or has casual sex when you page me. I'm not Dr. Torres. So I want to know. Yes or no. Are you in or out?" Lexie asks.

Derek looks at Meredith. "Wow! I think we should take a walk. It's a beautiful night," he says as they both stand up.

"Great idea. I could use some fresh air," Meredith replies, following him and motioning for the others to make an excuse to walk away as well.

"I could use a drink at the bar," Alex says. "Izzie, would you care to join me?"

"Ummm…okay," she says, and then whispers, "But I think this is going to get good!"

"Don't worry…we can watch from the bar," Alex whispers back as they walk away.

"So Owen, as much as I would love to watch this train wreck known as Lexapedia, we should probably go check out the view. Let's go look out the window," Cristina says.

Owen stands up and follows her. "Look out the window? That was the best you could do?"

(Break)

Meredith and Derek get outside and break into hysterical laughter.

"The look on his face! Man! That was priceless!" Derek says, laughing.

"And she just kept saying 'are you in or out?' I wanted to cringe for her! What on earth possessed her?" Meredith says, trying to catch her breath.

As their laughter dies down, Meredith says, "That felt really good."

"What felt good?" Derek asks.

"Laughing. I feel like I haven't really laughed since…you know…" she says.

"It's good to see you happy," Derek says.

"You make me happy," Meredith says, leaning her head on Derek as he slips his arm around her.

"It's okay to be happy," he replies.

"Sometimes I don't know if it is. It's so much easier to keep the bar low," she replies, honestly.

"It's also easier to be a cashier than a doctor, but I don't see you working at Stop and Shop," he says.

"It's different," Meredith says.

"You deserve happiness," Derek says, looking into her eyes.

"Do you really still want me?" Meredith asks.

"Does this mean you don't need a break from me anymore?" Derek asks.

"Well, if you're crazy enough to still want me, maybe I can be crazy enough to let you want me," Meredith says.

"I love you, Meredith Grey," Derek says, kissing her.

"I love you too, Derek Shepherd," Meredith replies as she kisses him back.

"I'd give up a week of O.R. time to have a video of what's going on in there right now…" Derek says.

"She's definitely crazier than me," Meredith says.

(Break)

"Did she really say 'All in or all out?'" Cristina asks. "That is so cheesy. It sounds like something Izzie would says!"

"Yeah. That was entertaining. But why does everyone really care if they get together? Why is everyone so involved in everyone else's lives here?" Owen asks. "I mean, you never even liked Lexie Grey, or Mark Sloan particularly."

"They are part of my extended family. Meredith, Izzie, Alex, George and I…we're family. And that makes the rest of those characters like extended family. And if you want to be with me, you're going to have to accept them," Cristina explains.

"So if I want you, I have to care what happens to all these people?" Owen asks.

"If you want me, you would care what goes on with these people because what happens to them affects me. These people matter to me," Cristina says.

"You matter to me," Owen says, wrapping his arms around Cristina's waist.

They kiss and hold each other close until Owen pulls away.

"What?" Cristina asks.

"Do you think he's "all in or all out?" he asks.

(Break)

"You told her to ask him if he was all in? Seriously, Iz? I mean, that's so lame," Alex says.

"Lame? You didn't think it was lame when I asked you!" she says.

"That's so not how it happened!" Alex says, taking a sip of his drink.

"Really? So you were just so chivalrous from the beginning that I didn't know what to do with myself?" Izzie asks.

"You gave Little Grey some really bad advice!" Alex says.

"I didn't mean for her to ask him now!" Izzie replies laughing.

"You never can keep your nose out of other people's business…can you?" Alex asks.

"If I had kept my nose out of your business, you'd still be with Ava or Rebecca or whoever she was," Izzie says.

"Low blow, Iz! At least I don't wield wire cutters," he replies.

"Why do I only see humor in things that aren't funny when you say them?" she asks.

"Because you love me?" Alex replies.

"I guess I do," Izzie says.

(Break)

"Okay…so that was inappropriate. I shouldn't have asked you in front of everyone. It's just that I was in the car with Izzie and I couldn't figure you out and she told me that she asked Alex if he was all in or all out and then it all worked out and I figured I'd try it. Then I walked in and you were standing there and you and Derek were laughing and I thought of Meredith and Derek and the fact that they are so forgiving of each other's faults and that they love each other so unconditionally, and it made me think of how much I want that from you. I mean, I want you to love me like Derek loves Meredith. Like when I'm annoying, you find it cute, and when I'm sad you get that sad look on your face too. And when I'm happy, your whole face lights up…you know what I mean? I don't know if you've ever felt like that about anyone, but I think I could feel that way about you. And I know you're not usually the type who dates one girl and falls in love, but I'm not Callie Torres. I can't be your on call room girl, because I'm falling for you…and I can't…" Lexie stops when Mark puts his hand over her mouth.

"All in," he says.

"What?" she asks.

"I'm in. You are so adorable right now, I want to take you right here, but unlike you, I know how to observe proper restaurant etiquette," Mark says.

"You're in? So that's it? You're with me? No other women? No on call room with Torres or anyone else?" she asks.

"Yes," Mark says, simply.

"So even though I just mortified you and acted like a complete idiot, you really want to be in a committed, serious relationship with me?" Lexie asks, still not sure she heard him correctly.

Mark kisses her. "You can ask me as many times as you want. The answer isn't going to change. I haven't always been a good man in the past, but you make me want to be better. You make me want to make you happy. I love you, McSweetie," he says, holding her close to him.

"I love you too, McSteamy…" she says, staring into his eyes.

"So should we let everyone come back to the table now?" he asks.

"They'll be back. I'm learning that this group is pretty closely intertwined and they don't ever not know what's going on in each other's lives. They are difficult and sometimes mean to each other, but in the end, I think they all rally around each other if one of them is in trouble. I'm honored to be a part of this crazy, dysfunctional family that Meredith has created for herself, even if it's just as kind of a peripheral member. And I'm honored that you want to be a better person for me," Lexie says, beaming.

"You talk a lot. Silence can be golden," Mark says.

"I do talk a lot…" Lexie says.

"I think I know how to shut you up," Mark says, kissing her again.

Meredith and Derek walk back to the table.

"Are we interrupting?" Meredith asks.

"Absolutely," Mark says.

"Good. Because we have a couple of things to say to you two…" Derek replies.

"Like what?" Mark asks.

"Like, Lexie…if you're going to get serious with this clown there are a few things you should know. First of all, don't ever let anyone tell you he isn't a good guy. He's deny it to the end, but when the chips are down, there is no person you'd want on your side more than Mark Sloan," Derek says.

Mark's eyes grow wide. He takes a moment before he responds. "Woah, man. That means a lot to me…after everything…I mean…thanks man," he says.

"And Mark…I may have never wanted a little sister, but now that I have one, if you do anything to hurt her, I'll kill you…it's that simple. I'll kill you," Meredith says with a sweet smile.

Lexie gasps, audibly. "Wow! Ummm…thanks Mer! I love you so much!" Lexie squeals and throws her arms around Meredith.

"Ummm…Sadie?" Meredith says, stiffening as Lexie squeezes her tightly.

"Sorry…too much?" Lexie asks.

Meredith doesn't answer, she just smiles and nods before they are interrupted by Izzie and Alex coming back to the table.

"So what happened?" Izzie asks, in a voice that's just a little bit too excited.

"Knock it off, Iz. I'm sure they saw us spying from the bar. Congratulations guys," Alex says.

"Thanks!" Lexie replies. "And thanks for the advice, Izzie. Maybe we'll name our first daughter after you!" she says, happily.

"Okay…and here's your dose of sisterly advice. Take it slow! Mark here, just gave up on call room sex. If you start mentioning kids, he'll run for the big red exit sign over there!" Meredith whispers to Lexie.

Cristina and Owen come back to the table.

"So, what happened," Owen asks, Mark, as Cristina watches, smiling.

"I'm in. I'm like the rest of you losers. I'm officially old and boring like you and Shepherd and Karev!" Mark says.

They laugh and eat and drink and make light conversation. Finally at midnight, Meredith stands up. "I'm on call in a few hours. I have to head over and sleep for a bit before my shift starts. Thanks guys, I had a great time," she says.

"I'll go with you," Derek says. "I have some work to do anyway."

They leave together and as they walk to the hospital, Meredith says, "It' hits me at weird times…you know?" she says.

"What hits you?" he asks.

"What happened? I mean, we were all sitting there, having such a good time and then I thought about it. All of a sudden, I realized…here we all are, having fun, and Sadie is in a mental institution, and if Lexie hadn't walked in when she did, I could have been dead…" Meredith says.

"It's going to take time…" Derek says.

"I don't think it's time I need," Meredith says.

"Then what is it?" Derek asks.

"I don't know yet…but I don't think that time is going to do it. I'm not myself. I have moments where I'm able to forget it, but then I remember and I can't imagine that it happened, but it did…and I'm still a little scared. And I'm still worried about Sadie and I feel guilty about it. And I just don't know what to do about all these feelings," she says.

"I'm here for you. You just let me know what you need me to do, and I'll do it." Derek says.

"I just need you to be you…I'll figure out what I need eventually. I will. But having you here helps. Thank you," Meredith says.

****

Okay…so this was a relatively light chapter. I wanted to get it up as fast as possible to thank you guys for being the most AMAZING reviewers EVER!! I got 20 reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys ROCK! Think we can top that this time?? Let's try! I'll try to get a new chapter up ASAP if you all review! You are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Jess


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith sits at her desk trying to focus on her charts, but she struggles to focus. Lexie approaches her with boundless energy and says, "Mer, can you help me for a moment. I was doing these charts for Izzie and I wasn't sure how I'm supposed to code these. Do you know where I can find these?" she asks.

Meredith shrugs. "Just leave them…I'll finish them," she replies.

Lexie stops and stares at her. "Are you okay? You just had lunch with Derek. You still don't seem happy…are you mad at me? Am I being annoying? Did I do something wrong? I mean, if I did…you can totally tell me…I never mean to…I'm just so happy with Mark that I…"

Meredith shakes her head. "Lexie…it isn't you. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Lexie says, sitting next to Meredith.

"Do you ever feel like you didn't get closure on the whole thing? Like after what happened something is still unresolved? Something that only…" Meredith stops to collect her thoughts.

"That what? Only Sadie can resolve for you?" Lexie asks.

"Yeah. I feel like I need to see her again. Like it isn't over until I do… But I don't know…I mean…" Meredith has trouble putting the words together.

"If you're asking if I feel that way, the answer is no. I don't feel unresolved. Sadie and I were friends, yes. But it was a friendship of convenience and quite honestly, it wasn't very long and while I don't wish anything bad to happen to her, I'm not attached to the idea of seeing her again," Lexie replies.

"I think I need to. But I can't," Meredith says.

"Why can't you?" she asks.

"I don't know. I'm scared to go alone, I guess?" Meredith says.

"I'm sure Derek would go with you…" Lexie says, cautiously.

Meredith shakes her head. "I can't let him do that. He's so protective over me. I don't know how I'll react. I can't put him through that," Meredith says.

"Well…Cristina would probably go if you asked her…" Lexie says, evasively.

"Ummm…did you seriously just say that?" Meredith asks.

Lexie laughs. "Okay…maybe not the best choice of a person. How about Izzie? She's so compassionate and supportive…I'm sure she would…"

"I'm sure she would too. I'm sure she would come with me and ask me how I was feeling every five minutes until I wanted to drown myself… again!" Meredith says.

"Okay…so…ummm…" Lexie knows what she wants to say, but doesn't quite know how to ask.

"So…ummm…the thing is…forget it," Meredith stammers.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"The thing is…Wow…you're going to make this hard for me…aren't you?" Meredith asks. "Don't get me wrong…I know I probably deserve it…but…"

"Make what hard for you?" Lexie asks.

"I guess I'm sort of wondering if maybe you'd want to come with me to visit Sadie if I were to go…I mean, you don't have to…I just thought…" Meredith continues to stammer.

"I'd love to!" Lexie says brightly.

"You'd love to? You'd love to go visit a mental hospital? You really have a warped sense of fun!" Meredith quips.

Lexie laughs nervously. "I'd love to go with you if that will help you…Let me know when and where and I'll be there," Lexie says.

"Thank you," Meredith says sincerely.

(Break)

That night, Derek lies in bed next to Meredith. "So are you dark and twisty or bright and shiny tonight?" he asks.

"Definitely dark and twisty," Meredith replies.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Derek asks.

"So much. What would you say if I told you that Lexie and I were going to visit Sadie tomorrow?" she asks.

"I'd say I'm glad. You need to find some kind of closure on this whole thing…" Derek says, pulling her close.

" I'm scared," Meredith admits.

"Are you going alone?" Derek asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "I asked Lexie to come with me," she says.

"That's great. I think it's great that you two are getting closer. I like her. And Mark likes her a lot," Derek says.

"We are getting closer. And I feel like she has a connection to Sadie too. I don't know. Maybe I'm putting too much on her. I'm complicated. You're the only one who can handle me," Meredith says with a half smile.

"Give Lexie a chance. I think you'll find that she's a lot tougher than you give her credit for. She is dating Mark! I'm mean, if that doesn't show that a person can handle tough times, nothing does," Derek says, smiling.

"Wish me luck?" she says.

"You don't need luck," Derek says.

"What do I need then?" Meredith asks

"This." Derek says as he slowly removes her nightgown.

(Break)

"What do you think I should wear?" Lexie asks.

"You really want my opinion? Okay. I think you should wear fishnet stockings, high heels and a push up bra," Mark says.

"Why? So they can lock me up with the rest of the patients?" Lexie laughs.

"No…so you can look really hot when you come home," Mark replies.

"I'm being serious. I'm really nervous. I'm totally going to be late. I'm not even packed yet. Please! Just answer me. What should I wear?" Lexie pleads.

"I already answered you. But you didn't like my answer. What are you so nervous about?" Mark asks. "You're a doctor. A psychiatric facility shouldn't be such a shock to you…" Mark points out.

"I'm not nervous about that. I'm nervous about the 3 hour car ride with Meredith. What are we going to talk about? And then we're staying over night because Meredith doesn't want to drive there and back in one day. So we're getting a hotel room…what if I'm annoying?" Lexie says.

"Okay. See…here's the thing. I'm not a girl. I don't know these weird girl rules. I don't know what you should talk about. I do feel strongly about the attire. Fishnets would be so hot," Mark says.

"But what if…" Lexie begins again.

"Lex…when I said I was all in, I didn't mean I was a chick. I love you, McSweetie…but here's a phone. Go call a girl friend and ask her these questions. But give me one more kiss before you do," he says.

Lexie kisses him before he leaves to get in the shower. She calls after him, "Who will I call? I don't have any friends!" she says.

As Lexie hears the water run, she stares at the phone. "I don't know who to call," she whispers.

She looks at her hospital directory and eliminates all of the interns immediately. Since she went to the chief about the petition, she has not been popular among them. She eliminates Cristina, because her fragile ego just can't handle another round of her cutting comments. She remembers Izzie's offer of friendship and decides to see if she really meant what she said.

"Hello?" Izzie says, as she picks up her phone. She does not recognize the number on the caller I.D.

"Hi Izzie. It's Lexie. Lexie Grey. I…ummm…well…I'm going on a little road trip with Meredith…we're ummm…going to a psychiatric facility and well…I had some wardrobe questions and I was wondering if…well…" As Lexie falters, Izzie jumps in.

"Wow! That's great. I'm so glad Meredith is finally getting the help she needs. I mean, these last few years with the whole 'I love Derek…I don't love Derek' thing and the whole drowning attempt and the hand in the bomb. Not to mention dead mommy in the locker….I mean, I think it's great that she is finally seeking help," Izzie says, sincerely.

Lexie gasps. "It's not Meredith…it's…"

Izzie jumps in again. "Oh my god. I am so sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that. I mean, I should have known right off the bat. Listen, Lexie…everyone needs help sometimes. It's okay. You don't have to be embarrassed. I won't tell anyone…And I think it's really nice that Meredith is going with you…" Izzie says.

"No! It's not me! We're going to visit Sadie and…"

"You're going to visit Sadie? And you want wardrobe advice? You're going to visit Sadie, who held Meredith at gun point and you want to know what to wear? You might want to check and see if you can all get a group rate," Izzie says.

"Okay. This was a bad idea. I'm sorry for bothering you. I should probably just pack," Lexie says.

Izzie hears the dejected tone in Lexie's voice and realizes that Lexie is reaching out. "I'm sorry. I had a long day. I was on call last night and I'm exhausted. I'm on my way home. I can meet you at your apartment and help you pack on my way. Okay?" she says.

Lexie breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Thank you so much!" she says.

(Break)

"Seriously, Mer?" Cristina asks.

"Seriously." Meredith replies.

"But why? Cut your losses here. You're safe now," Cristina asks.

"Can't you just be my person and say, 'whatever you need to do, I support you?'" Meredith asks, tiredly.

"I just don't understand why you are taking Lexapedia with you. I mean, you've done this total 180 where she is concerned. I just don't understand…" Cristina says.

"What if I told you I don't understand either, but that I just need you to be support me. Could you do that?" Meredith asks.

Cristina sighs. "You're my person," she replies.

(break)

Owen and Alex walk down the hospital corridor.

"So why did you page me?" Alex asks.

"I wanted you to help me amputate a leg. Are you up for it?" Owen asks.

"Up for it? Of course. It's the freaking highlight of my day! I've been in the damn pit all morning and then I just got a message from Izzie that she's not meeting me for lunch because she has to go help Lexie pick out an outfit. I mean, seriously? Pick out an outfit? She's going to a mental hospital, not the prom!" Alex says, annoyed.

"I'm learning to navigate this world of women in this hospital. The one thing I'm learning is that they seem to be fiercely loyal to one another. I get that. As an army guy, I know what it means to stand with your comrades no matter what," Owen points out.

"Yeah. When they're shooting at you! No one is shooting at Izzie. Why would Lexie and Meredith go visit that wack job anyway?" Alex wonders out loud.

"You know, you're pretty unsympathetic towards Sadie…" Owen points out.

"I wrestled her to the ground while she held my friend at gun point. Yeah…I'm having a tough time mustering up a whole lot of sympathy," Alex says.

"You know, PTSD can do a lot of strange things to your mind...from what I hear, that's her diagnosis," Owen says.

"PTSD…isn't that another term for, 'I'm a whiny spoiled brat who can't deal with the crap that life threw at me?' The way I see it, we all have crap in our lives. You deal with it or you don't…you don't get to point a gun at people…" Alex says, callously.

"Guess your crap just wasn't as bad as hers. Go back to the pit. I'll amputate the leg myself," Owen says, walking away.

(Break)

"Thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it. So let me show you what I packed…I have two pairs of jeans, these two shirts. I wanted to bring one going out outfit. I mean, I know Meredith likes to drink, so I thought she might want to go out to a bar or something, so I should have something to wear just in case…and then I…" Lexie rambles until Izzie cuts in.

"Okay…Let's just stop here. You don't really need my help to pack, do you?" Izzie asks.

"What do you mean? You said you'd come over and…" Lexie stammers.

"Yes. And I'm here, and I'll help you fold your clothes and help you match your shirts to your pants if that's really what you need, but I don't think it is. You're nervous about travelling with Meredith, so let's shove your stuff in a bag and I'll give you a crash course in Meredith-land," Izzie says.

"Meredith-land?" Lexie repeats.

"Yeah…Meredith is kind of in her own world. I've lived with her for a few years now. I speak her language. For example….you ask Meredith how she is. When she says, 'fine' what does she mean?" Izzie asks.

"Ummm…that she's fine. Nothing major going on in her life?" Lexie asks.

"Nope. She means, 'There is drama going on in my head right now that is so enormous that I can't find the words in my limited emotional vocabulary to express it, so I need you to ask me more specific questions if you are ever going to uncover what the actual drama is," she says.

"Okay. So now I'm more nervous than I was before. Izzie, this is going to be weird. Weird, and awkward and just totally bizarre. I'm taking my first road trip with my dark and twisty sister and it's to a psychiatric facility to visit our friend who pointed a gun at her and thought she was trying to kill me. This isn't exactly how I imagined bonding with Meredith…" Lexie explains.

Izzie laughs. "You're right. But you know what? Meredith may be dark, twisty, emotionally stunted and all of the things we mock her endlessly for…but once she cares about you and trusts you, she's the most loyal and wonderful friend you can ask for. She was incredible to me when Denny died. I can't even begin to tell you what a friend she was…" Izzie says. "That's why we all put up with Meredith's self-centered whining about Derek…in between whining, she's the best friend you can have. And I bet that will be true as a sister too."

"I hope so. I just…I want this to go well…" Lexie says.

"I hope it does. But even if it doesn't…it's not your last chance," Izzie points out.

Lexie thinks about that for a moment. "You're right. It's not my last chance…"

(Break)

Meredith sits in the driver's seat as Lexie climbs into the passenger's seat. Derek and Mark finish loading the trunk.

"How long did you girls say you were going to be gone?" Mark asks.

"Judging by the amount of luggage we just loaded, we're not seeing them for at least a month," Derek replies.

"Two days," Meredith says.

"Well, technically one night. I mean it is two days, but it's only one night," Lexie adds.

"Thank you, Lexapedia," Meredith replies, tensely.

Lexie bites her nails. Already Meredith is snapping at her.

"Well have a good time. Derek and I are going to hit a few strip clubs. Have a few beers…you know…" Mark says.

"Yeah…and then McHorny over here woke up…" Derek says.

"It's McSteamy! How many times do I have to tell you?" Mark replies.

"I love you, Mer. Have a good trip. Call me to let me know that you arrived safely," Derek says.

"I love you too. Thanks for everything," Meredith replies, kissing Derek.

"Bye Lexie. You're the hottest piece of ass I ever saw," Mark says, then he leans in and whispers, "And I love you more than anything. Call me from the road."

"I heard that…" Derek says.

Lexie reaches up and touches his face. "I love you, Mark," she says, sincerely.

"Drive carefully, Meredith. You've got precious cargo…" Mark says.

As Meredith and Lexie pull away, Mark looks at Derek. "So what do we do now?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" Derek asks.

"I mean I miss her already. What did I do when I was a single bastard," Mark asks.

"You had a lot of sex with Torres in the on call room," Derek points out.

"Not even remotely interested…" Mark replies.

"Then I say, we go get a beer," Derek suggests.

(Break)

"So, I brought some CDs for the trip. Do you want to listen to some Billy Joel? I think he's the best road trip music. I brought…" Lexie stops when Meredith cuts her off.

"Lexie. You're doing me a favor by coming with me. I'm really grateful. You don't have to try so hard. Relax," Meredith says, smiling.

Lexie takes a deep breath and smiles back. "Thanks. You just saved me about 3 hours of major anxiety," she says.

"No problem. And for the record, I love Billy Joel. Put it in," Meredith replies.

Lexie puts in a CD and the two of them drive along in silence for a few minutes, until Lexie says.

"You're really lucky, Meredith,"

"Lucky? Me? Why?" Meredith asks.

"Well…you have such a great life here. You have this perfect relationship with Derek, and this perfect group of friends. I mean, you have Cristina to give you a reality check whenever you need it. You have Izzie, who is probably one of the world's nicest people, and you have Alex and George who care about you too. Not to mention that Mark thinks the world of you. You're a really good doctor, you have everything going for you… I hope I can look at my life a year from now and have everything you have," Lexie says.

Meredith laughs. "Derek always tells me to see the glass as half full. I see it as half empty. I look at my life and do you want to know what I see? I see that I have this wonderful guy that I couldn't possibly deserve and that any day now, he's going to wake up and realize it and run as far away as he can. I have a wonderful group of friends who are on loan for the time during which we are doing our residency. When we finish, we'll probably all scatter and who knows if we'll ever see each other again. And I have this half sister who has it all. She's brilliant…with a photographic memory…she has a family…a real one. She's the type of person who instantly makes you like her even when you don't want to, and the kind of person who's always happy and smiles a lot. She's the kind of person I'm so jealous of that it's hard for me to get too close to and yet I have no choice because she won't go away…" Meredith explains.

Lexie laughs back at Meredith. "Wow. It's amazing how we can have half the same genes and see things so differently. Derek isn't going to leave you. And neither am I. And for the record…you didn't instantly like me, and neither did any of your friends…well…except for Izzie," Lexie points out.

"And George," Meredith adds.

"So what was Sadie like before all of this happened?" Lexie asks.

"She was always a little nuts. We had so much fun together though. It was such a dark period in both of our lives, although I never knew how dark it was for her. She used to do the craziest things to get attention from guys. One time, she pretended she was going to jump off a bridge if this guy didn't buy her a drink. You should have seen his face. It was hysterical," Meredith reminisces.

"I'm sad for her. I mean, I know we're supposed to be angry about what happened, but I think it's really sad that someone's life can be that hard," Lexie says.

"Me too," Meredith agrees.

They drive along in silence each lost in their own thoughts until Lexie says, "Can I ask you a question? About the diary?"

Meredith nods.

"Did you really mean all those things you said about me? I mean, wishing my face would be burned? How could you feel that way about me and then turn around and tell me how highly you think of me?" Lexie asks.

Meredith sighs. "I don't know. I mean, I know what you want to hear. You want to hear me say that I felt that way at first but there's no way I could ever feel that way now. That I love you so much, I can't imagine anything so awful every happening to you. But the truth is, sometimes I still feel that way. The fact that our father chose you brings out the worst in me. On a good day, when I'm feeling strong, I love that I have a sister. On a bad day, when I'm feeling badly about myself, I look at you and see the girl I could have been…and yes…then maybe I still want to burn you a little," Meredith explains, smiling a little bit at the end trying to lighten the mood.

"You're right. The truth wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear," Lexie says, sadly.

"I'm sorry. I wish I were the sister you wanted," Meredith says.

Lexie sighs. "But you're the one I've got. So sometimes if you want to scar my face or something, I guess I'll have to live with it."

They pull up in front of the psychiatric facility. "Here we are…" Meredith says.

******

Thanks so much to all who reviewed! Sunnycait…it's good to see you again!

So I was going to end this story after the next chapter, but then A Lady of Paris gave me a great idea, so it looks like we may be going on for a while!!!

Let me know what you think!! PLEASE read and review!!!

Jess


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith strides confidently to the desk. "Sadie Winters room please," she says.

"And your name?" the receptionist asks, without looking up from her desk.

"Dr. Grey. Dr. Meredith Grey," she says.

"And?" she asks, eyeing Lexie.

"Dr. Grey. Dr. Lexie Grey," Lexie replies.

"Wow. Sisters and both doctors. Your mother must be so proud…" the receptionist says, almost snidely.

Meredith and Lexie look at each other and stifle a smile. "Should we tell her that my mother was never proud of me a day in her life, and she's dead now, and that although your mother was extremely proud of you, she's dead too?" Meredith asks.

"Only if we tell her that our shared proud father is drowning his pride in a bottle of Johnny Walker Black right now," Lexie adds.

"Here are your visitors passes. You'll need these to enter the ward. She's upstairs on ward 3. Take the elevator to the 3rd floor and make a left. She's in room 331," she says.

"Thank you," Meredith says.

Lexie follows Meredith to the elevator. She notices that Meredith's stride is becoming faster and more tense. She struggles to keep up until they approach the door that reads "331," where Meredith stops and says, "So what do you think? Do I knock?" she asks.

"Ummm…I guess so, I mean, it's still her room. I guess the usual etiquette applies. You should always knock before entering someone's room," Lexie says.

"Thank you, Miss Manners," Meredith replies, knocking firmly on the door three times.

"Come in," Sadie says.

Meredith and Lexie enter the room tentatively.

Sadie sits on her bed wearing a hospital gown and robe. She has no makeup on, her hair is in a sloppy pony tail, and has a slightly dazed look on her face which Meredith and Lexie attribute to the drugs. She looks extremely thin. Almost emaciated, which startles Meredith.

"When they told me you guys were coming, I thought it was some kind of bad joke. I mean, I never actually thought that you would show up. After what I did…Meredith…you have to know that I would never have…" Sadie pauses to find the right words and Meredith cuts her off.

"Sadie…Dr. Wyatt played us those tapes. I am so sorry for what you went through. I wish I had known…" Meredith says.

"I couldn't tell anyone, Meredith. Telling you would have been admitting it to myself," Sadie explains.

Lexie interrupts. "And Sadie…I'm sorry I didn't see you falling apart sooner. When I walked in on you in the supply closet that day, I knew something wasn't right and I should have pushed the issue…"

Sadie shakes her head. "Lexie…you were so nice to me. I guess that's why when I had my breakdown I turned you into the one person who meant the most to me. You didn't do anything wrong. I should have been upfront and I should have taken care of myself. I needed so much help, and I didn't let myself get it. I'm getting it now though. As much as I hate being here indefinitely, I'm sort of relieved to just not have to deal with life for a while…someone else controls everything. I don't have to think at all…it's easy, and I think I need easy right now," Sadie says.

Meredith sits down and looks right at Sadie. She motions for Lexie to sit next to her as she notices that Lexie still looks uncomfortable.

"Okay…so can we drop the awkwardness and just talk? Catch me up on the hospital gossip?" Sadie asks.

Meredith wracks her brain for something to say. Lexie does the same and is the first to come up with a question for Sadie. "So…do you have a roommate?" Lexie asks.

"Yes. She's nice. Quiet, but nice," Sadie says.

"What brought her here?" Lexie asks.

"Lexie! That's none of your business!" Meredith chides.

"What? I'm just asking!" Lexie says.

"No. It's okay. She sets fires. They have to be careful that she doesn't get near the kitchen because it's a trigger for her to see a gas stove. Come out to the common area. I'll introduce you," Sadie says.

Lexie looks at Meredith who shrugs. "Okay," Lexie says.

They walk out to the common area and see a young girl with brown stringy hair that covers half her face. "Laura, these are my friends, Meredith and Lexie. They came to visit me," Sadie says.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm going to grab something to eat and then go back to the room. I'll see you later, Sadie." Laura says.

"She has a hard time making conversation," Sadie says, after she leaves.

"So, Lexie's dating Mark Sloan…" Meredith says, trying to bridge the awkward silence that keeps creeping up.

"Meredith!" Lexie says.

"What? Sadie's our friend! She should know who you're dating!" Meredith says.

"Mark Sloan? Wow…so it all worked out with you guys? That's great!" Sadie says, enthusiastically.

"Yeah. It is great. In fact, I promised I'd call him. Let me just step outside and let him know we arrived. Okay?" Lexie says.

Lexie steps outside and Meredith and Sadie stare at each other, awkwardly.

"We're going to have to really talk about it, Sadie. If we ever want to regain our friendship, we're going to have to talk about it…I mean, really talk about it. Not 5 minutes at the beginning of a visit, but really talk about it." Meredith says.

"I'm not good at this, Mer. I guess that's why I'm in here…" Sadie says.

"I'm not either…I guess that's why I probably should be in here too," Meredith jokes.

"So where do we start?" Sadie asks.

"I don't know…the beginning?" Meredith suggests.

"You said you heard the tapes…" Sadie says.

"I did…and Sadie…I'm so sorry…I should have known. I didn't mean to ignore the signs the way I did. I mean, if I hadn't left…and if I had just asked you a few questions…" Meredith says.

Sadie stops her. "Meredith. I have a mental illness. Two, actually. Dissociative Identity Disorder which is controlled pretty well when I take my medication, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…which isn't really as easy to control. There was nothing you could have done. I was a wreck during that time. I never dealt with what happened to Amy. I'm working on that now."

"But you tried to end your life. You tried to kill yourself. And my leaving had something to do with that…"

Sadie shakes her head. "No. Your leaving made me sad. A normal reaction to being sad is to cry. A normal reaction is not to slit your wrists on the street in England. I needed help, Mer…from a professional. Not from my friend. You were a wonderful friend. The absolute best. You did nothing wrong," she says, taking Meredith's hand.

Meredith's voice catches as she says, "Thank you."

"I mean, I held you at gun point, and here you are! I think that proves your amazing friendship!" Sadie says.

Lexie comes back into the room. "Sorry. I'm back. Mark says hi to everyone," she says, beaming.

Sadie closes her eyes for a moment.

"Are you tired?" Lexie asks.

Sadie nods. "It's one of the side effects of the medication. I'm so tired all the time," she says.

"Why don't Lexie and I go, and we'll come back tomorrow before we leave and we can catch up more…okay?" Meredith says.

Sadie smiles. "That sounds good. I just have to get a nurse to walk me back to my room."

"Oh! We'll walk you back," Lexie says.

Sadie shakes her head. "I need a nurse to take me back. She has to make sure I have no sharp objects. I'm still not cleared for free reign of the floor."

"Oh…okay," Meredith says, awkwardly.

"We'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest…okay?" Lexie says.

They each hug Sadie goodbye and walk out of the room.

"Wow…that was weird and awkward. I mean, she's really a psychiatric patient. She can't even walk the halls freely," Meredith says when they get outside.

"Yeah. I felt bad for her. Didn't you?" Lexie says.

"Definitely. I kind of want to forget that. She's like a shell of her former self. She used to be funny and crazy and adventurous. Now she just seems…well…sad and pathetic," Meredith says.

"Yeah…" Lexie says.

They are quiet for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Meredith says, "So what should we do now?"

"I don't know? DO you want to go out? From what I hear, you're a big fan of tequila.

"I am…which is why I brought a bottle of it in the trunk. What do you say we just head to the hotel and break open the bottle?" Meredith says.

"I say that sounds perfect!" Lexie says.

(Break)

Meredith and Lexie are in their pajamas. Meredith holds the bottle of tequila, but Lexie grabs it out of her hand and takes a long sip.

"We should get to know each other. Ask me anything. Anything in the world…" Lexie says.

"Okay…when did you lose your virginity?" Meredith asks.

"I was 18. It was my first year at Harvard and I slept with my Molecular Bio professor. Not for good grades. Never had to do that. I was smart enough. Just because he was so hot. God…he was hot!"

"Wow! 18??? That's old! I was 14. He was the pizza delivery guy. He used to come to our house a lot because my mom never cooked for me and was never home, so he used to come over and we'd talk when he delivered the pizza. He wasn't hot at all…but he told me I was, so I did him. Right there…in the front hallway. I just did him!" Meredith says, laughing.

"Really? At 14? That's so young!" Lexie says.

"Your turn. Ask me something!" Meredith says.

"Okay…If the world was going to blow up and you could only save three people, who would they be?" Lexie asks.

"Three? Three is a weird number. Why three?" Meredith asks.

"This is my question! I said three!" Lexie says as she hands Meredith the bottle of tequila.

"I'm not drunk enough to answer that…" Meredith says as she takes a long swig of tequila. Then she adds. "NOW I'm drunk enough!"

"So answer my question! You're stalling! If I'm drunk enough to ask it, you're drunk enough to answer it!" Lexie says, laughing.

"Okay…Derek and Cristina, definitely. That's two." Meredith says.

"Didn't take a genius to figure those two out…" Lexie says.

"Ummm…I don't know who the third would be. Maybe me! I'd save me so I could be with Derek!" Meredith says.

"You don't count. You're already going to live! You have to pick a third person!" Lexie squeals.

"Fine. I'd pick…" Meredith stops and takes a huge sip of tequila, "You!" she says, throwing her arms around Lexie.

Lexie bursts into tears. "I love you, Meredith! You're the best sister I ever had!"

Meredith bursts into tears too. "You're the best sister I ever had too!"

"I'm the only sister you ever had," Lexie points out.

"Yes…but I just saved you from Armageddon! And now, I think I'm going to pass out," Meredith says.

"I might pass out too. Did we finish the bottle?" Lexie asks.

Meredith picks up the empty bottle of tequila. "Maybe we had help from the other two of you…I see three of you right now," she says.

"Yeah…there are three of you too. You're a triplet. Now you have lots of sisters!" Lexie laughs.

They collapse on the bed and lie quietly, until Lexie says, "What about Izzie?"

"What about her?" Meredith asks.

"Why would you save Cristina and not Izzie? I think you should let Cristina blow up with the rest of the world and save Izzie…" she says.

"Shut up. My head hurts. No more talking," Meredith moans.

(Break)

"So who were those people that you were with today?" Laura asks Sadie.

"My two friends. One of them is kind of the reason I'm here…" Sadie explains.

"Is that the girl you held at gun point?" Laura asks.

"Yes," Sadie sighs.

"Wow. And she still came! That's a good friend. It's weird having visitors though…isn't it?" Laura asks.

"Yeah. They leave and we stay here…" Sadie remarks.

"I like being here," Laura says.

"Why?" Sadie asks.

"It feels safe. There's less chances of me starting fires. I don't want to start them. I just can't stop. Here, people stop me. I feel like I get a rest from trying…you know?" Laura says.

Sadie closes her eyes and puts her head back. "Yeah…I do."

(Break)

Lexie rushes to the toilet and leans over it vomiting violently.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asks.

After Lexie finishes, she says, "No…I think I might die…"

"We could publish a study. Alcohol tolerance is not inherited. I'm not even hung over," Meredith says.

"Can you stop talking so loud?" Lexie whispers.

"Get in the shower. You smell like puke and tequila," Meredith says.

At the mention of tequila, Lexie turns green and runs back to the bathroom.

"Again?" Meredith says. "I'm going to get ready and go down for coffee. Come join me after you stop puking your guts out!"

"Can you tell them not to turn any lights on?" Lexie pleads.

"Yeah…I'll do that," Meredith says, sarcastically.

Meredith helps herself to coffee in the lobby and calls Derek to leave him a message. She knows he's in surgery today, but she wants to at least tell him how much she misses him. When Lexie arrives, Meredith takes one look at her and laughs.

"You look like death," Meredith says.

"I thought that was YOUR nickname," Lexie says back.

"You can borrow it for today," Meredith says.

"You're mocking me," Lexie says.

"Like you can't even imagine," Meredith says, smiling.

"Where's the coffee?" Lexie says.

"On the table up front. It's strong. Perfect for you right now," Meredith says.

Lexie gets a cup of coffee and sits down. "How are you not totally hung over?"

"I drink a lot," Meredith says.

"Yeah…I can see that…" Lexie says.

"I saved you last night. You have to be nice to me. Come on. We should get over to say goodbye to Sadie. I'm ready to get home," Meredith says.

"Me too. I feel like closing my eyes and sleeping for 10 years. I could be an attending by then," Lexie says.

"Not if you sleep through the next 10 years," Meredith points out.

"True. Let's go see Sadie and then get back home," Lexie says.

As they walk out to the car Meredith says, "As much as I want to get home, I'm glad we did this. It's been nice."

"It has been. Really nice. I'm glad we did this," Lexie agrees.

"Come on. Let's go. Try not to throw up in the car," Meredith says.

(Break)

Sadie sits in the common area with her roommate Laura and waits nervously for Meredith and Lexie to arrive.

"They're coming back today? You're so lucky. None of my friends ever visit anymore. They did at first, but the longer I was here, they just stopped coming," Laura explains.

"Yeah. Something tells me this will be the last time they come. Yesterday was nice, but pretty strained. Lots of awkward silences…" Sadie admits.

"Yeah…know the feeling. I don't even know what to say to normal people anymore," Laura says.

"I'm going to be normal again. I'm determined to get past this. I'm not going to let this ruin the rest of my life. After what I did…I can't accept that that's the last big thing I ever do. I have to do something useful. Something good…something so that I'm not remembered as the crazy girl who tried to shoot her friend. Something so that Amy can be proud of me," Sadie says, determined.

Before Laura can respond, Meredith and Lexie walk in. "Hi Sadie," Meredith says.

"Hi," Sadie says, shyly.

Lexie sits down immediately and holds her head.

"Don't mind her. She can't hold her tequila," Meredith says.

"Don't say that word…ugh…" Lexie says.

Sadie laughs. "Hey, Laura, can you give us some privacy. I want to spend some time with Mer and Lexie before they have to go back," she asks.

Laura's face darkens. "Sure. I guess I'm good enough to be your friend until someone else comes along. Just remember…you're one of us…not one of them," she says as she storms out of the room.

When she leaves, Meredith looks at Sadie. "What was that about?"

Sadie shrugs. "She's got issue?" Then she laughs. "Obviously…that's why she's here with me. So enough about this crazy house. Tell me more about your drunken tequila night."

Meredith shakes her head. "Not much to tell. We had fun and this morning, Lexie was praying to the porcelain god!"

"We drank the whole bottle…I can't believe you're not hung over too," Lexie says.

"Nope. I can hold my tequila!" she says.

"I told you not to say…oh my god!" Lexie cries as she runs out of the room gagging.

"Down the hall to the left!" Sadie says. "I hope they don't mistake her for one of the bulimics!" Sadie adds, laughing.

Meredith laughs too and then grows serious. "Sadie. How are you really doing? Are you okay here?"

Sadie nods. "I am. I was just saying to someone…I need to get through this. I need what I did to you not to be the last thing I ever do in my life. I can't just be that crazy girl who tried to shoot her friend. I need to be more than that…" she says.

Meredith grabs Sadie's hand. "You can do this. I know the next big thing you do is going to mean something."

"Thanks," Sadie says, smiling.

They sit in silence for a moment until they are interrupted by a man and woman running frantically through the room.

"Has anyone seen Laura?" the man asks, frantically.

"She's not here! Damn it! Check the kitchen!" the woman replies.

Suddenly, Sadie points to a dark trail of smoke. "Run!" she says, grabbing Meredith's hand.

They see the flames start to engulf the hallway. "How do we get out of here?" Meredith screams.

"Follow me!" Sadie says.

"Lexie! We have to find Lexie!" Meredith says.

"Meredith! Run!" Sadie says as she watches the flames get closer.

They sprint away from the flames as Meredith keeps saying, "But what about Lexie? We need to find her!"

"There's the door! Get out! I'll go get Lexie. I promise! I know my way around here." Sadie says.

Meredith stands outside the burning building watching the flames grow taller and more menacing as Sadie runs back inside. Tears stream down her face as Meredith looks at the growing crowd outside the hospital.

"Help me! My sister's inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cries. "Lexie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screams, dropping to her knees. "Lexie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*****************

Thanks to those of you who reviewed the last chapter! Please read and review this one! I'd so appreciate it!!!!!!!!!

The drama's about to get major!


	15. Chapter 15

Derek hangs up the phone and puts his head in his hands. He knows he needs to talk to Mark, but he also knows it is not going to be easy to break the news to him. He feels the weight of everyone's panic on his shoulders. He calmed Meredith down by promising he would get up there, but he knew that he wouldn't be going alone. He would be bringing his distraught best friend with him. Now he just had to bring himself to tell Mark that Lexie was stuck in a burning building.

Derek walks over to the on call room where Mark is laying on the bed sleeping. Derek feels like turning around and walking away, and letting his friend enjoy the rest of his slumber, but he knows he would just be postponing the inevitable. He shakes Mark's shoulder.

"Sloan, hey buddy… wake up,"

"Shepherd! What the hell! Isn't the first rule we tell interns is never to wake an attending unless someone is crashing?" Mark says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah. And that's why I woke you…" Derek says.

"You're like the best neurosurgeon in the country. Now you want me to help you do CPR? Go take a first aid class! Let me sleep!" Mark complains.

"Mark. Listen to me. It's Lexie…" Derek says, gravely.

Mark's demeanor changes immediately. He sits up and stares at Derek. "Why do you look so serious. What's wrong with Lexie?" Mark asks, desperately.

Derek takes a deep breath. "There was a fire…at the psych hospital…a bad one. Meredith got out, but Lexie's still inside. I'm so sorry."

"Inside? Lexie? She's inside burning? What the hell, Shepherd? What's wrong with Meredith? She left her in there to die?" Mark explodes.

"Come on. We're going up there. We're going to take care of them. This isn't Meredith's fault. This isn't anyone's fault. We've just got to go get Lexie. Grab your things and meet me in the parking lot." Derek says, trying to stay calm.

Mark numbly follows Derek's instructions. As Mark walks away, Derek sees Callie down the hall and runs over to her. "Torres. Don't alarm anyone, but Lexie's in a burning building. Mark's a wreck. Stay with him until I get back. Help him get some things together so we can go up there…okay?" Derek says.

"Of course," Callie says. "What happened?" she asks, concerned.

Derek shakes his head. "Don't have time. I have to get moving."

(break)

Cristina holds her phone to her ear. "I just have to finish my charts and then I'm ready to go. Do you want me to grab dinner?"

"Sure. But I'm exhausted. It's been a long day. Can we go somewhere close and then just go home?" Owen asks.

"Sure," Cristina replies.

As she hangs up her phone, Derek rushes over to her.

"Cristina…I need your help," Derek says.

"Yeah…I've been telling you that for a while. Glad you're finally listening," Cristina replies.

"I've got to go to Meredith. I need you to call her every 15 minutes to make sure she's okay. I want to drive as quickly as humanly possible, so I can't call her as often as I need to." Derek says.

"What's wrong with Meredith?" Cristina asks.

"She and Lexie went to visit Sadie. There was a fire…" Derek says.

"A fire? Oh my god! Is Meredith okay? Did you talk to her?" she says.

"She got out. But Lexie…" Derek says.

Cristina picks up her cell phone again. "Owen. Meet me at your car now. Change of plans. We're going on a road trip."

Izzie and Alex walk over. "What's this I hear about a road trip? I love road trips!" Izzie says, brightly.

"Come on, Iz. I'm tired. No one's taking a road trip…" Alex says.

"Meredith and Lexie were visiting Sadie and there was a fire. Meredith got out, but Lexie's still in the building. We're worried about Meredith," Cristina says.

"Ummm…and Lexie… you know…the one in the burning building? C

ome on, Alex…we're going too. We'll ride with Cristina," she says.

"And Owen," Cristina says.

"No way. I'm not riding in a car with that guy," Alex says.

"Don't be a selfish ass. Get your things and meet me at the front of the hospital," she says.

Alex sighs and starts to protest but is silenced by a look from Izzie.

Derek looks at all of them and explodes. "This isn't spring break! Whatever you all decide, do it quickly! I need to get to Meredith!" he says and storms off.

Izzie, Alex and Cristina look at each other. "Come on. Owen's car is out front. Don't slow me down. I could have been halfway there already," Cristina says.

"So what's the problem with you and Owen?" Izzie whispers to Alex.

"He got pissed because I said that Sadie's stupid PTSD wasn't an excuse for holding Meredith at gunpoint. The guy's a little high strung," Alex says, dismissively.

"Alex!" Izzie scolds. "Owen was in both Gulf Wars. Half the people he knows probably suffer from PTSD. You better apologize as soon as we get to the car. That was seriously insensitive!"

"Whatever…" Alex replies, with a half smile.

(Break)

"He won't talk to me, Derek. I can't get him to say a word…" Callie says.

"Thanks, Torres. I got it from here. Thanks for staying until I got back," Derek says.

"Of course. I'll cover for you guys here. I'll do your charts and everything. Bailey said she'll help too," Callie promises.

"Thanks again. We'll call you on the way back. Come on, Sloan. We're gonna go bring Big and Little Grey home," Derek says, putting his hand on Mark's shoulder.

Mark follows Derek without a word. Derek leads him to the car where they sit in silence as Derek programs the GPS system to 347 State Street.

As they get on the road, Derek turns to Mark. "Mark…we're going to bring her home. I promise you. We're going to find her," Derek says.

Mark looks Derek in the eyes. "Please. Don't let me down, man," he says.

"I won't. " Derek promises.

(Break)

Owen gets behind the wheel of the car. Alex climbs into the driver's seat next to him.

"That's Cristina's seat," Owen says.

"Well she can have it at the next stop. Listen…I wanted to talk to you about something…" Alex says.

"The leg amputation went fine," Owen says.

"It's not that. I'm sorry about what I said about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was wrong. I know it's real and that you must know a lot of people with it, from the army and all. Sometimes I'm a jerk just to be a jerk, but anyway…I'm sorry," Alex says.

Owen doesn't speak for a second. When he does, he says, "Sometimes I'm a jerk just to be a jerk too. Sometimes being a jerk is just so easy."

"Yeah…it is," Alex says.

"Yeah…" Owen says, keeping his eyes on the road.

The car is quiet for a few minutes.

Cristina turns to Izzie. "I hope Meredith is alright."

Izzie turns sharply back to her. "Meredith is fine! She's outside the building. It's Lexie who's in there. Why aren't you worried about that?" she snaps.

"I am. You know how we ask the patients to rate their pain on a scale of 1-10? Well, Meredith lives life every day at an 8. If anything happens to Lexie…well…I don't want her pain number to get any higher," Cristina explains.

Izzie softens. "Me either. I hope they're both okay."

(Break)

Meredith runs over to a fireman standing outside talking on a walkie talkie.

"Have they found a girl in there? She's in her 20s and she has straight brown hair. She's petite and she was in the bathroom when the fire started. Has anyone found her? She's my sister and…"

"Lady, there are a lot of people in there. We're doing the best we can," he says.

"The best you can? I'm a doctor. I know what that means," she says.

"Then you know that the odds aren't good. I'm sorry miss, but I've got to get in there. I'll try to find your sister and all the other people trapped in there…but you have to know…" he says, sadly.

Meredith doesn't answer. She just stares helplessly at the door of the burning building for what feels like hours. After an unbearable amount of time, Sadie emerges carrying Lexie over her shoulder. Meredith doesn't recognize them immediately. Both of them are covered in soot. Sadie places Lexie on the ground and collapses next to her and begins to vomit blood.

Meredith collapses next to them and sobs. "Oh my god. You're here! Sadie! Let me help you!" she says, pulling her hair back from her face as she continues to wretch. Meredith instantly sees the signs of severe smoke inhalation. "Help!" she calls.

A paramedic comes over. "I'm a doctor!" Meredith announces.

"Then you know that she's vomiting tissue," he says, shaking his head.

Meredith knows what that means. She holds Sadie's hand and says, "Thank you…for saving my sister. You said you wanted to do something big…something that made up for…well….this is it, Sadie. You saved Lexie's life," Meredith says.

"Thank you, Meredith," Sadie whispers, her breathing labored.

"For what?" Meredith asks.

"For forgiving me…" Sadie says as her eyes close, and her breath slows and finally stops.

Meredith strokes Sadie's hair. "I'm so sorry, Sadie," she whispers and then places Sadie's hand down and turns to Lexie, gasping when she sees her. She is unconscious, but breathing. Her entire face is covered in third degree burns and she is barely recognizable. Meredith knows that the damage is horrific and that Lexie's condition is critical. She tries to get someone's attention to get her some help, but she is frozen to the spot where her sister is laying. She looks at Lexie's hand and sees a small, thin gold bracelet that she recognizes as belonging to her sister. It is the only identifiable part of Lexie who currently looks like something out of a horror movie.

…_September 5__th__. Lexie Gray is an intern here now! Can my life get any worse? TO make matters even more disastrous, she seems to want to get to know me. How can I explain it to her any more clearly? She is a reminder of everything I never had. I'm never going to want to get to know her. Never! In fact, everything about her repulses me. Especially her skin. I look at her perfect, milky white skin on her face and I want to slash it with a scalpel so she'll be damaged. Damaged like me. I want to cause her pain so she'll lose that stupid Pollyanna grin on her face and be as screwed up as the rest of us. I even hate her hair. Sometimes, when we are sitting in conferences, I find myself fantasizing about holding her down and shaving her head. And despite the fact that I don't have a kind word to say to her, and certainly don't have a kind thought to think about her, she keeps coming back for more. She even brought me coffee today. What she didn't seem to realize was that as she handed it to me, I had to fight the urge to throw it on her so that she would suffer 2__nd__ degree burns. How am I going to face her every day?..._

Meredith hears the words from her diary play like a record in her head. She looks at Lexie and feels the weight of the meaning of her words on her shoulders pulling her to the ground. "I never meant it. I never meant it, Lexie…you have to believe me. I never meant any of it," Meredith whispers to her sister.


	16. Chapter 16

Derek parks the car in front of the burning building. "Oh my god…this is bad. Really bad…" as he watches people dragging bodies from the flames.

"She can't still be in there, man. She's gotta get out. I'm going in! I'm coming Lexie!" Mark shouts.

Derek grabs him. "You're not going anywhere. We don't even know if she's still in the building. Besides, you're a plastic surgeon, not a firefighter. I'm not letting you run into a burning building like a lunatic. Stay here with me," Derek says.

Mark obeys without a complaint. "Shepherd? Thanks. I can't think. I need you to think for me until we find her."

Derek nods. "I've always been the brains. Just look for Meredith…okay? Follow me and look for Meredith," he says.

(Break)

"This is taking a really long time," Izzie says.

"Why don't you just whine, 'are we there yet????' like a 5 year old and be done with it!" Cristina snaps at her.

"Shut up, Yang," Alex says.

"Please…we'd be done already if you didn't have to make 12 bathroom stops like a toddler," Cristina says.

"Or if Izzie didn't need to stop for snacks twenty times." Owen points out.

"Or if McStormy over here wasn't afraid to let the gas tank run below half a tank…" Izzie adds.

They continue to bicker until Owen says, "Hey. We're all on the same side. Let's just get there.

Cristina looks at him and says, "Thanks for driving."

"Hey, you told me I needed to embrace this dysfunctional family if I wanted to be with you. This is me, embracing the most dysfunctional family I have ever met," Owen says.

"Tell me Meredith is okay," Cristina says.

"Meredith is okay," Owen says.

"Thanks." Cristina says, quietly.

Izzie and Alex now sit next to each other in the back seat. Izzie rests her head on Alex's shoulder and closes her eyes.

"You think Lexie will be okay…right?" she asks.

"Iz…you do know that I slept with Lexie, right?" Alex says.

Izzie picks her head up off Alex's shoulder. "Of course I know that…why?" she asks.

"Well, it's just that you and Lexie were getting all BFFs or whatever you girls call it and I don't know…don't girls have some kind of weird code about that or something?" Alex asks.

"Weird code about what? We don't sleep with men the other one slept with before we even knew each other. No…I've never heard about that code. I'm okay with it Alex. And for the record, I'm not a virgin either. There were men before you," Izzie says, sarcastically.

"Woah…I think someone's a little jealous," Alex teases.

Izzie sighs. "I'm not jealous, Alex. I'm scared. I'm scared of what we're going to find when we get there," she says.

"Me too," Alex admits.

"Here it is," Owen says, as they pull up to the building.

They all get out of the car and stand motionless as they watch the flames engulf the building. Alex puts his arm around Izzie who leans on his shoulder. Owen looks at Cristina and says, "This is going to be a nightmare." Cristina looks up at him but does not respond.

Izzie looks at all of them with tears in her eyes and says, "We have to find them. Let's go."

(Break)

"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! Lexie!! Please…believe me! I didn't mean it!" Meredith cries.

Derek and Mark turn their heads. Meredith is only a few feet away, and is on the ground between Sadie's lifeless body and Lexie's charred body. She is more hysterical than Derek has ever seen her. Derek runs over to her and wraps his arms around her shaking body. He pulls her off Lexie's body and pulls her toward him.

"Shhhh…Deep breaths, Mer. Slow, deep breaths. Just breathe," he says.

Mark looks at Lexie and stands there frozen. Derek looks at him. "Mark, call the chief. Tell him we need a helicopter to transport Lexie and Sadie to Seattle Grace, immediately.

"I-I-I can't, man. I-I gotta get out of here," he says, running through the crowd.

Derek calls after him, and is suddenly torn between holding Meredith and chasing his friend down to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Fortunately, at this moment, Cristina, Owen, Izzie and Alex rush over to where they are sitting.

"Thank god you guys are here. Listen…I've got to go get Sloan. I can't leave Mer alone with this," he says, motioning to Lexie and Sadie's bodies. Hunt, go call the chief and tell the chief that we need a helicopter stat. Stevens, and Karev, monitor Lexie's vitals and do the best you can to keep her stable. Cristina, take over for me. Mark's in bad shape and Mer needs her person right now," he says.

Cristina slowly approaches Meredith whose sobs have died down slightly due to exhaustion. She sits cross legged on the ground and Meredith puts her head in Cristina's lap. Cristina strokes her hair.

"I didn't mean it," Meredith whispers.

"I know," Cristina says.

Alex and Izzie lean over Lexie. They take her pulse and check her breathing. "She's holding her own," Alex says.

Tears stream down Izzie's cheeks as she says, "Look at her face, Alex. You'd never know this was Lexie," Izzie says.

Alex looks at Lexie's swollen, burned face. "When she can speak again you'll know it's Lexie. No one's just a face, Iz. She's still Lexie," he says.

Izzie sits next to her. "Do you think she's in pain?" she asks.

Alex knows the answer that Izzie wants her hear. "No. She's resting peacefully," he says, putting his arm around Izzie.

Izzie turns to Meredith and Cristina. "Is there anything I can do for you?" she asks Meredith who is no longer sobbing. She is simply lying in Cristina's lap.

"I didn't mean what I wrote, Iz. I really didn't," Meredith says.

"I know. We all know. Lexie knows too," Izzie says, brushing Meredith's hair out of her eyes.

"She's hanging in there Mer. We're going to get her to Seattle Grace and we're all going to take care of her. Every single one of us is going to make sure she comes out the other side of this," Alex says.

Owen rushes back. "Helicpoter is on its way. Let's keep her warm. With burns like this, body temp can drop from the shock, he says, taking off his coat and laying it over Lexie. Izzie and Alex do the same.

"Now we wait. That's the hardest part," Owen says.

(Break)

Derek runs to the car where Mark has both hands on the driver's side door and is leaning on it with his head down. He has tears running down his cheeks, but makes no noise. Derek puts his hand on Mark's back. "We've got a helicopter coming. Why don't you follow me back and we'll wait for it. You can ride with her," Derek says.

Mark shakes his head. "I can't ride with her. I can't even look at her," he says.

Derek looks at him sharply. "I thought you were over being so shallow! That's still Lexie Grey. The same girl you told me you were falling in love with! Now, because she doesn't look like the trophy you wanted, you're bailing?" Derek snaps, self-righteously.

Mark faces him and speaks slowly and deliberately. "No. I'm bailing because I'm not strong enough to watch her suffer. I'm a plastic surgeon. Do you know what the recovery from something like that takes? Do you know the kind of pain she's going to be in when she wakes up? I love her so much that I can't even think about it. And for the record, Derek, she's still beautiful. I'm not that shallow man whore anymore," Mark says.

Derek immediately regrets his words. "I'm sorry. Come on. Let's go back. The helicopter will be here soon."

Mark shakes his head. "I can't, man. I'm sorry. Tell everyone I'm sorry," he says.

Derek grabs Mark's shoulders. "Listen Sloan! I've known you since you were a little kid who was scared to climb the monkey bars on the playground. I covered for you then and told everyone you had climbed them at night when we came to the playground and no one was there, but I can't cover for you now. You're scared. Fine! I'm scared too. I hate watching Meredith suffer. But I'm there and I hold her hand and I like to think that my being there makes it a little less scary for her. Little Grey needs you now in a way she's never needed you before. She needs you like she probably never will again. It's what you do now that counts. Don't blow this, Mark. You won't get a second chance," Derek says, forcefully.

Mark is silent as he ponders Derek's words. "I told you…I need you to think for me. Tell me what to do, Derek," he says.

"Just follow me back to Lexie and Meredith," he says as he begins walking.

Mark follows him without saying a word.

(Break)

Izzie stares at Sadie's body. "I can't believe she's dead. I mean, she saved Lexie's life," she says to Alex.

"She was a lousy doctor, but she finally saved a life," Alex agrees.

"Alex! Don't speak ill of the dead!" Izzie reprimands him.

"Denny sucks," Alex whispers, with a smile.

"Alex!" Izzie says again, but cannot contain her smile.

"Just had to make you smile a little. It's going to be a very long road ahead," he says.

"Thanks," Izzie says, with a small smile.

"Helicopter's here," Owen says, pointing to a large form in the distance. "I'll go get the team," he says rushing towards the helicopter.

Meredith sits up and looks at her sister. Izzie, Cristina and Alex look worriedly at each other.

"Stop looking at each other like that. I'm fine. I'm going to do this. I'm going to make this up to her. I'm going to be the sister I was supposed to be. I can't promise I won't freak out sometimes, and when I do, you can all help bring me back to the realm of sanity, but right now, I'm going to do this. I'm going to be strong and positive and bright and shiny and all the things Lexie needs me to be. So stop looking at each other like that," Meredith says with a renewed sense of strength.

Derek and Mark come back and Cristina says, "Owen went to go get the team. The helicopter is here."

"What do we do about her?" Cristina says, pointing at Sadie.

"Her name is Sadie, and she saved Lexie's life. Jeez! You're so insensitive!" Izzie snaps.

"Oh yeah! You've been so sensitive. What did you call her? McPsycho or was it McCrazy. Lose the self-righteous attitude!" Cristina snaps back.

Alex leans over Sadie. "No pulse, no respiration. She's gone," he says.

"Then we bring her back with us. We never leave one of our own," Owen says. "Come on, Cristina, help me carry her to the chopper," he says.

Without protest, Cristina lifts Sadie's feet as Owen lifts her arms.

Dr. Bailey arrives with a stretcher and stops dead in her tracks when she sees Lexie. "Holy mother of god," she whispers.

"It's bad," Izzie agrees.

Dr. Bailey allows herself one more moment before she turns back into doctor mode. "There's room for two of you to ride with her back to the hospital if I give up my seat. We can figure it all out when we get to the helicopter. Karev, carry the other side of this. Stevens, run up ahead and start up the monitors. Shepherd, keep Grey and Sloan calm. Let's go," Bailey says in a take charge manner.

"I'll ride with her," Mark says.

Derek looks at him questioningly.

"What?" Mark asks. "You said it's what I do now that counts. I'm gonna get this right," Mark says.

"I'll ride too," Meredith says.

"Will you be okay without me?" Derek asks.

Meredith kisses him. "Yes. You can be my knight in shining armor when we get there. Because I'm sure by then I'll be freaking out, but right now, my adrenaline has kicked in and I'm fine," Meredith says.

"Fine isn't always good," Derek says.

"Life isn't always good," Meredith says.

"I love you," Derek says, kissing her as they approach the helicopter.

"I love you too," Meredith says.

"See you back at the hospital," Derek says. "Hang in there, Sloan."

Mark and Meredith nod and follow Lexie's stretcher onto the plane.

"Do you think she can hear us?" Meredith asks.

"This chopper's so loud, I can barely hear us," Mark says.

"True," Meredith replies. She pauses. "You know, I freak out too," Meredith says.

"What?" Mark asks, caught off guard.

"I freak out. Sometimes, when Derek puts his arms around me, I want to run screaming in the other direction. Or when Lexie says she loves me and has always wanted a sister, I want to lock myself in a closet until everyone goes away. It's so easy to be alone. I know the rules. I don't know the rules to all these relationships, and they're scary because sometimes they feel good and feeling good is so scary because it can only mean that eventually everything will be taken away and I'll end up in that dark place again," Meredith says.

"Why are you telling me this?" Mark asks. "I'm a plastic surgeon, not a shrink."

"Because I know you freaked out before. And this is going to be a long haul, and we're both going to be leaning on Derek a lot. Let's make a deal that sometimes, when one of us is feeling good that we can lean on each other too. We need to stick together to get her through this," Meredith says.

"She's still beautiful," Mark says.

"Yeah. She is," Meredith agrees as the helicopter takes off.

(Break)

Derek and Dr. Bailey climb into his car while Owen, Cristina, Izzie and Alex set off in Owen's car.

"How are you holding up, Shepherd?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"I don't have a choice. I have to hold up. I have to take care of Meredith and Mark so that they can take care of Lexie, so since you asked, I'm holding up fine," he says.

"You don't look fine. And I think you're going to need all the strength you can get when you get back to the hospital, so if you don't mind, I'll drive. Give me the keys," Bailey says in a no-nonsense voice.

Derek opens his mouth to protest and then realizes how relieved he is to not be in control for once. "Thanks," he says.

(Break)

"Meredith looked good at the end, don't you think? I think she's really going to step up and help Lexie," Izzie says.

"Seriously Izzie? Are you kidding? Did you see Lexie? Nothing Meredith can do is going to help her. She's going to be disfigured and disabled for life. And if there's nerve damage, her career as a surgeon is over. So yes. Meredith looked good now, but once she realizes that no amount of bright and shiny can change what happened to Lexie, she's going to fall apart again. It's going to be bad," Cristina says.

"Meredith and Lexie need positive right now," Izzie says.

"No. Lexie needs a miracle and Meredith needs help dealing with reality, so if you want to tell her to paste a high ponytail on her face and a big smile, go right ahead, but I'll be there to help her pick up the pieces when she realizes that no smile is going to be big enough to bring Lexie's skin back,"

Izzie opens her mouth to respond when Alex stops her.

"Good. So Izzie, you'll be there to keep Meredith and Lexie's spirits up, and Cristina, you'll be there to give it to them straight. Sounds like they are lucky to have you both," Alex says, diplomatically.

"Man, you may be a lowly resident and I may be a lofty attending, but I should take a lesson from you in dealing with those two. Good work. I've never heard two people go at it like them. If bickering were an Olympic sport, we'd have two gold medalists right here," Owen says, incredulously.

"Scary thing is, they actually like each other on some level. Could you imagine if they didn't?" Alex asks.

(Break)

"Everyone clear out of the area!" Dr. Webber says as the helicopter lands on the pavement in the back of the hospital.

A group of interns stand huddled together as Lexie is wheeled into the hospital followed by Meredith and Mark.

"I said out of the way!" Dr. Webber yells as he pushes through to make room for the stretcher.

"Get her to ICU, stat!" Dr. Webber says.

As they approach the doors to ICU, Dr. Webber stops Meredith and Mark. "Let us get her stabilized and then we'll let you come see her. Sloan, follow me. I need to speak with you about something," he says.

Mark glances at Meredith who nods at him. "Go ahead. I'll wait here and make sure that she's taken care of," she says.

Mark numbly follows the chief into his office. "Dr. Sloan, first of all, let me start by saying how sorry I am about Lexie's condition. It does look critical, and I want to assure you that we will be doing everything we can do to give her the best care possible," Dr. Webber begins.

Mark manages a tight lipped smile which he hopes expresses some semblance of gratitude.

Dr. Webber continues. "However, the best care possible for a burn patient includes our top plastic surgeon, and that's you. This puts me in a massive predicament. You're the best we have…the best there is. But there's the issue of you treating a loved one…" Dr. Webber says.

Mark stands silently and waits to hear where the chief is going with this.

"Mark. I need you to say something. I need you to reassure me that you can do this. I need you to tell me that you'll be able to give her the best care possible and not let your feelings cloud your treatment of this burn patient," Dr. Webber almost pleads.

Mark regards the chief for a moment. "First of all, I am the top plastic surgeon and Lexie deserves only the best. No one else is laying a hand on her. Second of all, her name is Lexie, and if you ever call her _this burn patient_ again, you'll find yourself singing castrato," he says.

"Point taken, Dr. Sloan. We're going to get _Lexie_ stabilized and then you can go in and take a look at the extent of the burns," Dr. Webber says.

(Break)

Derek rushes in, followed by Cristina, Izzie, Alex and Owen and sees Meredith sitting outside the ICU with her head in her hands. Derek sits down next to her and pulls her towards him. Meredith pushes him away. "Not now, Derek. I can't. I have to be here when she regains consciousness. I have to be here and I have to be strong. I cannot fall apart right now, so stop looking at me like that. All of you! Stop looking at me like she's already gone. She's not. She's in there, and she's fighting, and we all have to fight with her. So this is me…not falling apart…" Meredith says, taking a deep breath and standing up.

Olivia steps outside and says, "Ummm…Dr. Grey, we've got her vitals under control. She's conscious, and you can see her…but…well…I just have to warn you. She's in a lot of pain. We wanted to get her on a morphine drip but with the extent of her burns, there was nowhere to place a line…"

"Can I see her?" Meredith asks.

Olivia nods.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Derek asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "I can do this. I owe her this," she says stoically.

Derek steps back and lets Meredith open the door alone.

Meredith walks into Lexie's room and sits down next to her.

"You got your wish…" Lexie says in a labored voice.

"Lexie…I never…" Meredith stops herself, knowing this is not the time of the place to tell Lexie how the guilt at what she had written is eating at her.

Lexie's eyes are squeezed shut and every so often she writhes in pain. "It hurts. It hurts so much, Mer."

"We're going to make you better…" Meredith promises.

"How bad is it? Tell me the truth," Lexie says.

Meredith takes Lexie's hand and says, "You're going to be good as new in no time."

"You're the worst liar ever," Lexie says.

Dr. Webber saves Meredith from having to respond. "Dr. Grey, we're going to take good care of you here. I promise. However, that means that Dr. Sloan is going to have to serve as your plastic surgeon? Are you comfortable with that?"

Lexie nods painfully. "Of course. There's no one I'd rather put my life in the hands of."

"I've assigned Stevens to your case. She'll make sure that there is communication between the various doctors and will monitor your day to day progress." Dr. Webber explains.

Meredith opens her mouth to protest, but Dr. Webber shakes his head. "Don't even think it, Meredith. Lexie needs you here as family, not poking and prodding her. I'll give you any release time you need to in order to be here when you need to be," he says, compassionately.

"Thank you," Meredith says, knowing that the chief has her best interests at heart.

"Now, Meredith, I'm going to need you to step outside so that we can examine Lexie. You can come back later," he says, opening the door.

Meredith looks at Lexie. "I'll be right outside if you need me. I'm not going anywhere," she says.

Lexie wants to say so much. She wants to tell Meredith how much it means to her that she is here. She wants to ask Meredith where Sadie is, if she got out alright. She wants to tell Meredith how scared she was when the fire broke out and she couldn't get out and how scared she is now of the prospect of being permanently disabled and disfigured, but she can't muster the energy, so she just says, "Thanks," which feels like such an over simplification.

As Meredith steps into the hallway, Mark stands next to Derek. "You know, you don't have to do this," Derek tells him.

"Yeah. And they can fly in some second rate plastic surgeon to work on my girlfriend while I sit in the gallery? Yeah…right. I'm going in there and I'm going to fix her," he says.

Derek puts his arm around Meredith, protectively. "We're right here if you need us, buddy. Okay?" Derek says as he watches Mark go in to Lexie's room.

As Mark enters, he is first struck by the gravity of her condition. Next he is struck by how devastated he is because of the gravity of her condition.

"I guess this is what everyone has been talking about all these years…" Mark says as he sits down on the edge of her bed.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"Love. I guess this is what it feels like…Lexie…I…I'm not good at this whole telling you how I feel, but I want you to know that…when I thought you weren't going to make it…I…I didn't know how I could go on without you. I never knew what love was, but I think this must be it. This world is an empty place without you in it, so here I am…telling you I really love you. Mark Sloan is in love."

Lexie smiles. "Wow. So I'm the girl who finally captured Mark Sloan's heart?" she asks.

"You more than captured it, McSweetie. You discovered it," he says.

Lexie thinks of all the things she wants to tell Mark if she could muster the energy. She thinks of how many times since she came to Seattle she has felt unworthy and how many mistakes she has made. She thinks off all the times she felt alone and how the only person who seemed interested in getting to know her was Mark. He didn't seem to care how many mistakes she made. He just supported her and she loved him for it. She loved him for being here now.

"And now I'm going to take off my boyfriend hat and turn into your doctor. I'm going to examine you. I'm going to touch you all over. It shouldn't feel that different than…well…you know…" Mark teases.

"Except, the last time you touched me, I didn't look like…" Lexie says, letting her voice trail off.

Mark puts his finger over her mouth. "Shhhhh…he says. You are beautiful just the way you are," he says.

(break)

"I can't believe the chief picked you. I mean, seriously? Why you? I'm so much better at…well…everything than you," Cristina says to Izzie.

Izzie smiles condescendingly. "I guess you see it that way, but the chief doesn't. But it's okay…everyone's entitled to their opinion.

"Here they go again," Owen whispers to Alex.

"This is going to get worse before it gets better…trust me," Alex replies.

"I should get going. I have to tend to my V.I.P. patient. Don't you have work to do in the pit?" Izzie asks, smiling.

"Maybe some really big trauma will come in and you'll be stuck holding Little Grey's hand," Cristina retorts as she walks away.

(Break)

Callie grabs Mark in the doorway before she enters Lexie's room. "Hey. Why did you page me?" she asks.

"I need you to check out her bones and tendons. It's bad, Torres. Really bad. You can't even imagine. She's burned beyond what you can imagine. The pain…I can't even think about it. I don't know what kind of mobility she's going to have. She's got no useable tissue for skin grafts and I need to know what's going on underneath there. What if she can't be a surgeon? What if her hands are compromised? What if she can't walk? What if she…" Mark puts his head in his hands and closes his eyes.

"Hey, Sloan. Let's take it one step at a time. You figure out what to do about her skin and leave her mobility to me. Breathe Mark," she says.

"I'm trying. Breathing is an effort. You'll get it when you see her," Mark says.

"I'm sorry, Mark. I know you care about her. I'm sorry this happened," Callie says.

"Thanks Torres. Now stop being my friend and go be her doctor," Mark asks.

Callie walks into Lexie's room and says, "Oh my god! Lexie…I didn't know…I mean…I'm so sorry…"

Lexie smiles. "Thanks. I guess it is as bad as I think then…" she says.

"Well, we're just going to look at whether the fire hit any of your tendons or bones or damaged any nerves. We're going to make sure your surgery hands are in working order," Callie says.

"I can't move anything right now. I'm in so much pain. Am I ever going to operate again? Am I ever going to walk again?" Lexie asks, matter of factly, as though she is talking about someone else.

"I don't know," Callie says, honestly. "Let me take a look."

Callie examines Lexie silently. When she finishes she says, "Let me just take a few x-rays and then I'll let you know what I find. Okay?"

Lexie nods. "Thank you."

Callie writes the order for x-rays and leaves to find Mark standing outside the room.

"I won't know anything until I get the X-rays back. I'll tell them to put a rush on it," she promises.

Mark thanks her and then walks down the hall to where Derek and Meredith are sitting on the floor. He sits next to them.

"I love her. I love her like you two love each other. I get it now, Shepherd. I get what I did to you when you loved Addison…because if I ever lost her…I don't know what I'd do. I'm sorry man. I'm really sorry for everything. I'm going to be a better man. I promise," Mark says.

Derek smiles. "Addie and I weren't right. Now, if you sleep with this one, I'll have you killed," he says, pointing to Meredith. He grows serious. "This is going to be a long haul. You two need to pace yourselves. Go lie down in the on call room and get some rest," Derek says.

***

Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are the best!! Please keep reading and reviewing! Next chapter is going to be intense as they have to figure out whether Lexie can be helped…

Can't wait to hear from you all!! Loved getting your reviews last time!!

Wasn't Grey's awesome this week????

***


	17. Chapter 17

Callie sits next to Mark and shows him a stack of x-rays. "Miraculously, all of her bones, tendons and nerves are intact. Her range of motion will be uncompromised…her surgical skills should be unaffected. But Mark, these burns…I mean…can you…you know…there's not even any skin that is…" Callie's voice trails off as she looks at the strained look on Mark's face.

"Do you think I don't know that? I looked! I looked for one little patch of skin which I could grow more skin from. I know what it takes to do a skin graft! You need undamaged skin, dammit! And Lexie doesn't have any," he explodes at Callie.

Derek walks in followed by Dr. Bailey and sees Mark yelling at Callie and says, "Mark, calm down. Lexie needs you to stay calm. You are one of the top plastic surgeons in the country. You can figure this out…but you need a cool head. Miranda has volunteered to help you research the options. Why don't the two of you sit down and see what you can come up with," Derek says, evenly.

"Dr. Sloan, I would be honored to work with you on this," Dr. Bailey says.

Mark fights his urge to snap at her with a snide comment and simply accepts her help. "Thank you," he says, graciously.

(Break)

"Lexie, how are you feeling?" Izzie asks.

"Do you want the truth?" Lexie asks.

"I don't know if they told you, but I am officially your doctor, so yeah…I'm going to need the truth," Izzie replies sitting down.

"Doctors usually don't sit down when they talk to a patient," Lexie comments.

"Would you rather I stood and acted like we weren't friends?" Izzie asks.

"No. I could use a friend right about now," Lexie admits.

"Okay…so I'm like a doctor friend…" Izzie says.

"A doctor friend? You totally would have been a great pediatrician," Lexie says.

"Maybe. If I were a pediatrician, the kids might actually answer me when I asked them how they were feeling. So I'll ask you again…how are you feeling?" Izzie asks.

Lexie begins to cry despite her best efforts not to.

"Lexie…" Izzie says, for lack of anything else to say.

"How am I feeling? It feels like my body is still on fire! Like the flames were never put out. It hurts…it hurts so much, but I can't tell them that…so I'm telling you…because I can't tell them," Lexie cries.

"Can't tell who?" Izzie asks.

"Mark and Meredith. Mark is barely hanging on. The only thing keeping him from completely losing it is that he is going to have to be my plastic surgeon, well…that and Derek. And then there's Meredith…I can't tell her anything because she's all screwed up and she somehow thinks this is her fault because of what she wrote in her diary. So I can't tell them that the pain is excruciating and that when they sit here and want to hold my hand it's my worst nightmare because the slightest touch is like being tortured. So, I'm telling you…because you're my doctor…and my friend…my doctor friend," Lexie says.

"So you'd say on a scale of 1-10, your pain level is a 10?" Izzie asks.

"On a scale of 1-10?" Lexie asks. "About a thousand and one," Lexie says, trying to stop herself from crying.

Izzie sits next to her. "The first thing we need to do is get your pain under control. We can't get a line in you, but there is no reason we can't get you some pain medication. Let me see what we can do," Izzie says, making a note in Lexie's chart. "I'll check on that and come right back."

As Izzie reaches the door, Lexie says, "Izzie?"

Izzie turns around. "What?"

"I still haven't seen it. My burns. No one brought me a mirror. Could you find me one? I want to see…I need to see…" Lexie says.

Izzie smiles brightly. "Sure! I'll see if I can find one," she says, with a falsely cheerful tone.

(Break)

"She wants a mirror," Izzie says.

"So get her one," Cristina replies.

"You saw what she looks like! Don't you think that will destroy her? I mean seriously, Cristina! You just think I should hand her a mirror and say, 'sorry you look like the loch ness monster?'" Izzie snaps.

"No. I think you should give her a mirror and not say anything. She's the patient. She has a right to see her own injuries," Cristina says.

"You're not giving her a mirror," Meredith says.

Izzie smiles smugly at Cristina. "See? Meredith thinks I shouldn't give her the mirror."

Cristina rolls her eyes. "Meredith spends her free time providing a friendly smile to serial killers at their execution. Do you really want to use her as your frame of reference for sound judgement?"

Alex chimes in. "I think you should give her the mirror. She's going to be permanently disfigured. She's going to have to get used to the idea."

"Alex!" Izzie says, horrified at his bluntness.

"What? Oh! Sorry! Are we pretending that she's going to be fine?" Alex asks.

Izzie looks at Meredith and kicks Alex under the table. Alex sighs. "Come on, Iz. I know Meredith's here. Mer…you're a big girl. You know that Lexie's going to probably never look human again. She'll probably always look like a burn victim. It's sad and it's awful, but pretending it's not real doesn't make it any less true," he says, matter-of-factly.

"Sometimes I like you, Evil Spawn," Cristina says.

Izzie glares at him. "Medical miracles happen every day," she says.

"And for every miracle there are a million cases that end up very predictably. You want to bank on Lexie being that miracle? Come on, Iz," Alex says.

Meredith picks up her tray. "Lexie doesn't know Sadie is dead," she says, standing up.

Everyone stares at Meredith.

"You didn't tell her?" Cristina asks.

"Nope. I don't think she can handle it right now. I'll tell her when I think she's ready," Meredith says.

"You're playing with fire, Mer," Cristina says, shaking her head.

(break)

"What do you think of this study?" Dr. Bailey says.

"Probably the same thing I think of the last 10 studies you've shown me. That it's too risky for my girlfriend, and not effective enough." Mark says.

"Dr. Sloan, like you and the rest of the doctors who are concerned about Lexie, I have not slept in 24 hours. I may be incapable of making a sound decision, however, I've now read this study 6 times, and I like to think that I have a pretty good handle on medical terminology. If I'm not too exhausted to think straight, and you're not too stubborn to listen, I think this might work," Dr. Bailey says.

Mark takes the copy of the study out of Dr. Bailey's hand and reads it. Dr. Bailey stares anxiously at him and waits.

"It's never been done…" Mark says when he looks up.

"But it looks like it can be. Someone has to be the first. Do you have a better idea?" Dr. Bailey asks.

Mark puts his head in his hands. "No. I don't. I don't have any ideas…I have none," he says.

"Then try mine, Dr. Sloan." Dr. Bailey replies.

Mark lifts his head and looks at her. "Okay. As long as you'll scrub in with me. I'm going to need all the help I can get," he says.

(Break)

"I prescribed you Percoset for the pain. It won't eliminate it completely, but it will take the edge off. Mark and Dr. Bailey want to come in for a consult later, and it will be easier for you to hear what they have to say if you aren't writhing in pain, so here…as your doctor friend, I order you to take these," Izzie says.

"Thank you…" Lexie says, making no motion to grab the pills. She waits while Izzie holds the pills. "Please…it hurts too much to move my arms," she admits.

"Oh…I'm sorry," Izzie says as she places the pills on Lexie's tongue and holds a glass of water to her lips.

Lexie swallows. "Thank you," she whispers. "Izzie…please don't tell them," she says.

"Tell who what?" Izzie asks.

"Mark and Meredith. Don't tell them how much pain I'm in. Please…I don't want them to hurt," Lexie says.

Izzie nods. "I promise. I won't," she says.

"Did you bring it?" Lexie asks.

"Bring what?"

"The mirror…I want to know what I look like. I need to know what Mark sees when he looks at me…" Lexie says.

"You already know what Mark sees when he looks at you…he sees you," Izzie says.

Lexie sighs. "Yeah…but I need to know what that is right now," she says.

"I'll ummm…bring one by tomorrow," Izzie says.

"Thanks," Lexie says.

Suddenly Izzie is overcome by the huge obstacles Lexie has ahead of her. She is overwhelmed by her responsibility as a doctor and as a friend and she finds herself fighting back tears. She turns and heads to the door so that Lexie will not see her in this emotional state.

"Izzie?" Lexie says, sounding like a small child.

"Yes?" Izzie replies.

"What hospital is Sadie in? Do you think I can contact her? Is she okay?" she asks.

Izzie pauses. "I – I don't know. I'll ummm…ask Meredith," she says, hurrying out of the room.

Izzie rushes into the hallway where she sees Cristina who asks, "Hey. How's Lexie doing? Does she know she doesn't need a monster mask for Halloween yet?"

Izzie breaks down and begins to sob. "Shut up! Your jokes aren't funny! You can't deal so you make jokes. I get that! But she's in so much pain! She's scared and no one will tell her the truth and I can't do it! I can't be the one to show her what she looks like, and I can't be the one to tell her that Sadie is dead! Where is Meredith? Where is Mark? Why aren't they answering the questions! It should be them telling her! It should be them…not me!" she says.

Cristina waits for Izzie to catch her breath. "Okay...so tomorrow, you're going to wish you had your breakdown in front of someone else, but since I'm the only one here now, I want you to know that I really do feel badly about what happened to Lexie. And I know a thing or two about handling what no one else can. I know you've always resented Meredith and I and our friendship…" Cristina says.

Izzie rolls her eyes. "This isn't about your friendship with Meredith or our petty girl drama, Cristina," she warns.

"No…hear me out on this one…" Cristina demands. "You never understood why Meredith relies on me and not you. But it's because when she needs someone to be straight with her who do you think it is…it's not Derek…he's too emotionally involved. I am the one who takes care of her by telling her the truth…and that makes me a good friend. You want to be a good friend to Lexie, tell her the truth. Or you can just be one more person who can't handle it, and who she has to protect," she explains.

Izzie thinks about this for a moment. "Thank you for your input," she says.

Cristina laughs. "You're welcome. And for what it's worth, I think you can do it…" she says as she turns around and leaves.

(Break)

Alex and Owen place their trays down next to Izzie and Cristina.

"You don't look good, Iz," Alex says.

"Wow…someone's not getting laid tonight," Cristina says, sarcastically.

"Well she doesn't look good. Iz…you need sleep. Come home tonight and relax. Get some sleep and let me take care of you," Alex says.

"I can't. Mark and Bailey are working on this new technique to replace Lexie's skin and I don't know anything about it. I have to read up on it. I have so much to catch up on. I can't leave the hospital. I just can't, Alex. You have to understand!" Izzie snaps.

"Woah…Iz…I'm not mad. I'm just worried about you," Alex says.

"You guys have all been under a lot of stress. Is there anything I can do?" Owen asks.

Cristina looks at him. "Yes. There is something," she says.

"Okay. What can I do?" she asks.

"You and Alex can be there for Derek so he can be there for Meredith and Mark," Cristina says.

Owen and Alex look at each other. "Okay…we can do that," Owen agrees.

"Yeah…we can. But what's in it for you, Yang? Don't you usually want to Mer's night in shining armor?" Alex asks.

Cristina gives him a withering look. "This is serious. This isn't a question of sleeping with the wrong guy or drinking too much tequila. This isn't about me…it's about her, and she needs all the help she can get. I know when to put my own needs aside," she says, glancing at Izzie.

Meredith and Derek walk over and put their trays down.

"Meredith! How are you? I haven't seen you in a few days. I've been in Lexie's room working on keeping her wounds from becoming infected, but you haven't been there. Is everything okay?" Izzie gushes.

Derek gives Izzie a warning look. "What?" Izzie asks. "She hasn't been by at all. I was worried!" Izzie explains.

"I can't visit Lexie," Meredith says, simply.

"Why not?" Izzie asks.

"Dude…why do I think these two are going to go at it in a second?" Alex whispers to Derek.

"Izzie…Meredith feels like it might be better if…" Derek begins.

"Don't make excuses for me! I don't owe anyone an explanation!" Meredith snaps.

"Seriously? Knock it off! All of you! Mer…if you can't see Lexie it's fine. I'm sure Izzie will deliver flowers for you, or something. Izzie…no judging. Derek, no apologizing. There! Are we done?" Cristina says.

Everyone is silent for a moment. "I think we're done," Derek says with a small smile.

Izzie and Meredith both nod.

"Well…I don't know about all of you, but I think I have to get back to work…" Alex says.

"Me too," Owen says. "Hey, Shepherd…why don't you join Karev and I for a beer later."

Derek looks at Meredith for approval. "What?" she asks. "I can survive a night without you. I don't need you to babysit me all day and night. Go have fun," Meredith says with an edge to her voice.

There is a tense, uncomfortable silence at the table before everyone starts to disperse. As everyone empties their trays, Izzie touches Meredith's shoulder. "Mer…I'm sorry if I…"

Meredith shakes her head. "No. I'm sorry. I'm freaking out. I don't know how to be a sister. And I know I'm screwing this all up. And to top it all off, Derek is being incredibly supportive. He's supportive way beyond what I deserve. He won't tell me that I'm being incredibly dark and twisty and self-centered which I'm only being because I don't know what to say to Lexie when I walk in there and she asks me what happened to Sadie and I don't know what to do when she asks me if she can see herself in a mirror," Meredith admits.

"She's in tremendous pain. I prescribed her more percoset than I've ever prescribed a patient before," Izzie blurts out.

"What? She told me she was doing all right…" Meredith says.

"Yeah. I'm not supposed to tell you and Mark, and I'm still not telling Mark. But I am telling you because you're freaking out about what to say to her and worried that she's not strong enough to handle the truth, but she is. She's been protecting you all along. She's stronger than any of you give her credit for," Izzie says.

Meredith looks away. "But I'm not. I can't do it, Iz. I just cant."

Izzie nods. "I understand. Why don't you come by her room in an hour…okay? Nothing deep…we'll just all hang out. Bring Cristina too if she'll come. If the boys are going to Joe's, we're going to have our own party. Okay?"

"Thanks," Meredith says, gratefully.

(Break)

Mark sits on the end of Lexie's bed. "Hey gorgeous!" he says with a plastered on smile.

"I wouldn't know…no one will let me see the extent of the damage," she says, annoyed.

"It doesn't matter, because I think I've found a way to make you all better. I don't have all the details worked out, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, can I just sit here with you? I miss you, Little Grey," he says.

"I'd love that. I miss you too. Mark?" she says.

"What?" he asks.

"If this is too much…I mean…I know you're used to a certain level of well…I mean, you've always been a guy who is surrounded by beautiful women. I may never be…well…" Lexie stops as Mark holds up his hand indicating that she should stop speaking.

"Let me ask you a question," Mark says.

"Okay…" Lexie replies.

"If I had a terrible accident and was left a quadriplegic with no hope of ever using any muscles below my neck again would you leave me?" he asks.

"No! Of course not!" Lexie says, immediately.

"Would you want to leave me and stay only of out of obligation?" Mark asks.

"No! I would never…" Lexie replies, horrified.

"Then don't hold me to a lower standard. It's insulting," Mark says, with an edge to his voice.

"Mark…I…" Lexie stammers.

"No. I love you. You're not some girl I screw in the on call room and forget about. I told you I love you. What good is being a good person if no one believes you?" Mark says.

"I believe you…I'm sorry. Thank you for being here," Lexie says.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lexie…" he promises.

(Break)

Izzie walks into Lexie's room holding something behind her back and sits down.

"Thank you for the medication. It's helped a little. Not a lot, but on a scale of 1-10 I'm down to about a 50…" Lexie says, wryly.

"You're welcome. It's the least I could do for you. I've been a good doctor, but I haven't been a very good friend. I owe you an apology," Izzie says.

"What do you mean?" Lexie asks.

"Friends are honest with each other, and I haven't been honest with you," Izzie admits.

"Am I going to die?" Lexie asks. "Is that what you have to tell me? I feel like there are things no one wants to say to me, but I don't know what they are. Is that it? How much time do I have?"

Izzie shakes her head. "No. Amazingly, your internal organs held up pretty well and if we can keep you from becoming septic, you're going to live a nice long life. The good news is that there is no nerve damage so you'll be able to operate again. We'll just have to work on the swelling in your extremities because right now I doubt you could hold a scalpel, but once that's taken care of and your pain is under control, you'll be able to resume normal activities," she says, optimistically.

"So what is it? What does no one want to tell me?" Lexie asks.

"There are two things. First of all, Lexie…I'm really sorry, but Sadie didn't make it. Meredith knows more about what happened because she was actually there, but she died before the helicopter arrived. We brought her back with us, but she was already gone. I'm really sorry…I know that despite everything, you and Meredith cared about her," Izzie says, gently.

Lexie's eyes fill with tears. "I can't believe it. She kept telling me she knew the way and that we'd get out safely. She wrapped me in a blanket to put out the flames on my clothing and carried me outside. She promised me we'd both be safe…" Lexie says outloud.

"Maybe she's safer now, Lexie…life was really hard for her…" Izzie suggests.

"What's the other thing?" Lexie asks.

"What?" Izzie asks, knowing what she means, but wanting to buy some time.

"The other thing no one wants to tell me." Lexie says, tensely.

"Here," Izzie says, holding out a hand mirror towards Lexie.

"Thank you," Lexie says, tentatively as she takes the mirror from Izzie but does not hold it up to her face yet.

"You don't have to…but well…I thought if maybe you wanted to see…well…I mean, it's your body and I…" Izzie stammers.

"Izzie? Can you do me a favor?" Lexie asks, in a very small voice.

"Can you hold my hand while I look?" Lexie asks.

"But you said that it…" Izzie asks.

"I said that it hurts when people touch me…I know. But THIS is going to hurt and I'll need something to distract me from the pain. So please…squeeze hard…" Lexie pleads.

"Okay," Izzie says, taking Lexie's hand.

In Lexie's other hand, she holds the small mirror. She holds it up to her face and gasps as she sees her charred, swollen flesh. "This is what he sees?" Lexie asks.

"Yes." Izzie whispers, squeezing Lexie's hand as hard as she can.

(Break)

Mark sits next to Derek and says, "Hey buddy…can you take a look at this for a minute?"

"Yeah. What is it?" Just some notes that I made on this study that Bailey found. I think it could work…" he says.

Derek reads thoughtfully. "It's never been completed successfully," Derek notes.

"Yes…but I made a few changes. Look…if you grow the skin sample using mitochondrial…" Mark begins.

"Wait a minute. This is major. This isn't the time to be a hero…You can't just take a hypothetical procedure and apply it to the love of your life. There are huge risks. Sepsis, toxemia, gangrene…" Derek begins.

"I know the risks! But I can't do nothing!" Mark explodes.

"Why not. Her organs aren't damaged. Her life can go on pretty much as normal once she heals," Derek explains.

"Normal? Have you seen her?" Mark says.

"I thought you didn't care about her looks. You just loved Lexie Grey for her inner beauty," Derek challenges.

"I do. But the world is a cruel place. I mean, she is beautiful, Derek…but will anyone but me know that? Will she be able to walk into a patient's room and explain a procedure and have the patient see anything but her burns? When I eventually pop the question, will the sales lady at the store look at her with pity when she tries on wedding dresses? She deserves to feel beautiful. She deserves to have her outside match her inside," Mark says, passionately.

Derek sighs. "Why don't we think about this later. Come have a beer with us at Joe's. You look like you need to get out. I'm meeting Owen and Alex. From what I hear, the girls are hanging out with Lexie tonight. She's taken care of. Come with us. Get your mind off of everything…" he says.

"Thanks man. I'll meet you there…" Mark replies.

(Break)

Meredith walks into Lexie's room and sees Lexie and Izzie gripping hands as Lexie stares in the small mirror.

"Lexie…I…" she stammers as she watches Lexie's stunned expression.

Lexie throws the mirror across the room and Meredith jumps at the sound of it shattering into a million pieces.

"Sadie is dead! You should have told me!" Lexie fires angrily at Meredith.

"I'm sorry, Lexie. I'm really sorry. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if you could handle the truth so I…" Meredith tries to explain.

"You didn't know if I could handle the truth? I read your damn diaries where you fantasized about this happening to me, and still I risked my life for you that night when Sadie had you at gun point. I pretended to be her dead sister having no idea what I was doing! I went to Dr. Wyatt's therapy sessions with you and listened to those horribly disturbing tapes! I went with you to the psychiatric facility where I got caught in a fire and miraculously survived. If I haven't proved that I'm strong enough to handle anything life may throw at me, then I don't know what else I can do!" Lexie rants.

Meredith apologizes again. "I'm sorry, Lexie. Really…I am," she says.

"Just get out, Meredith!" Lexie says, closing her eyes.

"Okay…I-I'm sorry…." She says again.

Meredith walks out of the room where Cristina is standing in the hallway. "Woah…what happened to you?" Cristina asks.

"She knows everything. Izzie told her. She hates me. She threw me out…" Meredith says, sinking to the floor and putting her head in her hands.

"Get up!" Cristina says, dragging Meredith to her feet.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asks as Cristina opens the door to Lexie's room and pulls her in.

"I thought I told you to get out!" Lexie says, angrily.

"I said I was sorry…please…" Meredith begs.

"Lexie…please…Meredith had your best interests…" Izzie says, trying to reason with her.

"Best interests? Seriously?" Lexie says, sarcastically.

"Okay! All of you, stop! Meredith, no more apologizing, Izzie, no more peacemaking, and Lexie, no more yelling! I don't do drama, so I'm going to paint this picture as it is, without all of your petty emotions and feelings and all that stuff that I don't do. Lexie, you got burned in a fire. You're terribly disfigured and Meredith thought you could use some time before you could handle the news of your disfigurement and the death of your friend. Izzie did what Izzie does best. She meddled. She gave into Lexie's wishes to know the truth and did it so Meredith didn't have to. Lexie, you got everything you asked for, Meredith, you didn't have to be the bearer of bad news, and Izzie, you got to be the annoying meddler that you usually are. So there. Everyone should be happy. And on that note, I brought soda which we are all going to pretend is tequila since I am pretty sure serving real tequila to a patient would get us fired faster than interns removing appendix from each other or cutting someone's LVAD wire, or operating on patients when your fiancé has a tremor or trying to kill a death row inmate. So here…drink the ginger ale and let's talk about something interesting," Cristina says.

Izzie, Meredith and Lexie stare silently at Cristina and then at each other before Meredith breaks the silence.

"I had a patient today who we thought had a tumor, but it turns out he eats balls of yarn. Swallows them whole…" she says.

"That's better than the Judy doll guy!" Izzie says as all four of them laugh.

****

Thank so much for all the reviews everyone! I am so sorry I didn't get back to everyone personally this week. I had two very sick toddlers on my hands. But they are all better now, so I'm back in action!

I can't wait to hear what you think so far…

Can't believe there is no new Grey's this Thurs…that sucks! I'll post a chapter on Thurs to make up for it!

Jess


	18. Chapter 18

"Okay…I'm turning in," Derek says as he drains the last of his glass.

"Me too. I promised Izzie I wasn't coming home late or drunk and since half that promise is already shot, I might as well be on time," Alex says.

"Okay. Let's head out. It's almost closing time anyway," Owen adds.

Derek turns to Mark. "You coming?" he asks.

Mark shakes his head. "Nah. I'm gonna hang out here for a few more minutes. I'll catch you tomorrow," he says.

"You sure you'll be okay? I can hang out if you want. Meredith is doing her freaking out 'I don't need you hovering' thing," Derek replies, sitting back down.

Mark shakes his head. "I'm fine. I'm just not anxious to sleep in my empty bed. I'd rather sit in an empty bar," he explains.

"Okay man. But if you need me, you know where I am. Probably getting kicked out of bed by a stressed out Meredith," Derek quips.

Mark manages a weak smile. "Thanks."

As Derek leaves, Mark flags Joe down. "Hey, can I get another scotch?" he asks.

"Sure," Joe says, placing a glass in front of him.

Callie walks in and sees Mark sitting at the bar with a scotch in his hand.

"You look like you could use a friend, Sloan," she says.

"I have a friend. His name is Johnny Walker," he says.

"Yeah. It looks like you two have become pretty close lately. How are you doing?" Callie asks.

Mark looks at her and says, "Do you have to ask?"

"You really love her, don't you?" Callie says, more as a statement than a question.

"Yeah. I do," Mark says, as he takes another sip of his scotch.

"You're so lucky," Callie says, wistfully.

"Yeah…I feel really lucky right now," Mark says, sarcastically.

"I mean it. You did it. You found love. This is what love is…standing by someone through the bad times. You're doing it. I admire you," she says. "Me…I'm still too scared."

"Yeah…I'm doing it. I'm doing a great job standing by her. I'm drunk in a bar with you while she's in a hospital bed. I'm doing a great job," Mark says, snidely.

Callie puts her hand on his shoulder. "You're not a bad guy. This is a lot to handle. Why don't you get out of here. Let's go. Come on. You can stay at my place if you want," she says.

Mark puts down the glass. "That sounds like a pretty good offer. I think Johnny Walker is sick of having me at his place…"

"Bye Joe!" Callie calls.

"Bye!" Joe calls after them.

(Break)

Meredith sits on Lexie's bed holding a box wrapped in wrapping paper. "Cristina said no more apologizing, but I'm going to do it one more time anyway. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Sadie myself. It was cowardly," Meredith says.

"It's okay. You were just trying to be all protective and big sisterly for once. I guess I should appreciate it. Thank you," Lexie says.

"You're welcome," Meredith says.

"What's that?" Lexie says, looking at the box.

"Oh…I bought you a present," Meredith says.

"You did? Why?" Lexie says.

"Because the whole time I've known you I've spent every minute wishing I could have traded places with you, growing up. All of a sudden, we're both here and we're both adults and you've just been through hell and you're keeping such a positive attitude that I don't even know how to respond. You haven't complained once," Meredith says.

"I did complain. I complained to Izzie. Just not to you. I'm not perfect, Mer. This is hard. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I don't even know what I'm getting through yet. I don't know if I'll ever look normal again…if I'll ever sleep without nightmares of the fire? I just try to get through the day without thinking about those questions…because the nights are long…long and really scary," Lexie admits.

Meredith hands her the box. "Remember when you were trying to get me to stop hating you? You told me a few random things about yourself? Well…here…open this," Meredith says.

Lexie laughs. "I told you I was great with an etch a sketch! What a dumb thing to say…" she recalls ripping the paper off the box, clumsily. Lexie gasps. "Oh my god! It's an etch a sketch! I can't believe you did this!"

"I just thought it might make your time here a little more…I don't know…fun?" Meredith says.

"Thanks," Lexie says, shyly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Meredith says.

"Mark hasn't been here at all today. He promised to stand by me, told me he loved me and then never came back…what's going on?" Lexie asks.

"I'd love to lie to you and tell you that he's working. But the truth is, he's not working tonight. He went to the bar with Derek, Alex and Owen. They needed to get him away from everything for a while. He's in bad shape. He's so scared of failing you. He just needs space to realize he can be the guy he wants to be. He's like the male version of me. Don't feel bad…I do this to Derek all the time," Meredith smiles.

"But I need him here…at night…I need him to be here with me…" Lexie says in a small voice. Her voice cracks and she says, "Damn! I didn't want to cry."

"How about we break out the etch a sketch and pull an all night etch a sketch competition?" Meredith asks. "I'm on call anyway. No reason I can't be on call here. I have my pager," Meredith says.

"Really?" Lexie asks.

"Hey…what are sister's for?" Meredith asks.

(Break)

Callie and Mark sit at her kitchen table with a bottle of wine.

"Our lives suck!" Callie says, slurring her words slightly.

"My life sucks worse," Mark says, slurring his words also.

"You get 30 seconds to tell me why you win the bad life award…" Callie says.

"Come on…do I really have to explain it? I had lousy parents, then I screwed up Derek's marriage…I screwed every nurse in the hospital but couldn't find love. I screwed you, a lot…but then it turns out that you like women better than my highly skilled penis, and then I screwed Little Grey who turned into Lexie Grey who turned into the love of my life who turned into a girl who needs a good guy right now. She needs someone who can be there for her. How can I be that guy? I've never been that guy for anyone…" Mark says.

Callie puts her hand on his shoulder. "You've been that guy for me…remember after Erica left?" Mark says.

"I remember. You were a mess over that ice queen," Mark says.

"Now it's my 30 seconds. First, George O'Malley marries me, then he cheats on me with Izzie Stevens who tries to fight me in the cafeteria. I go from chief resident to failure at chief resident. I have a lesbian experience with Erica who leaves me after I defend Izzie Stevens who stole my husband, and then, I developed a little crush on an intern…who goes crazy and eventually dies. In between all of that, I sleep with you, until you really fall hard for Little Grey and now, I haven't gotten laid in a really long time and I'm drunk and horny and I can't even touch you because then I'd be stealing you from poor Lexie who is lying in her hospital bed pining away for you," Callie says.

"You won when you mentioned being married to O'Malley! Jesus, Torres!! What we you thinking?" Mark says.

Callie smiles, "The same thing you were thinking when you did half those crazy nurses," she says.

"I miss Lexie. I miss her stroking my hair. I want to lie next to her and stroke her hair, but she doesn't have any anymore. I think I win…even if you did have to sleep with O'Malley for a while," Mark says.

Callie runs her fingers through Mark's hair. "Like this?" she asks.

"Like that," Mark says, closing his eyes.

"Lay down. You won the crappy life award," Callie says.

"What's the prize?" Mark asks.

"Me," she says, climbing on top of him as they both close their eyes.

(Break)

"You need to just move in here," Owen says.

"I like having my space. You can't just tell me to give up my apartment!" Cristina says.

"I know…but I'd like to have you here all the time," she says.

"No you wouldn't. Trust me. Besides…I signed a lease with Callie. I can't just bail on her," Cristina says.

"I'll buy her out of the lease if you want," Owen says.

"I'll be back in an hour. I just need to get some clothes," she says.

"Fine. See you in an hour," Owen says, sulking.

(Break)

"I have so much work to do. I can't right now!" Alex says.

"I waited while you screwed a dead guy for months. Get in bed. Work later!" Alex says, kissing the back of her neck.

"Fine," Izzie sighs as she laughs and kisses him back.

"You're so beautiful, Izzie Stevens," Alex says.

"Remember the patient who used to talk in the third person?" Izzie giggles.

"Alex remembers," Alex says.

"Izzie thinks Alex is pretty cute!" she says.

"Alex likes when Izzie smiles. Alex hasn't seen Izzie's smile much this week," Alex says.

"Izzie's been stressed out. Izzie feels like everyone is stressed and doesn't know how to handle it. Izzie's also worried about Lexie," Izzie says.

"Alex knows how to take Izzie's stress away…" Alex says, slowly removing her shirt and kissing her stomach.

"Izzie thinks Alex might be on to something!" Izzie says, giggling.

(Break)

Callie and Mark wake up in Callie's bed. They stare at each other with regretful eyes.

"Mark – I –I'm so sorry. I don't even know …" Callie stammers.

Mark holds his hand up. "Don't. Just don't say anything…" he says.

"For what it's worth…" Callie begins.

"It's not worth anything. I mean it. Don't say anything," he says.

Cristina turns her key in the door. "Damn!" Cristina says, outloud. "Where is my I.D. badge?" she says to herself. Cristina runs to Callie's room.

"Callie! Have you seen my…" Cristina flings open the door.

"Oh my god!" she says, slamming the door shut and leaning against it.

***

Okay…I know I'm an hour late, but better late than never! Thank you for the reviews all of you! As you know, I love to hear from you guys whether you have positive or negative things to say. However, to "m" who wrote an anonymous review which I could not respond to, I sincerely apologize if you think I have been insensitive to burn victims, however, this is a fan fiction. Bad things will happen to characters because otherwise the story would not be interesting. I'm not "doing this to Lexie…" It's fiction! As far as my being insensitive, that was never my intention, and if you have a way I could treat the subject more sensitively, please let me know. To the rest of you…I'm so glad you are loving the story! I love writing and hearing that all of you are reading. Please keep reviewing!!!!! You all rock!


	19. Chapter 19

"I have to tell her," Cristina says, rolling over onto her back.

"It's 3 in the morning. Can we please go to sleep," Owen asks.

"I can't tell her. It's not my place. I don't meddle. I will NOT turn into Izzie Stevens," Cristina says.

"Fine. But now it's 3:01. Can I please get some sleep?" Owen pleads.

"But if I don't tell her, I'm lying…and I'm a coward. I am NOT a coward! I'm not," Cristina says.

"3:02,"

"You're not being very helpful," Cristina points out.

"What do you want me to say. You're in a bad spot. If you tell Lexie she'll be devastated, if you don't tell her she'll go on believing she has something she doesn't. It's a no win situation," Owen says.

"Tell Lexie? No way! I was going to tell Meredith! I'm not telling Lexie!" Cristina exclaims.

"See this is where all of you are so foreign to me. Why would you tell Meredith instead of telling Lexie? It's Lexie's boyfriend who slept with another woman," Owen points out.

"Because Meredith's my person. I owe her honesty. I don't owe Lexie anything," Cristina explains.

"Then why does it bother you so much that Mark slept with Callie. If you don't care about Lexie…" Owen asks.

"I didn't say I don't care about Lexie! I care very much about Lexie. I may not be very nice to Lexie very often, but that's because she's an intern and interns are sort of like scum on the bottom of a pond, but as a person I like her very much. But she's not MY person. Those are the rules. I tell Meredith because she's my person. Meredith tells Lexie if she wants to, or she tells Izzie who then definitely tells Lexie because she won't be able to stop herself. It all makes perfect sense," Cristina explains.

"Of course it does…" Owen patronizes.

"But if I don't tell Meredith, who knows how Lexie finds out. I mean everyone finds out eventually…right? What if one day, she finds out through someone else? What if Callie falls in love with Mark and tells her out of spite? What if Mark falls in love with Callie and tells her himself and she has to sit there and react to him… I guess I owe it to her to tell Meredith so someone can break it to her gently. Which is another reason I can't tell Lexie myself. I'm not a 'break it to you gently' person and she deserves that," she says.

"You're complicated," Owen says.

"Yes," Cristina agrees. "I have to tell Meredith…" she says.

Owen sighs. "Since I'm sensing there is no chance of my getting lucky tonight, why don't I head over to the hospital and start my rounds early.

"I'll come with you," Cristina says throwing the covers off and pulling a pair of jeans off the floor. "I think Meredith is working an overnight shift," Cristina says.

(Break)

Meredith and Izzie sit in the cafeteria drinking coffee.

"Do you think any resident has actually tried to place an I.V. of coffee in their arm?" Izzie asks.

"No. I think we kind of like the sleep deprivation. There's something about us that makes us yearn for torture…you know?" Meredith replies.

"So she finally fell asleep?" Izzie asks.

"Yeah. In the middle of etch a sketching," Meredith says.

"I checked on her vitals a few minutes ago. She's doing really well, all things considering," Izzie says.

"Thank you," Meredith says.

"For what?" Izzie asks.

"For being a good friend to my sister," Meredith says.

"Oh. You're welcome. She's a good friend. I like her. It's nice to finally have a friend to hang out with. I mean you and Cristina well…" Izzie says.

Meredith looks down. "Iz…I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like I don't value our friendship. I mean, Cristina and I…we're just so close and we understand each other 's dark sides. You don't have a dark side, Iz. You're the brightest and shiniest person I know. I need that in my life too. It's important. You're important…and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise," Meredith says.

Izzie's eyes fill with tears. "Thank you," she whispers.

Cristina walks over and sits down. She immediately looks at Izzie. "Why are you all emotional? Are you going to cry? Should I find somewhere else to sit?" Cristina says, exasperated.

Izzie gets defensive. "No! I'm fine! I just have…allergies. What are you doing here anyway…you're not on call!"

"I'm here to talk to Meredith. Don't you have something to do?" Cristina says, dismissively.

"Cristina!" Meredith says. "Stop it! Izzie and I were having coffee. You're welcome to join us, but you can't kick Izzie out of the cafeteria," she says.

"Can I make her sit at another table?" Cristina asks.

"Hello? I can hear you!" Izzie snaps at Cristina.

"Fine. If you want her meddling in your life, fine. I have something important to tell you…It's serious," Cristina says.

"Seriously?" Meredith asks.

"Seriously," Cristina says.

"Seriously! Who's full of drama right now…just tell us what you wanted to tell us, Cristina!" Izzie says.

"Mark slept with Callie. I walked in on them," Cristina says.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. You must have misinterpreted what you saw. There is no way that…"

"They were naked and in bed together. And they freaked when they saw me. There was no misinterpreting," Cristina says.

Meredith stares straight ahead and does not speak.

"Mer?" Cristina says.

"She's freaking out," Izzie points out.

"Yeah. I think she is," Cristina says.

Meredith still says nothing as she gets up and walks towards Lexie's room.

Cristina and Izzie follow her. "What do you think she's going to do?" Izzie asks.

""I don't know. But I don't think we should leave her alone right now. She's not talking…That's never a good sign," Cristina replies.

Izzie nods in agreement as they watch Meredith open the door to Lexie's room.

"Should we follow her in?" Izzie whispers to Cristina.

Cristina nods. "We can't leave her alone."

Meredith sits down and picks up Lexie's etch a sketch and doodles on it. She creates an intertwining of lines that don't morph into anything recognizable, as she waits for Lexie to wake up.

Five minutes later, Lexie is still sleeping and Meredith is still doodling. "How long do you think she's going to play with that toy? It's creepy," Cristina whispers.

"I don't know…Should I take it from her?" Izzie whispers back.

"I wouldn't," Cristina says.

Lexie begins to stir and as she opens her swollen eyes, she looks at Meredith Cristina and Izzie and smiles. "Are we having another girls' night? Or is it morning? I don't even remember. I actually slept though. The last thing I remember is kicking Meredith's butt on the etch a sketch and then falling asleep. Have you been here long?" Lexie says.

Meredith doesn't respond. Cristina and Izzie both shake their heads numbly.

"What's wrong? You guys are acting kind of weird. Why isn't anyone saying anything?" Lexie asks, nervously.

Meredith continues to doodle on the etch a sketch.

"Why is she playing with my toy?" Lexie asks Izzie.

"I think one might ask why you have a toy to begin with," Izzie replies.

"Meredith bought it for me because I am freakishly good with an etch a sketch! I can draw anything! Mer, give it to me. Izzie, you name it, I'll draw it," Lexie says.

"How much medication did you give her?" Cristina whispers to Izzie.

"Shut up! I want to see what she can do with an etch a sketch. I had one when I was a kid but all I could draw was a bunch of weird looking lines!" Izzie says.

"Mer? Why are you ignoring me? Are you mad at me?" Lexie asks.

Meredith shakes her head, but does not look up from the etch a sketch.

Lexie goes to grab the etch a sketch when Meredith snatches it away.

"Okay…this is kind of weird. We should do something…" Izzie says.

"What can we do? Find a Lite Brite?" Cristina answers.

Meredith silently hands Lexie the etch a sketch. Lexie takes it and says, "Let's see what you made!"

She looks at Meredith's drawing. She stares at the screen as the letters begin to take shape. She makes no sound as she stares at the crooked letters.

_MARK SLEPT WITH CALLIE_

The words alternately blur and then come into focus for Lexie. Izzie and Cristina stare at each other and Meredith snaps out of her trance and looks at Lexie, concerned. The silence is so thick that even their sharpest scalpel couldn't slice through it.

Finally, Meredith touches Lexie's arm. "Lex? Say something…please," she begs.

Lexie shakes the etch a sketch as hard as she can. She frantically turns the knobs. When she finishes, she hands it to Meredith who looks down and reads what Lexie has written.

_I DON'T BLAME HIM. LOOK AT ME._

Meredith's heart breaks as she reads Lexie's words. She takes the etch a sketch from her and crawls into her bed. She takes Lexie's head and rests it on her shoulder wrapping her arms protectively around her little sister. She motions for Izzie and Cristina to leave. As they tiptoe out of the room, Meredith feels Lexie's shoulder's start to shake as her body is wracked with sobs.

"Lexie…it's going to be okay. You'll be okay. I'll be here for you…I promise," Meredith says.

"You don't understand!" Lexie cries.

"Tell me…" she says. "Make me understand," Meredith says.

"No one will ever know me as I was. No man will ever not see me all damaged like this. No man will ever know that I used to be an attractive woman. I'll never be able to have a relationship again with someone who didn't know me before. It really cuts my chances at that whole happily ever after thing…" Lexie says, sarcastically.

"You are still beautiful," Meredith says.

"I AM NOT! Stop telling me that! I am not still beautiful and it's not going to all be okay. I loved Mark. I still love Mark, and he slept with Callie which means that he fell out of love with me. It will not be okay," Lexie says, angrily.

"Let's not talk about it," Meredith says.

"Not talk about it?" Lexie asks, confused.

"Let's take 24 hours and not mention Mark Sloan's name. We'll talk about everything else, and pretend that Mark Sloan doesn't exist and that Callie Torres is random senior resident who breaks bones for a living. Try living in my world. The world of denial. 24 hours…starting now," she says.

Lexie leans her head on Meredith's shoulder. "I can't. I need to see him. I need to talk to him. I need him to tell me. Make him come here. Please. I want him to look me in the eye and tell me to my face. I won't fully believe it until I hear it from him."

Meredith nods. "I'll find him. But I'm not leaving you alone," Meredith says.

"Why? Are you afraid I'll try to etch a sketch myself to death?" Lexie asks.

"No. But I am afraid you'll be very sad. And when you're very sad you should be surrounded by friends," Meredith says.

Lexie doesn't argue. "You'll get him to come here?" she asks.

"I'll do whatever I have to," Meredith promises.

(Break)

"Stevens, Yang, you two are on ortho today! Find Torres and see what she needs you to do," Dr. Bailey calls.

Izzie and Cristina look at each other and smile. "This is going to be fun!" Cristina whispers.

The two of them page Callie to find her location. When they receive her response, they rush to O.R. #3 to find her doing a double knee replacement.

Callie stares at Cristina uncomfortably. She isn't sure what to say, so she says, "I'm almost ready to close the legs."

"Sounds like a good idea," Cristina mumbles under her breath.

Izzie giggles. "Yeah…that'll be the day," she says.

Callie glares at Izzie. "You got something to say, Stevens?" she says, harshly.

Normally, Callie's harsh tone would have intimidated Izzie, but this time, she is comforted by the strength in numbers and she answers by saying, "Yes, Dr. Torres. I do have something to say. If closing legs is something you do regularly at work, why don't you try doing it at home…like when in the company of other people's boyfriends… you know…the people that are off limits," she says, smirking.

"Yeah…I probably should. Go ahead, get it all out. Do you think that I don't know I deserve it? Go on, both of you, take your best shot. You're probably been waiting to do it all night. Just get it all out," Callie says, resigned.

Cristina and Izzie glance at each other. Cristina speaks first. "Okay. Seriously, you don't get to ruin this moment for us. You don't get to give us permission to mock you. We were going to mock you before you gave us permission. So here goes…you should be embarrassed. When we first came into this program, you were the freaky, but smart resident. Then you were George's weird, freaky girlfriend…"

Izzie interrupts, "Who didn't wash her hands after using the bathroom," she adds.

"I did wash my hands!" Callie says, defensively.

"Let me finish!" Cristina says, impatiently. "Then you were George's weird, freaky wife. Somewhere along the line, you lost the freaky title and I actually liked you and made you my bridesmaid for that ridiculous wedding I almost had. We became roommates because I thought you were cool, and uncomplicated and easy to live with. But then you became the hospital joke. You couldn't even hang on to George O'Malley…and don't blame Izzie for that…you lost him all on your own! Then there was Erica Hahn. You were like a 12 year old girl around her . Were you a lesbian? Were you not a lesbian…no one cared, but we all knew about it! All the while, you were sleeping with Mark in the on call room like his cheap hooker. All of that was your own business…until you slept with Mark while he was with Lexie Grey. She is lying in a hospital bed unable to roll over on her own because if she moves the wrong way her skin will fall off leaving her organs exposed. She is facing an uphill battle which you just made harder. I may not be the person who shows emotion, or gives hugs, but I am a person who doesn't kick another human being when they are down. Lexie Grey was about as down as a person can get, until you just lowered her another 10 feet. Do you want to go to the children's oncology ward and steal the toys from the cancer kids too?" Cristina asks, surprising even herself with her own fury.

"Are you finished?" Callie asks.

Cristina thinks for a moment. "I think I am. Izzie? Do you have anything to add?" she asks.

Izzie turns to Callie. "You told me that women don't do this to other women. You were right then. What I did to you was wrong. But what you did to Lexie…right now…it's unforgiveable. You may have broken her, and if that's the case, don't think you'll find a friend in anyone at this hospital," she practically spits at Callie.

Callie blinks hard, trying to clear the thick cloud of venom that seems to be looming in front of her. "Are you finished?"

Izzie nods, definitively, and waits for Callie to respond.

"Good. If you're both finished, each of you can close one knee," she says, turning around and leaving the O.R.

(Break)

Derek bursts into the on call room. "Is it true? he asks, pointing a finger at Mark, accusingly.

"Derek, man. I don't know what happened. You've gotta help me fix this," Mark pleads.

"Damn it, Mark! This is why I told you to stay the hell away from Little Grey! I don't know how to help you fix this!" Derek fires back.

"I didn't mean to. I just…we were drinking and she started to…forget it. There's no excuse. I'm still a jerk. But now I'm a jerk who knows he's a jerk, doesn't that count for something? I still love her," Mark says.

"Remember what I told you that it's what you do now that counts?" Derek asks.

Mark nods.

"Well you really should have taken me more seriously. You screwed up royally man, and I don't know how to get you out of this one. Do you know what it's like to be cheated on? No…you don't because you always do the cheating! I have never gotten over you sleeping with Addison, and I guarantee you that Lexie Grey is never going to get over you sleeping with Callie," Derek says, coldly.

Mark stares back at Derek. "This isn't just about me and Callie, is it?"

As Derek and Mark stare at each other without saying anything, Meredith enters. Derek continues to stare Mark down as he speaks to Meredith.

"Don't even waste your breath, Mer. This man wrecks lives. He almost wrecked mine and now he has wrecked Lexie's. Tell Little Grey to cut her losses," Derek says.

"Derek, I thought we had gotten to the point where you…" Mark says.

Derek cuts him off. "The point where, what? The point where I've moved on and put it behind me? I may have forgiven you on some level, but when you take Meredith's sister who is struggling to hold onto whatever quality of life she has left, and beat her down, it makes me realize that you haven't changed a bit! You're selfish, shallow and you…"

"Derek!" Meredith says, pleading for him to stop, knowing that he will regret his words later.

Derek stops and looks at Meredith and then back at Mark. "I was here for you, man. I was. But now I'm not. I'm done with you, Sloan." He turns to Meredith. "See you at home," he says walking out of the room.

Meredith stares at Mark. There is something about the look in his eyes that betrays the hurt Derek's words have inflicted upon him. She stares at him sympathetically.

"Are you okay?" she asks, gently.

Mark stares at her. "Why are you being nice to me?" he asks.

"I'm the girl who has sympathy for serial killers who slit innocent women's throats. Surely I can muster a little bit of sympathy for you," she quips, putting her hand on his arm.

"You didn't come here to be nice to me, did you?" he asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. I came here to do whatever I had to in order to get you to bring you back to Lexie's room with me, because it doesn't matter what I think of what you did. What matters is that Lexie still cares about you. And for what it's worth, Mark…I know what it's like to be where you are," she says.

"Really? You've been with a great guy who got burned in a fire and then cheated on him?" Mark asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. But I've done everything in my power to push Derek away because relationships kind of freak me out. I don't really know what to do when people are nice to me. I know what it's like to wonder what a person sees in you. And I know what it's like to make a lot of mistakes because of that," she says.

"You're not hitting on me, are you?" Mark jokes.

Meredith shakes her head. "No joking, Sloan. We're going to be serious right now. Are you coming with me?" she asks.

Mark thinks about it. "What made you decide to trust Derek and stop screwing everything up?"

Meredith pauses. "I don't want to be my mother. I don't want to be a brilliant surgeon who dies alone pining away for someone else's husband," she says, softly.

Mark doesn't say anything.

"I guess what you have to ask yourself is do you want to be the old guy waiting for Callie to be lonely enough for on call room sex or do you want to have your own relationship, and give yourself a chance at happiness?"

"I know what I want…I just don't know if I can let myself have it. Letting myself have it would be letting myself be happy," Mark explains.

"Why don't we meet for lunch later. You can take a few hours to think about things," Meredith offers.

Mark nods. "I'll buy," he says.

"Damn straight you will!" Meredith says.

(Break)

Meredith sees Callie in the on call room as she peeks through the window. Callie lies on the bed facing the ceiling with her eyes open.

Meredith opens the door and stands over her. Callie sits up when she sees her.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had something else to say to you, but I'm sorry," Callie says.

"You know, I can look at Mark as damaged enough to do something so destructive to so many people and find a way to forgive him because he's so damaged. But you? You're the person who usually stands up for people when they are down. Why would you do something like this? Seriously!" Meredith asks.

Callie sighs. "Do you really want an answer to that? Because it's not going to make you like me any better. Look…I know I've worn out my welcome among your little crowd. Why don't you all just get together and talk about crazy, slutty Callie who can't keep her legs closed and make Lexie laugh with all your stories about how I didn't wash my hands in the bathroom at your house. I'm not going to defend myself…have a blast," she says, resigned.

"You know, I can find sympathy for serial killers, but I just can't seem to muster any sympathy for you. I'm trying…really I am…but nope. None," Meredith says as she turns and walks out of the room.

*****

Hope you like it! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Next week, Mark is going to have to talk to Lexie because it's going to be almost time for her surgery to occur…but that conversation is going to be interesting! Also, Callie is going to stop in to see Lexie…that will also be interesting!! Other stuff to happen too, so please read, and review and let me know what you think! You guys are the best!


	20. Chapter 20

"Dr. Sloan, do you mind telling me why you have not returned any of my calls. I have been wracking my brain researching this procedure and I think I'm on to something, but I need the help of a world class plastic surgeon," Dr. Bailey says.

"I've had things on my mind," he replies.

"Things? Things that prevent you from saving Lexie Grey's future? I thought you were in love with that girl!" Dr. Bailey says, giving Mark a questioning look.

"It's complicated," Mark says, putting his head in his hands.

"Listen. I hear all the gossip in this hospital, I just don't partake in it. I know you slept with Torres. But come on…you always sleep with Torres. She's like you're version of mac and cheese and fried chicken. Everyone needs that comfort food when things get rough," Dr. Bailey says.

"Comfort food?" Mark asks.

"I'm from the South. We do a lot of comfort food there. But the bottom line is that after a day of comfort food, you start to feel bloated and unhealthy and the next day, you go back to eating your healthy salads and grilled chicken and you feel better. Of course sometimes it takes a few tries before the weight falls back off, but you feel better when it does. Sloan…you need to get back on your healthy diet," Dr. Bailey says.

"Let me guess. Lexie is my salad?" he asks, with a weak smile.

Dr. Bailey nods. "And your salad is starting to look pretty wilted, so let's take a look at the plans I drew up here and you can see what I came up with," she says.

Mark takes Dr. Bailey's notes from her and looks them over. He shakes his head.

"What?" she asks, anxiously. "No good?"

"No. They're very good. It's just such a brutal procedure. I hate the idea of putting her through this," he says.

"Nobody's even talked to her about it. It IS the patient's choice, you know," Dr. Bailey says.

"Yes. It is. It certainly isn't mine," Mark says in a self deprecating tone.

"Do you want to explain it to her?" Dr. Bailey asks.

Mark shakes his head. "I have other things to talk to her about first. I can't just go in there and explain that we are going to torture her for weeks."

"Well, I'll make sure Stevens is well read on the procedure and I'll have her discuss the procedure with the patient and obtain consent to start the procedure or decline treatment," Dr. Bailey says.

"Lexie." Mark says.

"Pardon me?" Dr. Bailey asks, tilting her head.

"The PATIENT'S name is Lexie. Don't forget who she is," Mark says.

Dr. Bailey nods. "I won't, Dr. Sloan. She's your salad."

(Break)

Alex nibbles on Izzie's ear. "Why don't you come with me to the on call room. We can finish this there!" he says, seductively.

Izzie pushes him away. "I can't. I have to report to Dr. Bailey on this procedure. It's for Lexie and it's complicated. We have to grow tissue, and then there is a big process to stretch the tissue to fit different portions of her body. It's complex, and I don't fully understand it and I have to explain it to Lexie in an hour and get her consent," Izzie says.

"Why are you so freaked out here? I mean it's Lexie! It's not like she's some random patient who is going to fire questions at you," he asks.

Izzie narrows her eyes. "Have you met Lexie? We don't call her Lexapedia for no reason. She'll have a million questions and I want her to feel comfortable with all of this, and I need to get this right, so PLEASE! Stop coming on to me now because I won't be able to resist," she pleads.

"Then you better be ready when you get home because I'm going to be all over you!" Alex says.

(Break)

"Hi Izzie," Lexie says, barely looking up from her etch a sketch.

"So, how's the etch a sketching going?" Izzie says, cheerfully.

"My fingers are swollen and I'm having a little trouble with the angles. I'm also out of practice, but I'm getting my groove back. Thank you for asking," Lexie replies.

"Okay, at the risk of sounding like Cristina…I wasn't REALLY asking…I just…well…It's hard to ignore that thing…I don't really know how to talk to you when you won't look at me," Izzie admits.

"Maybe I'd start looking at you if you'd get that look off your face," Lexie snaps.

"What look?" Izzie asks, genuinely.

"The 'poor Lexie' look. The look that says 'Poor Lexie got burned in the fire and now Mark Sloan cheated on her. Poor Lexie!'" Lexie mimics.

"You're misinterpreting my look…" Izzie declares.

"Really? Then explain it to me," Lexie challenges.

"Okay, it's not a look of pity. Honestly, I feel really badly that you were burned, but we have plan here, and I think it's a good one. And if you'd stop playing with your toy long enough to hear it, I think yo'll agree. It is a look of sympathy. Sympathy for what you've been through medically, but also for what you're going through with Mark. I've had a lot of failed relationships and it hurts. I know. So yes. I feel bad for what you're going through because I'm your friend, but I don't pity you, because I know that you'll come out the other side of this," Izzie explains.

Lexie puts the etch a sketch down. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day," she says.

"No apologies necessary. Put down the etch a sketch. We're going to talk about your upcoming surgeries," Izzie says.

"Surgeries? As in more than one?" Lexie asks.

"Yes. Surgeries, as in about 5 or 6, depending on how the grafting takes after we grow the tissue samples. Basically, what we have to do is take a sample of skin from someone. It is easiest to grow if it's a relative, but it doesn't have to be. We figured we could use Meredith…you know…half sister is good enough. Once we have a small tissue sample, we attach it to your body. It's best to start with a small body part, like a foot or a hand or something. Then, the hard part comes. Once it grafts, we have to stretch it. That involves some small surgical procedures where we insert tissue expanders to stretch the skin," Izzie explains.

"It doesn't sound so bad…" Lexie says.

"The actual surgery isn't so bad. It's just that while the skin is expanding in between surgeries, well…it can be uncomfortable." Izzie explains.

"Okay. Fair enough. Compared to what I felt like when I came in here, I think I can handle it," Lexie says, optimistically.

Izzie thinks for a moment. Should she tell Lexie that the pain of the tissue expansion would be much worse than the pain of her original burns? She worries that Lexie might not actually do it, so she simply says, "The only thing is, you can't take any medication while undergoing this treatment. No pain killers or anything."

"Like I said, after the pain I had coming in here, I can live with that," Lexie says.

Izzie guiltily changes the subject.

"Cristina and I saw Callie," she says.

"And?" Lexie asks.

"We made her so uncomfortable that she left her own O.R.! Then from what I heard, Meredith gave it to her good! I wouldn't be surprised if she asked for a transfer!" Izzie says, gleefully.

Lexie smiles. "Am I totally evil if I'm happy?" she asks.

Izzie smiles back. "No. You're human."

(Break)

"Why aren't you talking?" Meredith asks.

"I'm tired," Derek replies.

"You're not tired. You slept 10 hours last night. What's wrong?" Meredith asks.

Derek doesn't answer.

"You know, you can call Mark and see how he's doing. He's hurting and he needs you. You're his person," Meredith says.

"No I can't. There is right and there's wrong. I can't condone wrong. What he and Callie did was wrong." Derek explains.

"You see everything as black and white," Meredith says.

"Yeah…I do." Derek admits.

"Can I ask you something?" Meredith asks.

"Sure," Derek replies.

"Did you mean it when you said that you'd never forgive Mark for sleeping with Addison?" Meredith asks.

"He slept with my wife," Derek replies.

"Because if he hadn't slept with Addison, you wouldn't have left her and you never would have met me in the bar…and then…well…we wouldn't be here," Meredith says, looking away.

Derek takes her face in his hands. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I need to know I wasn't your second choice…" Meredith admits.

Derek holds her face and kisses her lips gently. "You are not my second choice. You are my home," he says, firmly.

"Call Mark," Meredith says, kissing him back.

"Nope." Derek replies.

(Break)

Callie sits next to Mark in the on call room.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Me too," Mark replies.

"No. I should have stopped it. You were drunker than me. I'm really sorry. I know you really care about her," Callie says.

"Why do we sleep together?" Mark asks.

"I know why I do it. I just don't know why you do," Callie says.

"Why do you do it?" Mark asks.

"Have you ever looked around this hospital? Have you seen what all the women here look like? Meredith, and Cristina are like a size 2 on a bloated day. Izzie is a supermodel, Lexie's perfect looking all the time! Miranda looks like a normal person, but she's brilliant and never makes a mistake. I'm not perfect. I'm not gorgeous, I'm just a damn good orthopedic surgeon, so at the end of the day, I'm the slightly chubby girl who breaks bones and has no real close friends other than you. I've made myself a laughingstock and I don't know…I just don't feel good anymore…" Callie admits.

Mark turns to her. "You sleep with me because you don't think you're attractive or smart?" he asks.

Callie looks away and is mortified that she has tears in her eyes.

"Calliope Torres, look at me," Mark says, gently.

Callie looks at him and wills the tears that cloud her vision not to fall.

"After this conversation, we are never going to sleep together again, but I want you to know something. You are beautiful. You are one of the most attractive women I have ever been with. You are smart, funny and real, and I have never met anyone like you," Mark says, staring intensely at her.

"Thank you," Callie says, feeling her throat tighten. She takes a few deep breaths, and when she trusts her voice, she says, "Why do you do it?"

"Pretty much for similar reasons. Derek's the good guy. I'm just the guy who's hot enough to make woman want him for that. I've never actually been good at relationships. I'm good at screwing them up," Mark admits.

"Maybe we need to help each other. I'm going to help you stay in a committed relationship with Lexie," Callie says.

"And I'm going to help you find a relationship with someone who's good enough for you. None of this O'Malley crap!" Mark says.

Callie smiles. "I have to go. There's something I have to do," she says.

(Break)

"Lexie! I need to talk to you!" Callie says, bursting through the door.

Lexie's heart skips a beat as she sees Callie standing in the doorway.

"What do you want?" Lexie asks, tiredly.

"I want to apologize, and fix things. I want to make things right," Callie says, sitting down in a chair next to Lexie's bed.

"Can you make it so my boyfriend wasn't naked in your bed the other night? Because if you can't, I don't think you can fix anything," Lexie says.

Callie sighs. "You're mad. I know. But Mark and I screwed up. We're screwed up people. He's a man whore, and I'm…well…I guess I'm just a whore."

Lexie is surprised by Callie's assessment of the situation and doesn't know what to say other than, "Yeah. I guess you deserve each other."

"No, Lexie…that's where you're wrong. Mark loves you. He's not that person anymore. He was at Joe's. We were talking about how much he cared about you. I took advantage of him. He was drunk. I was drunk. It shouldn't have happened the way that it did, but it was my fault…not his. I should have stopped it. I knew he'd regret it…but well…I should have stopped it…" Callie says.

Lexie glares at her. "But you didn't. You didn't stop it, and he didn't stop it, which means that no one actually cared enough to stop it. Everyone wanted to do the right thing, but no one did it. It's okay, Callie. I know what I look like now. Mark should be with someone beautiful and undamaged. Someone like you. It's fine. I'm learning to accept my future…but don't come in here with stories about how no one meant for it to happen…It happened…and I'm sad about it. I'm allowed to grieve for my lost life…okay?" she says, coldly and distantly.

"Beautiful and undamaged? Lexie…with burns covering almost 100% of your body you are more beautiful and less damaged than I'll ever be. Your scars aren't your fault. Mark and I…we make our own mistakes…and then we have to live with them. We scar ourselves. He loves you. I promised him I'd help him be the man he wants to be for you…and I screwed up. Please…give him another chance. Please…" Callie pleads.

The door opens before Lexie can answer and Meredith steps into the room and glares at Callie.

"Get out of my sister's room before I…" Meredith doesn't finish her thought because if she is honest with herself she doesn't really have a threat.

"It's okay, Mer. Callie was just apologizing, and I was just telling her that no amount of apologizing changes what happened," Lexie says, calmly.

"Look…you never have to forgive me if you don't want to. But if you could forgive Mark…well…that's what matters," Callie says.

Lexie laughs bitterly. "Yeah…he hasn't even come to apologize to me himself. Tell your friend that apologizing through your other woman is really bad form," she says.

The door opens again. "Ummm…could you two leave us alone for a few minutes?" Mark asks, as he sits down next to Lexie.

Callie nods and steps outside. Meredith looks at Lexie. Who nods. "It's okay, Mer," she whispers.

Meredith smiles briefly at Mark as she steps into the hallway and stands next to Callie who is leaning against the door.

"You know…I've been the other woman too…" Meredith says.

Callie stares at her without saying anything.

"And I remember when Addison was classy about everything with Derek and I, it made me feel even worse," Meredith points out.

Callie continues to stare at her.

"I don't know what brought Mark to the point where he's ready to face what he did, but if it was you, thank you," Meredith continues.

"You're welcome," Callie says, simply.

"Until I see them back together, I still wouldn't come to your execution," Meredith says.

"You already missed it," Callie says.

Meredith looks at her quizzically.

"I had Izzie and Cristina with me on a surgery. They did a pretty good job. Let's just say it was more like the chair than lethal injection," Callie explains.

(Break)

Mark takes Lexie's hand. "Hey beautiful," he says.

"Stop calling me that," she says, looking away.

"Did Izzie talk to you about the procedure?" he asks, awkwardly avoiding the elephant in the room.

"I'm not mad at you," she says.

"You're not?" he asks.

"No. I get it. You deserve a normal life. A life with a girl who isn't scarred and disfigured and all that. You deserve a girl like Callie. I just can't believe you didn't have the decency to break up with me before sleeping with her. I mean, you told me you loved me. Doesn't that word mean anything to you, Mark?" she asks.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asks.

"I guess. But I should warn you…I'm not very good at keeping them," Lexie admits.

"You're the first girl I ever told that I loved her," Mark says.

"Really?" Lexie says, smiling against her own will.

"Really…and I kind of freaked out. I don't know…I just freaked," he says, shamefully.

"I'm your first love?" she asks.

"You're it, baby," he says.

Lexie smiles and squeezes his hand.

"So here's the thing…" Mark says. "I'm experienced in certain areas. Very experienced. And very proficient. I'm kind of like a god in those areas. But in other areas, I'll probably screw up, and I need you to keep my head on straight."

"So you're Meredith and I'll be your Derek?" Lexie asks.

"I guess so…" Mark says, smiling.

"Okay…" Lexie says, squeezing his hand.


	21. Chapter 21

Izzie paces back and forth as Dr. Bailey says, "Dr. Stevens! Are you going to get scrubbed or should we proceed without you?" she asks.

"Dr. Bailey…what would you say if I told you that I might have left out one small detail of the procedure when explaining it to the patient?" Izzie asks, nervously.

"I would say that you better have a very good reason!" Dr. Bailey responds.

"Well…do you sometimes feel like people are stronger than they give themselves credit for? Well, I do. I think that Lexie can handle this, but I think if I told her exactly what the procedure entailed, she might have opted not to do it and then regretted it later," Izzie explains.

"Just what did you neglect to tell her?" Dr. Bailey asks, sternly.

"I might have forgotten to mention that before we begin grafting skin with have to burn off the remaining damaged skin from her body in order to not spread any infection to the new tissue," Izzie admits.

"I would say that you better march in there and tell her what this procedure entails before Dr. Sloan gets here. I would also say that you better never mention to another person in this hospital that you attempted to manipulate a patient's decision because of your own beliefs," Dr. Bailey reprimands.

Izzie opens her mouth to speak, but Dr. Bailey puts up her hand.

"I might also tell you that sometimes giving patients small amounts of information at different times helps them to process it better, so if your decision was based on the fact that you did not want to overwhelm the patient with too much information, then it was a good idea, Dr. Stevens. But now you need to give her the rest of the information. It's time," Dr. Bailey says, softening.

Izzie nods and reluctantly heads into Lexie's room where she finds Meredith sitting on Lexie's bed. The two of them are passing the etch a sketch back and forth laughing like teenagers.

"Ummm…hi…you guys are having a good time," Izzie observes.

"Lexie's drawing dirty pictures!" Meredith says.

"I told her to draw Derek's and I'd draw Mark's! Do you want to try drawing Alex's?" Lexie asks.

Izzie holds up both hands and takes a step back. "No…ummm…no thanks! I'm not too good with an etch a sketch. I just wanted to go over a few things regarding the procedure with both of you. Meredith, Dr. Sloan will take the tissue sample from you this afternoon. It's a very simple procedure in which they…" Meredith cuts her off.

"Iz…I'm not worried. They take a small piece of my ass away. I'm fine with it. What girl wouldn't want to have a little bit of her ass shaved off?" Meredith asks, laughing.

"Yes. It's a simple procedure. And Lexie, I want to go over a few more things regarding your procedure with you. I want to make sure that you understand that…" Lexie cuts her off.

"I understand the procedure. They attach Mer's skin and it grows on me. Mer! Look at this one. This is what I'd imagine George's to look like!" Lexie says, handing the etch a sketch to Meredith.

Izzie peers over Meredith's shoulder. She and Meredith look at each other and shake their heads. "Nah. Not quite like that," Izzie says.

"This part is a little too wide…and this part is…" Meredith says.

"Shorter. Definitely shorter," Izzie says.

Lexie laughs until Izzie says, "But I didn't come in here to talk about penises."

"Buzz kill!" Meredith says.

Izzie shoots her a look. "Lexie…what I wanted to talk to you about is the part of the surgery before Meredith's skin is ready to be used as a skin graft for you. We need to make sure it is attached to a clean surface," she begins.

"Well, no one here has let me shower in like, forever…but I'm used to it. I smell like an intern!" she quips.

"We actually have to get rid of the damaged tissue to avoid corruption of the new tissue," Izzie explains.

Lexie nods, agreeably.

"With fire. We have to get rid of it by burning it off. It's going to feel…well…kind of like it felt to be in the original fire, but it will be contained to whatever area we are working on," Izzie explains.

Lexie shakes her head. "No," she says, simply.

"No?" Izzie asks.

"I can't do that. I can't feel that kind of pain again. I can't relive burning in the fire. Mentally, physically…I just can't, Izzie. I'm sorry…I know you've all worked hard on this, but you'll have to figure out something else," she says, definitely.

"Lexie, you are burned throughout almost 100 per cent of your body. It's a miracle you are alive. There is nothing else to try. This is it, and you're going to do it," Izzie says, forcefully.

Lexie forces a smile. "Is that Izzie my friend speaking or Izzie my doctor?" she asks.

"Well, Izzie your doctor can't tell you what to do. Izzie your friend shouldn't know this much about your procedure, so I guess it's Izzie your doctor friend. But if you want, we can ask Meredith, your sister-pervert over there. The one holding the etch a sketch with a bad picture of George's penis on it!" Izzie says, trying to keep the mood light.

Meredith looks up. "Lex…you don't have a choice. You're going to have to just do it. I'll be there, the whole time," Meredith promises.

"As will I. And of course, Mark and Dr. Bailey," Izzie promises.

Lexie's eyes water. "Thanks. I guess I don't have a choice, do I?" she asks.

Izzie shakes her head. "If you don't do it, not only will you be disfigured for life, but eventually, you'll become septic from infection and die. You have to do it," she says.

Lexie looks at Meredith. "That's Izzie the doctor," she whispers.

(Break)

Derek sees Mark in the hallway on his way to surgery. He falls in step with him, walking next to him, their strides taking on the same rhythm.

"Good luck in there…" Derek says.

"Thanks," Mark says. They walk along in silence before Mark asks, "Are we Meredith and Cristina? Are we fighting like a couple of girls?"

"I don't know," Derek says, looking straight ahead.

"About Addison, Derek…I never…" Mark stammers until Derek cuts him off.

"I was out of line, man. You've got big stuff to worry about now. Don't even think about it. Just take care of Lexie," Derek says, patting his friend on the back.

"Come on…I'm just trying to top that whole clinical trial that you published," Mark says.

"Yeah…that's why you're doing this…always trying to top me," Derek says. He pauses for a moment. "Good luck, Sloan"

"Thanks man. I'll keep you posted. If she seizes, I'll call you for a consult," Mark says, laughing a forced and tight laugh.

"Page me no matter what. I'll be waiting. Good luck," Derek says, as he and Mark part ways and go down opposite hallways.

(Break)

Dr. Webber stands at the door of the O.R. as Lexie is wheeled in. He greets Izzie and Dr. Bailey at the door and shakes Mark's hand, however, he stops Meredith at the door.

"Meredith, I assigned Stevens to this case. I don't believe there is room for two residents on this surgery. I don't make a practice of allowing immediate family in the O.R." he says.

Dr. Bailey hears this and says, "Chief, I have trained Dr. Grey here on some highly complex portions of this procedure and want to give her a chance to assist. This IS one of the top teaching hospitals, is it not?" she asks.

"Miranda…" Dr. Webber warns.

"Do you trust me?" she asks.

"Of course," Dr. Webber replies.

"Then leave Dr. Grey to me. I controlled her when she was showing up to work attached to an IV to flush the tequila out of her system. I think I can control her now," she says.

Dr. Webber narrows his eyes, but nods his head. "Very well, Miranda. But for the record, I'm not in favor of it."

"Your disapproval is duly noted," she says, politely.

Dr. Webber walks over to Lexie who is wide awake and terrified. "I just want you to know that this hospital is going to take good care of you. If you need anything, you let us know," he says, in a fatherly tone.

"Thank you," Lexie says, nervously.

When the chief steps out, Mark walks over to Lexie and kisses her on the lips softly. "I'll be your surgeon in a minute, but right now, I'm the guy who calls you his first and only love," he whispers.

"I love you too," Lexie whispers back.

"She's not going to love him in a minute when he lights her skin on fire," Cristina says to Alex in the gallery.

"This is going to be so bad I'm not even sure I can make jokes. Izzie showed me a video of the patients in the trial for this procedure. It's literally like burning in hell," he says.

"You would know, Evil Spawn," Cristina replies.

"Dude, I'm not the one laughing while Meredith's sister gets her skin burned off," Alex replies.

Derek and Owen sit down next to them. "How is she doing?" Derek asks.

"I didn't talk to her before she went in. She looks okay, but I think the chief tried to kick her out of the O.R. when he first saw that she was there," Cristina says.

"But Dr. Bailey took him on…and won," Alex explains.

Derek nods, distractedly. He stares at Meredith in such a way that Cristina can't help but comment. "Stop looking at her like that. You look like you're waiting for her to break and if she sees your face when she looks up here, she'll freak," Cristina says to Derek.

Owen looks at him sideways and says, "She's right, man. Put your game face on."

(Break)

Dr. Bailey gathers the group of doctors into a huddle that is somewhat reminiscent of a high school sports team. "Okay, gather round, people," she says to the doctors.

Everyone huddles around her as she begins her speech. "Who here has ever played basketball?" she asks.

A few of the mutter responses, but most of them simply stare at her looking confused.

"Well, Sloan here, is out star player. This isn't the time for any of us to try out our new surgical skills. The goal is to get the ball to Sloan so he can score," she begins.

Up in the gallery, Alex turns to Owen. "Did she just say score?" he asks, laughing.

Owen laughs and Cristina glares at him. "Don't encourage Karev. It only goes downhill from here," she says.

Derek looks at all of them. "Shhh…I can't hear with you all talking," he says.

Dr. Bailey continues. "I'm the point guard. I'll call the plays and work to get the ball to Dr. Sloan," she continues. Everyone nods in approval. Stevens, "You're the color commentator. You relay the plays to the audience as it's happening."

Izzie nods, to show her understanding.

"Grey. You're not a basketball player. You're a cheerleader. Your only job is to motivate. Don't touch the ball," Dr. Bailey continues.

"Did she just call Meredith a cheerleader?" Cristina asks Derek.

Derek chuckles softly as does Cristina, until it turns into a full blown laugh. The two of them laugh hysterically until Alex joins in. Owen stops them all. "It's starting," he says.

"That felt good," Derek admits.

"Play ball," Dr. Bailey says.

Izzie looks at Mark. "Are you ready?" she asks.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," he says, inhaling.

Izzie wishes him luck and then turns to Meredith. She opens her mouth to say something and then stops. She decides there are times where words are too much. She takes Meredith's gloved hand in her own and squeezes it. Meredith squeezes back and then they take their spots next to Lexie.

"Stevens…be the announcer. Explain the game to the crowd," she says.

"Ummm…by the crowd, do you mean…" Izzie asks Dr. Bailey timidly.

"I mean the patient! I mean, Lexie Grey," Dr. Bailey responds impatiently.

"Oh…okay," Izzie says quickly. "I never played sports," she whispers to Meredith.

"Me either. And I definitely wasn't a cheerleader," Meredith replies, nervously.

"What's with the basketball analogies?" Mark says to Dr. Bailey.

"I always wanted to play, but I was too short. I tried out every year, and every year they cut me. But this is MY team. No one can cut me now!" Dr. Bailey says, laughing.

"Okay…here we go. Lexie, are you ready?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"No, but I don't think I ever will be, so I guess we should just get this over with," she says.

"Stevens…start the play by play," Dr. Bailey says.

Izzie gives Meredith a look and mouths, "She's lost it!" before turning to Lexie and saying, "We're going to begin with your thoracic area this time. This procedure will be repeated three times. The next time will involve the extremities, and the final operation will involve the your face and skull," she begins. "Dr. Sloan is going to prepare the area by ummm…heating it up in order to get rid of the damaged tissue," Izzie says, swallowing hard.

Lexie nods to show her understanding and then looks at Meredith. "You probably shouldn't watch. This is going to be…"

"Awful," Meredith says, finishing Lexie's sentence. "It's going to be awful, and that's why I'm here. YOU told ME that this is what family does…right?" Meredith says.

"Sadie," Lexie whispers, remembering the code word they had used when their relationship was less stable.

Mark's hands shake as he picks up the instruments he needs to begin.

"Dr. Sloan?" Dr. Bailey says.

He stops and looks at her.

"The star player never chokes during the foul throw. You've been fouled, and you're at the foul line. All you have to do is sink the first shot," she says.

"Dr. Bailey?" Mark says.

"Yes, Dr. Sloan," he asks.

"If you make one more bad basketball reference, I'll light you on fire with this torch right here and right now," he says, stepping towards Lexie.

Dr. Bailey steps backward instinctively. "Yes sir," she says.

"Dr. Bailey, can you please apply disinfectant after the tissue is ummm…heated to an acceptable level?" Mark asks.

Mark turns on the flame and holds it above Lexie's torso.

"This isn't quite what I meant when I told me you light my heart on fire," Lexie jokes as her voice quivers.

Mark looks up at the gallery hoping that his best friend can offer him some strength, but Derek looks away. It is Callie, who sits next to Derek who gives him a thumbs up sign.

"I can't watch this," Derek says, standing up to leave.

"Sit down!" Callie says, sternly. "Your best friend needs you, so sit your ass back in that chair!"

Derek sits down numbly.

Meredith grips Lexie's hand. "Okay…don't take your eyes off of me. We're going to go on a little trip right now. We are leaving the O.R. and we're going to….ummm…Paris," Meredith says, pausing to think of her next step.

"Paris? That's where she'll go with Mark when he's not burning off her skin…not with her sister. Let's go to…ummm…Hawaii. It's nice and warm there!" Izzie says.

"Yeah…warm is just what she needs right now," Meredith replies sarcastically.

"Sorry…I wasn't thinking," Izzie says, cringing.

"Stevens, I need you over on this side. You're going to help me with this here," Dr. Bailey says.

Izzie gets up and between Meredith and Dr. Bailey.

"What do you need me to do?" she asks.

"Dr. Sloan is ready. Grab Dr. Grey's hand," she says.

Izzie looks confused. "Not Dr. Grey the patient! Dr. MEREDITH Grey. Dr. Sloan is ready to start, and Meredith's not looking so good. If she's going to help her sister, someone's going to have to help HER through this," Dr. Bailey explains.

Izzie nods, and puts her hand on Meredith's shoulder. "I'm here for you," she whispers.

Meredith smiles gratefully and turns back to Lexie who says, "I'm closing my eyes. Just tell me when it's over," she says.

"I think she'll know when it's over," Izzie whispers to Meredith.

Mark stands over Lexie but does not look her in the eyes or acknowledge her in any way. He needs to just be a surgeon right now and not have any emotional connection to the patient.

"Lexie…we'll do this in intervals of 10 seconds. It will take about 3 times before we cover the whole area. I need you to try to make it through all 10 seconds each time, but if you can't, let us know." Izzie explains. "Just tell us when you need to stop, and we will take a break," she says.

Lexie nods. "Just do it," she says.

Mark touches the torch to Lexie's torso. Lexie opens her mouth and screams. Izzie begins to count. "10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. Okay…you're done," she says, squeezing Meredith's hand tightly.

Lexie continues to scream as Meredith says, "Focus on me. Breath in and out. Just breathe…" she says.

"I can't. I can't breathe. Help me…Mer..I can't…I can't…" Lexie says

Mark walks away and whispers to Dr. Bailey, "Disinfect the area. I need a minute…" as he walks out of the room.

"Dude. That was awful! I almost couldn't watch!" Alex says turning to Cristina. "Wait…your eyes are closed. You couldn't watch. You closed your eyes!" he observes.

"I did not. I just had something in my eye," Cristina answers quickly and unconvincingly.

Owen puts his arm around her. "I closed my eyes too…" he admits.

Derek stands up. "Mark just left the O.R.! Torres! Let's go!" he says.

"Me? You want me to go…I don't know if I…" Callie stammers.

"Just go! No one cares about any of the other crap right now. Just go!" she snaps.

Callie follows Derek downstairs where Mark is leaning against the door to the O.R. with his eyes closed. Callie and Derek stand on either side of him and put their hands on his shoulders. "I can't do that two more times. I just can't. You can't even imagine what it's like…you can't even imagine…" Mark says, sinking down to the floor. He collapses his head in his hands and begins to sob.

"No! You do not get to lose it yet. You have to finish this. It's hell and you'll never be the same after the two of you go through something like this together, but you love her…and love isn't always easy. It's hard and it's stressful and the worst part is when the one you love is hurting, but keep it together, Mark. It's not you on that table…it's her…and she needs you to be her surgeon right now!" Derek says, forcefully.

"Derek and I are up in that gallery… We're watching you be a real hero. You're doing great. Hang in there a little longer. If Lexie can be that strong, you can be that strong for her. She's really amazing…and she deserves your best!" Callie points out.

Mark smiles at Callie. "Thanks, Torres. Besides…I still have to beat Derek's stupid clinical trial…don't I?" he asks.

"Yeah…I think so. Someone has to keep Shepherd's ego in check..." Callie says.

"Take five minutes, Sloan. Let everyone breathe. Then go back in there and finish up," Derek says.

"Thanks man," Mark replies.

Inside the O.R. Lexie continues to panic. Meredith feels her own anxiety level start to rise. Dr. Bailey says, "I'm going to disinfect the area so that Dr. Sloan can attach the first tissue sample when he returns." Her words are calm and matter of fact, but Meredith detects a slight raise in pitch in her voice.

"How bad is this?" Meredith asks Izzie.

Izzie shakes her head, implying _Don't ask._

Dr. Bailey pours the solution on the area that Dr. Sloan has finished treating and Lexie screams again. This time, she stops abruptly and gasps, "Meredith!"as Meredith falls to the floor and Izzie catches her.

"I think she fainted!" Izzie says.

"Your girlfriend's a genius. All those years of med school and now she can identify a fainting spell when it happens," Cristina says to Alex as she gets up to go check on Meredith. Derek stands up and runs to follow her.

"Stevens, stay here with Lexie. Looks like our cheerleader has been benched," she says as Derek and Christina rush into the O.R.

Derek picks Meredith up and carries her outside. Christina sits down next to Lexie and Izzie. "Okay…here's something I never thought I'd say. I'm your new cheerleader. I'm filling in for Meredith." Cristina says.

Izzie laughs. "I'd pay good money to see you do a cheer right now," she says.

Cristina looks up in the gallery where Owen and Alex sit.

"Not right now…It's halftime. We're going to save it for when we need it," Cristina says.

Izzie looks at her strangely as Mark reenters the room. "Okay, I'm ready for the next round," he says.

"Mark, I…" Lexie's eyes are pleading as she looks at him.

Mark puts his hand on her forehead. "Shhh….when this is all over I'm going to crawl on that table with you and stroke your hair because I know that's what you like when you are hurting…" he promises.

Lexie closes her eyes. "Okay," she says in a small voice.

Dr. Bailey looks at Izzie. "We're ready," she says.

"Wait…" Cristina says. "We're not. Ummm…Izzie and I need a team huddle for a moment," she says.

Izzie looks at her quizzically but steps away from Lexie. Cristina whispers something to her, and Izzie smiles and whispers back. They nod at each other and return to Lexie where each of them sits on either side of her.

"Is Meredith okay?" Lexie asks when they return.

"I'm sure Meredith's fine. You know her…always wants the attention on herself," Cristina says, smiling.

Owen watches from the gallery, admiring Cristina's compassion. For all her tough talk, she really comes through when people need her. Alex looks at him and says, "Are we the luckiest guys in the world or what?"

"We are. I don't know what those two are doing with a couple of slobs like us!" Owen says.

"Speak for yourself, dude!" Alex replies.

Meredith and Derek are in the on-call room. Meredith begins to regain consciousness and says, "Did I…oh my god! Lexie! I have to go back in there!" she says.

Derek shakes his head. "No…you're sitting right here with me," he says, wrapping his arms around her.

Meredith fights him. "No! I can't. I need to be in there with her! Let me go!"

"Meredith! Izzie, Cristina, Mark and Dr. Bailey are with her. You need to stay calm. You need to just relax and take care of yourself. Right now, Lexie's in better shape than you.." he says.

Meredith stops fighting him and collapses in his arms. "It was awful, Derek! So awful! And that's what she felt in the fire and then again…and then Dr. Bailey…the wounds…and Sadie…she died in that fire…and I…I don't know…Derek…help me!" Meredith sobs into his chest.

"Shhhhh…it's okay. It was awful. I watched from the gallery, and did you know that Cristina closed her eyes it was so bad. Even she couldn't watch. You were so strong for your sister. And now, you need to be strong for yourself. You haven't slept, you haven't eaten. You need to take care of yourself…or let me take care of you. You'll be there for her when it's all over. Right now, take a break…" he says.

Meredith doesn't fight him. She simply lets him hold her to his chest and says "Thank you," as she cuddles up to him on the bed.

Derek holds her and tries not to think about how secretly glad he is that he is not Mark Sloan right now.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too…" she whispers back as she closes her eyes and falls asleep with Derek holding her.

Mark looks at Dr. Bailey. "If I can get a good 10 seconds, I think I can finish the torso area without a third round. I got a lot of the area last round….more than I expected. I didn't really think she'd last 10 seconds," he says.

"Stevens, Yang, did you hear that?" Dr. Bailey says, motioning to Izzie and Cristina to come closer. She whispers, "If he can get 10 seconds, he thinks he can finish the torso area without a third round," she says.

They both eye each other and give a small smirk. Dr. Bailey eyes them strangely, but does not ask questions.

"Okay. We're ready," Mark says, purposely not looking Lexie in the eye.

"Lexie…Keep your eyes on Cristina and I…okay?" Izzie asks moving next to Cristina.

As Mark brings the flame over her and Lexie braces herself, Cristina and Izzie break into cheer. "L – E – X – I – E! She's the best that we can see! YAAAAAAAAY Lexie!" They cheer complete with hand gestures. At the end, Izzie does a perfect straddle jump and Cristina attempts to follow her but somehow her legs get tangled on a table nearby and she lands in a straddled heap on the floor.

Before she can get up, Mark is finished and Lexie wipes her eyes. "Oh my god! You just did a cheer for me! Cristina Yang just did a cheer!" she says outloud.

"Izzie was actually a cheerleader in high school," Cristina says.

"No I wasn't. It was fourth grade and it was at the local park. I got knocked up in high school!" she says.

While Lexie laughs at Cristina trying to get up off the floor, Dr. Bailey pours the disinfectant on the area and Lexie grimaces.

"You better be done, Sloan, because I'm not doing another cheer," Cristina says.

He nods. "I got it all. Thank you, Yang. Stevens. You guys were great today," he says.

Dr. Bailey begins to clean up and Mark walks over to her. "You can play on my basketball team anytime," he says.

"Thank you," she says, proudly.

"Now, everyone get the hell out of the O.R. so I can spend some time alone with the most beautiful patient I've ever seen," he says.

As everyone clears out, Mark crawls next to her on the O.R. table and strokes her hair. He is careful not to touch the exposed area.

Lexie closes her eyes and allows herself to relax against his touch.

*******

Intense chapter!!! I tried to build in a lot of humor! Can't wait to hear what you all think of it! I also can't wait for tomorrow's episode!!! So excited!! Please read and review!! Can't wait to hear from you!


	22. Chapter 22

Meredith wakes up in Derek's arms and frantically jumps out of the bed in the on call room. "Oh my god! I can't believe you let me sleep that long! I have to check on Lexie! She's been by herself for…" Meredith rants.

Derek grabs her and pulls her into a hug. "Relax. Mark is with Lexie and at about 3am he took a nap and Izzie stayed with her for a few hours. She's doing well," he says.

Meredith shakes her head. "No! You don't understand! I promised I'd be with her every step of the way! I promised her! Then I fainted. I was useless to her. I was supposed to be there for her and I wasn't! I have to get there! You don't understand. I failed her! I failed her like I always fail everyone!" Meredith continues to rant.

Derek kisses her and she pushes him away. "You don't understand…you're perfect. I'm all screwed up and now I screwed my sister up. I'll see you later," she says, running out of the room.

When she arrives at Lexie's room, Lexie is fast asleep. Mark stands up as soon as he sees her. "Thank god you're here! I have surgery in an hour. Luckily, it's just a simple nose job so I can do it in my sleep because I literally will be operating in my sleep," he says.

"Mark…I'm really sorry. I promised I would be there for the whole thing and then I…I don't know…I…it was so bad…I just fainted and I…I'm just sorry I left you alone in there…and that I left Lexie alone. I just totally screwed up. I'm so sorry," she says.

Mark puts his hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Lexie was not alone. Do you know how amazing those friends of yours were? Wait until Lexie tells you what Izzie and Cristina did for her in there? They were the best medicine anyone could have asked for. You can't even imagine. So don't feel bad for a moment. Lexie was far from alone. And the good news is that the procedure is working," he says.

"Thanks Mark," Meredith says, as she sits down and waits for Lexie to wake up.

Lexie begins to stir as Meredith sits quietly and waits. When she opens her eyes, Meredith smiles sheepishly. "How are you feeling?" she asks.

"I've been better," Lexie admits. "I can't believe I have to do that again two more times…but Mark says that the extremities are not as bad as the torso, so next time shouldn't be quite as bad." She pauses and then asks, "How are YOU feeling?"

"Much better than I was feeling in the O.R." Meredith admits. "You know, I never understood the rule about not treating your family, or being in the O.R. with a family member. I always just thought that if you were a good doctor you could just treat it as another case…I guess that was because I didn't have any family. When I saw you…and you were…and…I just couldn't…and everything went black…and…" Meredith is surprised by how emotional she feels and at the fact that her voice keeps catching. She takes a breath and tries to steady herself.

"It's okay, Mer. No offense, but it was almost easier not having you there," Lexie says.

"Really?" Meredith asks.

Lexie nods. "Yes. I kept looking at you thinking how awful it would be in the situations were reversed. How I'd never be able to sit there with you while you went through anything like that without freaking out. It almost made me grateful that I was in my shoes and not your shoes…"

Meredith stares at her in disbelief. "You're something else, Little Sister," she says.

"Thanks…I think. I mean, I think that's a compliment. It is…right?" Lexie asks.

"It is. So, how are things with Mark? Are you getting past the whole Callie thing?" Meredith asks.

Lexie sighs. "I think so. I mean, right now, I have no choice. I mean, I need him desperately right now. He's saving my life…and I want to forgive him…but do you think he can ever be a one woman kind of guy? I don't know…" Lexie wonders.

"People can change, Lexie. Look at me. Look at you," Meredith says.

"You have changed a lot. You're actually nice to me now," Lexie says, with a smile.

"You've changed a lot too, you know…" Meredith says.

"Me? How?" Lexie asks.

"You're not pathetic anymore. Just a few months ago you were doing thinks like reading my diary and following me around not caring how mean I was to you. Now you've helped me through my own attempted murder and the death of a friend and survived a fire and then the procedure and…well…you've come a long way," Meredith says, proud of her sister.

"Thanks," Lexie says, shyly.

Izzie walks into Lexie's room unannounced and smiles at Meredith and Lexie. "I'm just here to check the area. I think Dr. Sloan is going to attach the graft later if everything looks good. And don't worry. That's a very minor and quick procedure that you probably won't even feel after what you've been through," Izzie says.

Lexie smiles back. "Thanks Izzie. And thank you for your stellar performance in there after Mer passed out."

Izzie laughs. "It was the least I could do," she says.

"What stellar performance?" Meredith asks.

"Izzie and Cristina took over your job as cheerleader. But they were so much better at it. They actually did a cheer for me, but then Cristina tripped and fell on the floor and I actually forgot about everything else for two seconds. It was just what I needed," Lexie says.

"Cristina did a cheer? And I missed it?" Meredith asks.

"What can I say? You picked a lousy time to pass out," Izzie says shrugging her shoulders with a smile.

Izzie undresses Lexie's wounds and Meredith winces. She realizes that she is not reacting as she would as a doctor. These wounds would not bother her if this were any other patient. She would be able to identify and treat them. She would be able to remain detached. However, at this moment, Meredith turns her head away and avoids looking at the area for too long. As she lurks behind Izzie, she asks, "What do you think? Is it healing well?" she realizes that she is acting like a family member.

Izzie smiles reassuringly. "Yes. It looks exactly as it should. I'll let Dr. Sloan double check, but it looks like you're going to get your graft today," she says.

Lexie fights the urge to fall asleep. The stress of the past few weeks has caught up to her and the immense pain of her body takes so much energy to cope with that she is constantly tired. Izzie sees her eyes fighting to stay open and says, "You should rest. Get some sleep. Most interns would kill for as much sleep as you can get right now, so don't waste it!"

"Thanks," Lexie says.

"Wait up, Iz. I'll come with you. Sleep tight, Lexie," Meredith says, kissing her sister's forehead maternally.

Izzie and Meredith walk down the hall silently until Meredith says, "Thank you."

"You already thanked me for being a good friend to Lexie and I already told you it was unnecessary. I like your sister," Izzie says.

"I meant for being a good friend to me. You were there for me in the O.R. I appreciate that. I didn't think this would be so hard. I'm good at this…I'm a good doctor. I don't get too attached. I can handle anything! But then it was Lexie and I…" Meredith's voice trails off.

"And it was horrible. That was your sister. I don't know how anyone can reconcile that. Someone had to be there for you…I'm glad I could do it," Izzie says.

"Well thanks," Meredith says.

Cristina comes over and Izzie says, "I better go find Mark. He wants to get that graft done. I'll see you guys later," she says.

Meredith stares at Cristina with a knowing smile. "You did a cheer for Lexie…" she says.

Cristina scowls. "Izzie made me," she replies.

"Izzie Stevens does not MAKE Cristina Yang do anything…You did a cheer. Thank you," Meredith says.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling?" Cristina asks.

"Mortified. I fainted in the O.R." Meredith says.

"You did. But if it makes you feel any better, Owen and I both closed our eyes in the gallery. We couldn't watch. You made it longer than I thought you would," Cristina says.

"Yeah…I saw Derek's face up there. He was waiting for me to freak out. I tried not to…but..then…well…I don't have to tell you. You were there," Meredith says.

"How is she?" Cristina asks.

"She's tough. A lot tougher than I thought she was. It's kind of unnerving. I mean if I have to have a sister, I assumed she'd at least be weaker than me. But she's not…" Meredith says.

"Yeah. That's true. She's never fainted in an O.R." Cristina says, with a smirk.

"Shut up!" Meredith replies.

"Should I go say hi to her or is that weird?" Cristina asks.

"Go. I think she'd like that," Meredith says.

(Break)

Derek sees Mark leave Lexie's room.

"Hey. How's she doing?" he asks.

Mark nods. "Pretty well. I am going to attach the graft tonight and if all is well, we'll be ready to start the extremities tomorrow," Mark says.

"Good. I'm glad it's working," Derek says.

Mark laughs. "No you're not. If I pull this off, I get published…and that kicks your clinical trial's ass!" he says.

"Nah…my clinical trial was groundbreaking…I'm not worried," Derek says with a confident smirk.

"Yes you are," Mark says, walking away.

"Not worried about that…maybe about other things…but not that…" Derek says.

Mark smiles knowingly. "I'm with you there, brother," he replies.

(Break)

Derek waits until he leaves and then walks into Lexie's room. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I'm okay. Thanks for coming by," Lexie says.

"Hey…we're going to be family one day. How could I not come by?" Derek smiles.

"Is that because you're going to marry Meredith and she's my sister, or because Mark is going to marry me and you're like his brother? Oh wow! I can't believe I just said that. It's way too soon for me to think about marriage…isn't it? Especially with Mark Sloan. Can we just pretend I didn't say that?" Lexie says.

"Mark will marry you…when he's ready. I've never seen him like this with someone. He really loves you," Derek says. "And yes…I will marry Meredith, when she's ready," he adds.

"Do you think she's ready?" Lexie asks.

Derek smiles. "Your sister is complicated," he says.

"How do you always know how to handle her? I mean, I told Mark I would be his Derek and he could be my Meredith…but I don't know…I mean…it's hard always worrying that he's going to panic and want out of the relationship. Aren't you scared all the time?" Lexie asks.

Derek shakes his head. "I used to be. But what you have to remember is how hard it is for a guy like Mark or a girl like Meredith to get to this point. You have to know if they've let themselves fall in love they aren't going back. It took so much for them to get there. They may stumble, but as long as you help them up, they won't fall," he explains.

"I'm glad my sister has you," Lexie says.

"And I'm glad my brother has you," Derek replies.

"You'll tell me if you're ever going to propose…right?" Lexie asks.

"Nope. You'd tell her in 10 seconds flat," Derek says before adding, "Get some rest, Little Grey."

(Break)

"Stevens. I need your help," Mark says.

"Me? Really?" Izzie says, looking surprised.

"Yes. We're doing the arms and legs tomorrow and then we'll do the face the day after that. I want you to scrub in. And not just as a cheerleader," Mark says.

"Really? Wow! I'm honored. But I thought you wanted to do the whole thing yourself…I thought with Lexie being your girlfriend and all…you wouldn't let someone learn on her…" Izzie wonders outloud.

"You're going to learn on a whole bunch of dummies first. And I have my reasons. If you can keep a secret, I'll explain in the lab. Hurry up!" Mark says.


	23. Chapter 23

"Stevens, meet me in the lab. 10 minutes. Don't be late!" Mark says.

"What was that about?" Alex asks when Mark is out of earshot.

Izzie looks away. "I'm scrubbing in on Lexie's next procedure. It's tomorrow and then he's letting me go solo on the third procedure, which is really scary because it's her face and if I screw up…I can't even think about it, I'm so scared!"

"Are you sleeping with him?" Alex asks.

Izzie turns back to him. "Sleeping with him? What? Sleeping with Sloan??? Ummmm…no! Why would you ask me that? Seriously?"

"You've been avoiding me and spending all your time in a lab with him. Look…I know the guy has a reputation. He's not a one woman guy. And now you're scrubbing in on a procedure we were all told we had no hope of scrubbing in on. The only way to get privileges with Sloan is by sleeping with him," Alex points out.

"I can't believe you asked me that! And for the record, my answer is still no. Besides…how offensive is it that you don't think he might have asked me to scrub in because I'm a good surgeon?" Izzie protests.

"Did he?" Alex challenges.

Izzie looks away again. "No," she says, honestly.

"So there's more to the story?" he asks.

Izzie nods.

"And you can't tell me?" he asks.

"No. You're just going to have to trust me for now," she replies.

Alex looks into her eyes which are plagued with exhaustion and stress and he softens. "I do trust you. I'm sorry. I just…"

"You just got scared…I know…You're the Meredith," Izzie says.

"What?" Alex asks.

"In every relationship there is a Meredith and a Derek. I'm the Derek. You're the Meredith. Take Lexie and Mark. Lexie is the Derek…Mark is definitely the Meredith," Izzie says.

Alex thinks about this for a moment. "How about Yang and Hunt?" he asks.

Izzie is silent for a moment. "I don't know…I have to think about that one," she admits.

Alex laughs. "Okay. But I think I just poked a hole in your clinical study!"

Izzie kisses him. "I love you," she says.

"I love you too. Good luck. I'll be watching you from the gallery thinking how sexy you are," he says.

"Believe me…that is the last thing you'll be thinking. Be thinking how terrified I'll be!" Izzie says.

"I think I know how we can relieve some stress tonight…" Alex says.

Izzie smiles. "See you at home," she says.

(Break)

"Okay. I'm ready," Izzie says, after watching Mark perform the procedure for a 3rd time.

Mark steps aside and passes the torch to Izzie.

Izzie leans over the dummy and begins to measure the area.

"Not so close to the eyes. If you hit her eyeballs with the torch, you'll blind her," Mark says, hoping he sounds more patient than he feels.

"What if she moves?" Izzie asks, feeling a rising panic in her throat.

"Then you better react quickly because if you blind her I'll never forgive you," Mark says.

"I'd never forgive myself," Izzie reminds him.

"Believe me…my wrath is worse than your own," Mark says.

"How's this?" Izzie asks, as she shows him her markings of the dummy's face.

"Not bad. Get a little closer to the hairline…but don't burn off hair follicles, I want her hair to be able to grow. I like long hair…it's hot," Mark says.

"You're a pig," Izzie says.

"Just don't screw this up, Stevens," Mark says.

Izzie re-marks the area and then steps away. "How does that look?" she asks.

"Pretty damn good, Stevens!" he says, smiling.

"Thanks," Izzie says, proudly.

Mark grows serious. "No…thank you," he says.

(Break)

"He asked Izzie Stevens? He totally doesn't love her as much as everyone thinks he does. I mean everybody is feeling all sorry for Mark Sloan, while in the meantime, there is no way he is in love with her. I mean, would you let Izzie Stevens operate on me? I mean, seriously?" Cristina vents.

"Are you concerned about Lexie or just pissed off that Izzie is getting an amazing surgical opportunity and you aren't?" Owen asks.

"Both…" Cristina admits.

"I think he loves her," Owen says.

"If you ever have to let a resident operate on me, let it be Meredith. But not if Derek is there…because she gets distracted when he's around. And make sure she doesn't freak out because sometimes she…" Cristina stops when she realizes Owen is laughing.

"You're mocking me," she says.

"I am," Owen agrees.

"There's no mocking here…" she says.

"Oh, but there is," Owen replies, still laughing.

"I just…I feel like something is going on. It's weird. It's creepy. It's just…Izzie Stevens?"

"You're not the only talented resident here. Izzie Stevens has her own talents," Owen says.

"Is cutting a guy's LVAD wire and killing him a talent?" Cristina challenges.

"No, but sensing a patients' needs and changing protocol accordingly is. Stevens is good at that," Owen explains.

Cristina glares at him.

"And your attention to detail and precision is impeccable. However, maybe Dr. Sloan feels like it's not all that Lexie needs right now," Owen explains.

"Shut up," Cristina says, defeated.

"But you're definitely the sexiest resident!" Owen offers, trying to redeem himself.

"You're not getting any tonight," Cristina says, walking away.

(Break)

"Karev, you want to get a beer?" Owen asks.

"Sure. Where's Cristina?" he asks.

"Sulking. Where's Izzie?" Owen asks.

"With Sloan…again," Alex says, bitterly.

"You sound pissed off about that," Owen points out.

"Nah…I'm more pissed at myself. I accused her of sleeping with him," Alex says, dejectedly.

"Stevens and Sloan! Yeah…like that will ever happen?" Owen laughs.

"Why couldn't it happen?" Alex asks.

"Izzie is a devoted kind of girl. She's passionate and kind and the sort of girl who doesn't do the wrong thing. Sloan…he's a pig," Owen explains.

"Then how do you explain Sloan and Lexie?" Alex asks.

"Lexie tamed the pig. But if Sloan were sleeping with Stevens he'd still be a wild pig, which I don't think he is anymore," Owen says.

"Anyway…she's not sleeping with him. I believe her. I'm pissed at myself for accusing her. I should know better," Alex says.

"Yeah…you should," Owen agrees.

"Dude…do you ever think this is the end, like you've found what you're looking for?" Alex asks.

"Yeah. Every time I look at Cristina," he says.

"Who's the Meredith?" Alex asks.

Owen looks at him confused. "What?" he asks.

"Izzie said that in every relationship there's a Derek and a Meredith. Which are you in your relationship? Izzie says that I'm the Meredith, which I guess I am. Which are you?" he asks.

"I'm the one who thinks you'd make more sense if you started drinking!" Owen says, looking at him like he has three heads.

(Break)

Meredith sees Derek flipping through some scans. "Hi," she says.

"Hi," he says, kissing her.

She smiles sheepishly. "You still want to kiss me after my little outburst?" she asks.

"I'm always going to want to kiss you," he says, kissing her again.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I was out of line."

Derek shrugs and smiles. "It's okay. Are you ready for Lexie's procedure tomorrow?" he asks.

Meredith nods. "I'll be in the gallery with you this time," she says.

Derek nods. "I think that's a good idea," he says.

"Family doesn't belong in the O.R." she says.

"Family doesn't belong in the gallery either…" Derek says.

"True. But I can't not be there," she says.

"So we'll be in the gallery. And maybe we'll even make a quick appearance to wish Lexie good luck," he says.

"Sounds good. Can I ask you something?" Meredith asks.

"Sure," Derek says.

"Why is Mark letting Izzie take such an active role in Lexie's upcoming procedures?" Meredith asks.

"Because this is a teaching hospital and he thinks Izzie has done a fabulous job up to this point," Derek replies.

"I just…I mean…I shouldn't have a problem with it…but I…well…I mean she's my friend…and I think she's a wonderful doctor, but Lexie's my sister and I only want her in the hands of the best…" Meredith admits.

"So does Mark…trust him. He loves your sister too," Derek says.

"Okay…" Meredith says, hesitantly.

(Break)

"Aren't you getting dressed up for me?" Mark says, sitting down on Lexie's bed.

Lexie laughs. "Don't make me laugh! It hurts!" she says.

"I mean it. I reserve the best O.R. for our date and you show up in a hospital gown? I mean seriously?" Mark says, smiling.

"I didn't realize the O.R. was formal," Lexie says, smiling back.

"Well…since I don't love your gown, I think I'm going to take it off," Mark says.

"Do you check all of your patients for follow up like this?" Lexie laughs as he slowly and seductively lifts up her hospital gown.

"That is going to be the hottest torso ever. It's healing perfectly," he says.

"Did I hear you say that you're letting Izzie do some of my extremities today?" Lexie asks.

"Yes. This is still a teaching hospital," he reminds her.

"I don't have a problem with it. But Meredith…well…she's kind of…" Lexie gets quiet when Mark cuts her off.

"Trust me…Meredith will be fine with it when it's over. Izzie's ready. She's more than ready," Mark says.

"Okay," Lexie agrees.

"You're so agreeable. I hope our kids have your personality one day," Mark says.

"Our kids? Mark Sloan wants kids?" she says.

"Only yours. Little Sloans…lots of them," he says.

"Can the world handle more Sloans?" she asks.

"Scary thought!" Mark replies kissing Lexie gently.

*****

Thanks for reading! Wasn't GREY's AMAZING last night? McDreamy and McSteamy fight was insane!

Ummmm...those of you who are reading and not reviewing, PLEASE review! THanks to all of you who have been reviewing consistently! I really appreciate it!

-Jess


	24. Chapter 24

Derek and Meredith slide into their seats in the gallery.

"It feels much better being up here, but you think Lexie's okay…right?" Meredith asks.

"You told her about 400 times that if she needed you she could ask for you to be paged. I think she knows you're here if she needs you," Derek says, smiling.

Derek checks his pager.

"I thought you were off today," Meredith asks.

"I am," Derek replies.

"Then why do you keep checking your pager?" Meredith asks.

"Habit," Derek replies.

"Some of you didn't like my basketball references last time, so I'm changing tactics," Dr. Bailey begins. "Today's game is football. They didn't let girls play football when I was in high school, so while I watched from the sidelines and played my oboe in the marching band, I learned the game. So here goes…I'm the coach. I call the plays. Dr. Sloan here is our starting quarter back. Stevens, you're the receiver. You will receive anything Sloan throws at you and make a touchdown. Don't even think about going for a field goal, because this team will not accept anything less than a touchdown. Is that understood?" Dr. Bailey asks, looking at Izzie.

"Yes, coach," Izzie says, glancing up at Alex in the gallery.

"I think Bailey's lost it," Alex mutters to Owen who sits between him and Cristina.

Izzie walks over to Lexie. "How are you doing?" she asks.

"I don't know. I think I'm more scared this time because I know what to expect," she admits.

"It will be over before you know it. I promise. I think you'll be surprised. It won't be quite as bad as you think!" Izzie says, a little too cheerfully.

"You sound way too happy to be torturing me," Lexie points out.

Izzie smiles, and gives Mark a look.

"I'm not going to close my eyes this time…" Cristina whispers to Owen.

"I am. There's no pride in watching someone suffer," Owen says.

"No. But there's pride in not being a wimp. I'm not a wimp. If Izzie can do this procedure, I can watch it. Wait! Does Sloan know that I closed my eyes? Is that why he picked Izzie and not me to assist him? Did you tell him?" Cristina asks Owen.

"No. I did not tell him," Owen says, simply.

"Are you sure?" Cristina asks.

Owen stares at her as Alex whispers, "Dude…she's crazy! You're DEFINITELY the Derek!"

Owen laughs.

"Are you mocking me, Evil Spawn?" Cristina asks.

Izzie begins the preliminary check on Lexie.

"Temp is 96.3. Definitely no fever or infection. Blood pressure is 110/70. Perfect…" Izzie says looking at Mark who nods in approval.

Izzie takes a small light and shines it in Lexie's pupils. She takes her time looking in each eye and turns to Mark. "Ummm…Dr. Sloan, can you please come check this for a minute?" Izzie asks, with a worried look on her face.

"What's wrong? Is something wrong?" Lexie asks.

"Don't worry…" Izzie says, reassuringly. "I just need Dr. Sloan to look at your pupils," she explains.

"Why is Izzie taking so long? Why are they looking like that? I know what that look means. Derek, I think something's wrong," Meredith says, nervously.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm sure everything is fine. This is Izzie's first time, she probably just wants to be thorough," Derek says, calmly.

Mark shines the light in Lexie's eyes and nods solemnly at Izzie. "Page Shepherd. Tell him to bring a resident. We're going to need all the hands we can get," he says, as he and Izzie exchange grave looks.

"What's wrong with me?" Lexie grows panicky.

"We're seeing some potential neurological concerns which can sometimes occur when…" Izzie begins.

"Neurological concerns? What? What do you mean?" Lexie asks.

"Let's wait for Dr. Shepherd to get scrubbed in and we'll have him explain everything to you," Izzie says, trying to reassure Lexie who is growing more and more agitated.

Derek looks at his pager. "It's Sloan. 9-1-1. He needs a resident. Come on, Mer. Let's get scrubbed in," he says.

"Wait! She can't go! She fainted last time! What happened to family not treating family?" Cristina asks.

"She's right, Derek. Take Cristina…or Alex…" she says.

"Not 'or Alex.' Take me. Just take me! That's all there is to it. This is ridiculous!" Cristina demands.

"Cristina!" Owen says, sharply.

"What? This is insane! I should be scrubbing in!" she says. "This procedure has never been done before. It's groundbreaking!" she says.

"I am the attending neurosurgeon here. I choose my resident, and I choose Dr. Grey! There is no further discussion on this topic!" Derek says.

Meredith looks at Cristina with an "I don't know what just happened," look and Cristina softens towards her friend.

"Good luck, Mer. Don't faint…okay?" she says.

"I'll try," she replies, rushing out after Derek.

When she arrives in the O.R. Derek is already standing over Lexie examining her.

"What are we looking for?" Meredith asks.

"Shine this light in her eyes," Derek says.

Meredith does as she is told and says, "I don't see anything…"

"There is a complex neurological complication that has the potential to occur in response to the grafting. We have to get it under control before we can continue. Dr. Sloan, do you have the necessary instruments?" Derek asks.

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," Mark replies.

"Meredith? What's going on?" Lexie asks.

"I don't know…" Meredith says, grabbing Lexie's hand. "But you're going to be okay. I promise…Derek and I will take care of you," she says.

"Meredith, I'm going to do a quick exam on Lexie. The instruments I need are very delicate. Please handle them carefully. You'll know what to do with them when you see them. It's nothing you haven't seen every day…it's just that this one is special. It needs special care. Be very careful to avoid contamination as you remove it," Derek says, handing her a box that is roughly the size of a shoebox.

Meredith opens it as Izzie and Mark step away from Derek. Meredith looks confused as she pulls out a smaller box from the first box. When she opens that one, she continues to remove smaller boxes from inside the larger ones. She looks at Izzie, confused.

"It has to be protected really well…in order to avoid contamination. Her risk of infection is still high," Izzie explains.

Meredith continues to open the boxes until she removes a very tiny box. Suddenly, Derek steps away from Lexie, and Izzie and Mark move back towards Lexie. Meredith opens the box and sees a 2 karat Tiffany setting engagement ring on a thin platinum band.

"Dr. Meredith Grey," Derek begins. "I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you. I have loved you through the good times, through the bad times and all the times in between. I can't imagine the rest of my life if I don't spend the rest of it with you. So here, in front of all your friends in the O.R. and that gallery, and in front of your sister I'm going to ask you to take exactly 20 seconds to make a decision. They will be the longest 20 seconds of my life, but I want you to be sure," Derek says, still on his knees.

"Come on…let's hear some counting from the crowd!" Dr. Bailey says, motioning to the gallery.

As Alex, Owen and Cristina all start counting down from 20 Izzie and Mark nod at each other. As they get to 10, Izzie and Mark light their torches and begin burning the damaged skin off of Lexie's arms and legs. She moans a bit, but her screams are nothing like the first time. When they finish, Lexie looks at Meredith, who is still staring at the ring, stunned.

The O.R. is completely silent until Lexie says, "Aren't you going to answer him, Meredith!"

Meredith looks up at Derek and takes his hand. "Derek Shepherd. You are the most romantic person in the entire world, and I know you have never dreamed of proposing to me in a crowded O.R. You have sacrificed for me since the moment we met. You left your marriage, waited while I learned to handle a relationship, and gave up your idea of a dream proposal in order to distract my sister during one of the most awful moments of her life. You are the most selfless, perfect man in the entire world and of course I want to marry you!" she says, throwing her arms around him.

Alex, Owen and Cristina run down from the gallery to congratulate the happy couple.

Derek looks at Lexie. "Told you there was no way I'd tell her. Sloan can keep a secret. Stevens can keep a secret. You? I don't think so," he whispers.

"Thanks Derek! You're going to be the pain in the ass big brother that I never had, aren't you?" she replies. Then she turns to Meredith. "Let me see the ring!"

Meredith holds her hand up to Lexie who says, "It's beautiful. Simple, delicate…it's just perfect. This day is perfect. I'm so happy for you!"

"Did she just say this day was perfect?" Izzie asks, Meredith.

"I think she did," Meredith replies.

Izzie turns to Mark. "We kicked ass!" she says.

Mark walks over to Lexie and kisses her.

"You arranged all of this…didn't you?" Lexie asks.

Mark nods. "Shepherd and Stevens helped," he says.

Mark walks over to Derek. "Congratulations, man. I promise not to sleep with this wife," he says.

"You're an ass," Derek replies.

"Thanks for doing this." Mark says, seriously.

"It was perfect. Meredith's happy, Lexie's happy. We're happy," Derek says.

"Oh my god! I love happy endings!" Izzie squeals.

Everyone looks at each other as Cristina makes a gagging motion and they all laugh and gather around Meredith and Derek one more time to congratulate them.

*******

Thanks for all the reviews! Keep it up!! You know I love hearing from you guys and there is no Grey's this week, so I'll try to get the next chapter up for Thursday if I can…But reviews are a great motivator!!

*** Also, just so you know, I had this ready to go on Sunday morning but the site was down all day. I'll get it posted ASAP. Sorry for the delay!


	25. Chapter 25

"So is it weird?" Cristina asks, Meredith as they sit in the hallway.

"Yeah…I mean this means it's forever. What does forever mean?" Meredith replies, smiling in spite of her words.

"You're all bright and shiny! It's kind of freaking me out," Cristina says.

"It's freaking me out too…" Meredith admits.

"Are you going to let Derek talk you into a huge awful wedding like Burke made me almost have?" Cristina asks.

"Probably…but I'm not going to leave him at the altar," Meredtih replies.

"Okay…and don't take this next question the wrong way, but well…I know I made you be my maid of honor and all that…but you aren't going to make me do that…right? You know I'm not any good at that stuff," Cristina pleads.

Meredith lets out a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you just said that. I've been going back and forth about what to do about that. I mean…I have a sister now…and…" she says, awkwardly.

"Right! How could I forget! You have a sister! That's it. She's the maid of honor…I am happy to step aside for Lexie. Let her plan the shower, and make place cards and stuff envelopes and do all that stuff I made you and Izzie do for me. Perfect!" Cristina says, happily.

"You're still going to be a bridesmaid. Don't think you're off the hook!" Meredith replies, quickly.

"Damn." Cristina says. "No ugly dresses though…right?"

"You guys can pick the color…" Meredith says.

"Is black out of the question?" Cristina asks.

"Cristina!" Meredith warns.

"Sorry," she says. She grows serious. "Are you happy?" she asks.

Meredith thinks for a minute. "I think so. I'm not sure what that means, but yes…I think I'm happy," Meredith admits.

"Good. I think I'm happy with Owen too. I might be able to be happy with him, forever…" Cristina says, hesitantly.

"Really?" Meredith says.

"He said something the other night about the two of us being together forty years from now. I thought it would freak me out, but it didn't," Cristina says.

"I'm glad you're happy," Meredith says.

"Don't get all sappy. I'm not that happy," Cristina says, but her smile betrays her.

(Break)

Derek walks over to Mark. "So, are you and Stevens ready for tomorrow. It's Lexie's last procedure…right?" he asks.

"Yeah. We're ready. As ready as we'll ever be. Stevens is good, Derek. She's a good doctor. She's not as detail oriented as Cristina or Meredith, but she's got natural skill. She's intuitive. I don't know what it is, but I'd say she's the best resident we've got right now from her year," Mark says.

"Not everything is a contest, Sloan…" Derek says, smiling.

"You haven't stopped smiling since Big Grey agreed to marry you," Mark points out.

"True," Derek says. "Is that a bad thing?"

Mark shakes his head. "Not at all, brother…not at all."

"Good luck tomorrow," Derek says.

"I'll need all the luck I can get," Mark says.

(Break)

"I feel like I'm forgetting something," Izzie says.

"You can't be forgetting anything. You've been going over every detail of this procedure for the last week. I think I could do it with my eyes closed just from listening to you!" Alex says, kissing her neck.

"This is a big opportunity. Sloan is trusting me," Izzie says.

"And he's smart to do that. You're going to be fine. And I'll be up in the gallery thinking "That's my girl," he says, kissing her again.

"I'm glad you'll be there. I'm already nervous. I don't usually get nervous before a procedure, but I'm kind of freaking out. It's sort of like when you did the solo surgery…remember how scared you were?" she asks.

"I was a helluva lot less scared about the surgery than I was about the fact that you might now say 'I love you' back," Alex says.

"Well now you know I love you," Izzie says, kissing him softly.

"Yeah…I do," he says, smiling.

(Break)

"How are you feeling?" Meredith asks.

"I should be asking you that," Lexie says.

"Me? Why? Last I checked, you were the one with fire touching your arms and legs yesterday!" Meredith asks confused.

"Yeah…but you're the one with commitment issues and a huge shiny rock on your finger!" Lexie points out.

"I still have commitment issues," Meredith admits. "I'm sort of so happy that I'm waiting for all of it to end. But as long as it doesn't end, I'm still happy…so I go back to my original question…How are you feeling?" Meredith asks.

Lexie groans. "I hate to complain, but the pain's pretty bad today. I just want to get tomorrow over with. The good news is that in the torso area, you can hardly see the burns. The skin is growing over really well. Mark said that it looks perfect. Tomorrow is going to be scary though…I mean…it's my face…" Lexie says.

"I know. You've been so brave. I'm so proud of you," Meredith says.

"Thanks!" Lexie says, brightening.

"There's something I sort of wanted to ask you…I hope you'll do it," Meredith says, suddenly feeling shy.

"I can't do much these days, but I'll do what I can. What do you need?" Lexie asks.

"Well, I was sort of hoping that you'd be my maid of honor. Would you do it?" Meredith asks.

Lexie squeals with excitement. "Oh my god! I'd love to! Do you really mean it?" she asks.

"Of course I mean it!" Meredith replies, exhaling a sigh of relief.

Lexie bursts into tears. "What wrong?" Meredith asks.

"I just never thought we'd get here. I mean…to the point where we'd be the maid of honors in each other's weddings and everything. Thank you, Mer," she says,

"Well…at least I gave you some good material for the maid of honor toast!" Meredith quips.

"A toast!! I get to make the toast! I can't wait!" Lexie squeals.

"Okay…this level of excitement needs Izzie. You and Izzie can pick out dress colors or something…okay?" Meredith says, laughing.

"That will be so much fun!" Lexie replies happily.

Meredith slips out the door to go find Izzie, happy that she has made her sister smile.

(Break)

"So are you ready for tomorrow?" Meredith asks.

"Yes," Izzie says, confidently.

"Good. Derek says that I have to trust Mark that you are capable of not destroying my sister's face," Meredith says.

"Well…thanks…I think…" Izzie replies.

"So, I have two favors to ask you…" Meredith begins, sounding uncertain.

"Sure. What do you need?" Izzie replies.

"Ummm…I need you to be my bridesmaid," Meredith says, quickly.

"YAY! I love weddings! I can't wait. We can have a great bridal shower and I'll cook all the food. I have a great idea for favors…and the flowers will be so pretty if we…" Izzie gushes until Meredith cuts her off.

"Iz – there's a second favor…" she says.

"Oh…what is it?" Izzie asks.

"Go to Lexie's room and squeal with her. I'm still kind of freaking out about all this!" Meredith admits.

"Okay! See you later!" Izzie says, running off to share her excitement with Lexie.

(Break)

Cristina and Owen lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

"So, Meredith asked me to be a bridesmaid," Cristina says.

"I figured she would," Owen replies.

"Do you think Derek will ask you to be a groomsman?" Cristina asks.

"I hadn't really thought about it. Why do you ask?" Owen asks.

"I don't know…because I just thought…well…I don't know. Forget it," Cristina stammers.

"You thought we'd get some practice walking down the aisle together? I like the idea!" Owen says, smiling and kissing her neck.

"Shut up," Cristina says, halfheartedly, not even able to pretend not to be thrilled at the idea.

(Break)

Derek sits next to Mark. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?" he asks.

"Scared to death. I was scared for the last two times, but this time, Stevens is doing the whole thing…not just a part of it and the control is out of my hands. The control of all of it is out of my hands, Shepherd…you know what I mean?" Mark asks.

"Yeah. I know. But look at you. You're scared because you love a girl enough to be scared for her. I like you and Little Grey. I think she's good for you. Really good for you. I'm happy for you, man," Derek says.

"Thanks," Mark replies.

"Can I ask you a favor?" Derek asks.

"There you go…always thinking about yourself. With everything going on in my life, you are going to as me for a favor…" Mark teases.

"I know you've done it before, and you may never want to do it again because of how things turned out last time, but well…there's no one I'd have standing next to me on my wedding day but my brother. Will you be my best man…again?" Derek asks.

"Why do I feel like you just proposed to me?" Mark asks.

"Because you secret harbor fantasies about me?" Derek replies, smiling.

"Of course I'll be your best man…again! But this is the last time, Shepherd…you screw this one up, and you're on your own!" Mark says.

"I'll try not to. You could help me by not sleeping with her, though," Derek replies.

"Hey…I've got the only Grey I need," Mark says.

(Break)

Meredith and Derek lie in bed together later that night. Meredith smiles as she feels the warmth of Derek's body against hers. She feels safe and warm.

"So, did you pick your bridesmaids?" Derek asks.

Meredith nods. "I did. Lexie is my maid of honor and Cristina and Izzie are my bridesmaids. How about you? Did you pick your groomsmen?"

Derek nods back. "I did. I'm going with Sloan for best man," he says.

"I'm glad," Meredith says.

"Good," Derek replies.

"Who else?" Meredith asks.

"I was thinking of Hunt. He's a good guy, and the more I get to know him…I think he's a good friend," Derek says.

"Me too. And Cristina really loves him. She's all happy and stuff. It's weird…in a good way," Meredith says.

"And then I was thinking about Karev…" Derek says.

"Alex? I thought you never really liked him. You and Mark always thought he was kind of a jerk…" Meredith says.

"He's not. That first day in the gallery, while you were with Lexie during her first procedure…he was shaking, he was so nervous. The guy has feelings…he's a lot like Mark…he doesn't always say the right thing, but he's there when you need him," Derek says.

"Besides, he's really good to Izzie," Meredith adds.

"So that's our wedding party…" Derek says.

"We're getting married. We have a wedding party. It's really happening…" Meredith says.

"It is…" Derek says, then adds, "Are you okay with all of this?"

"I'm more than okay," Meredith reassures him with a huge smile.

"Good. We're going to be bright and shiny!" Derek says, as Meredith hits him with a pillow in response.

(Break)

Mark climbs into Lexie's bed although she is already asleep.

"Mmmmm…" she moans.

"Shhhh…go back to sleep," he says, softly.

"What are you doing here? You should be home, getting your sleep for tomorrow!" Lexie says.

"No. I should be right here with you, making sure you sleep before tomorrow," Mark says.

"Can we talk about anything BUT tomorrow?" Lexie asks.

"Sure," Mark says.

"Meredith asked me to be her maid of honor," Lexie says, proudly.

"Really? Derek asked me to be his best man," Mark replies.

"So we're going to be best man and maid of honor? We're going to be hotter than the bride and groom? Is that a problem?" Mark asks.

"Mark…" Lexie warns.

"What? Meredith has to know that you're the hotter Grey sister!" Mark says, smiling.

"Stop it! I'm not…I mean after the fire…I'm just not…well…" Lexie's voice trails off.

"Look at me, Little Grey," Mark says, tipping her chin up to look in his eyes. "You are the most beautiful thing in my life. And after tomorrow, you're going to start to heal, and when your outside matches your inside again, hopefully you'll remember how beautiful you are," Mark tell her.

Lexie closes her eyes. "I love you," she says.

"I love you too. Now get some sleep…" Mark says, leaning her head on his shoulder.

*******

Review, review review!!! It's what I have to look forward to this week since there is NO NEW GREYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This chapter was fluffy, but the next one will be full of drama and intensity! You're going to love it!!!


	26. Chapter 26

"Good luck," Alex says, giving Izzie a quick kiss.

"Thanks. My hands are shaking. That's a really bad thing for a surgeon. I'm scared. Really scared. I didn't think I'd be this scared. What if I get to close to the eyes. The torch is really hard to keep steady. When it's lit, it has this force, and you have to hold really tight to keep it still and if I…" Izzie rambles nervously.

"Iz…you're going to be fine. You're going to be great. You've done nothing but study and practice all weekend…which by the way, we are going to discuss later. I am going to ask you why two of my wrestling trophies are melted…but I won't ask you now," Alex says.

Meredith comes over and says, "Hi."

"Hi Mer. Izzie was just saying that…" Alex begins.

"That I am completely prepared and ready for Lexie's surgery today. I'm so ready, it's unbelievable," Izzie says, pasting a plastic smile on her face.

"That's good, Iz. I thought you might be nervous, but I'm glad to hear you're all ready. Me…I'm terrified. I'll be in the gallery though…I'll be watching with my fingers crossed," Meredith says.

"Make sure you stay in the gallery. I don't want you to blind me with that rock on your finger!" Izzie says, more brightly than necessary.

"See you later," Meredith says, rolling her eyes good naturedly.

"You better get me a rock that big…" Izzie mutters to Alex when Meredith leaves.

"Oh…so now we're getting married too? What is it with you women? When one does something you all have to do it?" Alex teases.

Izzie looks at him stunned. "You don't want to marry me?" she asks.

"I didn't say that…I just…I mean…marriage is huge. It's like…" Alex stammers.

"Marriage is what people do eventually if they love each other. Thank Alex. I have the hugest medical responsibility of my career in 5 minutes and you choose now to tell me you never want to marry me. Great!" Izzie says, storming away.

"Wait! Iz! I didn't mean that!" Alex calls after her.

(Break)

"You suck," Alex says to Derek as he slides into the chair next to him in the gallery.

"He doesn't suck. He's wonderful, and bright and shiny and my fiancé!" Meredith says, defensively with a huge smile on her face.

"Yes…he does suck. He had to go and propose to you, and now Izzie's pissed off at me because I told her that I thought marriage was a big step. I didn't mean anything by it and now she's all mad and thinks I never want to marry her," Alex says.

"So would now be a bad time to ask him about the groomsman thing?" Derek whispers to Meredith.

"I don't know…he's always like this…" Meredith replies.

"Alex, what if I told you that you could walk down the aisle with Izzie without marrying her?" Derek asks.

"What do you mean?" Alex asks.

"I mean, Izzie is one of Meredith's bridesmaids, and I want you to be my groomsman. How about it?" Derek asks.

"Me? Really? I never thought you liked me that much…" Alex replies.

Derek laughs. "I don't. But I don't have many friends. Seriously, Karev, you're a good guy. Through these past few months, I've gotten to know you better and well…you're not a bad guy. I'd be honored to have you in my wedding party," Derek says, sincerely.

"Wow. Ummm…yeah…I guess I'll do it. Do I have to rent a tux?" he asks.

"Yes." Derek says.

"Good. I look so hot in a tux," Alex replies.

"And that is my friend, Alex Karev," Meredith says. "Alex! Look. Izzie's coming into the O.R."

"She looks nervous," Alex says.

Derek takes Meredith's hand. "Izzie's tougher than you give her credit for. She's going to be fine…" he says.

Alex clenches his fists, tensely.

Owen and Cristina walk into the gallery. "Sorry I'm late. I just saw Izzie outside. Alex! What's wrong with you? Why would you tell Izzie you never want to marry her now? Really bad timing!"

"I didn't! That's not what I meant! I made a stupid joke! It was a stupid joke! Of course I want to marry her!" Alex says.

"I know. That's what I told her. I tried to explain that you try to make jokes. You're just not funny. It's not your fault. Now, Mer and I, we're funny. You…not so funny," Cristina says.

Owen squeezes her hand. "Let up on him. He looks like he could use a break," he whispers to Cristina.

"Evil Spawn? No. He doesn't need a break. We don't take breaks from insulting each other. It's what we do," Cristina says.

Alex looks at Cristina pathetically. "Did she understand? Like did she get that I'm just not funny?" he asks.

"No. She's Izzie. She's all dramatic," he says.

Izzie stands in the O.R. as Lexie is wheeled in. Izzie is so nervous that she avoids eye contact with Lexie. Mark walks over and kisses Lexie. "This will be over before you know it," he says.

"Will I look normal by Meredith and Derek's wedding?" she asks.

"Normal? Mer better watch out. You're going to be so beautiful that you'll take all the attention off her!" Mark promises.

"Meredith might like that…she's not big on attention!" Lexie points out. "What's wrong with Izzie? She's pacing."

"Izzie's fine. You just relax. By this time tomorrow, you'll be on your road to recovery," he says, giving her another kiss and walking over to Izzie.

"Stevens. This isn't the time to freak out. What is wrong with you? We've been over the details a million times. If you can't do this, just say so…but I need you to…" Mark says, feeling his voice rise to the point where he is almost yelling at her.

"It's not that! I'm ready. It's just that Alex just told me he never wants to get married. He said he's mad that Derek and Meredith are getting married because now he feels like he has to marry me too," Izzie says, her eyes filling with tears.

"Is that all?" Mark says, rolling his eyes.

"Yes!" Izzie snaps defensively.

"Karev is a wuss. He's scared because he loves you so much. It's like me and Lexie. It's hard for guys like me and Karev to say what we mean. We're just screwed up. You can't take him seriously. The guy is up there in the gallery staring at you like a fat kid stares at a doughnut. You've got REAL things to worry about. Stop worrying about Karev. The guy would die for you," Mark says, dismissively.

Izzie looks up at Alex in the gallery who smiles back at her and mouths, "I'm sorry."

Izzie smiles back at him.

"Now get to work! This isn't Dr. Phil. It's an O.R!" Mark says to Izzie.

Izzie walks over to Lexie.

"Hi Lex. How are you doing?" Izzie asks.

"Terrified," Lexie replies, shakily.

"I know. We're going to make this as easy as possible for you…okay?" Izzie replies.

"Okay…" Lexie says, doubtfully.

"Now, I am going to hang something directly above you. It's important that you keep your eyes focused on that. I can't put goggles on you because I need to get as close to the eyes as possible without actually touching the eyes. You need to keep your eyes open aside from normal blinking and focus on the object. Okay?" Izzie explains.

"What if I close them?" Lexie asks.

"Then you make my job harder. We'll still get it done, it might just take some extra tries. My goal is to get your out of here as quickly as possible," Izzie says.

"You sound like a doctor," Lexie jokes.

"This is Izzie, the doctor right now, and she says, that if you need me to stop at any point in time, you just tell me and we'll take a break," Izzie says gently.

"Okay. I'm ready. Let's just get this over with," Lexie says.

"Dr. Sloan! I'm ready!" Izzie calls.

Izzie ties a string above the operating table. It moves swings back and forth in response to the slightest motions. "Just focus your eyes on that string…okay?" Izzie tells her.

Lexie does what Izzie asks her to do.

"Dr. Sloan. I need to weigh this down. It's moving and her eyes are going all over the place. Can you get me something while I mark the area?" she asks.

Mark returns with a small object in his hand. "Are you ready to go, Dr. Stevens?" he asks.

"As soon as you help me weigh down that string so she has somewhere to look. I'm worried about the eyes…" Izzie explains.

Mark nods and ties a small, but heavy object to the string. He kneels next to Lexie. "Alexandra Caroline Grey, I am a flawed man, but I kneel beside you, hoping that you can see past those flaws and know how much I love you. You have taught me how to be the best person that I could be. You've shown me the value of unconditional love, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you the way you have taught me to love. So, Lexie…I'm asking you…will you be my wife?"

Lexie's eyes fill with tears as she whispers. "Of course I'll marry you…"

Mark kisses her and Izzie squeals with excitement. "Yay! Wait! You didn't even see your ring! Look!" she says, pointing to the dangling object on the string. She unties it for a moment so Lexie can look at it,"

"It's the same ring as Meredith's!" Lexie says.

"No it isn't! I beat Shepherd by a half a karat. I told him I was getting a 2 karat, but I got a 2 and a half!" Mark says, laughing.

"It's beautiful…I love it!" Lexie says, looking at it closely.

"Here…let me put it back up here, so you can look at it some more," Izzie says, tying it back on the string.

As Lexie gazes at her new ring and holds the hand of her new fiancé, Izzie turns on the torch and counts to ten. She notices that Mark winces when Lexie gasps in pain.

"Don't try to talk…" she says, to Lexie when she finishes.

"It's over…" Mark says, his voice cracking with emotion.

Meredith looks at Derek with tears in her eyes. "I can't believe he proposed to her! That was wonderful. Something good out of something really bad…you know?" she says.

"I can't believe that bastard got a 2 and a half karat ring…" he replies.

"Wait! You knew about this…didn't you?" Meredith says, suddenly putting the pieces together.

Derek laughs quietly and nods. "That's why I told you to just trust that he had a good reason for letting Izzie scrub in. We went shopping for rings together. I can't believe he took the extra half karat after he talked me out of it! Bastard!" Derek says again.

"I love my ring. It's perfect. And Lexie loves hers. That's all the matters. It's not the ring anyway…it's the guy, and mine is worth a million karats!" she says, kissing Derek happily.

Owen opens his mouth to speak and Cristina cuts him off. "If you're going to propose to me right now, I'll throw up. There's just too much happy and shiny around here right now!" she says, but her eyes betray her happiness for both newly engaged couples, and Owen knows this.

"I wouldn't dream of proposing to you here. I know exactly where I want to propose to you…" he says.

"You do?" Cristina says, surprised.

"Of course. But you're not interested in all this happy stuff, so I'll keep it to myself…" he says, walking away, smiling smugly.

"Wait!" Cristina calls after him.

Meredith and Derek rush to the recovery room where Lexie is lying in bed with Mark by her side.

"She really shouldn't move her face too much so don't let her talk..okay?" Mark says, holding Lexie's hand tightly.

"When you're feeling better, we're all going to go out and celebrate! Congratulations! My little sister's engaged!" Meredith squeals.

"Careful Big Grey, you sound a little too happy…" Mark says.

"I'll attach the new skin this afternoon. If it takes like the others have, these two should be chatting away about flowers and bouquets by tomorrow morning," Mark says to Derek.

"Congratulations, Sloan. And you're a bastard for that extra half karat," Derek replies.

Mark shrugs and smiles. "Hey…my Grey's better than your Grey!" he answers.

"Hey! I'm his Grey!" Meredith replies, slapping him playfully.

Izzie walks into the room. "Sorry to break up the party, but Lexie's room is ready. Let's get her settled and then we can all celebrate," she says.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Meredith says to her.

"I can't believe I didn't either!" Izzie says.

"Oh…and don't be too hard on Alex. He's totally in love with you," Meredith says.

Izzie smiles. "I know," she replies.

"She didn't know. I had to explain it to her…" Mark says.

"I'm taking your fiancé away from you now, Sloan. You'll see her again in a few minutes," Izzie says.

Before she can get out the door, Alex appears in the doorway. "Iz…you know I didn't mean –"

Izzie cuts him off. "I know," she says kissing him.

"I do want to marry you…" he says.

"Woah…slow down…Do you guys hear that! The guy wants to rush into marriage. I'm not that kind of girl!" Izzie says, coyly and everyone laughs.

(Break)

****

So I had all the intense drama planned but when I wrote it, all the characters seemed to write themselves happy…I read it over and was going to change it back to what I had originally, but I like how it came out. Let me know what you think!

Thanks in advance for the reviews!!!

-Jess


	27. Epilogue 1

2 months later…

"I agreed to the joint engagement party, but I'm still saying no to a joint wedding, Mer. It's our day…we've waited a long time for this," Derek explains.

"But I hate being the center of attention, and sharing it with Lexie will take some of the focus off of me," Meredith says.

"Nope. You're going to be a beautiful, blushing bride in a big white gown with a veil. And you're going to even let Izzie do your hair and makeup and help you plaster on a cheesy smile," Derek teases.

Meredith grumbles, "You're lucky I love you so much!"

Lexie runs over to Meredith. "Hurry up! We have to get ready. Izzie finished putting out all the food and Cristina set all the tables and put out the centerpieces. Everything looks beautiful! Come look with me!" she says, grabbing Meredith's hand and pulling her into Joe's Pub.

When she reluctantly enters the familiar bar,Meredith gasps at the transformation. The place looks beautiful and all of a sudden, she is in the spirit of the night.

"I can't believe it! It's perfect!" she says, as Izzie and Cristina rush around setting things up.

"It is…isn't it!" Lexie replies.

"Cristina! You're folding the napkins wrong. Look…corner to corner…like this," Izzie says, demonstrating the correct way to fold.

"If you think that just because I'm Asian I know how to fold Origami, you are sadly mistaken. After I stab you with this steak knife for being so incredibly annoying, there will be a napkin to wipe up the blood with. You won't care how it's folded!" Cristina says, flatly as she walks away.

"Wow! That was harsh. What's up with her?" Lexie asks.

"Oh…that was nothing. You should have seen what she said when I told her that the salad fork and the dinner fork were reversed," Izzie says.

"Derek said no to a joint wedding," Meredith says.

"No offense, Mer, but it wasn't your best idea. I mean, you didn't really think he was going to say yes. Mark laughed in my face," Lexie says.

"I know…I'll just have to suck it up and wear the veil…" Meredith says.

"Mark promised me a fairy tale wedding with a chocolate fountain for dessert," Lexie says.

"Oh my god! I love chocolate fountains!" Izzie says, happily.

"While you two are swimming in your chocolate fountains, Meredith and I have a few things to discuss," Cristina says, pulling Meredith off to the side.

"I know it's your engagement party, and it's your night and everything, but I need my person right now. Owen's breaking up with me," Cristina says.

"What?" Meredith asks.

"Yeah. It's over. He left this morning for rounds and was supposed to meet me at the house before I came here. He texted me that he got held up and had something to do and that he'd meet me here. It was all weird. He wouldn't tell me where he was going. I don't understand what happened. We had a great night and then this morning he was all nervous and jumpy when he was leaving. Do you think he's cheating?" Cristina asks.

"Cheating? No. I think we're going to get to the bottom of this. Can I tell Derek? Maybe Owen said something to him?" Meredith asks.

"No! I don't want anyone to know that Owen's cheating!" Cristina says.

"We don't know that he's cheating!" Meredith says.

"Who's cheating?" Lexie and Izzie ask in unison.

"No one!" Cristina snaps.

"Cristina thinks that Owen's cheating on her," Meredith explains.

Izzie and Lexie are silent and Cristina glares at Meredith.

"Wait…maybe Alex knows something…the two of them went out somewhere this morning," Izzie says.

"What? Owen told me he had rounds! That liar!" Cristina says.

"Rounds? Alex told me that they were going to some electronics store and that Owen knew a lot about speakers and that we needed new ones for the surround sound," Izzie says.

"Owen can't even check his own email! He's technologically challenged. You're lucky if he can figure out how to work his pager!!" Cristina replies.

"So Alex is a liar too then! Oh my god…do you think he's cheating on me too?" Izzie asks. "Maybe they went to meet interns together or something" she says, horrified.

"Hey! Why does everyone assume that interns are just out to date superiors?" Lexie says, defensively. Then she looks at Meredith and Cristina and remembers that she is marrying an attending as well and says, "I hope they're not meeting interns."

"I'm asking Derek!" Meredith says.

"And I'm asking Mark!" Lexie echoes.

"Wait! Stop. This is your engagement party. Let's just wait until they get here. Let's not get all dramatic," Cristina says.

"You're right. It's your night Grey sisters. Nothing should take the spotlight off of you," Izzie adds, smiling a little too sweetly at Meredith.

"You better do something to take the spotlight off of me. I feel like I might throw up," Meredith says.

As Cristina and Izzie walk away, to finish setting up the room, Lexie grabs Meredith's arm before she can rush off.

"You're really nervous. Why?" Lexie asks.

"These types of parties make me uncomfortable," Meredith says, evasively.

"But Mer, it's just going to be your friends, our families, and Derek's family. Mark invited his family, but they're not coming. I can't believe them!" Lexie says, her focus drifting from Meredith's dislike of parties and towards Mark's family not coming to the engagement party.

"That's just it. Derek has this huge family who can't wait to celebrate his happiness. You have Thatcher, who even with all his faults loves you and is thrilled for you. Besides, you have Molly and her family who, by the way, sent a huge bouquet of flowers. Izzie put them at the entrance. And then there's me…I have no one. Do you know that outside of Cristina, Izzie, Alex and George, I didn't even have anyone to invite? I did not send one invitation out. And even the people who will be here, partially for me, are here partially for me. The chief, for example…he's here for me…and for Derek and for you and Mark. He'd be here, even if I didn't show up. Same with Dr. Bailey. Parties just reinforce how few people actually care whether I'm alive or dead," Meredith says.

Lexie immediately feels terrible for Meredith and knows that her own happy upbringing highlights Meredith's lack of family. She says, "Listen…there are a lot of people who love and care about you…and…" Meredith cuts her off.

"No offense, but I'm not really in the mood to hear about all of the people who love me. Yes…I have great friends. But who is going to walk me down the aisle. Who is going to cry and give me motherly advice? I don't have those people in my life, and I never will. I'm sorry. I don't mean to rain on your special day, but I just want to get through this engagement party and go home," Meredith says, surprising herself as she gets choked up.

Lexie is at a loss for words. She notices that anything she says on the topic seems to make Meredith more upset. She feels her voice catch as she says, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you have this party. I didn't know it would upset you…I'm just…sorry!" Lexie runs away before Meredith can see her cry.

Derek sees Lexie and grabs her. "Woah…Little Grey! What's the matter?"

Lexie is shocked by the intensity of her sobbing as she says, "It's Meredith…she's upset…I don't know what to do! She doesn't want to have this party because I have a family and she doesn't…and I can't find Mark anywhere and maybe he doesn't want to marry me…and Izzie and Cristina think Alex and Owen are cheating on them…and I wanted today to be perfect, but I'm scared my dad is going to show up drunk and I miss my mom!" Lexie says.

Derek gives her a big, brotherly hug and says, "One thing at a time, Lex…You and I were very lucky to have what we had growing up. But we don't have to feel guilty about it. We didn't take it away from someone else…" he explains.

"YOU didn't. I took my father away from Meredith," Lexie says.

"No…you didn't. Your father left Meredith's mother. That's not your fault," Derek says, definitely.

"Okay…" Lexie says, nodding solemnly like a child.

"Next item…Izzie and Cristina are crazy. They always have been and always will be. Owen and Alex will be at the party and they are not cheating on them. I spoke to them this morning when they called to wish me luck. Don't get sucked into their drama," Derek says, laughing.

"But they lied to…" Lexie begins.

Derek stops her. "You lie too sometimes. So do I. Sometimes we do it with good intentions and sometimes with bad ones. Trust me. This lie is for good reasons," Derek says.

Lexie nods again.

"Mark…well. He didn't want to be here early. He's upset about a lot of the same things that Meredith is, but he's Mark so he can't admit them to anyone, so he went golfing this morning, with Callie. That's why he's not here. But he will be here. He didn't want to upset you on your special day. He wants today to be wonderful for you," Derek explains.

"I do too," Lexie says, her lip trembling.

"You can't control how your dad shows up, Lexie. But whatever happens, no one here will judge you for it. No one's life is perfect and free from embarrassment! I have 5 sisters! Wait til you meet them…" Derek points out.

Lexie thinks about this. "You're right…" she says.

"And as far as missing your mom…I don't know what to tell you there. I wish I had advice for you. But…well…I miss my dad every day. It doesn't go away and it's worse on days like today. But well…you have a father who loves you, a sister who loves you, a husband to be who adores you and a brother in law who thinks you're not so bad," Derek teases.

Lexie narrows her eyes at him. "Not so bad?" she says.

Derek smiles back. "Seriously, you've been through hell and back these last few months. Enjoy today. Don't let anything ruin it for you," he says.

Lexie smiles. "Thanks, Derek. For the record…you're not so bad either."

(Break)

"So, you're ready to do this?" Callie asks as she begins to putt.

"I don't know. I'm not a party kind of guy. I'm more of a one on one person," he says.

"It will be fun…right?" Callie asks.

"Parties like this aren't fun. My parents opted out of coming because they were skiing. Watching Derek and Lexie's happy families only reminds me of that. But what can you do…I'll put on a smile for Lexie's sake," he says.

"You really love her…don't you?" she says.

"I do. Does that bother you?" Mark asks.

Callie shakes her head. "I don't love you, Mark. I mean not in that way. I love you as a friend…but I found my own happiness…I mean…I need to find my own happiness," she says.

"Wait! Did you just say you found happiness, Torres? Spill it!" Mark demands.

"You can't tell anyone," she says.

"Do I ever?" Mark says.

"I'm back with George," she admits.

"Really? O'Malley? Are you happy?" he asks.

"I think I am," she replies.

"Do you think Lexie and I will be happy?" Mark asks.

Callie nods. "I do."

"Do you think my parents will come to the wedding?" Mark asks.

Callie thinks for a moment. "No. I don't. I'm sorry, Mark. But we don't lie to each other," she says.

"I don't either…I guess I'll walk down the aisle alone. I've done everything else alone my whole life," he says, bitterly.

"But you won't be alone from then on. You'll have Lexie," Callie points out.

Marks face brightens. "You're right," he says. He thinks for a minute. "Hey…I had a crazy idea…" he says.

"What?" Callie asks.

"You could walk me down the aisle…you know…like family," he says.

"Wow! Mark! I'm flattered. I'd love to…but do you think Lexie would be okay with that?" she asks.

"I don't know…I'll ask her," Marks says, looking at his watch. "Oh man! I better get going. Little Grey will kill me if I'm late!"

"Soon she'll be little Sloan!" Callie says, laughing.

Mark turns to leave before turning back to Callie. "Hey Torres!" he calls.

"What?" she calls back.

"Does this mean we can never sleep together again?" Mark asks, with a smile.

Callie glares at him. "Never again!"

"Just checking," Mark says, flashing her a smile.

Callie laughs as she runs to go get ready.

(Break)

Mark sees Meredith as he walks in. She is sitting in the lobby of Joe's looking out the window.

"What's up, Big Grey? You look less than thrilled to be marrying Shepherd. Is he really that bad in bed?" Mark asks.

Meredith turns to him. "Doesn't this bother you? All of this? I mean…the big parties and happy families and all of that bright and shininess that you're not a part of?" she asks.

Mark thinks for a minute. "Yeah. It does. But I can't ruin today for Lexie," he says.

"Too late. I already did that," Meredith admits, guiltily.

Mark glares at her. "What did you do?" he asks, his tone growing harsh.

"I told her how much I hate these parties and how they make me remember how I have no family…outside of her, of course. Then I gave her the grand finale of telling her that I just wanted to get this over with and go home," Meredith says, knowing she was wrong to ruin this night for her sister.

Mark grabs her by the shoulders and turns her around to face him. "Were you in that O.R. with me? Did you see your sister suffer? Are you really that selfish? Tonight is going to be perfect for her. Whatever you did…fix it!"

"I don't know how…" Meredith says.

"Figure it out!" Mark says, storming away.

(Break)

Izzie and Cristina see Lexie sitting on a chair in the large empty room waiting for the guests to arrive. Izzie runs over.

"Oh my god! You look great! The outfit is perfect…and your hair looks…" Izzie squeals.

"Awful. I wanted to put it up, but I have to wear it down to cover the scars on my hairline, and Derek tried to make me feel better about Meredith, but I think this whole party was a mistake. Meredith doesn't want it, and now I don't think I do either…Maybe Mark and I should just elope…" Lexie says, glumly.

"Elope? No way! You are the only other non-wedding scrooge I know. Don't take away my fairy tale wedding…please?" Izzie begs.

"What did Meredith say?" Cristina asks.

"Just that she hates these parties and it makes her realize she has no family…Who's going to walk her down the aisle? If the engagement party makes her feel this bad, how awful is she going to feel at her wedding?" Lexie asks.

Cristina turns away. "I'll be back in a minute. Izzie…you stay with Little Grey…I'll knock some sense into Big Grey…" she says, exasperated.

Cristina storms over to Meredith who is still sitting in the same spot that Mark left her.

"You self-centered brat! I don't care if Daddy left you and Mommy was mean. They don't matter. Lexie does and you hurt her feelings on what is supposed to be a perfect night for her. You wanted to do this for her. Don't do her any favors and then make her feel guilty about them. Get your act together and put a fake, Izzie-like smile on your face and then we can down tequila shots later and make fun of everyone," Cristina says, sternly.

"Mark already yelled at me. You're right. Now I just feel guilty. After all Lexie's been through…" Meredith says.

"And another thing…stop acting like she's a charity case. She's been through it. It's over. She's just Lexie now. Stop dwelling on the past. She is recovered. Her biggest problem is that her hair is down to cover her scars. Stop feeling sorry for her and treating her like she's pathetic. She's out there all ready and you're in your ugly sweatpants. Go get dressed." Cristina says.

"Wow. A, and Derek tried to make me feel better about Meredith, but I think this whole party was a mistake. Meredith doesn't want it, and now I don't think I do either…Maybe Mark and I should just elope…" Lexie says, glumly.

"Elope? No way! You are the only other non-wedding scrooge I know. Don't take away my fairy tale wedding…please?" Izzie begs.

"What did Meredith say?" Cristina asks.

"Just that she hates these parties and it makes her realize she has no family…Who's going to walk her down the aisle? If the engagement party makes her feel this bad, how awful is she going to feel at her wedding?" Lexie asks.

Cristina turns away. "I'll be back in a minute. Izzie…you stay with Little Grey…I'll knock some sense into Big Grey…" she says, exasperated.

Cristina storms over to Meredith who is still sitting in the same spot that Mark left her.

"You self-centered brat! I don't care if Daddy left you and Mommy was mean. They don't matter. Lexie does and you hurt her feelings on what is supposed to be a perfect night for her. You wanted to do this for her. Don't do her any favors and then make her feel guilty about them. Get your act together and put a fake, Izzie-like smile on your face and then we can down tequila shots later and make fun of everyone," Cristina says, sternly.

"Mark already yelled at me. You're right. Now I just feel guilty. After all Lexie's been through…" Meredith says.

"And another thing…stop acting like she's a charity case. She's been through it. It's over. She's just Lexie now. Stop dwelling on the past. She is recovered. Her biggest problem is that her hair is down to cover her scars. Stop feeling sorry for her and treating her like she's pathetic. She's out there all ready and you're in your ugly sweatpants. Go get dressed." Cristina says.

"Wow. Are you standing up for Lexie over me?" Meredith asks.

Cristina thinks for a moment. "Yes. I am. She earned my respect when she let Izzie light her on fire," she says.

"Cristina?" Meredith asks.

"What?" Cristina asks.

"Who's going to walk me down the aisle? Like a mother and a father?" she asks.

"I would have…but you made me wear the dress. We'll work on that one…okay?" Cristina says, sitting next to Meredith as Meredith rests her head on Cristina's shoulder.

"Okay. I have to go get ready. Should I go tell Lexie I'm sorry?" she asks.

"She doesn't want sorry…she wants happy. Go get happy. This night is about you and Derek. I've heard you whine about him for years…now you're finally engaged to him. Even I'm happy." Cristina says.

Meredith smiles and gets up to go get ready.

(Break)

Izzie puts the last pin in Lexie's hair. "Perfect! And all the scars are covered," she promises.

"Good. I didn't want anyone to remember all of that. I'm trying to put it behind me…" she says.

"I totally forgot until you reminded me. Oh yeah…and until I see my name in print in the article Mark is publishing about the success of the procedure!" Izzie beams.

"I know…he's so excited. I'll try to have another freak accident so you guys can get famous again…" Lexie laughs.

"You look great! Let me go make sure Meredith puts herself together…okay? We don't want her to look like she rolled out of bed," Izzie says.

"Okay. I hope she's feeling better about this whole party thing," Lexie says.

(Break)

Izzie blow dries Meredith's hair. "How do you do it?" Meredith asks.

"Hair? I had a job in a salon for a little while before I started modeling," Izzie replies.

"No. Maintain your bright and shiny attitude. You didn't have a perfect childhood either," Meredith says.

"No. I sure didn't. You don't even know the half of it. But I wake up every day and think, _I can become my mother or I can be the person I always wished she was._ I try really hard to be the person I wished she was," Izzie says.

"The person you wished she was…that's a good way to look at it," Meredith says.

"Your hair looks great. The guests will be arriving soon. Everything's ready!" Izzie says, smiling.

Meredith smiles a big smile. "Here I am…the person I wished you were, Mom…" she says, looking at Izzie, who smiles back.

(Break)

The guests arrive. Meredith and Derek stand next to Lexie and Mark. "I'm sorry about the way I acted," Meredith whispers to Lexie.

Lexie shakes her head. "Forget about it…" she replies.

"No. Really. I'm excited about this party. Just a little nervous about Thatcher being here, but I'm excited," Meredith says, convincingly.

Lexie smiles broadly. "I'm so glad. And for what it's worth, I'm nervous about Thatcher coming too…" she says.

Derek puts his arm around Meredith protectively. "Thank you for doing this," he says.

"No. Thank YOU," Meredith says.

"Sorry I freaked out on you…" Mark says to Meredith. "For what it's worth…we're in the same boat," he says.

"It's all in the past, Mark. Let's enjoy the party. You're going to be my brother-in-law. We'll probably fight a lot!" Meredith says, smiling.

"That's just because I got the better Grey," Mark teases.

Meredith hits him playfully and then turns to Lexie. "There are Alex and Owen! Let's find out where they were all morning!" she says, pulling Lexie by the arm.

****

There are 4 more chapters.

This is epilogue 1

Epilogue 2 will be the actual engagement party

Epilogue 3 will be Meredith and Derek's wedding

Epilogue 4 will be Lexie and Mark's wedding

Epilogue 5 will be the conclusion…

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much!


	28. Epilogue 2

"Where were you?" Lexie asks Alex in an accusing tone.

"What do you mean? I'm not late. I told Izzie I'd meet her here," he says, looking at his watch. "You look great, by the way," he says, trying to detract from the original topic.

"Don't change the subject! Izzie and Cristina think you were out trolling for slutty interns!" Lexie says.

Alex snickers. "Nah…I already had you once. It was enough," he says.

Lexie hits him on the arm. "Let's just pretend that NEVER happened!" she says.

Owen steps in and sees Meredith staring at him waiting for an explanation.

"Don't ask too many questions. Just defend us. It's all for a good cause. Now let's get back to your party," Owen says, walking in towards Cristina.

Alex follows and gives Izzie a kiss. "Can we give Mer and Lexie their presents?" he asks, sweetly.

She smiles back, equally sweetly. "Yes. But you have some explaining to do later!" she says.

Owen looks at Cristina. "Don't look at me that way…" Cristina says, sternly.

"What way?" he asks, innocently.

"The way that makes me forgive you for being a liar. I don't forgive liars. I just don't do lying…" Cristina points out.

"I don't either. Can we talk about it later? Isn't this your person's day?" he asks.

"Fine. Pull the person card. It will get you off the hook now, but later…you're going to answer my questions," Cristina says, allowing him to put his arm around her and lead her back inside.

Lexie stands protectively next to Mark, who looks around uncomfortably at the guests who are arriving.

"I'm going to grab a drink. You want anything,?" he asks her.

Lexie shakes her head. She watches the door as Callie and George come in.

"Callie! I'm so glad you're here!" she says.

"You are? Why?" Callie asks, confused.

"Because Mark needs his people here right now. And you're one of his people. I mean I know we may have had our differences, but I think that he'd be really happy to see a friendly face right now," Lexie says.

"Wow. Ummm…okay. I'll ummm…go find him," Callie says, starting to walk away. She turns back to Lexie. "Hey, Lexie?" she says.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"You're perfect for him. You're going to bring out the best in each other. I'm happy for you guys," Callie says.

(Break)

Derek watches Meredith pace. "He's not here yet…" Derek says, as he watches Meredith check the door.

"Do you think he'd want to walk me down the aisle?" Meredith asks.

"Thatcher? I don't know. I don't know him very well," Derek admits. "Would you want him to?"

"Well, someone has to do it. Cristina and Izzie are my bridesmaids. Lexie is my maid of honor. I need someone to walk me down the aisle," she says.

"This is our wedding, Mer. There doesn't even have to be an aisle. We can make it whatever we want it to be," he says, putting his arm around her.

"Your mom is going to be okay if we run to Vegas and elope?" she teases.

Derek laughs. "Good point."

"Oh my god! There he is!" Meredith says, as she watches Thatcher walk through the door.

Lexie rushes to greet Thatcher who is accompanied by Molly. She gives Molly a sideways glance and Molly smiles at her and whispers, "He's sober. Don't worry. I made sure,"

"Thanks," Lexie whispers back.

"Daddy, this is Mark. Mark, this is my father, Thatcher and my sister, Molly," she says.

Thatcher extends his hand to Mark. "It's nice to meet you. Lexie's told me a lot about you. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to meet you earlier but…."

"But Mark's a very busy surgeon. Come on. Let's go get something to eat, Dad!" Lexie says.

"Hold on, sweetheart. Let me talk to Mark for a few minutes," Thatcher says.

As Lexie watches them anxiously, Molly says, "It's okay, Lex. He's okay today. You can relax. Enjoy your party."

Lexie smiles. "Thank you so much." Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Meredith. "Mer! Come here!" she says.

Meredith comes over.

"Meredith, this is your other sister, Molly," Lexie says, happily, glad that her whole living family is together under one roof.

"Hi Meredith, it's nice to meet you," Molly says, politely, but very formally.

"It's nice to meet you too," Meredith replies, awkwardly.

Lexie decides they might have a better chance to get acquainted if she were not standing over them, so she says, "Hey…why don't I grab us some drinks. Tequila for you, Mer and a diet coke for you, Mol?" she says.

"Thanks," they both reply.

"So, umm…Lexie tells me that the baby is beautiful," Meredith says, trying to make conversation for Lexie's sake.

"She's not a baby anymore. She's two years old," Molly says, surprisingly sharply.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Time flies…you know…" Meredith replies, uncomfortably.

"Yeah. It does. Listen…Meredith, I'm going to say this once and I'm going to try to say it as nicely as possible. I love my sister. She's one of the most incredible people in the world. Stop dragging her down into your dark and twisty world or whatever you call it," Molly whispers.

"Dragging her down? What are you talking about? And how did you know that I was dark and twisty?" Meredith wonders outloud.

"Lexie talks about you all the time. We knew about all the times you treated her like the dirt beneath your shoe, and then how great you were when you finally gave her the time of day. And then when you almost got her killed saving your life from that psycho, and finally when you got her burned in a fire. She came to your therapy sessions? Really Meredith? Lexie never needed therapy before she entered your dysfunctional world. She was fine. You've dragged her into this world and she's marrying this guy who none of us really even know, and I wish you'd just let her go and let her be happy again…" Molly fires at a very stunned Meredith.

Lexie comes back over with their drinks.

"So, did you guys have a chance to talk?" Lexie says, brightly.

"Of course we did," Meredith says, smiling sweetly. "I can't believe the baby is two years old already!"

"I'm just going to check on Daddy. I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't forget to say greet everyone! It's good practice for being a bride," Molly says, to Lexie.

(Break)

Derek grabs Meredith's arm. "How are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm fine, except for Lexie's satanic sister," Meredith says

"Is this one of those moments where you get all self deprecating and you talk about how much you hate yourself, or are you referring to Molly?" Derek asks, smiling.

Meredith smiles back. "Molly. She hates me. She thinks I'm making Lexie dark and twisty. Oh yeah…and she blames me for Lexie getting caught in the fire," Meredith says.

"I can't wait until later when you can get all dark and twisty with me…" Derek says, smiling.

"Me either," Meredith says, smiling back at him. They share a short, but passionate kiss when Thatcher comes over.

"Meredith?" he says, tentatively?

"Hi, Thatcher. I – ummm…I'm glad you are here. I mean…for Lexie. She's glad you're here. I mean, I am too. Well…you're here…" Meredith stammers as Derek motions to Cristina to come over and save them.

Cristina approaches, having heard the awkward beginning between Meredith and her estranged father.

"Yes. I'm glad to be here. Lexie looks wonderful. I was expecting much worse after the ummm…" Thatcher's voice trails off and he's not sure what to call Lexie's unfortunate incident.

"After the fire? Yes. She made an amazing recovery. She's very strong. She takes after her mother," Meredith says, cringing as she realizes she most likely just insulted Thatcher.

Instead of being insulted, Thatcher says, "Yes. She's very much like Susan. She's going to make a wonderful wife to Mark. He's very lucky,"

"Yes…he is," Meredith adds.

"And how about you?" Thatcher asks. "How have you been?"

_Recently? Or in the last 30 years?_ Meredith wants to ask, but instead she says, "Fine, thank you. And yourself?"

"Fine, thank you," he replies.

Cristina steps in. "Derek! Poor Meredith hasn't eaten anything since she got here. She's been so busy being a gracious hostess. Why don't you take her to the buffet and make sure she gets something to eat," she says, in a nauseatingly polite tone.

Derek looks at her thankfully for saving Meredith from the awkward conversation, and quickly whisks her away.

"Mr. Grey, I'm Cristina Yang," she says, extending her hand and shaking his hand firmly.

"Nice to meet you, Cristina," Thatcher says. "Are you a friend of Meredith's?"

"I'm Meredith's best friend. And I'm actually a friend of Lexie's too. I never thought I'd say that. I thought she was the most annoying little intern I ever met until recently, but I like her now. She doesn't have much in common with you," Cristina says.

Her insult is lost on Thatcher who is staring longingly at the bar.

"Stay focused, Thatcher!" Cristina says, snapping him back to reality.

Thatcher stares at Cristina dumbfounded.

"I'm sure your family doesn't want you drinking tonight, but I will have all of the leftover top shelf alcohol from this party sent to your house if you'll do one thing for me," Cristina says.

"I'm listening…" Thatcher says, thinking of the lock that Molly put on the liquor cabinet.

"Ask Meredith if you can walk her down the aisle. Tell her you've dreamed of walking her down the aisle since she was a little girl. Give her that much and I'll give you all the alcohol you can drink in a year…well…most people can drink in a year. You can probably drink it in a night," Cristina says, harshly.

Thatcher watches as a big bottle of Johnny Walker Blue label comes out from behind the bar and a small glass is poured for Mark and Derek who toast and drink it.

"I can do that. When do I get my stuff?" he asks.

"When Meredith leaves this party feeling like you care about her," Cristina says.

(Break)

Alex looks over at Izzie.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Where were you and Owen?" she asks.

"Iz…just trust me. You don't always want to know everything. Sometimes you're just going to have to trust me," he says.

"But…you said that you guys…" Izzie begins.

"Yup. I'm a huge liar. It's a bad quality. You should definitely run in the other direction," Alex quips.

Izzie smiles broadly. "Not a chance!" she says, kissing him.

"Come on…let's eat. I'm starving!" Alex says, pulling her towards the buffet.

(Break)

Thatcher approaches Meredith carefully.

"Thank you for inviting me," he says.

"You're welcome," Meredith says, not sure how to reply.

"No…I really mean it. I haven't always been there for you. I know things were hard for you growing up, and that you probably wish I had made different choices," Thatcher says.

"Yes…I do. But let's not do this, today. Not with Lexie here. It will upset her and she's been through so much," Meredith pleads.

"Of course. I don't want to upset you, or Lexie. What I want is for you to know that I love you, Meredith. I messed up everything, and I know that. I have no right to ask anything of you, but if you could find it in your heart…I'd love one thing from you," he asks.

"What?" Meredith asks, suspiciously.

"Walking Molly down the aisle on her wedding day was the most special moment of my life. I can't wait to do that for all my girls. I'm walking Lexie down the aisle, and I'd like to do the same for you. It would be an honor if you'd let me," he asks, nervously.

"You want to walk me down the aisle…on my wedding day?" Meredith asks, incredulously.

"More than anything in the world. I'm so proud of you. I've got no right to be, because it's nothing I can take credit for, but I'm a whole lifetime of proud," he says.

Meredith's eyes fill with tears. "Thank you! I'd love you to walk me down the aisle. Thank you…Dad," she whispers, throwing her arms around him.

Cristina watches the two of them embrace and has a moment of doubt about what she has done. But she shakes it off and turns to Owen. "DO me a favor? Pack up a box of the best top shelf alcohol you can find. Put the box near the back door," she says.

Owen looks at her and says, "What are you up to?"

Cristina says, "I'll come with you and I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone…and you can't judge me," she says.

(Break)

Meredith runs to Derek who is standing with Lexie, Mark Dr. Bailey and the chief.

"Guess what?" she says.

"Someone looks bright and shiny," Derek says, kissing her.

"Thatcher Grey asked if he can walk me down the aisle. He told me he was proud of me. A whole lifetime of proud! Our wedding day is going to be perfect, Derek. Lexie…maybe you, Molly and I should have dinner one night with our father. I think it would mean a lot to him," Meredith says.

Lexie hesitates. While she wants to join in Meredith's happiness a nagging feeling plagues her. She remembers all the nights of Thatcher's drunken rages after Susan died where he would say, _Where is my wife? She's dead because of the spawn of satan…Ellis Grey's daughter. Stay away from her, Lexie…she's like her mother. She kills whatever she touches!_ Something about his change of heart didn't seem sincere. She tries to attribute his surprising change of heart to the overwhelming emotionality of the evening and seeing all his daughters together.

"That sounds great, Mer. We'll figure it all out," she says.

"Meredith. Be careful. You're father is a flawed man," the chief says, warningly.

"Dr. Webber. I know you loved my mother, but she was a difficult woman to say the least. I need to give my father the benefit of the doubt. He's here tonight…and she's not," Meredith says.

"Well, I'm happy that you're happy," the chief replies.

"Thank you. I just realized there are a few people I haven't said hello to. Izzie would be horrified at my party etiquette. I'm going to be a good hostess. I'll be right back," Meredith says, happily.

"I don't trust that man one bit. And why is he eyeing Cristina Yang every two minutes," Dr. Bailey says, after Meredith has walked away.

"I don't know, but Yang can protect herself. It's Meredith I worry about," Dr. Webber says.

Derek sighs. "You two just love your drama. Meredith is fine and why is it so unfathomable to the two of you that her father wants a relationship with her? Pessimists!" Derek says, smiling carelessly.

"I know him, Shepherd. That's why…" Dr. Webber says.

(Break)

Cristina walks up to Thatcher. "Your box of stuff is near that back entrance. You can take it on your way out. But don't leave early. Meredith and Lexie want to believe that Super Daddy actually cares about them." she says, coldly.

"I care very much about Lexie," he says.

"Yeah…I noticed as you kept a vigil by her bedside when she was burned. Just stay til the end," Cristina says, walking away in disgust.

(Break)

Mark grabs Lexie and pulls her over to the back of the restaurant.

"I need a moment alone with my beautiful fiancé!" he says, picking her up and swinging her around.

Lexie giggles and throws her head back. "Tonight has been perfect! Everyone is getting along and you fixed my face and we're going to get married and I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" she says, happily running towards the door without looking. She flings open the door and runs outside into the rain still holding Mark's hand as he trails slightly behind her. She doesn't look where she's going and trips flying right into a man who sits leaning against the dumpster. She screams as she looks down. "I'm sorry! I didn't see! Oh my god! Daddy?" she says.

"Where's Molly?" he slurs.

"Molly? She's inside. Why? Have you been drinking?" she asks, her eyes filling with tears.

"Yes! I've been drinking a lot. A girl with a Chinese name gave me a beautiful gift. She gave me all the leftover booze," Thatcher says, getting up and stumbling.

"Mark. Please go find my sister. Please tell her to hurry up and get here!" Lexie says, attempting to be calm.

Mark opens his mouth to protest but closes it as Lexie says, "Please. Just go."

"What do you want from Molly, Dad? I'll take you home, quickly. You don't live far. I'll drive you and get back before anyone sees you like this," Lexie begs.

"I want Molly. I want Molly because she's the only daughter who ever brings me pleasure anymore. She looks like my Susan. She cooks like Susan. She gave me a beautiful granddaughter. You…you've become a high and mighty doctor with all your fancy degrees…you don't care about me. You never talk about your mother anymore. You never loved her…you never loved any of us. And now that you have the half sister of yours…Ellis's little spawn…now you've become…"

"Stop!" Lexie hears someone say from behind her. She turns around and sees Molly, Meredith and Derek standing behind her.

Molly rushes over to Thatcher and says calmly, "Daddy. We're going home. We have to leave now."

"No! That Chinese girl said I can't go. She said I had to stay til the end and walk Ellis's spawn down the aisle or I don't get my box," he says, stumbling.

Meredith turns white and Derek instinctively puts his arm around her. Lexie turns to her, horrified. "Mer…I didn't know….I'm so sorry you had to hear…" she turns to Mark, "Why did you bring her here! I didn't want her to see this!" Lexie says accusingly.

"You said to get your sister. I didn't know which one you wanted and each of them said you'd want them," Mark says, guiltily.

"Meredith. Please go. This only gets worse," Lexie pleads.

Meredith looks at Lexie and Molly and pulls away from Derek who is holding on to her protectively.

"I'm not going anywhere. This is his battle with me, and he's fighting it with you. Lexie…you've been through enough. You deserve to enjoy your night. Go inside. Molly and I will handle this," Meredith says, looking at Molly.

Molly looks back at Meredith with new admiration. She realizes that Meredith really does care about Lexie and isn't backing away from this uncomfortable situation.

"Meredith's right, Lexie…go inside," Molly says.

Lexie begins to walk to the door followed by Mark as she hears Molly say to Meredith, "I'm sorry for what I said to you, earlier."

"What did you say to her?" Lexie asks.

Molly opens her mouth, but Meredith cuts her off. "Oh it was nothing. I showed her the picture of how I was going to wear my hair for the wedding and she didn't like it. No big deal, Molly," Meredith says, smiling at Molly.

Molly smiles back. "Glad we could clear the air," she says.

Lexie looks at them oddly knowing there is much more to the story that they are deliberately not telling her. Unfortunately she does not have time to process it because Thatcher falls to the ground and begins shaking violently.

"Daddy!" Lexie and Molly scream kneeling down next to him.

"He's seizing!" Derek says, pushing them out of the way and rolling Thatcher on his side. "Mark, have the chief page an ambulance!"

Mark runs inside as everyone starts to pour out to the area to see what the commotion was.

"Mark! Can you come with me out front and help me brief the ambulance since you saw what happened?" the chief asks.

Mark looks at Lexie, who nods numbly. On his way out, he passes Alex and Izzie. "Take care of her," he whispers.

Dr. Bailey leans next to Derek and says, "Woah. I can smell the alcohol. He's going to need a bed in the detox wing."

Lexie cringes as she hears Dr. Bailey say that out loud. She looks around at the crowd and begins to hyperventilate.

Alex walks over to her and puts his coat around her. "Come inside. There's nothing you can do here," he says.

Izzie and Alex walk Lexie inside and sit her down at a table.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. We're all a little screwed up here. My dad used to show up drunk to my wrestling matches and on the very rare occasion that I'd lose, he'd scream 'why don't you just where a dress and high heels, Alex!' in front of my whole high school."

"And my mom used to sit in the park and give psychic readings to people for money when she lost her waitressing job," Izzie says.

"And my dad ruined my engagement party," Lexie says, sadly.

"It's not ruined. The night is still young. We're going to get him out of here and party harder than we ever have before," Alex says.

Lexie shakes her head. "No. It's ruined. It's over," she says.

"Do you want to go to the hospital or wait here?" Izzie asks, gently.

"I'll just wait here," Lexie says.

"We'll wait with you," Alex says, and Izzie smiles at him.

(Break)

Meredith stands with Cristina while Derek, Owen and Dr. Bailey examines Thatcher. Cristina avoids eye contact until Meredith says, "I know what you did. You can stop pretending you don't know what color the pavement is."

"I'm sorry," Cristina says, finally looking at Meredith.

Meredith shakes her head. "Don't be. I'm not mad. You were trying to give me everything I wanted. I am embarrassed to admit how happy it made me to think this mess here wanted me for a daughter," she says.

"You know, your genetics aren't so good. Where you and Derek want kids, you should consider donor eggs…or adoption," Cristina says, looking at Thatcher laying on the floor.

Meredith laughs. "The music's still playing. I can't believe the DJ is still going despite this insanity!"

Cristina smiles. "Let's go inside and dance it out," she says.

Derek looks up from Thatcher and smiles at Cristina, nodding for her to take Meredith inside.

When they walk inside, they see Lexie sitting at the table with her head in her hands. Izzie and Alex are sitting on either side of her, each of them with a hand on her back.

Meredith comes up behind her and wraps her arms around her sister. "We have some crappy DNA," Meredith says.

Lexie looks up and laughs through her tears. "Yeah. I guess we do," she says.

Cristina starts dancing. Meredith looks at Lexie and Izzie. "Come on…let's dance it out," she says, pulling Lexie to her feet.

Lexie half heartedly starts to move and Izzie begins to dance enthusiastically immediately. "Come on, Alex!" Izzie says.

Alex looks at her. "If you guys ever tell anyone about this…I'll kill you," he says.

Derek,Mark and Owen come inside and see everyone dancing.

"Come on, Owen. You have to dance when they tell you to. It's not optional," Derek says, beginning to dance as spastically as humanly possible.

"I don't dance," Owen says.

"You do now!" Cristina says pulling him towards her. Owen reluctantly sways back and forth with her.

Mark grabs Lexie and dips her backwards. "Did the ambulance pick him up?" she asks.

"Yes. They cleared a private room for him in the detox wing," he says, spinning her around.

Lexie shakes her head. "I can't believe this is my life," she says.

"Nope! You don't get to do this now. You have to dance with me!" he says.

Lexie smiles weakly but doesn't fight him. She dances and lets him twirl her around.

Molly walks inside and sees them all dancing. "Oh…ummm…sorry…I just came to get my coat," she says, awkwardly.

Lexie runs over to her. "Come dance with us!" she says.

"I don't think that I…" Molly stammers.

"Come on, Molly. This is how we relieve stress. Try it," Meredith says.

"No. I couldn't …" Molly protests.

Meredith pulls her into the circle of people, and slowly, Molly begins to join them. Lexie smiles at Meredith and everyone dances until something drops out of Alex's pocket.

"What was that?" Izzie asks.

"Nothing," Alex says, quickly picking up the small box and putting it back in his pocket.

Izzie freezes and stares at him. She pictures the shape of the box and she inhales sharply. "Was that a…"

"Yes…but don't make a big deal out of it. It's not our night. Let the Grey's and Shepherd and Sloan have their moment," he whispers.

"Oh no! Do it, Alex! We all want to be here to see her say yes!" Lexie squeals.

Alex looks around and says, "But this wasn't how I planned…"

"You're a surgeon Alex …the best laid plans sometimes go awry…don't they?" Izzie says, beaming.

Alex sighs and gets down on one knee.

"Isobel Stevens…from the moment I laid eyes on you in the intern locker room, I knew you were going to be my wife. The whole world knows that you are beautiful on the outside, but only the select few of us who are lucky enough to know you best, know that you are beautiful on the inside as well. You are the one who loves everyone just a little too deeply, and cares just a little too much, and I'm the luckiest man in the world to have been chosen to have you love me. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to live up to who I can be if I'm with you. So, Izzie…will you marry me?" Alex says.

Izzie beams through the tears in her eyes. She nods her head, unable to speak.

"Yes," she whispers.

Alex grabs her and picks her up, lifting her feet off the ground.

Everyone rushes around her to see the ring. As everyone gushes over Izzie's ring, Lexie turns to Alex. "You were right," she says.

"Right about what?" he asks.

"The night isn't ruined," she says, smiling, leaning up against Mark's strong, solid chest as he wraps his arms around her.

"No. It definitely isn't," he agrees.

***

Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone! 3 chapters left!!!!! I can't wait to hear what you all have to think about this chapter! I hope you like it!

On another topic…Grey's was seriously intense this week…wasn't it? Anyone hear anything about whether Izzie is really staying or going? I hear different things every week!

Jess


	29. Epilogue 3

Meredith stands awkwardly to the side with Cristina as Molly and Izzie fuss over Lexie's veil.

"It's still not straight," Molly says.

Izzie takes another bobby pin. "Ouch!" Lexie yelps, as Izzie pulls her hair tightly.

Cristina looks at Meredith. "I find it hard to believe that your sister can tough it out in the O.R. while Izzie burns her face off, but she screams like a baby every time Izzie pulls her hair," she mutters.

"I know. And how long are they going to take to get that veil on her head. Don't let them do that to me…okay?" she pleads.

"I'm not a person who shies away from a challenge. But even I'm scared of Izzie when she gets in creepy, happy wedding mode. Look at her. She's smiling like a psych patient!" Cristina says.

"I know. Is this what it's going to be like for me in a few months?" Meredith says, feeling slightly nauseous.

"No. You won't have Stepford Grey over there doing your hair. It will just be Izzie and Lexie. Lexie's a little less intense than Molly," Cristina says.

"Should I have asked Molly to be in my wedding party? I mean, technically, she's my sister," Meredith asks.

"It took you two whole years to get used to Lexapedia. You have at least double that to get used to the idea of Molly," Cristina replies.

"Perfect!" Izzie pronounces.

Lexie looks in the mirror and smiles.

"Mer! What do you think?" she asks, turning around.

Meredith gasps and smiles at how beautiful her sister looks. She is surprised to feel tears prick her eyes, as she remembers Lexie's scarred face and blistered body. She pulls her sister close to her.

"I think you are the most beautiful bride that ever walked down the aisle," Meredith says.

Lexie's eyes fill with tears.

"Lexie! Don't cry! That mascara isn't going to hold up all day!" Molly says.

As they pull apart, Meredith turns to Cristina. "She's not in my wedding party. She might not even be at my wedding in I strangle her with one of the ribbons she made me tie on the programs!" she whispers.

"Okay…let's go down the list. Molly, you gave Lexie your blue garter. So something blue is covered. Something old…well, you're wearing your grandmother's pearls, so that's taken care of. Something new is well…the dress. Mer…you promised to bring something borrowed. Did you remember?"

"Oh yeah. I did. Where's my purse?" she asks, fumbling for her oversized pocketbook. She pulls something out of it.

"It's my sparkle pager." Meredith says, holding her sparkle pager out to Lexie.

Izzie and Molly exchange a look.

Cristina explodes. "The sparkle pager is sacred! You can't give it to an intern!" she says.

"I'm not giving it. I'm lending it. It's borrowed. That means I get it back," Meredith explains.

"Ummm…Mer…I know you don't do the whole wedding thing very often, but you can't ummm…wear a sparkle pager down the aisle," Izzie explains, patiently.

"Why not?" Meredith asks, confused.

"The sparkle pager is non-transferable. Unless you transfer it to me," Cristina says.

Lexie holds out her hand and takes the sparkle pager. "I'm going to wear it. I'll clip it to my garter," she says, happily.

"At least it will be under the dress," Izzie says.

"Can someone explain what a sparkle pager is used for?" Molly asks.

(Break)

"So, how does it feel to be tying the knot?" Derek asks, slapping Mark on the back.

"You tell me. You've done it before," Mark replies.

"Never with the right person," Derek admits.

"Did you know it was wrong with Addie? You know…when you were walking down the aisle?" Mark asks.

Derek shakes his head. "I never really thought about it. We were Derek and Addison. Looking back, I should have known. The time in both of our lives were wrong. We loved each other for our similarities, not for our differences. So many things were against us."

"Do you think it's right with me and Lexie?" Mark asks.

"Yeah. Do you?" Derek asks, throwing the question back at Mark.

"I do. I just hope I don't mess things up. She's so pure. I could hurt her. I could take that fragile innocence and crush it," Mark says.

Derek thinks for a moment. "You know, just because someone isn't jaded doesn't mean they're pure and innocent. Lexie's a person who makes the best of everything. It doesn't make her fragile. You can't break her," Derek says.

Mark thinks about that for a moment before he says, "Dude! I can break anything. Like I broke your nose in 8th grade over Karen Matheson," he says.

Derek laughs. "I think our taste has gotten much better. Karen Matheson had braces and acne and a really bad lisp."

"Yeah…but she was the only girl in our class who had gotten to third base," Mark says, laughing.

Alex whispers to Owen, "When are you going to do it?"

"When I'm ready. We're not Meredith and Cristina. We don't have to tell each other everything. You're not my person," Owen says.

"Well, you're lucky Cristina is part robot. If she were any other girl, she'd be freaking out because she's the only one who hasn't gotten engaged yet," Alex says. "Do you know what to do with this bow tie? I don't usually wear tuxedos. I look good in one, but I'm more of a jeans guy," he says.

Owen fixes his bow tie. "There. I got you dressed. Do you need me to feed you a bottle or am I done babysitting," he quips.

"Only if there's tequila in it. Actually, forget that. I want to be sober and alert so I can see the look on everyone's face when they see Izzie and know I've got the hottest girl in the room," Alex says, smiling.

"You must have a really small…well…never mind," Owen says, shaking his head.

"Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about. There's a reason Izzie smiles so much," Alex says.

(Break)

Thatcher Grey walks into the lobby. He stands at the back to avoid making a spectacle of himself.

"Lexie..." he inhales, as he sees his daughter for the first time as a bride.

"Daddy…Thank you for…" she says, eyes filling with tears.

Thatcher shakes his head. "Don't thank me. Please…I've been a lousy father since your mother died. You're an adult, but you're still my little girl. You needed me and I wasn't there. I'm sorry…but I have 30 days clean, and I'd like to walk you down the aisle if you'll still let me," he says.

Molly rushes over. "No tears, Lexie!" she says, quickly.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to upset her," Thatcher says, apologetically.

"No…Molly and I are trying to keep Lexie from ruining her eye make up," Izzie explains.

Meredith hangs back, not wanting to ruin Lexie's moment, but not wanting to interact with Thatcher. She is still angry about her entire childhood not to mention the engagement party. She hopes he has the good sense not to approach her, but good sense was never Thatcher's greatest strength.

He sees her standing next to Cristina. He looks at her, and Cristina narrows her eyes at him and shakes her head, daring him to defy her and approach her friend. He doesn't.

Meredith looks at Cristina. "Thanks," she whispers.

"Places!" The celebrant calls.

"Thanks for doing this," Mark whispers to Callie.

"You're welcome. I feel like I should be wearing one of those sequined suits that mother's of the groom wear," she jokes, as she links her arm through his.

"I still think this is weird," Izzie whispers to Meredith and Cristina.

"I know…I mean, one minute he's sleeping with her and the next she's his stand in mom! It's seriously weird!" Cristina says.

"It's Lexie's wedding and if she's fine with it, I'm fine with it. If I can get through this night with no Daddy drama, I'm not inviting fake mommy-mistress drama!" Meredith says.

As they reach the end of the aisle, Callie kisses Mark on the cheek and says, "I'm proud of you," before sitting down in the front row.

Owen walks down the aisle, followed by Alex. Next, Derek walks down the aisle and stands next to Mark who looks sideways at him and gives a small, nervous smile.

Cristina walks down the aisle first. She catches Owen's eye as she begins and he winks at her with a smirk.

Next, Izzie walks down the aisle. Alex watches her and smiles happily as he thinks that this is just practice for what will be there big day in the very near future.

Molly walks down the aisle next. She silently prays to god that her father behaves himself through this wedding. She searches for her husband in the front row and sees him there, which makes her relax a little bit. Her thoughts turn back to Lexie. Her little sister had been through a lot in the last few months and all of these people took care of her when Molly was busy with her own life. She has a pang of guilt for not being there for her sister, and a pang of gratitude towards the family that Lexie has created for herself. Especially Meredith and Mark.

Meredith walks down the aisle. She smiles shyly at Derek as she walks toward him and thinks about how soon this will really be their night. But right now it is Lexie and Mark's and Meredith looks around at the 250 guests, of which about 240 of which are Lexie's. Lexie has friends from high school, college, medical school, even summer camp attending today, all of whom, Meredith knows nothing about. She finds that odd considering they all know her sister better than she does in a lot of ways.

Finally, Lexie looks at her father.

"It's our turn, Zandra," he whispers.

"Wow! No one has called me Zandra since…" her voice trails off.

"Since you made us stop in 7th grade," he says, laughing.

"Your mother would be so proud of you, Lexie," he says with tears in his eyes.

Lexie's eyes fill with tears. "I wish she were here today. That's the only thing that would make today perfect," she says, getting choked up.

"I know…I wish she were here too," he says before adding, "But she is watching you. She'll always be watching you…so proudly."

The string quartet begins to play Pachebel's Canon in D and Lexie looks at her father. They walk down the aisle arm in arm and stop at the end. Everybody gasps as he lifts her veil and they see her face. She looks beautiful.

Izzie looks at Cristina. "Are you crying?" she whispers.

"No! I just don't usually wear mascara," Cristina says, quickly.

Izzie allows tears to stream freely down her face as she turns to Meredith. "Remember what she…"

Meredith shakes her head. "Don't. Please don't. She's beautiful. We can't go back there…not today…"

Izzie nods understandingly and does not say another word.

Thatcher kisses his daughter's cheek as he takes her hand and places it in Mark's hand.

The two of them lock eyes and barely hear a word the celebrant says.

At the end of the ceremony, when he tells Mark to kiss the bride, they snap out of their trance. Mark kisses her gently and everyone applauds.

As they make their way back down the aisle as husband and wife, Mark whispers, "You know you're stuck with me now?"

"And you're stuck with me…" Lexie replies, smiling.

(Break)

They party room opens up and true to most wedding receptions, they bride and groom have to split off and greet their respective guests.

Lexie stands laughing with a group of girls about her age. She throws her head back and laughs loudly as they all sing drunkly off key.

_Friends friends friends, we will always be!_

_Whether in fair or in dark story weather Camp Funmore will keep us together_

_To grey and blue, we will all be true_

_Love will pervade us til death separate us we're friends, friends friends, _

_Da da da da da_

Meredith stands with Izzy and Cristina who look at her strangely.

"Don't look at me…I have no idea! I didn't even know her until last year!"

Lexie runs over and grabs Meredith. "You have to meet my camp friends!

"Guys, this is Meredith, my sister. You know, the one I told you all about at our monthly coffee nights," Lexie brags.

"The ones you barely ever come to anymore because you're always 'on call?' one of her friends teases.

"Mer…this is Amy. She was the second best tennis player at camp…" Lexie says, smirking.

"Second best? Are you kidding…you only won because…" Amy says, punching Lexie on the arm, jokingly.

"Because I'm damn good!" Lexie says.

Meredith stands there awkwardly while Lexie banters with her friends. She notices that Lexie has an air of confidence around these people that she doesn't show around Meredith's friends. Meredith realizes that Lexie stepped into her life, and her friends, but that she never knew what her life had been life before she came to Seattle Grace.

"Hi Meredith," a girl with curly blond hair says. "I'm Rachel," she says. "Lexie's told us so much about you. We've been dying to meet you. You should totally come to coffee night. We rotate people's houses once a month," she says.

"Ummm…thanks," Meredith says for lack of a better response.

"Coffee night?" Cristina snorts.

"I think it sounds fun," Izzie says. "I always wanted to go to summer camp. There was one around the corner from our house. The kids always looked like they were having so much fun."

"I studied over the summers," Cristina deadpans.

"Did Lexie ever tell you about the time that she stole the stuffed moose from bunk 9 and hung it from the flagpole?" Rachel asks, as everyone laughs.

"Oh my god! That was so funny!" Amy adds as everyone laughs.

"Stole the moose? Is that code for something?" Cristina whispers to Izzie.

"It sounds a little dirty. You know…Alex and I stole the moose last night…" Izzie replies.

"No. But it sounds like a wonderful story," Meredith says, politely. "I don't want to interrupt your reunion. I'll let you guys catch up. I'm going to check on Derek," she adds.

Lexie smiles at Meredith. "But wait! You have to meet my friends from high school. Guys, I'll be right back, okay? Bunk power!!" Lexie shouts as she walks away.

"Bunk power? And people say surgeons have their own language?" Meredith whispers to Cristina.

As Lexie drags Meredith to meet her high school friends, Meredith notices that these are the girls who would have made her feel very uncomfortable in high school. They all look blonde, perfect and extremely happy. Meredith is suddenly transported back to her high school days where she was angry and uncomfortable in her own skin all the time.

"Oh – my – god! Lexieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! You look amazing!!!! Is this that sister you always talk about??? The one we've never met? I'm Kimmy. Lexie and I were best friends in high school. I didn't even hate her after she beat me out for prom queen!" Kimmy jokes.

"Kimmy? I bet she dots her "I" with a little heart over it," Cristina whispers to Izzie.

" I used to do that!" Izzie says, glaring at Cristina.

"Figures!" Cristina retorts.

"Yes. I'm Meredith Grey. It's nice to meet you," Meredith says, awkwardly.

"Did you go to the same high school as Lexie? What clubs were you in? Lexie was president of our class, valedictorian, and prom queen. Did she follow in your footsteps?" Kimmy asks.

Meredith smiles broadly. "No. I was more the hang out in the wind tunnel drinking and listening to death metal type. I wore black nail polish," Meredith says.

Kimmy pauses, unsure of what to say. "Oh…well…that's ummm…nice," she says.

Lexie tries to bridge the uncomfortable conversation by saying, "Meredith's getting married next month."

"Oh, right…to the neurosurgeon…right? Every mother's dream! Daughter marries neurosurgeon!" Kimmy beams. "You two have to introduce me to all your cute doctor friends! I can't believe you're a doctor, Lexie! Do you, like cut people open?" Kimmy asks.

Lexie laughs. "I'm just an intern. I fill out a lot of paperwork," she says, humbly.

As Meredith and Lexie move on, Lexie says, "Aren't my friends great?"

Meredith pauses for a moment. "They seem to think the world of you. That's nice. But do you really have anything in common with them?" she asks.

"Definitely not anymore…but who cares? They all knew me through various stages of my life! If I met them tomorrow, I don't know if I'd ever click with them, but the past keeps us bonded…" Lexie says.

Meredith thinks about that. She looks around at all of her friends and wonders if they will be her friends 20 years from now when they've all grown and changed. Then she thinks about Derek. Will he still love her 20 years from now?"

Mark and Derek are slapping an overweight balding guy five and laughing.

"Mer! Lexie! Come over here!!" They run over, but are interrupted by the band calling out, "We now call the bride and her father to the dance floor for their first dance."

Thatcher makes his way to the dance floor and Meredith stands next to Derek and Mark as Lexie puts her arms around her father.

"This is the proudest moment of my entire life, Zandra," he says.

"Thanks, Daddy," she says, smiling.

"Will the groom and his mother please join us on the dance floor?" The M.C. of the band calls.

Lexie turns white. "I specifically asked the band not to…" she stops speaking when she sees Callie step over to Mark and say, "May I have this dance?"

Lexie looks at her and mouths, "Thank you," thinking that Callie just saved everyone from what could have been a very awkward moment.

Meredith looks at Derek. "That's why we're doing our wedding our way…right?" she says.

Derek smiles. "Your way. We're doing it your way, Mer. I want it to be the day that YOU imagined," he says, teasingly.

"Thank you," she says, leaning on him.

"Can all the couples join us on the dance floor?" The M.C. calls.

Derek and Meredith step out on the dance floor as do Cristina and Owen and Izzie and Alex. Mark steps away from Callie smiling at her as he says, "Thank you for the dance, Dr. Torres." He steps between Lexie and Thatcher and says, "Would you mind if I cut in Mr. Grey?"

Thatcher steps away, graciously. "Of course not. I love you, sweetie," he says, kissing Lexie on the cheek.

"I love you too, Daddy," she says, allowing Mark to take her in his arms.

As Mark takes Lexie in his arms she leans her head on his shoulder. "You saved my life, you know?" she says.

"No…you saved mine," he replies.

Everyone surrounds them as they dance in the center of the dance floor. Meredith looks at Derek. "She looks so happy. Why can't I be more like her?"

"Because you wouldn't be you…and to me, Meredith Grey is the essence of perfection!" Derek replies with a smile.

"We're next," Meredith says.

"Are you freaking out?" Derek asks.

"A little," Meredith admits.

"Good. You wouldn't be you if you weren't," he says, smiling.

(Break)

As the party continues, everyone dances wildly in their respective groups. Cristina and Meredith show everyone how they "dance it out" while Izzie grabs Lexie and pulls her into the center of a large circle of high school friends who are cheering, "Prom queen! Prom queen!" over and over again.

As the night grows later, the music begins to slow down. Thatcher approaches Meredith. "May I have this dance, Meredith?" he asks, timidly.

Meredith's mouth becomes dry. She begins to say no when she sees Lexie staring at her smiling at the fact that Meredith and Thatcher are talking. Meredith grits her teeth.

"Certainly, Thatcher," she replies, cringing as her puts his arm around her waist.

"I owe you an apology. I said terrible things about you at the engagement party. I'm sorry. My struggle with alcohol since Susan died…I just…well….there's no excuse. But in the program, they say we need to make amends and well…you're the person who I've hurt the worst. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," Thatcher says, his voice trembling.

Meredith thinks for a moment before she speaks. "Let's go outside. This isn't a conversation to have on the dance floor," she says, noticing that Lexie is still watching them out of the corner of her eye.

Meredith walks over to Derek. "If Lexie asks, Thatcher and I are having a lovely talk outside and bonding. Tell her whatever will make her happy…okay?" she says.

"No problem," Derek replies. "I'm here if you need me."

Cristina nudges Izzie. "Is Meredith leaving with Thatcher?"

"I think so," Izzie replies making a face.

Meredith and Thatcher stand in the lobby staring at each other in silence. Meredith takes a deep breath, she has waited for this moment for a very long time.

"Thatcher, I'm glad you are in the program. I'm glad that you are regaining your health because you were a huge mess the last time I saw you. And as far as making amends…well…if saying you're sorry is what you're supposed to do, you did it. But amends? Well…you can't just make amends. You can't amend my entire childhood where I woke up every morning wondering if my mother was going to be alive or lying in a pool of her own blood and I had no one to talk to about it. You can't amend my teen years where I starved myself and slept around to try to achieve perfection and acceptance. You can't amend my early adult years, when I had to wake up every morning and force myself to want to live because I knew I wasn't worth loving when even my own father couldn't love me. And you can't amend the way I treated Lexie out of my anger towards you. And you will never be able to amend the things you said to me at my engagement party. So, go tell your sponsor or whoever you have to that you have said you're sorry, but don't you dare think you've made any amends because some things can never be amended." Meredith says, hating the fact that tears are streaming down her cheeks.

Thatcher sighs. "I'm going to keep trying Meredith. That was my biggest mistake…not fighting for you. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice."

"There is NOTHING left to fight for, Thatcher. Even if we decided to give this father daughter thing a try, where would it go from here? We don't know each other. You don't know me, I don't know you. We can't go back, so why go forward?" she asks.

Thatcher looks at her. "Anger will ruin you. It ruined your mother. Let go of it, Meredith," he pleads.

"We're going to walk inside now, smiling at each other so that Lexie thinks that we had a nice chat, and you're not coming anywhere near my wedding. This show is just too taxing," Meredith says.

"Your mother must have done something right. You're sensitive. You care about other people's feelings," Thatcher points out.

Meredith spins around angrily. "You know who taught me sensitivity? Izzie. And do you know who taught me to stand up for myself? Cristina. And do you know who taught me to love? Derek. Do you know who taught me about family? Lexie. My mother taught me fear and you taught me not to trust people. Everything I learned, I learned from the family that I created," she spits.

Thatcher resigns. "Let's go inside," he says.

Meredith takes a deep breath and wipes the tears from her face. As she enters the door, she pastes a big smile on her face. Cristina intercepts her at the door. As Thatcher walks away, Cristina pulls Meredith back outside.

"Daddy drama?" she asks.

"Yes. I think I just unleashed 30 years of anger on him at my sister's wedding," Meredith admits.

"Mark is doing keg stands with his college friends. Derek did one, but he didn't last long," Cristina says.

"Are you going to marry Owen?" Meredith asks.

"He hasn't asked me," Cristina says.

"Should I marry Derek?" Meredith asks.

"Yes. If for no other reason that once you do, I'll never have to answer that question again," Cristina replies.

"Should I let Thatcher come to my wedding?" Meredith asks.

"No. Look at you. You're a mess. You'll already be a mess at your wedding and I'm not sure I can handle the daddy drama on top of it," Cristina says.

The band announces the last dance. All the couples rush onto the dance floor and surround Lexie and Mark who are laughing at a private joke.

As everyone surrounds them for the last dance, Alex looks at Izzie. "Six months until that's us," he says.

"5 months and 26 days," she replies, smiling him.

As the music fades, Mark picks Lexie up. "Bye everyone! Now I get to carry my bride over the threshold and deflower her!" he calls out to the crowd.

"Mark!" she squeals, throwing her head back and laughing.

"Did he says, deflower?" Meredith asks, Derek.

"That's Mark. Never afraid to shock a crowd," Derek replies.

"If you say deflower at our wedding…even once…" Meredith says.

"Deflower…deflower…deflower…" Derek whispers hugging Meredith tightly.

*****

Hope you all like it! I'm SOOOO sorry it took so long. I'll try to be quicker next time…I'm totally swamped right now, but don't worry. I will get the next chapter posted. I really appreciate the reviews!!

Grey's this week was good, but I was enraged that no one visited Izzie all day! What excuse is there for behavior like that?????? Awful!!!!!


	30. Chapter 30

(1 month later)

Richard stands next to Meredith in the elevator. He chuckles to himself.

"What?" Meredith asks.

"You are so your mother…" he says.

Meredith looks horrified. "Why would you say something like that?" she asks.

"Relax…" Richard says, still laughing. "It's just that you're the only person I know who chooses to get married in surgical scrubs.

"Derek and I spent our whole relationship in scrubs. I think it's only fitting that everyone in the wedding party wear surgical scrubs. Of course, I had to lie to the dress shop when I decided to cancel the bridesmaid dresses, and the wedding gown. Do you know that I made Lexie call and pretend to cry and tell them that the groom dumped me?" she asks.

"Okay…now you are no longer your mother. Your mother would have never thought about the big white dress in the first place. And bridesmaids…well, she wouldn't have had any," he laughs.

"Thank you, Richard," Meredith says.

"For what?" he asks.

"For being my stand in father today. I appreciate it," she says.

"You're welcome. Your stand in mother is downstairs waiting. Let's go," he says.

Dr. Bailey stands in front of the elevator as it opens. "I'm ready to go. Let's go get you ready. Your sister and Izzie are chomping at the bit to get their hands on your hair," she says, before adding, "We'll be back in a bit, Richard. Why don't you go join the men in the on call room," she says.

Richard nods and leaves to join the men.

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith says.

"Don't thank me. I wouldn't miss this for the world. I should be walking all of you down the aisle. I raised you from the time you were an intern!" she says.

"You did. Thank you for putting up with me and all of my…well…thank you for putting up with me," Meredith replies.

"You were one of my favorite pain in the butts. Now let's get you to Izzie and Lexie before they hunt you down with their curling iron," Dr. Bailey says.

(Break)

"Dude, I can't believe you let Meredith talk you into this. I mean, a wedding in a hospital?" Alex says.

"It's what she wants," Derek says, unapologetically.

"And we don't have to wear a tux. This is the way to do it, Shepherd!" Owen says, slapping Derek on the back.

"How you holding up, buddy? Think Big Grey will make it down the aisle?" Mark asks.

"Big Grey is going to make it down the aisle just fine," Derek says, slightly defensively.

"Yeah. Bailey's walking her down. If she freaks, Bailey will drag her down the aisle by her ear!" Alex says, laughing.

"She'll be fine," Mark says, realizing that his joke has made Derek start to sweat a little. "Little Grey will keep her calm."

"So how is married life for Little Grey and Little Sloan?" Owen asks.

"I told you…there's nothing little about Sloan," Mark says. "But it's good. It's weird. It doesn't feel different. It feels like it always has. It's just me and her…you know?" Mark pauses for a moment and says, "Why? Are you and Cristina going to tie the knot?"

Owen sighs. "Maybe…I don't know. We'll see. I'm not like you guys. When I'm ready, Cristina will be the first to know."

"Do you know how you'd do it?" Alex asks.

Owen nods. "I know exactly what I'd do. But you won't…not until after I do it," he says.

"You're a weird dude," Alex replies, shaking his head.

"You guys think she's okay…right?" Derek asks.

"Of course," Mark says, confidently.

"Why wouldn't she be?" Owen asks.

"Mer? Okay? Mer's never okay. I bet she's freaking right now," Alex says.

The chief walks in. "Meredith? Don't worry…I'll drag her down the aisle if I have to," he says.

"Thanks guys," Derek says, sarcastically, shaking his head.

(Break)

"Just breathe," Lexie says, kneeling down next to Meredith.

"I knew she was going to freak out. You guys were making her nuts with the hair and makeup crap. Put her hair in a ponytail. Derek would love her if she didn't shower for a month," Cristina says.

"I can't do this. Marriage doesn't work. It didn't work with Derek and Addison, it didn't work with my mother and father, it didn't work with you and Burke. Why would I think it would work with me and Derek?" Meredith pants.

"It worked with my parents," Lexie says.

"No it didn't. Your mother died of hiccups and our father became a raging alcoholic," Meredith points out.

"Okay, point taken, but they were happy when they were together," Lexie says, attempting to make her point again.

"I'm not a person who gets married. Izzie, will you tell Derek I can't do this? Just tell him I'm sorry. I love him and we can just go on as we are and everything will be fine. I can't do this," she says, with tears in her eyes.

Izzie looks panicked. She does not want to walk down the hall and break Derek's heart. She watches Meredith sitting on the floor, hugging her knees, breathing rapidly and says, "Mer…you don't want me to do that….you're just…"

"Meredith Grey! I put up with your whole drama filled intern year in which this day was your ultimate goal. Now get up, get dressed and walk down that fake aisle that everyone spent all day making while I covered their rounds or you'll be doing rectal exams for the rest of your residency," she says, pulling Meredith to her feet.

Meredith shakes her head. "I can't, Dr. Bailey. I just can't."

Dr. Bailey looks stunned. "Damn. Am I losing it…you all used to jump when I spoke," she mutters to herself.

Lexie puts her hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"There's no touching. She's going to freak even more if you touch," Cristina says.

"You don't make the rules here. I'm the maid of honor," Lexie says, confidently.

Izzie laughs. "Look who's not scared of Cristina anymore…." she says in a singsong voice.

"Meredith, look at me," Lexie says.

Meredith looks at her sister.

"6 months ago, no one knew if I'd live or die, and if I did live, if I'd ever look normal again," Lexie begins.

Meredith stares at her blankly.

"I fought to live, partly so I could be here to share in all of the joys life brings. Part of that joy is watching my sister get married and live happily ever after. Come on, Mer…let me watch you be happy," Lexie pleads.

"What if I turn into my mother and drive him away?" Meredith says.

"Then I'll worship you…Your mother was a damn good surgeon," Cristina says.

"Then I'll tell you that you're screwing up and we'll fix it. That's what families do," Lexie promises, shooting Cristina a look.

"Come on. Get up. Get ready. Don't pull a Cristina. That was so embarrassing," Izzie says.

"Yeah. And cutting the LVAD wire wasn't embarrassing at all," Cristina says, sarcastically.

Meredith gets up slowly. "I'm ready," she says.

(Break)

The interns cue the music. Cristina turns to Izzie. "I can't believe you put the interns in charge of this. I mean, seriously? They can't do anything right. Most of them can't even put in a central line!" she says.

Lexie glares at Cristina. "I can put in a central line in under 10 seconds," she says, proudly.

"Present company excluded," Cristina concedes.

Izzie hands Meredith a lipstick. "Can you please put this on. It's almost time," she says.

Meredith quickly applies her lipstick and stands nervously waiting to walk down the makeshift aisle in the cafeteria which has been transformed with red roses and white calla lilles in beautiful bouquets creating an aisle down the center. Alex walks down the aisle, followed by Owen and then Mark. Next, Derek stands next to his mother.

"I just knew you'd finally find the one, Derek. This girl is the one. And I love this wedding. It's unconventional. You're always conventional. It's good to see you break out of the confinements of the mold," she says.

Derek smiles. "Thank you for everything, Mom. For not saying anything when I married the wrong girl years ago. For seeing even before I did that Meredith was the right one. And for not strangling me when Mark and I stole the car that time on prom night," he adds, giving his mom a little smirk.

"Derek, I'm so happy to see you happy. And your father…" Mrs. Shepherd wipes a tear from her eye. "He would have been so proud to see you here today…so happy."

Derek squeezes her hand. She looks at her son as they step down the aisle together. When they arrive at the makeshift altar which consists of a cafeteria table covered in a cover knitted by Izzie and a beautiful arrangement of the red and white flowers, his mother kisses him and sits down in the front row.

Next, Izzie walks down the aisle, smiling at her decorating work as she moves slowly down the aisle. Cristina walks next. She smiles, knowing that Meredith is truly happy. Lexie squeezes Meredith's hand before she walks down the aisle. "I love you, Mer," she says before she walks down the aisle to join Izzie and Cristina.

Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber stand on either side of Meredith. "Are you ready?" Richard asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Meredith exhales.

"Then let's go get my first baby married off!" Dr. Bailey says, linking her arm through Meredith's.

As they walk down the aisle, Meredith stares at Derek, locking her eyes into his. His smile betrays his love for her and she cannot wait to get to the end of the aisle to be near him.

"Do you, Derek Shepherd, take Meredith Grey to be your lawful wedded wife. To love and honor for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?"

Derek beams. "I do," he says, confidently.

Meredith smiles. She is no longer nervous. In her mind there is no longer a crowd. It is just her and Derek standing there.

"Do you, Meredith Grey, take Derek Shepherd to be your lawful wedded husband. To love and honor for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Meredith says, beaming back at him.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride,"

Derek wraps his arms around Meredith as he kisses her deeply and passionately.

"Finally!" Cristina sighs.

"Seriously!" Izzie replies, smiling happily.

As they file out of the cafeteria, the interns hurry to get the room redone for the reception. Dr. Bailey says, "If this were a surgical case, the patient would be dead already! Hurry it up, interns!"

The hospital lobby is set up for cocktail hour, where everyone mingles. Izzie greets the guests at the door and makes everyone feel welcome.

"The coat closet is over there," she says, when Molly asks where to put her coat. "You look great," she says, warmly, seeing that Molly is uncomfortable.

"Do you know where Lexie is?" Molly asks.

"Yes. She's standing with Callie and Mark back by the bar. Well…actually it looks like a bar. It's actually the shelf we use to file the charts," she says.

"Thank you." Molly says.

Molly rushes over to Lexie and pulls her away from Mark. Izzie watches as Lexie's face turns white and Lexie runs toward the parking lot.

Izzie follows her. "What is it?" she asks.

"My father is here. He's here and he's drunk, and he's going to ruin Meredith's wedding. Cover for me. I have to get him out of here," Lexie says, rushing to the door.

Mark excuses himself saying, "Callie, I have to go find Derek. I'll be right back."

"No problem. I want to see Addison. I can't believe she's here. Do you think this is weird for her?"

"Probably," Mark says, distractedly, rushing over to Derek who has his arm around his bride.

"Meredith, Izzie was looking for you," Mark says. "She wants to check your makeup. I told her you're always hot, but she says she needs you to reapply lipstick or something," he says quickly.

Meredith sighs and kisses Derek. "I'll be right back. I have to humor her or she'll drive me nuts all night!" she says, smiling.

Mark leans towards Derek. "Keep Meredith away from the entrance. Thatcher's here, and he's drunk. I heard Molly tell Lexie," Mark says.

Derek's face darkens as he imagines Thatcher ruining Meredith's perfect wedding. "You know, I got married in a hospital in scrubs so she could have her perfect wedding and be comfortable with this whole thing. She didn't want a big dramatic scene, and I'm not going to let him create one," he says, angrily.

Mark grabs his arm. "Relax, man. Lexie's out there. She said she'll handle it. She's got it under control. Just keep an eye on Meredith," he says.

Derek nods and goes to find his wife.

(Break)

"Lexie!!! I'm here!!! I'm going to dance with Ellis!" he says.

"Ellis is dead. This is Meredith's wedding and you're not getting within 50 feet of her," she says.

"Ellis is dead. Good thing too, she was a cold, mean, woman. I'm going to dance with Meredith," he says.

"You're not going to dance with Meredith. Go home and sober up, Dad. I get that relapse is part of recovery, but not now. You can't do this here. I'll call you a cab," Lexie says, coldly.

"She has no right to hate me. If she knew how hard I tried to see her at first…if she knew how impossible Ellis made it…It's not fair, Lexie! I got stuck with that witch, Ellis and then when I finally got rid of her and built a perfect life with Susan, Meredith goes and kills her," Thatcher laments, irrationally.

"Dad…go home. You smell like a bar and you're not making sense. I don't want to do this right now. I'm the maid of honor. I should be inside," Lexie says, resentfully.

"You think you should be inside with that fake sister of yours instead of out here with your father? Why don't you love me anymore, Lexie? Why doesn't anyone love me anymore?" he asks.

Lexie sits down next to her father, who has collapsed against the side of the building. She sighs. "I do love you, Dad. I will always love you because I knew you when you were really you. I loved you then, because you were worth loving. I love you now because you were once worth loving. Meredith never knew you like that, which is sad, because she would have loved you too. But you've never given her a reason to. Go home, Dad. She doesn't want you here."

"What do you want, Zandra?" he asks.

Lexie thinks for a moment. "I want Mom back. I want you back. I want things the way they were. But since I'm not 12 year old Zandra anymore, I know that isn't possible, so I want you to stop calling me Zandra. I want you to start calling me Lexie which is what everyone has called me since I was in 7th grade. I want you to be predictable and sober and a father to me and eventually a grandfather to the kids that Mark and I will have. I want you to leave Meredith alone if that's what she wants, and I want you to leave this parking lot right now and I want to not see you again until you're the man who raised me," Lexie says, with tears glistening in her eyes.

Thatcher looks at his daughter. "The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you or Molly….or even Meredith. I'm broken Lexie. I don't know if I can be fixed, but I'll go," he says, getting into his car.

"Wait! Dad! I'll get someone to drive you! You shouldn't…" she calls after him as his car speeds away.

As Lexie watches him drive off, knowing he shouldn't be driving, she is ashamed to admit that she is just glad he is gone, and she doesn't have to worry about him ruining Meredith's wedding anymore and embarrassing her in front of her colleagues.

She takes a deep breath and walks back into the lobby pasting a smile on her face.

"Lexie! Where have you been? The room is ready. The interns just told everyone to go in!" Meredith says, with Derek's arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

Lexie smiles at her sister. "I was just putting your gifts in the other room. Let's go in," she says.

Lexie sees Molly from across the room. "You go ahead, Mer. I'll meet you inside…okay?"

Meredith and Derek walk into the redecorated cafeteria where red table clothes covered in lacy overlays decorated each round table. Intricate centerpieces adorn each table and the entire ceiling has been strung with tiny pin lights which light up the dark room, elegantly.

"Its…" Meredith breaths.

"Perfect?" Derek asks.

Meredith nods, unable to find the words to speak. Her eyes radiate happiness.

Lexie approaches Molly. "I sent him away," she says.

"Good. One of us can bring his car to him tomorrow," Molly says.

Lexie looks uncomfortable. "Well, he actually drove it home," she says. "I couldn't stop him," she says.

Molly narrows her eyes. "Couldn't? Or didn't want to make a scene because it might ruin Tragic Meredith's big day?" she says, sarcastically.

"I couldn't stop him without a big scene and to be honest, I'm tired of his big scenes. I just wanted him gone. Honestly, Molly…I'm not going to live my life taking care of him and taking responsibility for his actions. He's a grown man. If he wants to drink and drive, let him deal with the consequences. I'm done," Lexie says.

"You know, for a doctor, sometimes you're really dumb. I'll go find him, and clean up your mess," Molly says, angrily.

Lexie sighs and decides to put her family drama out of her mind and go in and enjoy the party. She finds Mark.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Who cares! Let's dance," she says, pulling him onto the dance floor.

(Break)

The interns have set up DJ equipment and one of them grabs the microphone.

"Ummm…I'm Nate, and I had the slowest time on the suture test, so I have to host the night," he says, good naturedly.

Everyone laughs with him as he waits for the crowd to quiet down.

"I'd like to call Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd onto the dance floor to dance their first dance as husband and wife," he says.

Meredith and Derek make their way to the dance floor.

_Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself_

_Makes me want to lose myself, in your eyes_

_There's something in your voice, makes my heart beat fast_

_Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of your life._

_If you knew how lonely my whole life has been_

_And how low I've felt for so long_

_And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along and change my life_

_The way you've done._

_Feels like home to me_

_It feels like home to me_

_If feels like I'm all the way back where I come from_

_It feels like home to me_

_Feels like home to me_

_Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong_

As Derek embraces Meredith, she rests her head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head. She smiles at him and looks up into his eyes.

"You're my home…you know that?" she says.

"I know. You're my home too. I want to make lots of little Shepherds with your dark and twisty eggs," he teases.

"Lots?" Meredith teases back.

"Oh yes. Lots and lots," Derek replies.

"Let me get used to this whole marriage thing first," she says, smiling.

"Fair enough," Derek replies.

"Come join the happy couple out on the dance floor!" Nate, the intern calls into the microphone.

Mark takes Lexie's hand and leads her to the dance floor. Izzie and Alex giggle as the dance with their faces close together.

"Did you think she'd ever actually make it down the aisle?" Alex asks.

Izzie thinks for a moment. "Yes. I did. I mean, how could someone deprive themselves of this kind of happiness? Look at them," she says.

"That's going to be us soon," he says.

"But I won't be wearing scrubs," she says, definitely.

"Maybe I will…" Alex teases.

"Over my dead body!" Izzie states.

Owen pulls Cristina onto the dance floor.

"This is weird…" Cristina says.

"How?" Owen asks.

"Meredith's happy. I don't have to rescue her. She's just happy and stable and I don't know what to do," Cristina admits.

"How about dancing with me?" he asks.

Cristina shrugs. "Okay. We can try that," she says.

The chief walks over to Addison who is sitting on a cafeteria chair covered in white fabric.

"So how are you doing, Addie?" he asks.

Addison smiles. "I'm okay. This feels strange, you know? I thought I'd be angry, or sad, or something…I mean, here I am alone at my ex-husband's wedding. I'm watching him marry the intern he dated while we were still married. Only she's not an intern anymore…and they're happy…and I don't feel anything but happy for them," she says.

"Are you happy?" Richard asks.

Addison thinks for a moment. "I'm not unhappy…I wish I weren't alone, but I'm content. Content is the word. I'm content," she says.

"Good. I'm happy for you," Richard says. "I wish you'd be happy working for me, but if I can't have you on my staff, I'm just glad you're happy."

Addison holds out her hand. "Come dance with me, Richard. I want to dance at my ex husband's wedding," she says.

"I'd be honored," Richard replies leading Addison to the dance floor.

They dance until the song ends at which time, Nate says, "I'd like to invite Mrs. Shepherd to enjoy the first dance with her son," he says leading Mrs. Shepherd on to the dance floor.

Meredith smiles as she watches Derek dance in the arms of his mother. Lexie stands next to Meredith.

"You guys looked so happy. It's true love when you can look that happy standing in scrubs in the hospital cafeteria," Lexie says.

"This night is perfect. Are you having fun?" Meredith asks.

"Of course! " Lexie says, a bit too brightly. Her mind is still on Thatcher and Molly and the scene that was probably occurring.

"Good. Is Molly having fun? Does she feel weird because she doesn't know anyone?" Meredith asks.

"Molly? Oh…Molly's fine. She just had to run home…the baby was running a fever. She said she'd be back after she checked on her," Lexie lies.

"Oh. Okay. I hope the baby's okay. She can always bring her here. Addison can take a look at her," Meredith jokes.

"Do you think Addison feels weird? Maybe you should go say something to her or something? It was pretty big of her to come here," she says.

"You're right. Save me if it gets ugly…okay?" she says.

Cristina watches as Meredith walks over to Addison. "What is she doing?" she says to Owen.

"Ummm…I think she's talking to Addison Montgomery?" Owen replies.

"Maybe I should go over there and save her. This is going to get awkward," Cristina replies.

"Why don't you take a walk with me. I want to show you something," he says.

"I can't take a walk with you. I have to make sure Addison doesn't decapitate Meredith!" Cristina replies, forcefully.

"Meredith is a big girl. Stop being a mother-hen. Let her enjoy her wedding…and you can come enjoy me," Owen says.

"Give me a minute. I just need to check everything out. Meredith can't handle a big drama right now," Cristina says.

Lexie passes Cristina and Cristina grabs her arm. "Lexie. Will you keep an eye on…"

"Meredith and Addison? No problem," Lexie says, competently.

"She's going to be a great doctor," Cristina says, as she walks away.

"Why?" Owen asks, as he leads Cristina down the hall away from the crowd.

"Because she doesn't freak out. She's calm and can handle things. She's got the people skills of Izzie and the nerves of steel like me," Cristina says proudly.

"And you got all of that because she is willing to brave Meredith and Addison fighting?" Owen asks.

"Yes," Cristina says, unapologetically.

Owen laughs and his eyes sparkle as he leads Cristina to their special place. As she stands on the vent, it blows air forcefully on her and her hair blows all over the place. Reflexively, she closes her eyes and screams. When she opens her eyes, Owen is on one knee holding a small box.

"Cristina Yang…will you spend the rest of your life with me?" he asks, looking her in the eye.

The vent blows more air on her.

"Yes!" she screams as the vent blows her hair wildly again.

He picks her up and carries her down the hall. She laughs hysterically.

"Put me down!" she screams.

"No way! I'm carrying my bride-to-be over the threshold!"

She pretends to fight, but laughs the whole time they walk down the hall until they approach the cafeteria and he puts her down.

When she opens the door, Owen leads her in quietly. They smile at each other, secretively and go join the party.

A moment later, Molly rushes in and rushes over to Izzie and Lexie who are standing by the bar.

Lexie looks at her sister who's face looks white as a ghost.

"What's wrong, Molly?" Izzie asks.

Molly ignores her and looks directly into Lexie's eyes. "Come with me," she says.

Lexie looks at Izzie, scared to follow Molly.

"I'll come too," Izzie says, following the two sisters out of the wedding.

(Break)

Only one more chapter…The last chapter will sum up everything and will be tragic and happy and funny and sad and all the things that makes Grey's Anatomy the show we all love! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. PLEASE review…

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

Thanks for those of you who reviewed last chapter!!! You rock!

Jess


	31. Epilogue 5

Mark stands on one side of Lexie and Meredith stands on the other. They seem to be holding her up and allowing her to draw the strength to remain standing from their presence.

"We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Thatcher Grey. On behalf of his family…his friends…his…" as the priest continues, Lexie's mind floats back to the events leading up to his death.

***

"_Look at him," Molly says icily._

_Lexie turns away. _

"_Look at him. He's lying on the side of the road in a pool of his own blood. Look at him. It's the least you can do," Molly says, calmly and coldly._

_Lexie still turns her head and does not look._

_Izzie kneels down beside Thatcher's body. She feels for a pulse. She feels again for a pulse. She does not want this to be happening. Not now. Not on the night of Meredith's wedding. Not after Lexie told him to leave. Not like this. She feels one more time before she stands up and puts her hand on Lexie's shoulder. "Lexie, I'm so sorry. There's no pulse," she says, quietly. She turns to Molly. "I'm so sorry," she repeats._

"_You have nothing to be sorry for, Izzie. It wasn't you who sent him out into the rainy night, drunk and alone," Molly says, her voice catching._

_Lexie says nothing. She stands stoically with her back facing Thatcher's body as well as Izzie and Molly._

"_LOOK AT HIM!" Molly yells._

_Lexie has so seldom heard her sister raise her voice that she turns around out of shock. That's when she sees him, alone, bleeding, wearing the macaroni bracelet she made him at summer camp when she was 6 years old. A tear falls down her left cheek, but she refuses to allow herself to cry._

"_Yes. He wore your bracelet. And in his wallet is the picture I made him for father's day when I was in kindergarten. He was a good father. You know what the worst part of this is? He died feeling alone and unloved. At least when Mom died, she knew we all loved her," Molly says, her eyes piercing Lexie._

_Lexie's shoulders begin to shake as she starts to sob softy. Izzie puts her arm around Lexie and says to Molly, "I think you should go now." Her voice is steady and kind, but firm._

"_I'll go now. Lexie, the rest of this mess is yours to clean up. You killed him. You can clean his body off the side of the road. I'm going home to my family to mourn my father," Molly says, as Lexie hears her voice break as she turns toward her car._

_Lexie's whole body suddenly unfreezes. "Molly! Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I just wanted him to leave! I didn't mean for this to happen! Molly! Wait! Please! Don't go! Don't leave me here! Please!" she continues to call after Molly long after her car has sped away. _

_Izzie wraps her arms around Lexie as she collapses on the soggy ground next to Thatcher. She lets her stay there for a few minutes before helping her up and leading her back to the car._

_***_

Lexie feels Molly's eyes drilling a hole through the back of her head. She forces herself not to turn back to look. The cemetery grows quiet and Lexie realizes that no one is speaking anymore. The graveside service is over. The silence is shattered by Marks pager beeping loudly. He silences it and then looks at it angrily. "Damn! It's 9-1-1. I have to get to the hospital. Should I call the chief and tell him that…" he whispers to Meredith.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. I'm off today but I'm on call tonight. I'll stay with her until tonight and then you'll take over…okay?" she says.

Mark nods and hugs Lexie who feels stiff and uncomfortable in his arms. "I have to go to the hospital. Stay here with Meredith. I love you, sweetheart," he says, kissing her softly.

Lexie nods numbly but does not respond. Her tongue feels paralyzed, and she doesn't feel capable of speech.

Izzie and Alex walk over to Lexie and Meredith.

"Lexie, I'm so sorry for your loss," Izzie says.

"Me too. If you need anything…" Alex says, his voice trailing off as he is unsure of what to offer.

Cristina and Owen approach her. "Death is hard," Owen offers.

Cristina stands beside him and says, "Death is hard? What kind of statement is that? Seriously? Anyway…you're in the club. Me and George…we're in the 'dead dad's club.' I'm sorry you had to join the club," she says.

"Club? What is wrong with you?" Owen asks, as he leads her away.

George and Callie are standing behind them.

"I'm really sorry, Lexie. If you ever need to talk…" Callie says, letting her voice trail off.

Lexie laughs inside although her face shows no emotion. She thinks of the absurdity of that statement. If she needed to talk, what would she say? That she was glad her father was dead so she didn't have to worry about him ruining her life? That when she realized he was dead, her first thought was how to get him taken to Mercy West so no one at SGH would know that he crashed his car in a drunk driving accident? That she hoped that one day she could remember him as the old Thatcher instead of the disaster he had become?

George steps forward and touches her arm. "You're probably in shock right now, but I know how you feel. I lost my father too. I know how hard it is,"

Again, Lexie laughs inside. _Yes George…you may have lost your father, but you didn't kill him…_Lexie thinks to herself.

When they are met with Lexie's blank stare, they stand uncomfortably for a moment until they mutter a quick goodbye and leave.

"I thought we'd head back to my house," Meredith says.

Lexie nods numbly and follows Meredith to her car. She stops in front of Meredith's car when she sees Molly standing in front of it. Meredith sighs. She knows this could get ugly.

"Hi Molly. I'm sorry for your loss," Meredith says, regretting how empty the words sound as soon as they leave her lips.

"Are you really? Or are you happy for your gain?" Molly asks, bitterly

"I am truly sorry," Meredith says, sincerely.

"He loved you," Molly says turning to Lexie. "He wore that stupid bracelet since you were 6. A few months after Mom died, it fell apart, and he actually restrung it with the colors in the same pattern. One of the little ziti pieces broke and he opened a box of ziti and painted it red so it would look the same as it did when you made it. He loved you…and you killed him," Molly says, in the same icy tone she has used since her father's death.

Lexie's tongue feels dry, and Meredith tries to speak for her. "Molly, stop. You've both been through so much…don't do this," Meredith says.

Molly ignores Meredith as though she isn't there. "I have to go. John is with the baby in the car. Goodbye Lexie. Mom would be really proud of you now…" Molly says, sarcastically.

When Molly leaves, Lexie gasps for breath. "I can't breath. It hurts!" she cries out, falling to the ground.

Meredith rubs her back in quick circles as she says, "It's okay," over and over again until the words seem to lose their meaning.

When Lexie catches her breath, Meredith helps her up and leads her to the car. They drive back to the house in silence. When they get into the house, Meredith seats Lexie on the couch and goes into the kitchen.

"Izzie made cookies! I'll bring some in," she says, piling cookies on a large plate.

Meredith puts the cookies on the coffee table in front of Lexie and takes one for herself. Lexie does not touch them. "Are you going to have one?" Meredith asks.

Lexie shakes her head.

They sit in silence, the only sound between them is Meredith chewing her cookie. Finally, Meredith swallows hard.

"I was relieved when my mother died. Really relieved. I carried around her ashes with me. I brought them to work and kept them in my locker. I felt so guilty about how relieved I was that she was gone that I felt like I had to find the perfect final resting place for her…" Meredith explains.

Something about this story interests Lexie. "Did you find a place for her?" Lexie asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Meredith nods. "I think so. I dumped her down the drain at the hospital. I figured that was where she was the happiest," Meredith says, morbidly smiling.

The image of Meredith dumping her mother down the drain strikes Lexie as very, very funny. She starts to laugh almost maniacally.

Meredith laughs too. When they both stop laughing they look at each other. Meredith smiles. "We've been through a lot this year…haven't we?" she says, overcome with a fierce love for her sister.

Lexie nods. "And we both have no parents anymore…" she says.

Meredith bites her lip thoughtfully. "You're right. And we have husbands," she adds.

"I love Mark. I love him so much. But it's different. There's no one who knew me my whole life. No one who knew me through every phase. I loved my father, Meredith. I did. He was a wonderful father until my mom died. I didn't mean for things to happen like this. It was your wedding and I was so embarrassed after the engagement party…I didn't want anyone to see him like that. I didn't want him to ruin your night. I didn't want him to ruin my night. I just wanted a break. I didn't mean forever…" Lexie admits.

"I know," Meredith says.

"And even now, I'm not sad that he's gone…well not sad that the man he became is gone. But I'm sad that I'll never get the chance to get him back the way he was. I always thought if I waited long enough, I'd get him back," Lexie admits.

"You know, Molly's known you your whole life," Meredith says.

Lexie looks at Meredith. "Molly hates me," she says.

"People don't go from loving to hating. Molly with come around," Meredith promises.

"I don't think so," Lexie says, shaking her head sadly.

The sisters sit in silence for a moment both lost in their own thoughts. Meredith reaches over and squeezes Lexie's hand.

"You're not alone," Meredith says.

Lexie doesn't say anything.

"You have Mark. He doesn't always know what to say or how to help, but he loves you more than anything. And you have me. You have Izzie. Having Izzie means you don't ever get to be alone, even if you want to. And you have Cristina. Cristina's tough to get, and you got her. You have Derek. He thinks of you as a sister, and considering that he has 5 already, he must really love you to want to add another. Even Alex and Owen want to be there for you. At Thatcher's funeral, I looked around…besides Molly's husband, everyone who was there was there for you," Meredith points out.

Lexie thinks about this. "You're right," she says.

Before Meredith can respond, they hear a knock on the door. Meredith walks to the door to answer it and is surprised to see Mark accompanied by Derek, Izzie, Alex, Cristina and Owen.

"I brought the troops," Mark says, smiling.

Meredith smiles back. "We could use the troops right now," she says.

Derek pulls Meredith close to him. "Bailey is covering your call shift tonight," he says.

Meredith smiles. "Thank you," she says.

"How's she doing?" Derek asks.

"A little better. She's up and down. She'd be better if the ice queen didn't keep telling her she killed her father," Meredith says angrily.

"How are you doing?" Derek asks.

"I'm fine. Why?" Meredith asks.

"Because he was your father too," Derek says.

"Please. He was just a name. I didn't know him. I'm fine, Derek. Let's worry about Lexie right now," she says, dismissively.

"Okay…" he says, not fully believing her but letting the subject drop.

When they arrive in the living room, Cristina is telling a story about a quadruple bypass she scrubbed in on and Lexie is laughing with everyone else as Cristina says, "So Dr. Dixon says to the family, 'your loved one stands a 40% chance of survival. That chance would be better if he were an orangutan. Orangutans fair very well with heart surgery.' You should have seen the face on the wife!"

As everyone laughs, Izzie hands Lexie a muffin. "I tried a new recipe. These are pumpkin-cranberry with a corn muffin base. Let me know what you think," she says, not giving Lexie a choice but to bite into the muffin.

"Hey! I haven't even tried those yet," Alex protests.

"That's because you are getting a little bit of a muffin top yourself," Izzie says, pinching Alex's gut, playfully.

Owen and Mark laugh. "Hey doughboy, you want a muffin?" they tease, holding the plate of muffins over his head.

"Shut up! I could take you all!" Alex says.

"In a pie eating contest," Cristina says to Owen and Mark who laugh.

"My muffins were meant for good, not evil. Stop creating bad muffin vibes," Izzie admonishes, handing Alex a muffin.

Meredith and Derek join Lexie on the couch. "What can we do for you, Lexie?" Derek asks.

Lexie smiles. "You guys have already made me feel a little better," she admits, gratefully.

"Good," Meredith says. "Because Derek cancelled his fishing outing for you tomorrow," she says.

"You say that like I choose fishing over everything else," Derek pouts, playfully.

"You do," Meredith says, swatting at him.

"You know I only married her because she had a cool sister," Derek says in a stage whisper to Lexie who smiles back at him.

"Hey!" Meredith protests, with a smile.

Mark and Izzie are off in a corner having an intense discussion. Mark nods at her and Izzie puts her coat on.

"I'm going to take off for a few minutes. I have to go check on a patient," she says, quickly.

(Break)

Izzie pulls up in front of Molly's house. She notices the perfect, white picket fence that surrounds the house almost like a moat, making it seem flawless but unwelcoming.

Izzie walks up to the door and rings the bell. Molly answers holding a young toddler in her arms.

"Hi. Can I come in? Izzie asks, offering a small basket of muffins.

Molly's eyes are red and puffy, but she smiles, graciously taking the basket. "Of course," she says, stepping aside.

"Your house is beautiful," Izzie says, admiringly.

"Thank you. We redid it right before I gave birth. It was a pretty chaotic end to the pregnancy," she says, laughing a little at the memory.

"I can imagine," Izzie replies. She waits a moment and then says, "Molly….I'm really sorry about your father."

"But that's not why you're here…" Molly says.

"No," Izzie admits. "Not completely."

Molly pours them both coffee and sits down at the table. Izzie sits across from her and both of them sip their coffee and eat their muffins silently.

"We had a really good time at Lexie's wedding," Izzie offers. "I was really glad you were there with me. Meredith and Cristina aren't exactly the most helpful bridesmaids."

"I was glad you were there too. Meredith and Cristina weren't exactly the most welcoming to me," Molly replies.

Izzie doesn't address that comment because she's not sure what to say. Instead she says, "I've become pretty good friends with Lexie. It's been nice having her around. Meredith and Cristina…well…you're right. They can make anyone feel like an outsider," Izzie admits.

Molly doesn't say anything, so Izzie continues. "I left home at 18. I left to go to college and my mother and I had a huge fight. She didn't want me to go and I knew I had to go and well…let's just say that we both said some things we probably shouldn't have said. I left that day without speaking to her. I guess in the back of my mind I figured she's call and she probably thought I'd call and one day we'd reconcile. Well…weeks went by and months went by and finally years went by and well…now I don't even think we'd know what to say. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you let too much time go by, the distance grows and grows and soon it's just too big to overcome," she explains.

Molly is quiet for a moment. "After our mother died, Lexie was so busy with school that I had to take care of Dad. I did everything. Then when I finally told her that she had to help out, she kind of took over that role and I think she resented me for it. She was upset that I got out and she had to live with him. Then when she moved out and there was no one to take care of him, it got really bad. He went downhill fast. I guess we both thought the other one should have taken better care of him. There's a lot of anger that didn't used to be there," Molly says, looking down at her hands.

Izzie nods. "You've both been through a lot. But Lexie loves you. After you left, the night of Thatcher's accident, she tried to chase your car. You two are the only people who have known each other your whole lives. That's something so special. You're so lucky to have each other."

"How is she doing?" Molly asks, timidly.

"Why don't you come with me and you can see for yourself," Izzie offers.

Molly hesitates.

"Don't let the distance get too big," Izzie reminds her.

Molly stands up. "I'll get my coat," she says.

Izzie smiles victoriously when Molly is not looking.

"Maybe you could invite your mother to your wedding." Molly suggests.

Izzie's eyes tear up a little. "I've been thinking about it," she says.

(Break)

"Okay…okay! Who am I? Derek says, lining up 3 forks and rotating them back and forth before selecting one.

Lexie laughs. "I know that one! You're Mark!"

"Me?" Mark asks.

"Yes. You. You always do that before a surgery!" she says, laughing.

"I do? I didn't even know," he says, smiling.

"I got one!" Alex says. "Who am I?" Alex sits down and starts muttering to himself and pretending to operate on the air while giving himself instructions.

Meredith laughs. "That's totally Cristina!" she says. "You talk to yourself and mime surgeries in the galleries."

"Of course I do. That's why I'm the best!" Cristina says, confidently. "Now it's my turn!" She grabs a pair of scissors off the table and holds a wire from a lamp up to Owen. "Who am I?" she asks.

Izzie, who has just entered the room with Molly says, "So I leave for 20 minutes and you can't think of anything else to do but mock me. I should be flattered."

"We were playing hospital charades," Meredith explains.

"Oh. Well, that one was me," she says to Molly. "Hey guys, why don't we let Lexie and Molly hang out in here and we can go in the kitchen and finish the game. I think it's my turn next," she says, glaring at Cristina.

"Meredith?" Molly calls.

Meredith turns around.

"Why don't you join us?" Molly asks.

Meredith looks at Derek who gives her a look that says, "Go," and she walks into the living room to join them.

"We all lost our father," Molly says. "We should be together."

Lexie's eyes fill with tears as she looks at Molly. "I didn't mean for him to…"

Molly takes her hand. "I know. I'm sorry for the things I said. And Meredith, I'm sorry you never got to know the good sides of our father. He was a good man," Molly says.

Meredith feels a lump in her throat which she tries to ignore. "I'm sorry too. From the memories you and Lexie have…well…I'm sorry to."

"We're all the family that we have left," Lexie points out.

Meredith looks at Molly. Both of them know they will probably never regard each other as family, but they know that having a sister in common does bond them in a way.

"I'm sorry for the things I said after the funeral. I was upset and I took it out on you. And your friend Izzie is a really good friend. I was a jerk to you the night Dad died and I'm glad she was there to pick up the pieces after I tore you to shreds," Molly says, ashamed.

"All we've done is fight since Mom died. I just want to stop," Lexie says.

"Me too," Molly says, smiling.

"When my mom died, I poured her down the drain," Meredith says, awkwardly.

Molly and Lexie look at each other and burst out laughing at Meredith, who joins in, laughing at herself.

"Let's go join the game," Meredith says, wiping tears of laughter from her face.

When they get into the kitchen, Alex is jumping around saying, "I think I'm broken! Owww…owwww…" while holding his crotch.

"Oh no! I think I broke you!" Izzie says in an overly sweet tone.

"That one's easy!" Owen says, "Lexie and Mark!" he blurts out.

Mark turns red as Derek turns to Molly. "I don't know if Lexie ever told you, but Little Grey over there once rode little Sloan so hard that she broke him," he explains.

Lexie blushes and walks over to Mark. "We can't help it if we're a little more _active_ than the rest of you," she says, putting her arm around Mark.

Everyone laughs as Meredith looks at Derek. "It's been a hell of a year…hasn't it?" she says.

"Sure has. But we're still laughing," he says, pointing to everyone around them.

"We are…" Meredith agrees.

******

THE END…

Just wanted to thank you all for all your reviews and for reading. I'm going to write a one shot of what would have happened if everyone had visited Izzie before her surgery. Add me to your author list so you can know when it's up. It will definitely be up before the next Grey's episode.

Please give me that one more review!!! You know I love hearing from you. I'll start a new story soon and when I do I'll be happy to hear from all of you again!


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